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difficulties with old man obsessed by the weather (Really odd)

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Post  dizzyflower Tue Mar 29, 2011 10:26 am

Does anyone have any ideas of how to deal with this person? He seems to manage to get me when I am at my most migrainy moments.

He seems harmless, and when you are out on the front of your house tidying the garden will walk past and tell you about the weather forecast.

However, lately he has taken to telling me what I can or cannot wear in preparation for the weather, focussing mainly on when the weather is to be really bad, even when the weather is really sunny.

He doesn't appreciate when it isn't apropriate to talk, for example if you have somethig heavy in your hands, or are using a saw in the garage.

He has taken to changing the direction he is walking in to tell me about the weather, will wait for me to come out and has stared into my house windows twice this week.

Yesteday I had to deal with him 3 times, once staring into my sitting room window, once as I walked from my friends house as he waited round the corner to talk to me, and once as I had to walk past his house to get to the post box - he jumped out of his door and started following me.

I know there is something not quite right about this man, and most people say he is harmless, but I saw him hit someone round the legs with his walking stick last year because they were wearing a jumper and decided to take it off.

To make matters worse I am on a corner plot, so he can talk at me when I am in the back garden too.

Ii realise this is some sort of obsession and it doesn't seem to be doing him any good with people talking to him about it as he is getting more obsessed. It is also really getting me down as he makes general house maintenance really difficult, he just doesn't know when it isn't apropriate to talk.

Di

ps Iam busy right now, or I'm too busy to talk gets no reaction.

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Post  Brenda Tue Mar 29, 2011 4:37 pm

Have you tried simply ignoring him completely? Just pretend you don't even see him? I don't blame you for being bothered by this man. He's probably just lonely, but he needs to learn when enough is enough.
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Post  dizzyflower Wed Mar 30, 2011 3:25 am

Brenda wrote:Have you tried simply ignoring him completely? Just pretend you don't even see him? I don't blame you for being bothered by this man. He's probably just lonely, but he needs to learn when enough is enough.

Thanks for the idea but I have tried this on numerous occasions and he doesn't get it.

He stood there for ages staring at me while I painted the gate once, and in the end he seemed aggitated as he was moving his walking stick up and down a lot.

Short of getting better blinds for the window and making the front garden low maintenance I don't know how to reduce this nuisance.

It is raining today so I won't see him fortunately. I am a lot more relaxed today as a result and less likely to have migraine probs because of the lovely clear air. But as soon as the sun shines, he's there. Unfortunately I have the second coat of paint to do on the garage door, and I have a few dead plants to replace from frost damage, so I'm gonna see him again very soon.

I think he worries me because I get a bit muddly and start talking inside out quite a lot with the migraine, so the idea of dealing with someone who is awkward like this is more worrying than it would be otherwise.

Di

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Post  Mini Wed Mar 30, 2011 3:50 am

It is perfectly understandable why this man is causing you so much additional stress. I am sure your migraine is affected by this.
I think that he is not obsessed with the weather, he is obviously obsessed with you - this is not a healthy obsession for anybodey concerned.

He might be lonely, but it is also possible that he has an onset of dementia and such repetitive behaviour can be quite typical.

Whatever it is, this needs to be dealt with before things become more sriously uncomfortable for all concerned.

Does this man have any family living with him, or visiting?
If so, perhaps you should take them aside and tell them that his behaviour is not acceoptable and that they should talk to him - he must stop bothering people when they do their chores on their won property. Make it plain that you do not wish to be disturbed by him any more.Be polite but firm.

Or, perhaps you know someone who could talk to him about it, and explain that you do not wish to be troubled by his weather reports and "what to wear" advice any more, asking him to leave you alone. Perhaps your partner could do this (sorry I do not know your circumstances).
Bbut it is best that some other person talks to him, since he is obviously determined not to hear what you have to say. And he never will.

Inn UK we have a law against such behaviour - stalking- so you could get an injunction which would prevent him coming within ceratin distance of your property, but this would be of course last resort.

I understand that you would not want to create any bad feelings on your street, but this is affecting your health so sooner or later you will need to take some action.
If the above measures fail,, maybe you need to go and have a quiet word with your local police, and ask their advice how best to handle it, without causing too much upset to the man who might not be well.
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Post  dizzyflower Wed Mar 30, 2011 11:35 am

It is known in the village that he has something wrong and he used to live with his mother till she died. I don't think he has anyone. Most people get this treatment at some point but because they are out at work because they are well, he only does it a few times to them. Unfortunately as I am not well I am at homemore so I think I have become part of his walking routine. I might try the way you explain to youngsters with learning difficulties when they don't understand what they are doing is socialy unacceptable, very carefully for safety sake.
ie

I don't like it when you talk to me about the weather because you get cross with me.

Dont stare in at my window this is unpleasant.

Following people to tell them about the weather is not appropriate.

It's either that or talk to the local bobby.

Di

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Post  Mini Wed Mar 30, 2011 3:38 pm

I think this is a good idea to try, Di, but as you said be careful and cover your back, as you talk to him.

However, having said that the more you describe him, the more it sounds to me that this man is not well.
What has occured to me is that such repetitive behaviour might be also typical in case of autism, and if this is the case, this man might need more help and support, so I wonder if social services are not the right people to be contacted before he hurts himself, or others.

Still this is not your resposiblity. Perhpas police can advice on that, or follow it up. You need to be able to feel free, to do as you please, around your property. His behaviour is obviously rather invasive, it needs to be sorted.


Last edited by Mini on Thu Mar 31, 2011 3:40 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Post  hpilgrim Thu Mar 31, 2011 9:03 am

I think Mini has given you some great advice...
How old is this fellow? In my area, there's an organization called Carelink (also Eldercare) that deals with all kinds of issues with elderly. If it were happening here, I would call them to get ideas.

If he's not really "elderly", social services might help if you could be lucky enough to get a sympathetic ear.

Last resort, police... I thought "stalking" when I read your post...

Good luck with this, and keep safe. Keep us posted---
Holly
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difficulties with old man obsessed by the weather (Really odd) Empty odd man stayed in because of rain this weekend

Post  dizzyflower Mon Apr 04, 2011 5:41 am

Very peaceful weekend thanks to the weather. I tried to find out how to get in touch with the local community policeman, but the best mention I could find was the parish council meeting report.

Di

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Post  Enigma Mon Apr 04, 2011 12:40 pm

I am a gentle person, and particularitly, when I had a store, I used to get what I called 'cling-ons'. Older, lonley people who used to fit me in their routine. In the store they would suck up my time but I was (at first) too nice to push them away. Some really scared me especially since I was alone in the the store during that week day. One fellow started to cry when he seen me.

I had to stop being me in their prescense, and become someone who repelled them. Laugh too loud, say something ignorant, blatantly disagree, get angry at something benign, walk away rudely. Sounds immature but it worked in a few cases. Sometimes being blunt. Keep your phone handy if you think him to be a risk. He's probably just a nuisance.
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Post  Mini Mon Apr 04, 2011 3:16 pm

It has occured to me that you might call the nearest police station, and ask to be put in touch with a policeman who is responsible for the local Neigbourghood Watch. And then ask them their advice.

In most Police Station there is someone like that - we have one in our village (here in UK). There was incident of someone suspitious wondering around last year, and a very nice Policewoman called warning us, and asking if we have seen anyone suspitious. She introduced herself as a person being responsible for the local Neighbourhood Watch.

I am glad you had a peacful time. Maybe he will stop? But I doubt it.
Good luck anyway and let us know how you get on.
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difficulties with old man obsessed by the weather (Really odd) Empty the sun is shining today so wish me luck

Post  dizzyflower Wed Apr 06, 2011 3:52 am

I find it interesting what you say about people almost being attracted to talk to you because you are there.

Di

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