Phrases I'm tired of hearing

Three times today I heard "you look like crap" or something very similar. I know they're being sympathetic, it's usually followed with "you have a headache, don't you?". And the last time it was said it was followed by the wonderful phrase "why don't you go home".

I know for the most part I do look like sh**. My eyebrows look like caterpillars...I can't stand to look in the lighted magnifying mirror and at my age I can't see them otherwise. Well, I take that back...right now they look so bad even I can see them!!!

Making an appt. to get them waxed takes energy and appt's are always tough as I never know if I can make it or not.

I haven't had the energy to put make-up on in weeks.

I know I should be grateful that I'm not getting "its just a headache line", but I hate reminded of how bad I look.

What are the phrases you hate to hear and how do you respond?

Charlotte

When someone says I look like crap, depending on the person, I will sigh and say 'well at least I'm not stupid today'. They think I'm referring to myself.

What annoys me to no end is when someone says "you should try caffeine." I can't think of a retort to that one cause it really irks me beyond words.



Angela

"Your waisting away to nothing."

Last time I checked 145lbs at 5'5 is not underweight. My sister always says something about my body now that I have lost. I have successfully dropped 30+ lbs and nobody says a darn thing except her...and it's always NEGATIVE! She is very overweight but says she is happy like that. Whenever I drop below 170lbs though she tells me how I look sickly and too thin for my figure. I am tired of it...I want to hear that I look good. When I step on the scale I feel great but instead I get pounded down.

Usually I don't respond well. I tell her how much I weigh and that I'm nowhere near malnourishment. She bats me down by telling me the women in my family have large hips and should carry weight because it looks bad to be thin on our figures. I feel bad for a little while then ignore it.

"Why don't you get out a little bit and do your hair or makeup? Your starting to look like you don't care about yourself at all."

I get this from my family a lot. It's not that I don't care about myself, I do a lot. I want to look like a hot mamma but the blow dryer and straightening iron hurts my head beyond belief. Sprays and gels often have strong scents and trigger migraines. Like Charlotte said eyebrow maintenence is pure torture.

The one thing I can do right is make-up but when I am not feeling well all the make-up in the world won't cover the dark circles under my eyes and all the wear and tear from the pain I'm in. I haven't gotten my hair cut in a year and I haven't gotten it done in a salon in two all because being a new mother is difficult and being a migraneur mother is even more difficult.

I am very shy and love to avoid confrontation. If that means I have no guts, so be it. I usually just shrug the comments off and go home and think about it. If I get a few of the same remarks in a day or two consecutively I usually beat myself up about it. I do get over it but the remarks keep on coming and wear me down.

I am lucky to have found friends here who support me and go through the same thing. I don't feel alone and I understand that it is okay to not be perfect when your in pain. I still have moments where the comments get to me but if I think back to everyone who has the same bad days as I don't feel as bad anymore. Thanks for that everyone.

"How are you?" I don't know when this got popular as a greeting but people haven't always used it. Everyone from the checker in the supermarket to those closest to me asks. The people who care about me really want to know and that is very different from a stranger asking.

The checker in the market doesn't really want to know. Answering is always a dilemma. Should I lie and tell them what they are expecting and wanting to hear or should I tell them the truth and watch the horror in their eyes? When I lie it feels so sickeningly sweet. "Oh I'm wonderful. How are you?" It makes me want to puke.

Sometimes when I'm feeling contrary, I give them a nonsense answer to see if it makes any difference and if they're listening. In in answer to "How are you?" I say "hello" or "good morning" or "it's raining". Not one person has caught what I'm doing. I am thinking it has more to do with the tone of voice rather than the actual words. The few times I have answered a stranger with how bad I really feel, I realize I have used a harsh, forceful tone.

I'm thinking that if I answered that I am dying of an incurable disease in a happy, lilting tone and a big smile, the person asking would think s/he got a positive response.

I have a big button on this and I truly wish greetings would go back to "Good Morning" or just "Morning" or a simple, neutral "Hello".

Strangers asking each other "How are you?" is

1. Too personal
2. They don't want to hear the real answer anyway

Chris

Phrase I hate "you're not feeling well are you?" Well no s!$& sherlock, great powers of deduction you have today. I know I wear all my emotions right out there but if it's obvious I don't feel well, why are you asking? I know I look like crap but I obviously have to be out in the public for some reason but would rather be hiding at home. I've gotten to the point of wearing make-up almost every day - it doesn't hide things when it's bad but it covers the extreme paleness and makes me look a bit better.

LG - don't feel bad about the hair thing. I got mine cut last month and it had been over a year. No real reason except it wasn't high on my priority list. And who says you can't have cute hair just letting it air-dry. Mine does some really cute things actually (gets curly).

Also - people are always going to comment on your weight. I'm down to what I weighed in high school and most of the ladies I work with think I'm too thin...126 on a 5'3" frame isn't that light. I was 162 a year ago this time and no one thought it was bad...yeah not good. You know what, as long as you like it and are comfortable with it - hang the rest of them.

lovegia wrote:"Your waisting away to nothing."


"Why don't you get out a little bit and do your hair or makeup? Your starting to look like you don't care about yourself at all."

I agree with both of these comments, LG. I'm definitely not wasting away--I'm more like pleasantly plump (an improvement over obese two years ago).

It's been a year since I've had my hair cut (used to keep it short--trim every 5 weeks). It is down below my shoulders now. I can't imagine being able to handle the hairdresser touching my head, reclining over the sink, the tugging while she cuts it--anything. I let my hair air dry now and do as little as possible with it because my scalp is so tender most of the time.

Im also tired of "have you tried excedrine?", "have you tried this herbal concoction? It's natural so it would be good for you." I usually have to reply that I'm taking too many prescription meds and vitamins/supplements, which are so carefully balanced that I won't try anything without my doctor and/or pharmacist approving it first.

This is just a few that came to mind just now. I'm sure there's several more.

Becky

Must second "How are you?" / "How have you been?" and the many variations on "Have you tried........?"

And I'll also add in "Are you back at work yet?" and "What do you do with yourself all day???"

And on a similar note "Have you thought about trying voluntary work?" or "Maybe you could retrain and work as a ..........."

Generally show a total lack of understanding of how migraines affect me and my life, especially the unpredictability, energy sapping nature and relentlessness of chronic intractible and hemiplegic migraines.

My BIL said something the other week that made me realise that, despite me mentioning it several times over the years, he really hadn't got to grips with the fact that I've been suffering 24/7 for the whole time I've known him. He seemed under the impression that I had 'a bad migraine a couple of times a week'. People just make their assumptions then stop listening.

Amy

moominamy wrote:My BIL said something the other week that made me realise that, despite me mentioning it several times over the years, he really hadn't got to grips with the fact that I've been suffering 24/7 for the whole time I've known him. He seemed under the impression that I had 'a bad migraine a couple of times a week'. People just make their assumptions then stop listening.

Amy, I've gotten this same response from people. Like the migraines are something new, when in fact I've been suffering with them for years. This may partly due to the fact that for years I worked through the pain and collapsed only when I got home from work (most of the time anyway...I did go home w/a migraine more often than for any other illness). When the migraines became chronic this was no longer possible.

I guess you find out who was really listening to what you've said and who just made an assumption.

Becky

The one that's come up time and time again is that "you should get a less stressful job". The fact that I have always had migraines at weekends, on holidays and when I've generally been enjoying myself has never cut any ice at all.

Currently I'm off work due to chronic migraine and it's also frequently suggested that I might like to work part time. I always ask if the first or the second half of the week would be best for me to rota the migraines into. I'm due to see occupational health next Tuesday and I expect this will come up again then.

"Yeah, you've got a stressful job."

"I'd have migraines too if I did your job"

"Oh....you have a headache today don't you? followed by "pity" look

"Oh, You've got a headache today don't you ?" followed by a "cus you are so b%tchy" look

"Have you tried Advil?"

I get very quiet when not feeling well and I'm sure the wrinkles take on a grumpy expression. Apparently this is percieved by many that I am in a bad mood. Consequently my husband was asked one day "hasn't Marion taken her happy pills again today."

"You look like I feel!" usually when have gone somewhere new and actually feel quite well for me.

on Monday I got.

"You look like it's definately Monday morning" from complete stranger in a situation where the more polite things to say would be "Hello my name is"

"Am I boring you?" admitedly I had started to sigh because my neck was hurting and had gone stiff like it often does because of the migraines.

These are from this week by the way.

Di

my MIL always says if you lost weight maybe your migraines would go away, yeah ok because only fat people have ever got migraines.i lost 30 pounds and it didnt make a jot of difference to migraines,

my dad said once why dont you give that job up (that i love) and go and get a nice little job in a cake shop or something, then maybe your migraines wouldnt be so bad,

and if i had a penny for all the times well meaning but stupid ( in my opinion. Lol) people have said, have you tried decaffinated coffee, do you eat alot of cheese, have you drunk enough water, maybe you watch too much tv, have you tried such in such, thats what i use and my migraine (headache ) is gone in an hour or so!!!! oh silly me and all this time i have been suffering, thank god they mentioned it. Bitter? not me!

Well, this one doesn't have to do with migraines, but if I have to hear one more person ask either, "so, how's the job hunting going?" or "have you found a job yet?" I'm going to scream. And punch them. Maybe in the reverse order.
The reasoning is the same, I'm very tired of hearing the same inane questions from people who just don't bloody understand. I've even answered, "you know, the minute I get a job, you'll be the VERY FIRST to know!!!" It's very frustrating.

Well, Charlotte, you asked for phrases we're tired of hearing

Oh, and I hear you on the hair thing. The other phrase I'm sick of hearing is "why don't you do something with your hair," usually from my mom. I don't blow dry it, I air dry it. I won't flat iron it. And it hasn't been cut since last May, almost a year ago. It's very thick, very curly, and has gotten really wild. LOL

"Are you OK?"


no-but do you really give a $%#@ anyway?

"Oh Migraines? ....you know if you change your diet...I had a family member who...."

I might kill one of these people one day

"Have you tried Excederine Migraine?"

These guys too....honestly...daggers must shoot out of my eyes.



There are more, but I have to get some sleep! Good Thread Char!

My new favorite phrase is from a neurologist I saw last year............."Well, at least it is not life-threatening".............I did respond with "but it is life-altering"......haven't been back to see her..........

OMG, JM. That dr. was probably not a migraineur or she'd never have said something so insensitive.

Jewishmother wrote:My new favorite phrase is from a neurologist I saw last year............."Well, at least it is not life-threatening".............I did respond with "but it is life-altering"......haven't been back to see her..........

But it is life threatening, if we are to believe all the information now coming out regarding increased risk of stroke, heart problems. Not to mention the powerful medication some of which is believed to have irreversible side effects.

And isn,t there a thread on here about thought of suicide.

How dare she, what a S***!!!

Stillhurtin wrote: [b]"Oh Migraines? ....you know if you change your diet...I had a family member who...."

Jess's comment made me think of another one...."I know someone who has had bad migraines like you and they were completely cured by" .......insert any number of things, i.e., surgery, vacations, diets, you name it.

I'm just so tired of hearing it. Many times when they try contacting the person who was "cured" they find out they're right back where they started at with the migraine suffrage, the "cure" didn't last long. I know these suggestions are an honest effort at being helpful, but I'm tired of it.

Having a bad day today and I'm weepy and irritable because I can't get a handle on the pain. Sorry.

Becky

Becky,

I hope you start feeling better soon.

But I echo the sentiment - someone was cured by x. Yeah if it was that simple.... My favorite was the person that tried to tell me M were caused by either digestion or hormones. The sad thing was she was trying to be helpful and I had to keep the hackles down...but if I was a dog, a quick nip wouldn't have been outside my realm. I am rather tired of others trying to be helpful...

I thought about this thread today while talking to my kids...how bout phrases we are tired of...that come from within

[list][*]Mommy has a headache
Mommy doesn't feel well
Mommy needs inside voices right now
It's just too bright



[b]MY HEAD HURTS!!!

Years ago some very close friends were very alarmed when they learned Anna was on daily narcotics--a married couple who were administrators of one of the biggest detox/treatment centers in the Midwest. They were like, "She's going to get addicted! She will have to go through treatment some day!"

They were so taken back, it was almost humorous to me. I don't think they thought about taking narcotics because you are actually sick, in severe pain, and need them! The most valid reason to take such meds--what the meds are made for.

Cheryl

Cheryl,

You reminded me of that one, "You'll get addicted!" Well if it comes down to being addicted to pain meds to have some semblance of a life or having no quality of life and not being addicted, I'll take addicted.

The worse case of that I've heard of is the doctor and/or the family refusing to give a terminal patient pain meds because s/he may get addicted.

Chris

Have you checked your liver? - my liver works better than yours despite all the crap I take, dummy
Have you checked your cervical? - cervical was deleted from the list of h/a symptoms years ago (are you still living in the ice age???)
Have you tried homeopathy? - Yes, I was stolen thousands dollars to take water and sugar


But, above all I hate those who state: "oooohhh yes! I often have migraine. I MUST TAKE AN ASPIRIN every time I get it to make it go away".
I confess I have to count up to 1,000 to avoid verbal fights with these people who don't have any right to use the word MIGRAINE...

Bye

After spending a few hours in bed yesterday, when the migraine started lifting I just wanted up, so just slowly pottered about, preparing some food for later. It was lovely to be up but I wasn’t Miss Sunshine! My daughter, 23 not 3, who was staying the night, thinks Mum’s up, I can ask her a thousand questions. But my brain lags behind my body in recovery time and in the end she says ‘Oh Mum, why don’t you go back to bed’. That gets me every time.

‘Surely there’s something ‘they’ can do’, still irks me more than anything.

Liz