Preventing suicidal thoughts, any tips?

I have confusional migraines, possibly hemiplegic migraines, and I just moved to china in the middle of high school. It's hard to keep myself from getting depressed.
I'm pretty sure we've all had times when we contemplate suicide. Personally I've attempted it once so I can attest to it's worthlessness. Nevertheless, I have found myself thrown into new circumstances where those thoughts of suicide keep coming back into my head. Does anybody know a way, have a trick, to getting themselves out of the dumps. Because all my old methods aren't working anymore, and I need help that I can't get.

Do you have someone you can talk to? I know it really helps me when I feel that way to talk it out. You need to let the people around you know what you are thinking - so important to remember that we are not on this journey alone. What do you enjoy doing? Even when I can barely move off the couch and all I feel like doing is crying I try to surround myself with the things I like to do - distracting myself for even just a few minutes with puzzles or crochet or drawing or whatever you like to do can help slowly lift the fog of depression. Please stay in touch and know this community is here for you. Leslie

I think about a woman I work with. Her adult son committed suicide 10 years ago. She told me that he used to always come home from work at 2:00 am and when she heard the door lock she could go into a deep restful sleep knowing all her "chicks" were home.

Yesterday she told me still wakes up every night at 2:00 am and can't get back to sleep.

She has never forgiven her husband. She needs to be angry at someone so she has chosen her husband for a rather obscure reason. It has fractured an entire family.

I've been there, and at the time I felt like I would be doing my family a favor by not being a burden. But, I know that is not the case now.

So I think about the tentacles of the decision, the friends and acquaintances who would beat themselves up thinking "if only I knew". The folks who depend on me. It keeps me on the right path.

When I was younger the thoughts were more of a vengeful nature..."won't they feel bad they didn't give me what I needed ". But, oh the life I would have missed and the lives I wouldn't have created. The ultimate cutting off my nose to spite my face!

This forum is very important to me. I can voice how I really feel without repercussion. Anonymity makes me more open. If you knew my full name I never would have shared that story.

Try to find a professional to talk too. Good luck, we care.

There are two things that I do that help me. When I do get a suicidal thought I acknowledge that I'm feeling that way and that I don't need to act on it. I acknowledge that is related to the depression that comes with the migraine and that it will go away eventually along with the headache. The other thing I do is when I am feeling well and having a good time, I remind myself that if I had given in to those suicidal feelings I would not be experiencing the great time I am having at the present.

It is difficult and stressful to move to another country. We moved to Australia when my daughter was 12. I was having a difficult time adjusting and didn't realize what my daughter was going through until I saw she was secretly cutting herself. You have a lot on your plate. Talk to your parents if possible or another adult. Take care of yourself. Let us know how you are doing.

IT is true that migraines often bring deep depression, those two conditions are linked in our brain and this is why antidepressants are often used, as migraine preventatives.
You are not alone if feeling depressed when you have migraine.

However what struck me most in your post, is how very alone you sound. WE can feel alone amongs closest people if we cannot communicate our feelings, because no one hears us when w etry to talk and to explain how badly we feel. and that it is terribly hards to live like this, not knowing when we are going to be struck, or affraid to make plans living with so much pain.

And to have to deal with when you are in a different country andt in completely different culture. NO wonderd you feel alienated. You have been cut of from all sources of familiar support.
Here we know, since many of us have lived with migrains for decades, that one thing is certain about migraine - migraine takes many forms, and it brings not only bad but also good surprises.

Many of us found combination of treatment that work, sometimes after many years of suffering. WE must keep trying. WE must keep fighting back.
And we support each other here - this is very important also as source of information when we need it most.

You do not say what is causing you greatest distress, is it the pain, or the fact that you had to move to China and feel perhaps lonely. Or maybe you miss your sources of support, or acess to your doctors? What upsets you most. THink about it, try to prioritise what needs dealing with most urgently. Fight back. You sound to young to give up. Things will get better, but you need to make those fisrt steps.

I think, that in view that you have already tried I think it is vital that you see professional medical help, as soon as possible and explain your distress, urgently.
Some things, some time are too much to resolve all by ourselves, no matter how strong you are.

IT only takes few minutes of despair to do some irreparable harm to yourself and just like other posters mention, it can have devastateing consequnces for those who are left behind, and who aree perhaps unaware how much you hurt, how unbearble thing are for you at times.

I also have a friend whose young son commited suicide, and she nearly went insane with grief - she had no idea, that he was so unhappy he never talked about it, no one knew. If only I knew, if only I knew...People near you often want to help, tell them how they can help.

I can see that you are highly articulate person, who is not entirely given up on life, but you need someone on your side close to you.
Is it possible to talk seriously about this with eaither of your parents? Some relative at home? They might not be aware how distressed you are.

You need a doctor to take care of you, prescribe right antidepressant. YOu also need a good neurologist to treat your head pain. I am sure thereare excellent doctors in China.
Demand treatment from those who are supposed to take care of you.
It is their duty to help. It is your right to get help.

And remember you will get through it.

We want to help.
Rememebr with migraine no two days are the same, medicines and treatment are getting better all the time. We find solutions, just when we have almost given up.

You need more time to give yourself a chance, to have a life, to have some new experinces, to taste life - even with migraine life brings great, great rewards.WE know we have been through it. WE know how easy it would be to call it quits and stop it one day, but we are still here. Most people have been through such thoughts. but we are still here.

There are many pain control methods, let us know what do you take for your head.
But first your depressionn needs to be treated, as a matter of urgency. Do not delay seeking help.
And come back here again to tell us all about it.

Learn Tai Chi, and Chi Gung.

China IS the place to learn these techniques.

Especially study Dragon and Tiger Chi Gung.

How are you Gopher? Are you OK? It would be good to hear from you.

Hallo all.
I was sick for migraine 11 years ago, when I was a child. Migrain attacs I have every week 3 days, somtimes 6 days.
Help me only infusions. I think about suicide almost daily.

My migraine is complikated by heart arrhythmia, hypertension and depression and panic disorder. One condition causes the second ...

On the forum I hate migrain a dr. offers solutions on how to manage migraine. Try you ... www.migrainesurgery.4t.com

ajka

Gopher,

I hope you are ok.

I have, very occasionally, been suicidal during a bad migraine. My mother once told me "If it ever gets to the point where the window is looking good, I don't care what time it is, or where we are, I would rather have you call us or tell someone than not." Is there someone close to you there you can talk to about this?

Also, remember that someone is usually around on the forum- if you need to post here.

This will get better.

Pain free days,
sailingm

Gopher, did you try a psychotheraphy? It help me quite ... and friends ... and if I am all alone, I am going on the web to chat with my friends ... How are you?

ajka

Gopher, I've been there and thankfully not done that.

I've had many dark, dark day's when the pain was relentless and I felt all alone. But no matter how crushing the pain and despair, please remember if you go through with it, the pain would end for you, but it would begin for those who love you and are left behind.

More than just lives have been destroyed by suicide. Please find someone who can help you through this. You can always come here to vent; we've all been there and you will not be judged!

Dan, you said it beautifully ... I live like this ...
ajka

I have to say how surprised, and grateful, I am at the amount of support and genuine caring that has been poured out to me so quickly by complete strangers. In a time of need you all have offered advice free of charge with no hooks attached. Thank you all SO very much.

Most of you asked if there was a close relative or an adult that I could talk to about how I've been feeling. I don't feel justified in adding this to my parents plate of things to deal with. (im the 3rd of 6 kids and the oldest at home) They have enough to worry about and are guilty as things are for moving me around the world halfway in my junior year. Just to get into the school here we had to leave the migraines off the medical papers, so I feel like I'm hiding from myself there as it is.
A big part of why I feel so lonely is that most, if not all, my friends from my old location have utterly forgotten about me. I spend a lot of time on facebook trying to get someone to just talk to me and nobody ever does. It's the worst feeling ever to leave a place after living there for 2 years and have nobody miss you.
I'll try to keep busy, like some of you also suggested, and I'll keep you posted as well.

Hi,
Thank you so much for writing, it is a great relief to hear your voice again.

It sounds as if you are very considerate person, but you desrve better then that.
It is not fair that you are left alone to deal with all this, and to have to hide your condition in order to get a good eductaion. Obviously a major move to another country, with a big family is a strain for your parents, but they would hate to realise how left out you feel.

Too much is ften expcetd from the oldest child, and as a result the oldest child expetcs too much of themselves.The oldest child is often left feeling as if they "should be able" to cope with anything, since they are the oldest of children, but you are still their child, and your parents role is to take care of all your needs, physical and emotional.
However, unless they know about your feelings, they cannot do much about it.

If anything happened to you they would be devastated - so give them a chance to do something. They might find solutions that you are not aware of.
Do not worry about burdening them with your worries - this is what parents are for. To take care of you.

It is terribly sad, when you loose friends when you leave a place. But it sounds as if you have not lost much - they were obviously not true friends. Facebook attracts lots of shallow friendships; here today, gone tomorrow. People ofte play silly power games etc. It is the last thing you need.

Perhaps, instead, you could try to visit some websites with forums which reflect some of your interests and hobbies. It is easier to get to know people, with whom you have more interests in common. You will soon make new friends. Life is all about changes, we all need skills to adapt.

BTW if and when, you decide to talk to your parents, make sure that you tell them in advance that you want to talk about something important, so they can pick the best time, when they are not too stressed and they can pay full attetnion to what you have to say.
Do not be affraid to tell them how serious your thoughts were, don't be dramatic, just say it in a matter of fact voice, expressing only what you genuinely feel.

Think about all this and come back and tell us how you are doing.
Stay with us, there is always somone here for you.

Gopher,

I'm glad you are ok.

Most of us can totally relate to the whole protecting others, not wanting to be a burden thing. However, if things get really bad, do talk to your parents or someone. I guarantee that they would rather be told than find out another way. You mentioned older siblings- are you close? Can you talk to them? I have two much older brothers myself- one will never understand migraine. The other I know I can talk to about it.

I understand the whole leaving migraines thing off the papers- though it a shame. In my first week of living in the dorm whole working on a Masters in Education- I had a horrible week. Terrible pain. I must have been scary- because I had two of the three suitemates backed into a corner with a look of fear. the third- however- understood and came to help me. We are still best friends. But one of the roommates, though I think she might have been Japanese rather than Chinese- told the roommate who helped me, who also had a disbaility that neither of us "should be allowed in school."

Before this, I attended divinity school for a year, but the school actually told me that my headaches caused me to be "an inconvenience to others and a detriment to the community." How this was possible at a school to train Christian ministers I will never know. I maintain that the obviously misread the Gospels. But, there were three or four who went on a limb and helped me. You will fing them.

I am so sorry to hear about your friends. It is hard when you live in different places. I will send you a PM.

Anyway, we are here for you.

Pain free days,
sailingm

I used to plan how I would get better and then punch all the people in the face that abandoded me when I got sick.

Sounds bad but worked for me. And Im getting better at 15 months so maybe soon I can fulfill MY dreams.

I also wrote letters then threw them away at the end of the day. Hope you get relief soon in your young life.

I understand....more than once it's crossed my pain. Migraine is not only painful...but dreadfully lonely.
Keep posting...it helps! And if you need more friends on facebook you can look me up. Just send me a private message with your fb name and I'll look you up.

Stay tough!

Hi Gopher,

My father committed suicide many years ago. All it achieved was that he missed out on some wonderful things in life like grandchildren. He left a mess behind for the people who loved him as even though we knew he was sick, we didn't know to what extent he was sick.

This minor detail has left all sorts of problems for myself and my brothers - so he didn't trust us enough to let us into his problems, he didn't love us enough to stay......

So first up, have enough faith in your parents to sit down and say your not coping with the migraines.

Explain to them that the move to China has left you feeling lonely and very down and the migraines is just adding to it.

Give them the opportunity to try and help.

All of us are rather stupid at times, we somehow expect those around us to magically know how we feel.

I gather you are in your teenage years and you have the added difficulty that parents have been led to believe, mainly by the media, that all teengers are sullen, grouchy people, (my kids weren't), so your parents may be writing off your "moods" as "the teenage years".

As to friends not keeping in touch, that unfortunately is part of life too. You will find as you grow older that the number of "special" people in life is very few - for some maybe only one or two, others are lucky enough to have a dozen or more.

Don't forget that two of those special people in your life could be your parents. My children, both now in their twenties are two of my best friends and I theirs. We have done everything together since they were quite young. So I can highly recommend you give them a try.

hi, gopher

a lot of people have responded to you and gave you some excellent advice so i won't repeat.

i think you said you had tried suicide. if i read that correctly, then be very, careful. once you move past thoughts it gets easier to let our minds go into that darker area. having planned and set into motion my own suicide several years ago, i know how bad this can get.

def. reread the great advice our friends gave you here. this is a safe place for you and people are always here to help you. we understand you.

i of course have a head ache today and am having problems myself. i am trying to remember if you are a male or a female.
if you are a young male in high school? then you might grow out of them. it does happen. i met an e.r. dr. who grew out of his.

if you are a young female in high school, then there are a lot more hormonal options than when i was a kid.

so you see even if you are young, and you feel life is unfair to you (and it is) you do have youth on your side. you have meds. never available to some of us and the advantage of time to see some meds discovered in your lifetime.

you don't feel like it now, but i think you are really lucky to experience a new country and culture. look for your good days and try to be like a sponge and drink up everything you can about china. i would love to get out of my house somedays let alone a new country. today i found a website for a friend that went to china. (traveling thru the internet for me!). it had some cute and/or funny sign translations. it made me laugh. i try to find something every day to find a smile or some joy in. it beats frowning and takes less muscles! the website? engrish.com made my friends smile.

don't ever give up.
we are always here for you.
got to go rest for now.

try to smile today.


rose

Gopher, how are you doing - I hope you are all right.
Let us know, how you are feeling - you have made friends here and we care.

I've just been reading through this post and it makes me feel sad. Partly like everyone here because I know how you feel. I have felt terribly alone through all of this pain as though no one really cares. I see people in my life that demonstrate they care but I don't really feel it. I don't know why they care. I've started seeing a psychologist and whilst I've never really been into this kind of treatment, I have to say its starting to help ever so slightly. The last few weeks have been hell and I too don't have any close friends. I have a couple of friends at work who always seem to care but I never really knew to what extent. Finally after some dreadful sessions and realising how depressed I really was, I let it out. Part of my problem is I keep everything to myself as I feel like i'm going to become a burden or that person who's always whinging - I can't deal with that thought. Anyway my friend opened up her house, her time and a shoulder to cry on. Although I still struggle with the care factor, it helps to let it out. Please talk to someone - even if its just a psychologist as you can't keep these feelings to yourself.

We have to stay strong, support each other and do anything we can to keep going. I personally believe in God and that I have to trust Him I am going to become a stronger person because of it. Whether or not you have any religious beliefs is beside the point, we can't let this rule our lives. Life is for living.

Take care,
Lissy

Lissy, I am so pleased for you ,that you found the courage to unburden yourself to someone - the loneliness of living with migraine is often caused by our self-imposed barrier to sharing how we feel with anyone. It is not easy to explain, and fear of rejection is great of course, this is why I speak of courage.

It is as if we have no right to burden anyone by talking, how difficult life is for us.

Yet, people are so ready to complain about some very trivial matters, love disappointemnts, their weight, or families etc, etc, and this is all fine. Not so, talking about being in pain, suddenly it seems like it is our fault? IT is not - we do not choose to be in so much pain, no one does.

But when you risk it and open up, people can be incredibly understanding and supportive.
I have recently discovered that: asking a practical stranger for help to take me to the hospital becasue I could not drive. This also gave me occasion to speak to her in more depth, and we quickly became close friends because her barriers came down as well. She has her own problems and was glad to talk to me about it.

As long as it is a two way thing, it is good to share.
But observe and choose a person who is likely to be a good listener, someone who is not selfish, or self-centred is often good bet for a future sharing.
Hope you will keep making even more progress, Lissy.

Thanks Mini. Courage is definately the key and I hope we all find that courage to open up and keep going.

I think when the pain is constant and it never seems to end..we just want the pain to stop..not our life or lives.

Pain will come and go..thankful that we have one another to lean on and a shoulder to cry on.

If anyone ever feels that way please reach out to someone..talk and don't give up.