Leaving On A Jet Plane

Howdy my friends,

I out Thom on a plane back to Florida tonight. Last night we arrived home at nearly one in the morning. My three dogs had been left in the fenced yard while we traveled to San Francisco for the day to see my doctor and to tourist about a bit. When we got into the driveway, all three dogs started barking in joy - defense. they always do until I get intot he yard so they know it is me and then they do what a dog pack does when its leader returns to the pack. Normal doggie behavior.

But Thom lost his temper last night and screamed at them to shut the F up. He then slammed the car door.

I was inside the car when he slammed the door - in the midst of a serious migraine episode. All the way from Sacramento - about 1.25 hours worth - I had been hallucinating that the car was a car-jet and that Otis and Thom were co-pilots. Otis went along for the ride ... he would purposefully hit the bumps in the yellow line to let me know when the "jet" was landing. I also appeared to have carried on a conversation with my deceased Dad and Steve in the back seat where I was.

I was still in the car when Thom screamed and slammed the door. It felt like he had taken a sledge hammer to my head. Hurt a GREAT deal. When I caught my breath I exited the car and crossly told Thom to stop screaming at 1 AM in a civilized neighborhood. I went inside. Thom tried to slam the car trunk, but Otis stopped him and asked him to calm down.

Thom came in and I told him his behavior was unaccecptable to me. He blew up, called me some choice names, and exited the bedroom to sleep on the couch ... as he exited, he slammed the bedroom door. I crumpled on the bed in pain from the effect of his screaming at me and especially slamming the door.

Today I called Thom's mom. She was shocked to learn that Thom had not been taking his bi-polar medicine. She thought Thom may mellow with his prescribed medication. I called my mom and explained that I did not want to discriminate against agaisnt in ill person ... but his screaming was unacceptable in a civilized home AND his slamming doors (his Mom told me this was not our of character for Thom) caused me immense pain. My mom mulled it all over and decided that I had enough on my plate with my migraines to be taking care of someone else's problems - especially when those problems injured me.

Thom and I talked, calmly and rationally about 6 PM. I put him on the midnight plane out of Sacramento. Otis and Thom and I drove down.

I feel like I made the correct decision. this is about the third time Thom has lost his temper and screamed ... forst for the door slams. It WILL happen again and I am not going to put myself at risk for more injury to my head.

I am really going to miss Thom - we had some really good times together. But sometimes I have to act like a grown up and do what is best .... whether I like it or not.

So you know what I intend to do now? Hang in there!

I admire your strength Richard.

I am sorry for all you have gone through. Hope things start looking up.

In your very well versed words, hang in there! We're here if you need help with it.

I'm so sorry, Richard. Your sense of self-worth and emotional strength are admirable in making such a difficult decision about someone for whom you care deeply.

Sometimes life can be so difficult.

Please take care,

Becky

Hi there Richard so sorry to hear it hasnt worked out, but i do think you have made the right decision, although i know you must be hurting right now, stay strong and keep posting, i am thinking of you x

You absolutely made the right decision, as difficult as it was.

As much as I loved my Dad I had to ask him to leave my home for my and my families well-being. I had enough to deal with without the additional drama that he was causing.

But, at least Thom taught you that you can open your heart to love again.

I'm so glad you have Otis there with you.

Sending you hugs and the warmest of wishes.

Charlotte

Richard,

You made the hard decision...and they usually are the right one. So sorry you had to go through that...I can't imagine. But I do feel people are brought into our life for a reason. Sometimes they remain with us for a long time, and others only for a brief time. Often to help you to learn something...best wishes for the upcoming days.

Thinking of you,

Becky

Richard,

sounds like you made the right choice. His outburst was too hurtful to you AND your doggies who just wanted to say hi to daddy getting home.

And maybe your halucination of talking to Steve and your dad was more than you think??? I'm not a big supernatural/paranormal person .... But I have heard of some "revisits" of loved ones preceding big decisions or events that have been believable and had a deeper meaning.

I'm so confident that you'll "Hang in there" and for more reasons than that you can say it in multiple languages

you still have so much ... I know you know that! AND you've learned that your fishing pole still works... Wait... That sounded dirty ... Lol. You know what I meant... The whole fish in the sea thing...

Ok. Storm a brewin here in IL. I can feel a doozy comin on. Need to go rest.

Be well my friend =)

Richard,

Thoroughly sounds like you did the right thing.

Good luck
mgb

Thanks for the support guys. No hard feelings against Thom BUT no great grief either at the loss of him in my daily life. He was at Ravenhurst for only two months, And you just do not cause your partner pain - it just is NOT done. I, for one, will not tolerate it. I feel real good about my decision and that I did not wait to send him home ... we left Ravenhurst to put him on a plane 3 hours after I decided to do so.

Thanks for your support, it means a great deal to me. More than you will ever know.

Wise decision Richard.
Not the right one yet.
This was clear enough from you posts.
Bye

You made the right decision. You are so right about not causing your partner pain. Did you know Thom was bipolar? If not, it is not something he should have kept from you as you could have all worked together to make sure everyone was taking their proper meds.

I have a close friend who is in a relationship with an unmedicated bipolar patient and it has sadly turned into a verbally abusive relationship. That is not what you want in a relationship.

You know now that you have room in your heart for the right person. When the time is right, he will come along.

Alli

You absolutely did the right thing! Things would only have become worse as time went on...I'm almost sure of that. You do not need that.

Hi Richard,

I am so proud of you! Your decision to end this relationship must have taken a lot of strength and you did it. You had a solid, respectful relationship with Steve and you deserve nothing less in your future relationships.

As the others have posted, you've proven to yourself that you can fall in love again. Every person who comes into your life leaves a bit of themselves behind in that you have learned something from them.

It is great that you nipped this in the bud and didn't allow it to turn into a big drama in your life. You're my hero!

Your friend,
£eslie

You BOTH need someone else to take care of you - you are definitely not destined to be with each other,
even if at the best of times you might be good together.
It's just are not the right match ALL the way through, plain and simple.

I am so sorry Richard, I know how much you hoped for this to be a stable relationship.
But perhaps it was just to show you there could be life after dear, sweet Steve, different life but still a life.

So using your own words- hang in there.

Risa

Sorry to hear things have ended but from what you describe I think it was a good decision. It doesn't take away the happy days you had together.

Onwards and upwards I guess. Hope you're ok.

Amy

Ditto what Risa said.

Chris

Richard,

So sorry things turned out the way they did, but I am so proud of the way you handled it!

Situations like that don't tend to get better.

But like other posters I agree that at least you know you can love again.

How amazing is that.

You are such a special man and I know there is someone wonderful out there for you.

I know Steve is watching over you and wants only the best for you.

Take care,

Cindy

WOW! I appreciate your most kind words about me. Really, it rmeans more than you can know.

IS there another guy out there for me? I don't know. I am skeptical I think. Once one has an ideal marriage in this lifetime, it is hard to imagine the sheer luck and "deservedness" of finding another. I am content to live with my memories for now. I will continue to date and to try to live ... but another marriage? I just do not know. time will tell.

Again THANK YOU ALL!

That must have been a tough decision to make. I too think that you did the right thing and were very brave to stick up for yourself and make sure that your needs were met. You are a strong, brave man. I am glad that you had the romance though. You certainly deserved it!

love,

Mary Anne