Poll on suicide and migraines

Totally a curiosity thing. Anyone else know the answer?

Hmmm...I've never looked into that one. I'm a firm believer in the Hemlock Society (though they have changed their name). My Aunt and Uncle are members of it. Both my folks were not members of it, but my Mom was a nurse and both of them had stashes of a combination of med's that would do the job. My Mom always told us that if she ever died of a drug overdose, it was because she had another stroke and was able to make it to her stash.

When my Dad was terminal he always kept his stash next to him in his bedside drawer, but when it came down to it his Catholic guilt stepped in and he couldn't do it.

I made my stash into an art piece. I have very large glass canister completely full of a colorful collection of powerful medications. It looks very pretty, makes a statement AND is readily available should the day ever come.

You just gave me an idea for an art piece. Thanks Milo. Might as well get something out of this dreadful disease.

I had considered suicide many times when my migraines were at their worst, even made very specific plans, wrote letters numerous times.
Last year after Occipital Radiofrequency, the migraines got better.
But the depression remained.
In August I attempted suicide, I had hoarded sleeping pills and muscle relaxants for months. I had a plan, had it timed out - i thought perfectly.
But an arguement with my husband delayed my putting the wheels in motion for almost 2 hours.
I stuck with the plan anyway.
When my husband couldnt wake me up the next morning, he called 911.
They were successful with CPR.
I was on a ventilator for 2 days. They gave me 20% chance of recovery.
But I made it!
Had an involuntary admit for 3 days.
Made ALOT of life changes since then, am MUCH happier!
Am honestly a different person now.
It took that to get me to where i am now.

beth

Thanks for sharing this very personal information Beth.

Is anyone suprised by the poll? 75% have looked at suicide as an option with this horrible illness.

Those statistics alone should be an eye opener for how dreadful this disease is.

Not surprised but saddened.

NurseBeth, thank you for sharing your experience. It had to be hard, but I appreciate you being so open about it to try and help others.

paradox wrote:

NurseBeth, thank you for sharing your experience. It had to be hard, but I appreciate you being so open about it to try and help others.

yes thank you for your honesty,

I think hope is such a big issue for us....because it's harder and harder to find with each failed attempt.

Thanks, nursebeth, for sharing. I'm so glad you're at a better place now. Thankful to have you with us.

Becky

The best advice that i think i can give is to TALK to someone, something I couldn't do.
I felt like I was admitting a weakness, that it made me somehow less, it would destroy my tough-chick persona.
My family and friends were shocked, I really couldn't believe the outpouring of love and support I got.
I think that when you are in that black place it is really easy to convince yourself that no one cares, that you wont be missed, that everyone would be better off without you.
But even if there is only one person on the face of this earth that loves you and needs you, that you make a positive difference in their life........ it is worth it to stick around for.
You can change your life, things absolutely can get better. I am living proof of that.
Don't get me wrong i still have ALOT of problems, and i worry and i get down from time to time, but i also know it can be worse. AND THAT IT CAN GET BETTER!

Thanks for the love everyone, it really means alot to me!!
beth

that everyone would be better off without you

EXACTLY! You are in such a dark place that you feel you are a burden on all those around you, and that while they will be sad, they'll really be better off without you. I've heard it said that suicide is a very selfish act. But at the time, you don't feel that way at all. You feel like your being very unselfish and easing their burden. That they will have a better life if you're not there dragging them down.

I totally agree.

We dealt with my brother's death as a suicide because the EHS told the police, who told my mom, that it "looked" like it was a suicide.

We later found out that this was because there were many empty pill bottles around...but that was because my brother made jewelery and kept his beads in them.

It was after almost a full year that we finally got the toxicology reports that indicated that none of his medications appeared to be outside of normal range and that cause of death was "undetermined".

It was a very, very difficult year. I can't even begin to describe what one goes through when the believe a loved on has killed themself.

Has anyone else lost a family member to migraine suicide?

I'm bumping this poll as I feel it is so important for people to know that others in their situation think about suicide too.

Reposting to keep this poll alive because I think it is so very important that anyone contemplating ending their life knows that they are not alone and that the thoughts occur to so many of us.

If you are feeling like ending your life is a better option then living, please seek out someone you love and trust and talk to them about it. Chances are they can help you find a reason or two to keep up your fight.

A true friend is one that is there for you, even in your darkest hour.

I think it's wise and thoughtful of you to bump this post occasionally. We see new participants everyday and this is a important issue we face.

I've come very close to ending it several times. But I think my therapist knew me well enough by then to make the decision that I didn't have to be admitted involuntarily. However, when I was in the hospital getting various IVs to try to treat my migraine, the keppra IV made me very suicidal. I never used the word suicide at all, but my condition was enough to scare my dad into calling my therapist and asking her to call me at the hospital. And she in turn called my headache doctor (they already had talked about my case several times before, as I had signed a release of information for her). What happened was that I had to see a psychiatrist and get cleared as safe to leave the hospital before they would let me go.

The psychiatrist was very understanding about how the pain can affect our mental processes, but she also cautioned me against using the word suicide, which I did do a month previously in an email to my headache doctor to let her know just how bad the pain had become. The psychiatrist emphasized that this is a word that they have to take very seriously, and I could get in a lot of trouble if I used it too freely (i.e. be forcibly hospitalized or even take away my pain meds, so I couldn't OD).

I also remember a time probably 7 years ago, which was just around the time when I sought out the mental health clinic on my own, when I boxed up all the medicines I had except for a few days' doses of each and sent the box home with my then-boyfriend because I didn't want to have the added temptation to do anything.

The main thing to keep me going were my mom and my then-boyfriend because I knew how hard it would be on them. I am very close to my mom, so it would hurt her anyway, but also, she was the one to pass down the migraines to me. She often feels guilt about that, but she had no control over passing on this gene than either of her parents did (both were daily migraineurs) and their parents (episodic migraineurs). But if I were to kill myself, I think it would kill my mom too.

This is a big topic. I'm fortunate to have found a great psychiatrist, who was recommended to me by my headache doctor because she has worked with him in the pain clinic, so he is very aware of how pain can affect one's mental state. He has been very encouraging and made a comment one about how he would expect someone who lived in as much pain as I do to be depressed and suicidal, and that his job was to help alleviate that.

If I were ever to do it, it would probably be because I was deliberate careless with my medicines. I've played that Russian roulette game before, where I took more than I should, but was pretty sure that it wouldn't kill me. But only pretty sure. If I were to die, then it wouldn't really be suicide, right? And my family would only think that I wasn't paying attention to my medicines and it was an accident.

Fortunately, I haven't been in that place for a while, at least long-term. I have had very short-term thoughts of death, meaning that it comes only as long as the pain is at a 10, but once I am able to bring the pain down, the thoughts go away.

I am rather concerned, though, about how I'm going to do on my own with my parents' animals for the two weeks in August they'll be in Kenya. I'm trying to schedule things to do, so I won't get too lonely, but I'm pretty prone to loneliness and have been pretty depressed when left alone before.

Hi All,

I have thought about it on several occaisions- almost always when the migraines were at their worst, more recently when both migraines and constant fainting have been horrendous. Early on, my parents told me " We don't care what time it is, if the window looks good, call us or talk to someone." I have used that advice many, many times. It has always proved helpful.

I also feel that it can be a selfish act and I couldn't do it to those I love. I know I might be out of pain, but they never would. So, have I considered it yes. Is it a option? No. I do see a psychologist and I do talk to friend and to you about this. I am glad you posted it.

Pain free days,
sailingm

I wanted to bump this for newbies. I had a conversation today with a girlfriend who has migraines. She said that in an email to her DIL she said she just didn't want to wake up.

Her DIL freaked and has the whole family upset thinking my friend needs immediate hospitalization. People w/o this pain don't realize we have these thoughts occasionally.