My wife has lymphoma

Milo,

I can only imagine how I would be under the same stressors you and your wife are. I wish there was a way to help you but, alas, all I can do is say I empathize. I hope the time goes quickly so you will have answers and choices before you very soon.

I went through the same anxiety with my wife getting an ovarian cancer diagnosis only to find out a week later it wasn't. That week was pure hell and there are not words to describe the fear and helplessness. And to see how glib and indifferent doctors can be while you're going through this hell. Their Cut-n-paste template might be great for them but it is completely callous and uncaring for the people that just had their lives turned upside down.

That I why I enjoyed the movie "The Doctor" for all the wrong reasons. It was about a doctor that had a busy practice and processed people through like cattle. Then one day he finds out he has cancer. He then finds himself in a clinic waiting room being absorbed into "the borg" of being a scared and helpless patient himself. Being ran through the grinder with endless labs, imagings, tests, conflicting info, waiting for important info.

He goes through a complete transformation about how he viewed and treated his patients. I wish every doc going through med school would have to watch it.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and hope things go better for you two.

How are YOU Milo, how are you doing?
I hope all well, considering.
Have you talked about your feelings and needs with the doctor? please do not forget about yourself in all this,
as you are important, too.

Risa

Oh Milo, I am so sorry you and your wife are going through this. I will keep her in my thoughts for Friday and hope it all goes well.

Where in Canada do you live? I'm in the pairies. I love our health coverage!

I'm in BC.

I'm just functioning. (Just)

I'm sorry to hear this Milo. I'll be thinking of both you and your wife.

Take care of her but remember that you cannot do that without taking care of yourself as well. I know it is easy to get lost in that. If you ever need anything, please don't hesitate.

We just found out the financial implications. Looks like we will be screwed if she can't work through the chemo.

It's sad to even think that she needs to consider working through it.

Reality has just set in. I'm scared shitless.

So sorry Milo. This wouldnt happen here in the UK as long as we are prepared to wait for, and trust in the NHS.
Their strengths are in these areas IMHO. We all complain but no one would face financial ruin unless they fall into the post code lottery and need drugs not available in their area.

I cannot imagine how scary this must be for you guys.

Milo, I'm so so sorry to hear of what you and your wife and going through - my thoughts are with you both.

Liz

My Dear Friend, Milo,

I sincerely apologize to arriving late to this thread. I have been preoccupied with other issues and with my own condition. I sincerely apologize.

I want you to know that my brother as a teenager (14), my mother post-menopause(60), and my dear neighbor (68) have been healed of several different kinds of cancer. there is hope.

But I understand the anxiety. What days are longer than those between the biopsy and the results? None that I know of ... it is an eternity ... no matter what the results are. I feel for you.

Live each day as lovingly as you are able. Always good advice, but especially in such a situation. If you have any regrets ... things you wish you and she had done .... things you regret doing ... clear the air now. Apologize of the second and do the first. Each day as lovingly as possible.

Real sorry to learn of the financial implications. I thought the Canadian healthcare system alleviated those situations ... real sorry to learn otherwise.

If there is ANYTHING we can do, please let us know. hang in there, my friend. NOT a good place to find yourself and your loved ones ... but you are a strong woman ... strong enough to feel what needs to be felt and to do what needs to be done. Let your amazing capacity to love be your guide.

Hang in there ... we are here for you and yours.

We are much luckier then many. Our health care will be covered. I pay a fortune for us to have very good benefits, and it also allows me some time to care for her if I need to.

What I foolishly did not know is that she does not have short-term disabilty through her work, which means she will be taking a 45% pay cut at least if she needs to be off of work through the chemo.

She has been fortunate enough to have the freedom of moving around jobs not worrying about benefits too much as I have her covered under mine. This has allowed her to explore her profession without worries. However, she has done this, and moved through quite a few different fields of work and has only been at her current position for about a year. This means she has very little in way of sick time.

I take comfort in knowing that it could be much much worse.

Rumour has it that one can even negotiate a lower mortgage payment if needed (we are currently on an accelerated, accelerated plan). These are things I have been fortunate enough not to think about in the past.

I have read a very appropriate quote today: “Perhaps our eyes need to be washed by our tears once in a while, so that we can see life with a clearer view again.”

When my Steve died my income was cut by about half. I have to admit that I did not adjust immediately ... and am now in a tight spot. But I am learning that money is not all that important in the over all scheme of things ... important yes. VERY important, yes. BUT not the MOST important. Not by a long shot.

I wish you and yours nothing but well. Make the best financial decisions you can ... run major decisions by a close and trusted friend. In your state of shock and anxiety, you want to be very careful. Let your friends help you.

And HANG IN THERE!!!

I'm very fortunate to have built up a strong circle of friends, many of whom are much wiser then I. They are willing to assist in figuring out all the benefits paperwork and such.

I have never felt more blessed to have the friends that I have, including you all.

Thanks for your support.

My wife took this long weekend and went to the island to visit with her mom. That leaves me the weekend to try to tie up some loose ends befor ethe chemo starts. And to drink some beer. lol

Howdy,

Thinking of you both. I sincerely hope you both find joy and happiness this weekend.

Well...we are no further then we were last week. Missed our entire vacation as we were told treatment would start as soon as pathology comes in...but pathology still hasn't come in.

Thankfully, and on the bright side, my wife works with a lot of awesome doctors and that has helped. She is pretty much able to handpick her specialists which is pretty cool.

I'll try to update.

Milo,

I don't know if you are speaking of a mortgage loan modification but if so, let me know. I actually just came out of a lawyers office and spent all day applying, learning and accepting/denying these types of hardship modifications. If you need help with it I may be able to assist you or at least let you know the basics of the two programs most commonly offered by banks.

Best wishes to you and your wife
LG

THinking of you and your wife and sending prayers your way. I hope things go really well with chemo.

Alli

Spoke with the surgeon last night. He wants to do another surgery on the 18th. This will again delay her chemo treatments. The surgery is not that big of a deal, but the wait is very long....we have already been waiting almost a month to start treatment. Very upsetting.

Dearest Milo,
My Internet access has been poor (non existent at hone and to swamped at work) to follow much. Catching up on this thread is making my heart break. The stress of waiting for Dr. Calls and tests results...you have to be at wits end.

I recently started on Xanax for some situational stress issues. Is this something you can take to help cope?

sending you and your wife warmest thoughts and wishing you good things.

Big, big hugs.

We see the surgeon today again for the second surgery on the 18th and the oncologist on Monday morning.

I'm sending good wishes and prayers for you both.

dear milo - i'm late to the thread but also wanted to say how sorry i was to hear this and send my best wishes and thoughts to you both.

Keep positive and looking to the other side when this is all treated. Don't forget to keep a sense of humor, it actually helps the immune system and the ability to deal with stress. That is how my wife made it through six months of chemo and interferon treatment.

Good advice as always Brent.

We are all still here Milo.
Keep us posted please.