Debating canceling a vacation due to migraine fears

So my sister is going through a bad divorce, and prior to them separating they had booked a family cruise in the Mediterranean. She wasn't able to cancel the tickets, but convinced the cruise line to allow her to switch the name on the ticket. I agreed to go with her and she put my name on the ticket instead. The cruise leaves in about 3 weeks. It would be her, me, my 3 year old nephew and my 17 year old niece and we'd be gone for 2.5 weeks.

I, however, think that I may have to back out on saying I would go (which obviously makes me feel all sorts of horrible). I am just terrifed of how I'm going to cope with the trip. First of all, the 4 of us are sharing a room that is only about 150 square feet. And my nephew and sister are LOUD. I know if I had a headache that they'd try to be quiet, but it's hard for them to understand that my headaches don't go away after 4 hours. They take usually three days.

In general I can decently manage my life because I make sure I get good sleep each night, eat a very restrictive diet, control when I eat, etc. All of that control will be gone on the trip, and I'll have the added triggers of a long airplane ride and a time zone change on top of it. It would be exceedingly unlikely that I didn't get hit with at least one big whopper of a migraine and I'm guess it'll be many more than that. The main issue is once that happens I won't have anywhere that I can hole up alone and wait out the pain. Furthermore the only comforts that I have when I do get a migraine - my cat, dog and husband - wont be there for me.

The prospect of going on this trip is adding so much stress to my life that I'm already getting migraines from it. So at this point I am honestly and deeply debating canceling a free 2.5 week long Mediterranean cruise with 3 people that I dearly love because of my migraines. That previous sentence is a little misleading. I'm not really debating it. I realized this morning - on day 3 of a terrible, hysteria-inducing migraine - that I cannot go on the trip. What I'm really debating is how I'm going to break the news to my sister, and all of the resultant guilt and emotional pain I am going to have to cope with after I tell her.

I feel really awful about having to back out of yet another family get together - and this time a really big-deal one. But I just can't do it. The idea of dealing with the pain in circumstances like that is just too trying for me. I hate this damn disease.

So sorry you are having to deal with this. I'm of other opinions on what I would do but that's just me - I don't live in your head and you know how you feel.

Hope your sister is understanding.

I posted this here to hear other migraine sufferer's opinions. Please do share.

I am really torn up about the decision.

I took a cruise from San Francisco to Sydney Australia. About the only time you spend in your room is sleeping. There is too much to do on deck to waste it in your room. The point, if you do get a bad M, you will be alone in the cabin. The eating schedule should allow you to eat when you need to and there should be a good variety to choose from. You seem to be stressing over something that may or may not happen. The jet lag is not that bad and in a few days you will be over it. Make sure you have your drugs and perscription.

I took a trip to Madrid, Spain a few years ago and spent three weeks there. Yes, I had a few bad migraines, but I took the pills and found a quiet corner. The flight was not that bad. I even slept on the plane.

You should try this OTC, Vanquish. It has helped me often, taking the edge off of Migraine pain. It is an aspirin/acetaminophen compund and if you take it right away, it may help. Look forward to the trip and forget about the M. Just be prepared for them, but do not expect them.

Take a camera and lots of pictures and enjoy yourself, relax and expect to have a great time.

Hal

jwar,

If you decide not to go, tell your sister that I know some very deserving, nice young laddies that would love to take your place. My daughters.

Hal

The only reason I didn't say more was that you had said you'd kind of made your decision already.

If it was me, I'd do it. Are you going to get an M - probably at some point in the trip. That can't be helped, but like Hal said - you probably will be able to take a nap in your cabin as the rest of the fam will be out doing things. The food and sleep I think are still within your control. You can go to bed when you want and take a nap when you want. Also, the food has to be okay and you should be able to pick and choose (you probably aren't the only one with dietary restrictions - but check with your sis to see if the cruise line can be alerted to this fact and see what your options there are). The comforts of home...well while the fur kids and hubby won't be around, you could still pack something that you associate with that comfort. Make sure you have your meds and take to abort at earliest possible moment (don't wait like we tend to do when we are at home).

I still do the things I want to regardless of the M. I plan to travel and will just deal with issues when they arise. I always have a M at a flyball tournament (but I'm still having fun) - I medicate, use earplugs and have a hat and can go take a nap somewhere if necessary. The only reason I may get nervous is about the drive - if I have a bad one I don't like to drive as I'm not fully functional but usually I can ask someone else to drive as there are other adults with me.

I think you will probably have a good time and will actually be able to relax - no added home stress and no worries for 2 weeks.

I get what you're saying, for sure. I guess the issue is slightly more complex:

My sister has booked excursions for us to go on pretty much every single day of the cruise. My main fear is that we will be a few hours off of the boat somewhere and I'll end up getting an aura and a migraine. I won't be able to really go anywhere if that is the case and may have to spend hours on bus trips/guided tours/etc despite being in pain.

I also can't necessarily control my sleep schedule. I will have to share a bed with my 17 year old niece and on top of that my 3 year old nephew will be in the same small room. He usually does not sleep through the night.

I'm not being argumentative - just saying, I don't think it's going to be as easy as all that.

I also don't respond all that well to abortive medications. In general they just push the migraine off for half a day, and it comes back worse than it was before.

i have to be honest if it were me i would not want to go, the cruise sounds lovely, however the length of time, sharing one room, a 3 year that doesnt sleep, and day trips every day would just be too much for me, can you book a room for yourself? can you join them a bit later into the holiday so you arent there for nearly 3 weeks? can you duck out of some (ok most) of the day trips, and explain to sis this is the best i can do if you would like me to join you, (not easy to say i know.)

friends of ours booked a big trip to disney, florida last year, their circumstances changed during the course of the year, so much so that several months b4 the holiday they went to travel agents and changed the trip to a closer desination and reduced the holiday to one week, they lost money but not as much as you would think and went on their shorter, closer holiday instead, is this a possiblity for you and your sister??

i feel for you, i really do, isnt it just crap how migraine affects every single one of our choices in life.

jwar,

Talk to your sister about your concerns regarding the side trips. You do not have to go on them all. As for the nephew, gag him and tie him to a chair (just kidding). There are many places on a cruise ship to get away from a three year old and get a good nights sleep. I found myself sleeping in a lawn chair on deck several times. The salt breeze and warm weather really relaxes you. Make the 17 year old sleep on the floor. You can ask for extra bedding and a pillow for her.

I made these trips with the specter of severe migraine hanging over me. I have had these nasty buggers since I was eight. I have one right now and need to get the drugs. Wish I could convince you to go.

Hal

Theresae,

If I could book a room for myself I would go in a heartbeat. It's not so much the fear of the migraine (I mean, I know I will get at least 1 migraine), it's not being able to be comfortable while I'm in pain.

Unfortunately I am a graduate student and getting my own room would cost $1600. Close to what I make in a month, haha.

Jayme

I would go on the vacation. When I travel, my Dr. is very good about giving me extra med's. For example, I know I'm going to have a tough time the week of my son's wedding, so my Dr. said he'd give Stadol, which I normally don't take, but is VERY effective. In the past I've also gotten extra vicoden because of the additional stress of vacation. I also bring anti-biotics with me just in case I get a bladder infection. My experience is that Dr's are usually pretty understanding about it.

I feel what you feel. I would be torturing myself also. Having said that....have you considered that your sister might understand that you feel you cannot go? How about sending her an email so that all that you want to say has already been said when you actually speak to her. It would open up the conversation.

hi, i dread travel too b/c whenever I fly I get a migraine and when I am in a different environment (someone elses home/hotel) I tend to get more migraines. But it's good for me to get out. Last year I accompanied my husband to attend baseball spring training games and had a 5 day migraine; essentially the whole trip. We are planning to do it again next year and will get a car that I can lie down in the back seat for travelling. I think the other posters are totally right. Your neice and nephew will not be in the room much at all. So if you do get a migraine you will have the room to yourself. Once they get to the room to sleep they can be quiet-it's not asking too much b/c they are really only there to sleep. As far as eating and getting to bed on time, on a cruise ship you should be able to do that provided your family is willing to abide by YOUR schedule. RE: Let you do what you need to do. RE: Excursions. I would bow out of those. It would be too much for me to do. I can imagine it would wear you down. But if they are understanding I would try to go. Getting away is a good thing b/c we still have good days. And even if we don't, getting out is good for us.

Take a look at Daily-Roses recent post about her vacation. I think you'll get some positive vibes from it.

I could never consider a trip like that. when you get the M and dont find any relief it could progress to one of your worst. then everyone feels bad cause you feel bad or worse they think you should suck it up and " try to have fun ". cant worry about what you will
be missing, look what we miss every day. let .your 17 year old go. she can help your sister find some time for herself. hope you find relief soon.

I think you should go if you can possibly manage it. I think you should look over the day trips you sister has arranged, and choose a few that you feel you can reasonably manage - make sure they are ones that you can easily get back to the boat from if you need to. Don't go on the ones that are too far out, or are to involved (like parasailing, long day hikes, etc.). Short shopping excursions, explorations of port cities, those kinds of things are easy to get back to the ship from, as long as they won't aggravate your head. Also, if you take triptans, maybe try taking one as a preventative measure before you set out on a day trip?
And don't try to do too many day trips. Just tell your sister to accept that you will have to stay back on the ship. If she understands your disease, she should be able to accept this as a condition of your coming along.
I do agree with Hal, though, there is so much to do on these cruises that the family will rarely be in the cabin except to sleep, and perhaps to nap (the 3-year-old if he still naps). And in that case, you can nap too
Your dr. should be able to prescribe extra meds. Just have a very frank convo with him/her about your fears. When I went to England, my nuero prescribed me 2 extra vials of stadol to take with me.
Also, your dr. might be able to prescribe you something to help you fly, and that might help you not get a migraine when you fly. I told my dr. I had flying anxiety, and she prescribed me valium. I don't actually have flying anxiety, but the valium helped me not get a migraine on the 10-hour flight. You could try that. Of course, you could be more honest than I was, and just ask your dr. for valium to help you not get a migraine on the flight.
I hope all this helps. Ultimately, you should do what's best for you. It sounds like a great opportunity, both for you to have a nice vacation, and since you're young, a 2-week cruise is a great thing to get for free, and for you to spend some time with your sister, who is probably going through a rough time, as are the kids. But you do have to think of your health, and whatever you decide, should be for the best for your health.
Don't stress and make yourself ill. Talk it over with your sister, I'm sure she'll understand whatever you decide, as long as you give her enough time to find someone to replace you on the cruise should you decide not to go.

I do understand your dilemma. The thing is, only you know how bad and frequent your migraines are. At the moment, I would be very reluctant to go on holiday with anyone except my husband. A few years ago, it would have been different. I'm not trying to be a pessimist when others are encouraging you to go, just to say you've got to do what's right for you. On the other hand, when I'm away, my migraines are never as bad as I'm more relaxed and maybe it would be the same for you.

Letting people down is always a bum, it's never got any easier but it's always better when you've made a decision and done the deed. It must be making you worry so much. Presumably your sister is aware of your migraines and I'm sure will understand if that's what you decide to do.

Good luck
Liz

Go. The chances in life to do something great don't appear that often. Work, children, let alone health will certainly stop you in the future.
Not sure of the size of the ship but if even a medium size one there will be dozens of places to hide. The medical centres on the medium to large ships are huge and the medical staff usually very high standard as the applicants for cruise positions are usually in large numbers.
So if your really feeling bad and want to escape your nephew I'm sure they'll let you crash out on one of their beds for a few hours if you explain you need quiet. Find out as soon as where the medical centre is so you don't have to stress if you want to find it when you need it.
Have a really good time - even one or two good days will leave memories for a life time.

AuntieBubbs summed up my thoughts perfectly, so I won't repeat it.

I will add, tho, that it does kind of sound like you just might not want to go... Perhaps you said you'd go bc of the uncomfortable perdicament they are in.. Felt odd saying no given it was free?? But when it comes down to it you have your life and it works and your not up for checking out of it for 2.5 weeks right now. And if that's it... That's ok too. Not as easy to say... But understandable.

I say if it truely JUST the migraines worrying you... Go. You will make it work. However, i as strongly say, don't put yourself on a ship away from home for that long if doing so will make you sad.

I'm wishing you strength right now. It's very hard when we try to help others then end up hurting ourselves.

Take care of you, or else you're of no use to anyone who loves and needs you.

Jess

Go.

Auntie Bubbs said most of what I would say. You would regret it if you didn't go. Once you are on the ship you can sneak away for sleep if you need it. There will be wonderful moments that you will cherish forever. As far as vactions go, a cruise is one of the easier ones for migrainers in my opinion.

Angela

I understand your anxiety about going, this is something I have experienced also. Our last trip I travelled with the kids 12 hour day on a plane and I was so worried I would get a migraine. And I did. But, I was well prepared with medications to help. I don't know how well you are able to abort a migraine with medications so this might not help you. I have never stopped traveling, it is one of my great loves in life.

I make accommodations for myself and my migraines whenever I travel.

lots of meds (when I am away I take whatever I need)
note from neuro for any doctor I may encounter along the way
drink crazy amounts of water
plan my days to have built in rest/down time
eat the closest to regular diet that I can (you can buy fresh food almost anywhere now)
I ensure the flight has ice bags for my head

I know there is your sister and her children to consider, but if you are clear in what you need maybe they can consider you and your migraines in terms of the trip. Maybe you could work out some accommodations for you like, fewer excursions, an understanding of down time you might need. I'm sure they want you to come and would work something out.

I do hope you go. It is taking a chance and definitely risky for the head, but maybe it'll be more good than bad??

Jo
PS When on that last trip with its horrific start I didn't get another Migraine the rest of the time. I was sure I was in for a rough week.
I guess you never know.

I think it will also depend on your sister's expectations of you on the trip, will she just be happy to have you around even if that is on your terms, or will she be hoping that you will be another adult to help take care of her children, is she looking for another pair of hands to help lighten her load or did she ask you simply to make use of the ticket and she will be ok with you ducking out of alot of the activites and doing your own thing, alot of this depends on your relationship with your sister, and only you know that, i hope your head is ok today x

Jayme,

If I had the $1600, I would send it to you, really.

Hal

Can only offer from my own perspective, which sounds negative, but boy do I try.....

I haven't managed a vacation since 1992.
Until 2007 we managed a couple of days with a friend most years, but not all.

It isn't any lack of desire on my part. I go to bed filled with hope and making plans and thinking I can do all the stuff I just failed at.
I have planned the trip to my friend over and over and failed miserably the last two years.
WHY??? I just got worse. I didn't think I could...just goes to show....but I have, and now I seldom even leave the house.
I have just spent 5 days on this couch and this one looks like it will be the same.

It is true I have more than just migraines ,but in the end it is them that stop me travelling.
I cant even go more than a half hour in the car any more, seems the bumps on our awful roads do something to my neck.
I don't get migraine, just awful pain in my head....from it.

My son came over on Sunday and suggested we take a sort flight to break this.
My daughter had to inform him he just showed he doesnt really have a grip on how my life is.
Why would he, he isnt here every morning when I struggle to get out of bed to take up my place on here.

So how much do others understand? Will she understand...your sister....I hope so.
If your migraines are as frequent as mine and can be brought on by; no idea, what like mine.
I would say I totally understand your reluctance.

If you arent having them every 3 days and know how to "protect" yourself as best you can, and have a useful abortive, then try to go.
I lament each day over things I didnt do because I thought I was so bad....
Turns out I wasnt as bad as I could be....

Whatever your final decission, I hope it works out well for you.
Pen

No doubt in my mind, I would go. It is free. Why be miserable at home if you can be miserable in a once in a lifetime opportune place? If you were paying for this, it would be different. Who knows, you may have a good spell. I'll be mad if you don't go.