Difficulty trying to deal with online dating

I can't believe it. I have a couple of dates lined up on the internet with some young chicks and I wasn't even trying. It must be my good looks or the picture of the airplane. LOL

You all sure know how to make an old goat feel good. Yes ma'am!

Hal

It's great to have you on the forum Hal. Humor is the best prescription for anything. (And you are not an old goat by today's standard's!).

I'm about ready to jump back into the dating game now that my son is married off. After several so so relationships I have revised my list of requirements. Age is not too much of an issue but they need to be with in 10 years or so of me (48) so that we have commonalities in social experience.

So here goes... If you know anyone who meets this criteria.... send them along!

He must be smart and share my interests in science, camping, reading, and dancing.
Have his own interests or a hobby that he enjoys.
He should be divorced so I know he has at least tried to have a relationship. If he hasn't been married by late 40's, there's a reason.
If he has kids, let them be grown up.
Financially secure, doesn't have to be rich, just secure.

And most importantly, want a slightly crazy woman in his life.

I just love trying to find someone to date. It brings out my insecurities about my health and worth as a person to date. I've tried online dating before and have had pretty good luck with talking to people. I met my last BF online. He just turned out to be commitment phobic. So when dating online, after the first few conversations, I do let the person know that I have some health issues that are difficult to deal with at times. I do wait so as not to scare them off but I tell them fairly soon as it is too hard to hide when I hurt. I figure by our age, they probably have some health issues of their own so it's not that big of a deal.

Even with all the health crap, we have a lot to offer. We are strong! resilient, resourceful, and dogged in our search for answers. When other people would curl up and cry, we keep going through our tears. We have been honed by experience and are a catch.

Well, gee. I want to to out with Hal too. I never get tired of talking aviation. Hal, how many hours in a row can you talk flying? I'll probably bring my partner too, though. He's a pilot and an A&P so we all have plenty to talk about. Since I invited myself and my guy, I'll pay for dinner. How's that?

Chris

Auntie Bubbs, I live in Southern California too (I'm actually in the city of L.A. again, back in the house where I grew up), but given my friends' experiences, I wouldn't dismiss the area as having no good men. Where in Southern California are you? Some of my friends found their husbands online. Others found them through work (not helpful for me there!). And still others found them at church. Since I don't get out of the house to church all that often, that doesn't help me much either. I did have a crush on one of our pastors, but he went to eHarmony and found the woman of his dreams, and they're getting married later this month! So you never know. Don't give up just because you're in Southern Cal. There are so many people here that just by virtue of the population, you stand a chance to find someone local!

Vicki, I'm midway between Santa Barbara and LA.

I didn't say there are no good guys in LA, just that in my experience, the ones I've met tend to be more shallow. I've seen alot of emphasis placed on looks, age, and weight. I'm sure that not all the guys around here are like that. I just don't have any luck in meeting them. Some of my friends have had the same experiences. Maybe we just don't look in the right places.

Chris,

Thanks, you have a date and that other guy is welcome. (I never turn down a free dinner). As for talking aviation, I've been doing it for over 50 years and still am not tired of it.

Pictures on the way soon.

All,

It sounds as if those that are aprehensive about online dating should do just fine. Just take the necessary precautions regarding meeting someone you really do not know. We wouldn't want to loose anyone. Be picky.

Wish you all the best of luck. Everyone should have an opportunity to love and be loved.

Hal

I met my wife online in a chat room of a tattoo website. Yeah, not the most common places I know, but we were both strolling along checking out tattoos, something we have in common, and entered the site chat room. We laugh today about the chances of us sitting at two computers across the country entering a chat room at the same precise time, strike up a conversation and here we are today. We started talking that day about music that we shared an interest in, and little details. The next move was out of the chat room and daily IMs and emails, which went to phone calls etc. We were two divorced people of the same age who really struck up a friendship and it went from there. She had a health problem, I have the migraines, but those came up in conversation later. Today people give the internet more credit when it comes to dating than they did when my wife and I were talking. Back then we were laughed at and warned repeatedly. We actually think that the daily discussions online and phone calls helped us to get to know each other even more and develop our communication. Yes it was hard being so interested in someone and not just setting up a date that next day, but putting aside the physical side of dating and concentrating on just the communication part made us even closer in the end. When we finally did start seeing each other it was awesome! She moved across the country to live with me for a few years and we just married a couple of years ago. I know it's not the dating service of the topic, but I just wanted you girls and guys to know that if you are looking for your future date, mate or partner online, there are forums, blogs, and places you visit everyday where you can meet people.

Just a comment Auntie on the men who are looking for the younger women. I can't speak for them and I have my own taste, which I am sure there are other men who think the same way. I for one would never be happy with someone out of my own age group. I'm not talking about a couple of years here and there, but decades. I enjoy a relationship with a woman who can laugh with me about all the cheesy and stupid things from my era, because she experienced them too. Just the other night we sat together laughing while listening to some music from our high school time that only someone from my generation would remember. I love sharing stories with her about "our" time in history. I just feel we relate more due to the age and I thought she was sexy at 34 and now I think she is smokin hot at 42, so see it doesn't matter. Best of luck to all of you.

I really " get" what Olee said about how easy it would be to find your true love online.

My two closest friends, the women who know all the skeletons in the closet, are women I met online (in this forum in fact).

One Ill probably never meet face to face, one I hope too.

I can talk about anything with these women because they won't judge me. It doesn't matter if they tell my secrets, no one they know knows me. I feel very comfortable with them and am thankful they are in my life.

I think that openness would greatly benefit getting to know someone in a romantic sense.

This makes me wonder why we've never had any romantic hookups from people meeting here! Or have we? But, this is the place I get to come and just be me. There is no pretending that I am fine, no attitude adjustment or hiding my pain. It is why I haven't friended any of you on facebook. On facebook my migraines don't exist. I use it to further my positive attitude. Sure some people on there know my situation and those I talk to regularly or who are close friends know what really happens in my life. But it is nice to be the not sick me on there!

Vickey. I think that you are beautiful, smart and kind. Any man would be lucky to have you.

Mary Anne

Been gone forever......this, that and the other thing......but I love this topic....

I met my husband online on AOL via a bulletin board.....this was when AOL was new....1996ish.

We both shared MANY similarities in our families......enough that it could scare some to think we are related! But I promise we are not!

The whole So.California thing mentioned previously......is pretty true. My husband is Danish. Came to Ventura County in So.Calif. when he was 16. It's all blonde and blue eyes and gorgeous in both venues.....DK and So.Calif!

He was making good money right out of high school, then opened his own business and as he dated he felt all the girls wanted him for what he was earning. He didn't like the shallow values of many of the run of the mill So. Calif. girl that was always a dime a dozen.

So....he then started looking for a 'country girl' as he calls it. Cracks me up. I guess I fit that bill. I have never lived in the country, but I am from Northern California........really a whole different state in my opinion........after having living in both places!

Long story short, we dated a year.......with a slew of Southwest Airlines points being earned that by the time we got married I could fly atleast 5 relatives for free to our wedding who could otherwise not afford it.

I lived the So.Calif. life for 12yrs. Took a lot of getting used to. I got used to it........and then life threw us a curveball and took us back to my childhood home.

Our life has had lots of curve balls........my health, the miracle birth and health of our son, our business/job rises and falls.....and now we are living with my family......and he has just begun a new job after a year of unemployment.

Our marriage has never wavered, only grown stronger through our winding road.

I was upfront after about a month with my migraines. It was obvious at some point that I was missing a lot of work, etc....It was clear things were different for me. It helped for him to be around me one weekend where I was attending a big family party with him, his family, and I was sicker than a dog with a huge migraine. He rushed me home and fixed me up with a bucket, cold rags..........was doing all he could to aide me .

Never lose faith in finding someone. And in this day and age you should not discount the internet.

Good luck to you all.

Mianna.

MaryAnne! I so understand what you mean about Facebook !

Same story with me. I am ALL me here and there.....but it's nice not to be all migraine all the time on Facebook. Of course, truly everyone of my friends and family on Facebook know about my migrianes....they might not all know to the degree it can take hold of my life at times.

I just wanted to say....that I understood you well.

Mary Anne and Mianna,

Ditto the FB thing. I never discuss it on FB. I have a few migraine friends on there but only with the caveat that they not discuss migraines with me (obviously they are free to write on their pages what they wish).

This is where I come and let my hair down, not FB.

Howdy,

I guess I can say this here because none of you really know me. Once I had the most outrageous, hot affair online and I never met the guy in person. I know that's not what Vicki is looking for, but at the time, it was the perfect thing for me. My online lover and I both had a talent for writing naughty prose and we had such a great time with it.

However, I wouldn't recommend doing what I did. I think it is playing with fire (in more ways than one) and it could have resulted in a dangerous situation. Fortunately for me and for him, neither one of us is a crazed psychopath. And we always respected each others' autonomy and real life.

Chris

CHRIS! I cannot believe you said that. LOL Now who would have thought....I promise never to tell a word.

Hal

Online dating tends to attract women and men looking for something more than a hook-up. No, wait, I've been out with several men when I was trying dating on-line who were nice but WERE looking for that! But, it IS different than meeting at a bar, or club.
I had to (not) kiss a lot of frogs before meeting my husband online. I figured, even if the 'date' at my local pub was terrible, it would be a good story to tell my friends!
Fortunately, most of the men were really nice. I didn't bring up my migraines at first. I wanted to get to know someone a bit.
Vicki, I agree with whoever wrote that you are a very vivacious, smart and interesting woman who happens to have debilitating migraines. Stress all of those wonderful things about you, and what you are looking for. My husband and I both opened up about personal issues after only a few dates together....this isn't to say NOT to mention your migraines. To each his own. I respect your decision.
My father also met his current live-in girlfriend on match.com, and he was 63 when he met her. I'm proud to say that I wrote his profile, from MY perspective of him!!!

I like the fact that you wrote your dad's profile. I think a dating site would be really successful if it had your best friend write your profile instead of yourself because your best friend will know your strengths that you may not be comfortable emphasizing. A friend told me about one site (I don't know which) that actually lets your friends make changes to your profile, with your permission of course.

I have to say that I don't see Mianna's view of So Cal as being blond haired and blue eyed. That describes me, but more than half of L.A. are so-called minorities. In fact, I think that Latinos make up more than 50% of the city and surrounding areas. I've never moved in "white" circles, always being surrounded by people of other ethnicities. That is why I got so disturbed by my undergrad, which really was very "white." So I had to seek out the international students to get more diversity.

But in general, there are a lot of different ethnic groups with a lot of different worldviews here. I don't think we fit the stereotype at all, and I'm sure that there are plenty of men out there in our vicinity who are decent and not focused on themselves.

Anyway, I still haven't gotten around to doing anything about signing up on a site. I was going to try ChristianCafe, where one friend met her husband, but another friend said to try OKCupid, where she has met a lot of friends and not just dates. I don't think that eHarmony was very conducive to making friends because it took so long to get to the point of actually emailing each other that you kind of had to be serious enough about the person to get that far.