Dating sites... Are they good? Bad? Anyone with any experience please post...

Hi...
Okay this is not for me--- but one of my good friends (my son's age) is looking for the right girl, and can't seem to find her. He is nice looking, has a job, is a Christian, is personable, but he just hasn't found anyone.

I suggested a dating site, but he is leery of it - I seem to remember that some of us have met great people on sites like these...

Any comments?

I love you guys,
Holly

I know a man who met his fiancee on match.com. He's the only one I know personally who's admitted to using one of these sites. Sorry I can't be of more help.

I seem to recall that recently Vicky has been posting about the same subject, and this was followed by her trying some of the dating sites. Some people have posted in response, and wrote about their experiences (I think it was Mianna and the Italian girl -sorry do not recall her name?).
Vicky, was also specially interested in exploring the Christain websites.

I think it is much less risky to meet this way for men, as women are always more vulnerable in such circumstances for obvious reasons, but in every case man, or a woman, you need to use your common sense; do not give away too much information, and take time to know the person before meeting them, one to one, or rushing into anything.

I think problems might arise if people are in too much of a hurry or when they are tvery eager to get too involved, much too soon.

But otherwise I am sure, this can be as good a way of meeting, as any other.
I hope your friend will meet somoene nice, soon.

I found my boyfriend on eHarmony. We've been dating two months. What we both agree about eHarmony vs. other sites is that they have a computer algorithm to see who you are best matched with. They ask a couple hundred (no kidding!) questions about yourself and what you want in a match, and then they send you matches. You can go straight to emailing, but most people take the guided route, where you send multiple choice questions (selecting 5 out of 55 choices), then a list of 10 must-haves in a partner and 10 can't stands in a partner, ad finally 3 short answer questions, which you can select from a list or make up. From there, you go to emailing, and once you get comfortable, you can call. And if you don't feel safe giving out your phone number to a potential match, you can actually make the call over eHarmony, so it is totally secure, and the other person can't even learn your own phone number. So they work hard to make things secure.

Also, when I canceled my membership with them, saying that I had found a boyfriend on the site, they asked if they could send me a survey in a few months to see what I thought of my match, which will help them improve their algorithm even better. I'd trust eHarmony or something similar much more than Match.com, where you basically try to sell yourself. You find people by choosing keywords, and I suspect it becomes a game of trying to look the best, so you're less likely to have genuine people or to be matched with something who might not naturally be of interest to you at first glance but be a great match after second glance. That is true of my boyfriend. If he had not emailed me, I wouldn't have emailed him because I didn't really understand what his job is, and I wasn't especially attracted to his picture. But we hit it off emailing, and we really hit it off on the phone. And when I saw him in person, I saw that he has such a kind face, with so much friendliness and gentleness in it that I am now attracted to his face, when I wasn't really before.

I know several people who have had success with eHarmony. One of my pastors found his wife there, and they are now expecting their first son! And even my aunt's roommate, who is 65, got inspired to check out the site, and she has been meeting some nice men on the site and is really excited about this. She has never been married and hasn't dated in years, so this is really exciting for her.

Oh Holly, I was hoping you were asking for you!

Chris

Holly.........I was thinking the same way Chris was thinking!

Maybe you and your son could go on double dates?!? ;-)

Pray you are feeling well.

My father met his long-time girlfriend on match.com.
My best friend is also serious with her boyfriend from match.com
I met my husband on jdate (a Jewish dating site).
I used to feel awkward about telling people about it, but these days its less taboo, and I am ever so grateful for the site for bringing us together!!!
As long as one takes all the usual common sense precautions, its really a wonderful and fun way to meet people.


T

My experience is 1000000% positive.
I met my wonderful husband on line.
I began to chat on line as "therapy": after years of total isolation from men due to very negative experiences, I decided that it was time to approach the men's world again but doing so directly was still too much for me so I decided to go virtually.
It was a great experience as people tend to be more sincere on line and - above all - empathy can raise only based on what the person IS and not on how the person looks like. This is probably one of things that has cheated most of us at least once in a lifetime: being affected by the look of a man/woman can really make us make big mistakes especially when we're young.

Of course, on line dating must be done very carefully both by women and by men.

empathy can raise only based on what the person IS and not on how the person looks like

Hm...Yes, empathy is very important, specially in friendship, however empathy alone is simply not enough to form long lasting, romantic relationship; for that to last, you need a strong personal attraction, and you cannot check this virtually. Pictures are often misleading. The chemistry between two people can only be tested when you meet that person, in real life.

I do think how person looks, is equally important to personality.

That person might not be attractive in the eyes of other people of course, but they must be attractive in yours, otherwise things are going to fall apart, no matter how nice that person is.
I have such dear person in my life, I adore him because of his great personality, but although he is very good looking, I am not attracted to him. Very sad, I know.

And people often tell lies on dating websites, Ivy.

However it is true it is much easier to meet people in this way, but I think you must be much, much more careful then meeting partners in real life.

Hi All,

Intersting topic. One friend of mine who also has some chronic health issues met her current boyfriend online and so far, he appears to be a keeper. My best friend from college is now married to someone she met online and they have a beautiful 3.5 year old daughter. (Though they met while playing an online game.

I have thought about, just been really afraid to use any of them. I am still kind of afraid that guys will run when they find out about the migraines/fainting stiff. But, it might be worth a shot. My last boyfriend didn't run because of the fainting stuff. So far, none of my good friends have.

Oh, and the person you were asking for sounds great. What's he like?

Pain free days,
sailingm

Hi Sailing...
I sent you a private message....

Thanks all for letting me know your experiences. He did sign up with eHarmony. (Vicki was certainly right about them asking all the questions!!!)

love and painfree days,
Holly

My experience was that it was best to write about my migraines on my public profile, so I scared away anyone who was going to be scared away in the first place. This was contrary to the advice of everyone on this site (or almost everyone) and contrary to what I tried the first time around, when I was immediately dumped from conversation the moment I mentioned my migraines. The way I did it was to answer the question, "What do you WISH people would see in you that they don't immediately see?" I wrote that I have severe migraines, and people often can't see past the migraines. But the migraines have taught me empathy towards other people and a deeper reliance on God. I don't remember the full answer, but I went into more details, and when I asked a male friend who was also using eHarmony at the time to read over my answers, he said it was the strongest answer I had for any of the questions! And it was enough to interest my boyfriend! He said that so many of the profiles looked like cookie cutters, but mine stood out because I seemed more genuine.

And as for Mini's arguments that being online is a good way to be deceptive, it has to move offline at some point, so you get a good chance to see if the person is being honest after you have already developed a good relationship online and on the phone.

I will say that in my case, the first spark came when we talked on the phone for the first time. I expected to talk 20 minutes at the most. That's what they recommend. But we hit it off so well that we talked for 2 HOURS and 20 minutes! I'd say we had talked at least 10-15 hours on the phone before we ever met up in person.

The first date was a bit awkward, but good enough for a second date, and the second date was when the magic began! We're still going strong! No wedding bells for a long time, so don't expect any such news anytime soon. I'm not going to follow the example of my parents and brother, both of whom got engaged after only two or three months of serious dating. I think I need to get to know him a lot better than that. But also, he is going back to school because the real estate market wiped him out, so it will be a while before he is capable of financially supporting both of us. I HATE the fact that I can't contribute financially, but unless and until my migraines get better (we're crossing our fingers and praying for the new drug that is supposed to come out in April to work!), we have to face the fact that he'll have to be able to provide for both of us. So that will delay any wedding too. But since we're only talking a year or two at the moment, that's a good thing because it will give us a good amount of time to get to know each other without dragging things out 8 years like happened with my last boyfriend.

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I'm going to wade right in on this topic - I'm a certified matchmaker in Charlotte so I feel I can add something! My business ( Ideal Matches) is different from on-line dating services in that we meet all potential clients face to face as well as do a background check on them. That cuts way down on unpleasant surprises.We also offer life and relationship coaching and image consultation. I would advise anyone who is serious about finding a long term partner to use a matchmaker. You would use a professional to sell your house or plan your fabulous vacation, why not use one to help you find something really important - your life partner! That's what we are trained to do!

Commercial's over - please let me know if you have questions.

Wow - I never heard of that type of business existing in AR. It sounds like a reasonable option, though.

Vicki sweetie, thanks for your good (as always) advice --- I LOVE the picture!

Holly

hmmm...very interesting topic. I hate being alone but am really scared I'll be that "draining" person in the relationship because of my migraines. I'm also so exhausted from all the pain I don't know if I have the energy to start something new. Its like a catch 22 situation - company I crave yet don't have the energy to initiate. I've thought about the whole speed dating scenario but that just freaks me out. I don't have any single friends either and its not something I'd ever want to go alone to!

I met my boyfriend on Match.com and we've been together for five months now, which explains my absence from the site!

We emailed quite a bit before we talked on the phone. I pretty much wrote off anyone who wanted to meet right away as they didn't even know very much about me to want to meet and I certainly didn't know enough about them! I could tell by email conversations whether to move to telephoning. Then I spent a good amount of time talking on the phone before I agreed to go on a date.

I knew after the first date that there would be a second and by the second date that this guy was going to be a great friend if nothing else. I had to cancel one date because of a migraine and showed up at our third using my cane cause the peripheral neuropathy in my feet was brutal that day. I figured that if he scares easy, showing up with a cane would do it!

After several more dates he wanted to date exclusively so I sat down with him and went over my medical issues. His response was that everyone has something to deal with and this doesn't scare him. After several more months and many migraines, PN and TN attacks he's still just as wonderful.

He is my best friend, gets my humor and I get his. We have a great time together even if it is just sitting around watching tv or movies. I can talk to him about anything which is very refreshing!

So yes, dating sites work. Just take your time, get to know them as much as you can via email and phone. Under NO circumstances let anyone know where you live until you know them in the real world. Meet at the reataurant or other venue. Make sure someone else knows where you are, who you are with and when you expect to be home. Then you can have a great time and hopefully meet someone special. Fidel and I never would have met each other without online dating.

Alli, I'm so happy for you

I think dating sites are a great way of meeting people. It's hard to meet new people once you're out of school. I've tried several dating sites and I get some form of results; good and bad. If you're looking for something in particular I'd go with the following:

Casual - Comiingle, OkCupid, Howaboutwe
Serious - Match, Chemistry (Paid)

Hope this helps you and others.

I didn't end up with the boyfriend from before, but I did end up getting engaged to a wonderful man the next time around on eHarmony! And we are the 4th couple I know to get married specifically from eHarmony. And another was a former professor of mine, about 60 years old who suffered from Parkinsons. He found Marie, has been married over a year, and is still honeymooning, he says! In fact, he is the one who got me to go back to the site, which is funny because my first experience got him to try the site out in the first place! He humorously wrote on his Christmas card that he sent away for a mail-away bride, and what do you know, Marie sent away for a mail-away husband! And his is thrilled to get a daughter out of the marriage too (he described it as, "But Wait! You get two for one!") who is a college student.

My advice is to be honest about the migraine from the start. I did not initiate any conversations with anyone from the site and just waited for someone to see about my migraines and then initiate with me. Jose did that early on, but I didn't hear from him again. It turned out that the reason was that he was working a job out of town and didn't have much Internet access, so he had to spend his computer time doing his schoolwork, since his college is letting him do his school online when he has jobs out of town. He is half-way to a B.A. in theology. (When he got here from El Salvador, he came illegally because you can't really apply for asylum until you are in the country, so he applied for asylum but had no trade, no English, no education. He did day labor work until someone recognized what a hard worker he was and trained him to be a plumber and also all-around construction worker (he built his own house!). At nights he was going to school to learn English. Then, he went to get his high school diploma, graduating the top of his class! He did a couple years of community college and then a couple years at LA Trade Tech focusing on trying to become a contractor when he felt God calling him to ministry, so he is now half-way to a B.A. in theology. And yet the country still wants to throw him out! And because he is in the middle of deportation proceedings and has been for 20 years, I can't sponsor him for a green card! The lawyer said they won't deport him, but he might be stuck in limbo, unable to leave the country ever and having to pay at least $400 a year (the current price) for a work permit! It really sucks! That means I may never get to meet my future father-in-law in person, since he isn't healthy enough to travel here!)

Anyway, once Jose got done with the job, the first thing he did was look for me, and it was the day after I had canceled my subscription because I wasn't getting any contacts, but I had paid up for two more weeks, so I got his message. We had to move off-line quickly, but we spent a lot of time on the phone before we ever met, and I knew he was the one really fast, despite my always arguing that you should wait at least 6 months before making such a decision! My family teased me when we got engaged after 4 months!

This line in VickyG's mail has only just come to my attention: "being online is a good way to be deceptive" and I was absolutely amazed that VickyG ascribes such statment to me.

I have no idea on what basis VickyG has come to such conclusion, since there is no such statement from me. Obviously VickyB misunderstood something, but I must correct her statement. Beeing deceptive on dating sites is simply wrong.
I know that VickyG is Richard's friend and she is most welcome here, but I must point to her that since he has left things are different here now, this is a different forum; it is peaceful and supportive and mainly devoted to matters connected with migraine and not with endless personal attacks, as it was in bad old times. We would like to keep it this way.

I also think, that since internet is not a safe environment anyone considering internet dating must be always aware of that fact and that it is only wise to protect yourself from disclosing certain specific information on dating sites too soon - such as about place where you live, or where you work and similar - simply in order to protect your personal safety. This is not being deceptive, just using your common sense.
I know of someone who as a result of disclosing too many details about herself, too soon, was stalked by a man from internet who made her life a total misery.