Today is our 39th Wedding Anniversary

What a strange "boy". He just sent a picture from his phone of the kids in Toys R Us.
His wife has gone back to work after her maternity leave.
He must have them for the afternoon after getting stuck at work Friday (hence us having them).

A few more moments like that would be some compensation....
At least it shows my caring affectionate son is still in there...somewhere.

P

Congratulation Pen - That is almost a luxury these days to be married to the same person that long. You either smartly picked a good match or you made it work regardless.

To see my kids more I bought an RV on a lake out where 4 of my kids live. I see them all the time now and grandkids. Before that I would see them pretty much just at the holidays even though they are only 45 minutes away. We are all so busy. It is hard to be too busy to visit someone sitting on a lake though. I'm thinking a jet ski next year. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Linda, I dont know how well I picked. Since he retired he drives me nuts, but he is still here and so am I (well I am kind of by necessity).
He aint perfect for sure, but he does do some housework, is very practical and can make stuff. He can cook a bit, and even talks to me once in a while....oh and he loves animals almost as much as I do.

I was there for him all the years he had his career. I didnt work, I stayed home while the kids needed me.
That was a joint decision before we even had any. I have absolutely no regrets. They grow up so fast.
Our best days were when the kids were young.

Now he is here for me in my shattered health.
He will do what is necessary, has taken over the driving, and walks the dog.
He doesnt gamble, doesnt smoke and seldom drinks.

Looks pretty good on paper, but it is still a job of work which yes, one has to want to do.
I was in it to win it and first 30 years were easier.

Since the kids grew up and left, my parents died, he retired and I lost my health.
There have been some bad times. But I am sure it is the same for everyone.

Now we have his aged parents to drive us nuts.
His mother who is wheelchair bound due to arthritis, is 87 and is nicer to me now, but for 35 years has been really shitty to me.
And neither of us has any idea why....
His Dad who is blind, is almost 91 and is a super guy. I love him to bits.
But they are both frail and in need, and I feel bad I cant do my bit for them.
So he cares for them too. His brother is 200 miles away, so we get to do it.....

It would be great to pull everyone together Linda.
An RV on a lake sounds great, but they wouldnt come.
We have suggested it, but they are too busy with my son's wife's family and her friends.
Thye only live 15 minutes away. I wouldnt feel so bad if it was a greater distance...

My daughter said today of her older brother. "He has stopped being grumpy all the time and now is just all grave and serious"...
Yup......
His other sister said. "I dont know who he is being but he is not being himself".

Anyway, its over. The anniversary is gone, the next one will be worth marking in some way
I do dearly hope I get some improvement in my health by then. I am sick of treading water.

Again thank you for all your good wishes.


Pen

Yes, the way you describe it it does looks like your son is a meek one, avoids his responsibility.
But she is the problem.
Still maybe you should call the family meeting, speak your mind, and , if you are not afraid of consequences,

announce the end of exploitative babysitting services.

I'll bet sooner or later she will cave in as I suspect her mother is all for nice visiting but with her daughter present, kiddies going home later, order and tidiness restored at home afterward, youknowhatimean.
- but I don't know, this here you know best, and should use your own sharp judgment.

She will learn to respect you as her M-i-L and give you and your husband due consideration as a family members.

Once again, congratulations on many well lived years together, Pen and hubby!!!


Risa

Happy Belated Anniversary, Pen!!!! I'm so sorry that I hadn't congratulated you earlier. The past few weeks I've been mostly lurking, finding it difficult to type with the pain.

I will be married 5 years next month. I can only hope that we are as successful in our marriage as you have been.
You seem like a beautiful couple. I loved the post when you wrote of how your husband charts your pain on Excel. It melted my heart a bit.

In regards to your son and DIL, I find it sad...having moved to the US initially at the age of 10, I would have given anything to have had my grandparents move with us, or live nearby. I have so many special memories of all the time we spent with them back in England, and I really really missed them growing up.
Neither hubby nor I have any family living around us, and I envy those who can drop by and visit a loved one easily.
I can completely understand the hurt you must feel. I hope your son continues to think of you in little ways like sending you that spontaneous picture of your grandchildren at Toys r Us!!

<<<<HUGS>>>>

T

Thanks T,

He constantly disappoints us all in that way. In others he is good. If you need help he comes.
He just cant seem to see how it hurts me. I am sure he feels he is doing his best, but he isnt.
We used to be very close, and I was never stupid enough to think that things would stay like that, he had to grow up.
And I did not want a mummy's boy. I think I did a good job when I see him playing with his kids and looking after his family
I wanted to raise him to respect women and treat them properly. He was a super big brother to his sisters, always looked out for them.
BUT since he married, so much has changed. Mainly because it is easier to not rock the boat with her. He has always been one for a quiet life. He should have done it right at the start, but the wedding was so traumatic, we had to step aside, she was a monster.....yes really....

I will try to talk to him but cannot do as Risa suggested and do it as a family.
It would not work. Her family are ones that everything is fluffy and lovely and I dont think anyone has ever told her no.....
It would help if his father would say more, but that is one area where he is not good. He has always thought me the strong one and doesnt seem to have noticed I cant be that person any more...

So yesterday would have been my parent's Anniversary. They married when they were both in the army 23 September 1942.
In Camberwell London. Their marriage was a typical war time, probably shouldnt have happened, but they made it through until his death in 1988 and hers 2 years later. They were both only 72.

That's it for the anniversarys, and thanks all for the greetings.

If anyone wants to see the picture of the kiddos at Toys R Us.
Its on FB.

Thanks all,

Pen

Congratulations Pen.

I didn't get to read all your post or the threat as my head is banging today, but wanted to pass on my best