My friend commit suicide last night

When it rains, it pours.

I lost a dear friend to suicide last night. Found out just after my horrific injections.

We have spent the afternoon in his home getting it ready for his family. His family who disowned him for being gay.

It's a very sad day.

Oh Milo I am so, so sorry. I am at a loss for words. It is such a shame that anyone commits suicide, but for the family to have disowned him, ahhh it is beyond words for me. I pray you stay strong during this trying time. My deepest sympathies to you.

I also hope your botox kicks in and relieves you of some of the physical pain you have been in.

Take care my friend.

kimsmom

It was interesting, as we were trying to gather up some of his more spiritual things, as his family would view it all with distaste as they were very religious.

We knew that they would totally disregard so much of the things he has gathered, like the healing cystals and singing bowls. So we each took some of these things so that they could continue to be used for others in their quest for clarity, rather then dumped into a box and discarded as blasphamey and false idols.

We did not remove traces of the fact that he was gay, nor the study info he had gathered for his book on how parental homophobia harms children. He had a whole lot of books on the subject, and we left them there for his family, though I'm sure they will discard it the same way they discarded him.

Such a sad thing that we his gay friends when in to prepare the home for this vile family to come in a stake their claim. So very sad.

I am so SO very sorry, Milo.

I feel always extremely disturbed when a homosexual commits suicide because of his or hers orientation,
but especially so if this is because of the parent's rejection.
The parents are supposed to be THE one people who loves their children unconditionally, support them in this vile world no matter what. No ifs or buts, period.
I can accept if they don't understand, politely don't agree even with their children's sexuality but under no circumstances they have rights to reject their own children. NEVER. EVER.

This is beyond disturbing.

Right on the spot, my gut feeling was these were religious pple. Looks like I wasn't mistaken.
So much for the "goodness" the religion does. hmph.

Risa

I am so sorry for your loss.

Just yesterday afternoon a co-worker and I were discussing a situation we knew of like this. We both have told our children, "THere is NOTHING you could do to make me not love you. I might not understand what you do or agree with your choices but I will always love you."

I just don't understand how a parent can communicate anything different to their children.

It will be interesting to see the family's views in the future through the eyes of this experience.

Oh Milo, I'm crying as I write this. I don't understand, I just don't. The bullying and indignation that has been on the news...and now familial rejection. Over what? Because we're not all the same? I can't imagine how angry you are...I am.

Hugs to you and sending you strength as you support your dear friends memory.

Have they never heard of unconditional love?
It is only supposed to exist between parents and children....

How could I love my children any less because of something like that.
All I wish for them is to be healthy, and happy in whatever way they can...

People like this make my blood boil.

So sorry to read such sad news....

Pen

Please accept my condolences, Milo. As others have stated, I cannot understand a family doing this to their child.

£eslie

I'm so sorry to hear this. Please keep taking care of yourself. Let us all know if there is anything you need that we can help with.

(((((Hugs)))))

I'm so very sorry. I hope that the parents learn from this but I am afraid that they won't. What a tragedy.

Chris

Thank you for the thoughts friends.

So, I need help putting together the celebration of life. If you have come across unique ideas, please share them with me.

My friend was a very kind, caring, giving soul. He was very in touch with the earth and found his spirituality in nature. He was always carrying around stones and crystals.

He was a reiki practitioner and would practice even when he was drained himself, always willing to give to someone in need.

I need ideas that would help those attending celebrate his life as well as to say goodbye to him.



I was thinking of rigging up stones from the beach and wrapping them with hemp twine attatched to an easily degradeable paper that people could write goodbyes on. We could then toss them in the ocean?

Ideas?

I've never done this before.

It's tough right now as it's the 7th anniversary of my baby brother's "suicide" this month too.

The family is holding a private funeral and none of his "gay" family can attend. It's not here anyways, it's a six hour drive away.

When do you usually hold a celebration of life?

I'm clueless and a bit lost right now.

Milo,

I'm sending you a PM

Milo: Thinking of you during this difficult time. I think your idea of the stones and the biodegradable paper are inspired. Go with it.

We have talked about it a bunch tonight as we drink and discuss this and we are now thinking we may use beach stones and markers because it would have less of a potential harm to the enviroment.

I never did any sort of confirmations personally, but I've seen it on Style by Jury a few times done.

I like the idea of making posters with affirmative messages and either create a sort of walk during which these messages will be read aloud, or hammer them in clearly visible spot - a center spot, maybe?- for everybody to see.

The messages could be of something uplifting about being gay, sticking together as gays, about your dear
departed friend,
or whatever you wish.

The materials for these can also be recyclable, and made of recyclables.

Releasing balloons is bad idea environmentally because they often end up tangled in electrical lines, trees
and even if not, they anyway pose hazard for animals - for example, the twine that holds the balloon may get wrapped up around beak, neck or another body part.
Or an animal thinks it's food, and swallows bit of rubber, or latex, plastic and may choke or sure get poisoned,
or if the balloon is still with the piece of twine then even the intestines may get tangled up.
Even if a balloon is "biodegradable". it takes at least 6 months to break down - long time.
If you celebrate with balloons, please take them back home.

Risa

Milo,

I am so very very sorry for your loss. I am so sorry that your dear friend saw no other way out of such pain.
As someone above mentioned, the suicides in the news lately have touched a lot of people at how lonely growing up being homosexual without a great, even good support system can affect one.
I hope that he is no longer tortured, and is at peace.
I am sure that whatever memorial service you hold, will be thoughtful and very special in his honour.

Thoughts and hugs sent your way <<<<<<<<<I'm so sorry>>>>>>>>>>
xoxo
Tanya

You may not believe this but we spent the day in the dumpster collecting his belongings. The family came a dumped anything gay related...smashed up all the pics and tossed them. Photos, momentos... anything to do with him being gay.

A kind neighbor tipped us off and unlocked the door to the garbage for us so we could go and collect his things and do the proper thing with them.

Been a sad and confusing day.

Thanks for all of your thoughts, it means a lot to me.

How could they see value in his belongings, the vestiges of his life, when they saw no value in him?

I am hating these people today. I don't know them personally, but I know them. They represent far too many people.

Your friend is at peace now Milo. For you and your friends that's your focus. At least his families actions can now lead you to a better understanding of his.

My deepest condolences. One of my best friends took her own life 12 years ago and I still can't get over it. I've gone over the why of it so many times over the years and that has blurred. What hurts me the most is that she found no out within herself that she found no alternative but the darkness to take her own life.

May your friend finally rest his tormented soul and know that he is just fine the way he is, and to finally realize how loved he is. I hope your beleif allows you to beleive that you will meet again and you can tell him so.

Angela

Milo,
I am sorry for this horrible choice; your friend must have suffered so much...no one takes such an extreme decision unless the pain is beyond any human tollerance.

This "family" will feel responsible one day for what they caused.
I am sure that their consience one day will make them realize what they did and I would not want to be in their shoes when the remorse will arise.

I will pray for your friend's soul.

Take care

I share with you a profound sense of loss. I never knew this man yet I know him and his pain. How indescribable is the pain of rejection by those you love. You and your friends have my heartfelt sympathy.

Steve wanted his ashes spread in specific places including the ocean. I took plain white tissue paper (easily degradable) and made balls of his ashes. I tied them with tiny bits of plain cotton string (easily degradable). A friend and I tossed these balls of Steve's ashes into the Pacific as it churned beneath Land's End in San Francisco.

At his memorial service, various friends and family spoke. I was last. It was a most moving event for me and mine. Nothing fancy, just friends speaking of Steve. His doctor spoke and Carey and several others. Funny and touching tales. We did the same when a dear friend passed in Fairbanks. Just sat around telling tales of the loved one. It was moving and helped our grief.

Having been suicidal, I will never judge one who makes such a choice. And I know that nothing Carey could ever do or be would lead to my rejection of her. Nothing.

My deepest sympathy. see PM

I'm so sorry for your loss and the awful way his family treated his belongings. You have my deepest condolences and I hope the pain becomes easier to deal with as time goes on.

Hugs

Oh gosh, I can't believe there IS a way people can stoop lower than they already did. But these parents did!
There are no words to describe their narrowness of mind, their blindness, their religious bigotry, their hatred.

I feel profound sorrow for your friend, Milo as living in such hatred is extremely difficult. It does drives many to suicide.
How very, very tragic. Yet unnecessary.

Risa

I'm really sorry. This is so ridiculous. I wouldn't care if my son was Ted Bundy. I would still love him. As for being gay?? The parents should be shunned if anybody is to be. What self-righteous anti-Christian (if that is what they claim to be.). How sad your friend had to endure this to the point of suicide. Hopefully this will wake the parents up--a little late.