Migraines and Loneliness

Yall are so smart and have helped me out of many tight situations in my migraine journey. Any ideas on loneliness?

I am in a rough patch. It makes watching TV, talking on the phone, driving nigh on impossible most days. Like most of you, I have cancelled longed for social events. I find myself unable to attend lunch with a friend ... such a simple joy denied me. Yesterday I was able to listen to a single phone call from my roommate who was coming home late. Only voice or face human contact I had in the past 42 hours.

My roommate travels a great deal these days. I see him for an hour or two here and there thru the week. I am VERY happy for him ... he is working and out there seeing people! I do NOT want him to sit home with me.

I am writing letters to family and friends. And watching a DVD here and there. But human contact? It just is not available to me these days. I am hurting and having way to many migraine episodes.

I live a half hour from everyone and every thing. Very rural. It is quiet and oh so beautiful here ... plus I cannot move - upside down mortgage. So I have to ask ... any ideas to increase my human contacts? I am at a loss. Phone calls "bother" my head a lot. Driving is not as safe as I desire. My roommate and my neighbors live their own lives - not available as chaffeurs. I have even conosidered home health care just for the company.

I appreciate any thoughts on this question.

Richard, I am in the same boat, and cant find a way to fix it.
My so called friends abandoned me when I went down with CFS.
Too unreliable and hard work I guess.
Then the migraines became chronic.

I have family, well some, I have no parents or siblings, but no friends.
2 good friends in America....not good for a coffee morning

1 in the North of England.. who has Parkinsons, and I long to see her while she still knows who I am, but I cant travel.
My head does not like the phone. I am not sure why, but anything more than a quick call really sets it off.
On a bad day, I just leave it to the machine.

I too am very lonely, I feel for you very much.
I know this doesnt help, but I sure do empathise.

Pen

I also understand how you are feeling Richard. I have a full house here but there are times when I long for some friend talk or socialization of any kind. Getting out in the evenings is tough, if I am not going to feel well that is when it happens. I have a friend who will come to me if I can't get to her. I will invite her here, we let our kids play and her and I can have a talk. She knows all the pros and cons of being my friend, migraines included and is very understanding. I think she does it to help me out sometimes. Maybe a friend like that could be there for you.

Jo

Same thing here, Richard and Pen, and you both have my empathy as well. Ditto: on talking on the phone, husband is gone a lot, family is far away, traveling is so difficult and painful, and I've had to cancel out of literally all events. Wish I had the answers.

I miss being active in life and being productive: working with and riding horses, shopping with friends, piddling around the yard, etc. While I'm thankful for audiobooks, I really miss reading, actually visually reading books. I'm tired of watching TV.

The angels in my life are the friends I've met here, through Ronda's, who provide support, encouragement, prayers, advice, humor and friendship. They've been a great blessing in my life.

Sorry I don't have any answers, but I empathize and know where you're coming from. As you say, Richard, hang in there. It has to get better one of these days.

It's a tough one to deal with. I am lucky enough to still have some friends that date back to grade school. I have had migraines since they've known me, so they know the situation, and have seen the effects. They know I have to cancel plans all the time, and it's fantastic that they are still around. But meeting new people over the years has been tough. People take exception to you having to flake out on plans, and don't understand. And I can see where they are coming from.

The one thing I try to make sure I do is that any time I AM feeling good, I try to make sure I call people or make an effort to get out and do something. It's hard to do because just because I don't have a migraine, it doesn't mean I am feeling fantastic (burned out). But I make myself do it. If I didn't do this, I would/will lose touch with everyone.

I miss reading too Becky. I just cant any more. Mixture of hurts my head and having to read everything 3 times due to lack of concentration (the fibro I am told). I have been doing a course to try to beat the fibro online. They keep sending me book recommendations....I cant do the reading, they dont get it...some of them even had migraine. What am I doing wrong...

As for TV. Me too.....daytime TV is petty bad, even with 100 channels.
I put it on as a distraction, and like something with sub titles so I can turn it right down.
But sometimes just watching people do "normal things" makes me really melancholy.
I am too old to be wasting my time doing this, and the loneliness is also isolation.

I too am very thankful for the friends I have found on here and on FB.
Twice now on CBT and this current course I have been asked to not do forums because it keeps you locked in to your symptoms and doesnt let you think outwardly. I have actually found far more help and support on here than I
have from the courses.
I am better with than without...

I think what hurts the most is people who knew me "then", before all this crap, who dropped me.
They know its not me, they could show more tolerance.
Some of them are people I have helped a lot when i was still capable.
But I dont hear from them any more.,





Yes Becky, it has to get better, for me time is running out....

I certainly agree that the lack of social contact is one of the worst "side effects" of migraines. I feel so much better if I spend the day at home in the dark but it does leave me feeling lonely and pretty worthless. I do agree with tdu that when I am feeling well enough I do give priority to reaching out to family and friends. Talking to myself all day can make me feel a bit crazy so when the good times come I will give priority to seeing other people over work, cleaning etc... The one new thing I am trying is skyping.......I can also have trouble with the phone.....having to hold the phone so close to my head can make the migraine worse. With skype I can sit in the dark and turn the light down on my screen and still talk to and see my friends and family.........almost like being there......

I get it. I live on my own (for all practical purposes - my roommate hasn't spent a night here all the month of May) and just have the dogs to talk to. If I'm not too bad I'll call a friend or my family.

I'm thankfully still able to do things. I've gotten to be a part of a Thursday night coed softball team. The team captain does flyball with me and knows about the dreaded M and that there may be some nights I can't leave the house and it's okay.

I have a friend here in town that knows about it and is wonderfully supportive. She and I facebook during the day and sometimes at night (she's a single mom). We will also get together for an occasional dinner - we've gone out and we are going to take turns cooking at each others houses. I have a few other friends and most of them know what I deal with but I'm at that life stage where many have small kids and their lives revolve around their own family.

Richard, one thought that came to me. Here there are organizations of volunteers that will go and visit, mainly seniors, who are housebound. A gal I work with is getting close to retirement and she wants to volunteer doing this when she has the time. I don't know if CA has the same type of thing, but you could look into programs designed for those. You are not anywhere close to being a senior but are house bound and this is one isolating and lonely disease.

Human contact? I feel great empathy for you and all who desire this but are unable to find it due to illness. It's a catch 22. You want it but when you have it it becomes too much to cope with. I am in the same boat. I also relate to almost asking for homecare just to get outside contact. Why don't you? If homecare is availble to you get it. You have good reason to need it. And you do need it. That's why it is there. If you're feeling depressed that will only make the situation worse. I would suggest homecare. If you're not up to making the call ask you roommate when he is there. I hope this helps. Know that there are people 'out there' thinking about you. G.

Richard, my heart went out to you when I read your post but sadly I too can only empathise, not offer constructive advice. These blasted migraines make such a mess of our lives, however upbeat you try to make of the good times if there are any. I finally decided to arrange to meet a friend the other day, having put it off for months, only to have to cancel on the day. My life is rushing along without much to show for it at the moment.

If you do have access to any sort of homecare, as others have suggested, it might be a very good idea. In the UK anyway, it doesn't just exist for the elderly, but for those are incapacitated in any way, which you certainly are. I find it so hard to admit I'm incapacitated, I have to have others to tell me but maybe accepting it sometimes is helpful.

Take care
Liz

Richard, this is my suggestion. Get a dog or a cat. There are many mature dogs (well trained) available at shelters and there is nothing
more comforting than a pet to lie by your side when you hurt or keep you company when you feel well enough to walk. Deb

Deb,

Just going to jump in for Richard here. He has 3 dogs as do I. But it's not the same thing as human contact. Yes they are wonderfully comforting but they can't talk back to you and really understand. Mine snuggle with me when things are bad and give kisses but it's nice to have another human presence in the house. Even if they are just there and not interacting.

Becky

I am sorry you feel sad, Richard, just remember this will pass.
Things change all the time, nothing stays the same; no sadness, nor happiness - all this is part of rich life. In meanitme take more pleasure in small things, they all add up, making life more bearable in difficult times.
I do hope things will change for you, soon
Senna

I'm sorry...I hope the future brings more joy and less pain...

thank you all ... and especial thanks to Senna for a sensitive and thoughtful reply - I appreciate it.

My roommate was home yesterday and we went out to do my errands - he drove. I almost made it the whole way - had to cancel only a couple of things. Not bad for me.

I will look into the retired persons visiting the homebound idea. And will get the paperwork for the home health care. Thanks to All!!!

richard, i work for a home-health care company. my hours are flexible and i can pick and choose my clients, which is why i can work at my advanced age.

the clients i like best are those which are mostly COMPANIONSHIP. i'll bet if you interviewed a sizable home-health company, they might find just you the right person to drive you around, and along the way have some good human interaction.

be sure that the supervisor who comes to do your in-home interview "gets" the part about your needing more conversation and less housework or other tasks, if that's why you want. and then, of course, you are never obligated to have a particular person in your home.

if you don't feel comfortable and/or bonded to the person they send, after a session or two, companies are very attuned to this, and will send you someone else; as long as it takes. dianne