a rant and a question

hi,

in an earlier post today i was talking about my situation.

had headaches since i was a liitle kid and they took over my life in '92. had daily chronic headaches and weekly migraines.

had a hysterectomy in jan. now have really painful daily chronic headaches and now migraines last 2-5 days and vomiting occurs more often.

thats my rant, here's my question. how do you guys do it?
i cannot stand the pain of these headaches/migraines now. i knew i should be grateful anyways, when i was pre-surgery. and now that things are so much worse, i don't know how you do it.

i have so much respect for everyone here. i am feeling so weak now. mentally and physically.

i cannot imagine this continuing on. this is (so far) the worst i have been.

thats it, i feel a little better. maybe i can catch up on my sleep. getting about 4, maybe 5 hours a night. headache reducing, will try to nap now.

thanks for my rant.


rose

A friend of mine, who has been having more frequent and longer lasting migraines has asked me in the past "how can you live like this?" Honestly I don't know. Currently, I have less intensity and duration of my pain that a few years ago, but when I look back I don't know. I guess when you have the option to live with it, or just not live at all, the choice is easier. I wanted to live and just honestly feel that someday, somehow, it will get better. so I guess my answer is a little hope and a little faith.

I know how difficult it is. I have imagined in the past, at times, that a gunshot to the head would be sooo less painful, and quick and easy. But with my luck I would screw that up and be left alive with brain damage, and probably an even worse daily headache (if THAT is possible!). But, yes to be honest, I have had that stupid gunshot image. It is not something I would ever seriously consider. It plays out in my head like a cartoon, and kind of just makes me realize how dumb that actually would be!!! LOL

I know it is hard to hold out hope for something, anything to help, but you just have to. Not just for yourself, but for your family, friends and your animal companions. You do contribute something to the world, even with the migraines taking over your life. You mean something to people that care about you and you do bring joy to their lives. So you just soldier on. You can do it. It sucks, but you can do it.

Not to get all religious, but God is the only thing that keeps me going. Knowing that he will someday undo all the wickness and pain and suffering on this earth. He will restore paradise back to mankind. That alone gives me a huge amount of strength. During the really hard times I just talk to him. I have lost count of the times that he has given me strength.

I don't know how I do it either. A head transplant would be nice...but that wouldn't work...probably get a head from someone who had migraines worse than me!!
I have to say that I often wonder where God is during the worse pain. He seems to be standing far away when I am going thru this pain. But I know that is not true. He cares, He sees...I just wish He would DO something! Silly me, He is doing something, somehow I have to believe that this will all be over one day.
I hang onto the knowledge that I have about Him. He loves me, I love Him.
And I hurt, really bad, and continue to hurt really bad, but it doesn't last forever.

I also have that reflective how did I do this feeling...especially those days where I am literally wincing in pain. Somehow I made it through college, started work full time, etc, and didn't let anyone know about my 24/7 head pain. I just put one foot in front of the other and give myself no other choice. Anytime I have one of those I can't do this sort of moments...I remind myself how lucky I am. Someone always has it worse...whether it be with health, money, happiness, etc. I am still very blessed, and I have accepted this fate as my new reality, so I better just make the best of it while I pursue treatments to improve my quality of life.

Sometimes talking to someone about you feelings can be very helpful, and most insurance companies cover it...therapy is not a sign of weakness or mental illness. Chronic pain can make you feel very lonely at times, even those of us with close families and friends...I get that feeling that no one really truly understands though.

Hang in there! Best wishes.

I forgot to also say that another thing that really helps me to cope is to write. I write poems, anything that I am feeling. I found that the only person that would listen to me, really listen was my husband. But I don't want to complain to him all the time, he needs a break too, so I started writing. I found it really helps me to process my emotions and to find inner strength to deal with things on my own. Find my inner rock.

Yes, writing has helped me as well. I find that just getting out the feelings on the page and rereading them lets me see it like it was someone else going thru it. (Did that just make any since??)
Sometimes the greatest books, papers and poems are written out of desparate pain.

[quote="tortoisegirl"]I also have that reflective how did I do this feeling...especially those days where I am literally wincing in pain. Somehow I made it through college, started work full time, etc, and didn't let anyone know about my 24/7 head pain. I just put one foot in front of the other and give myself no other choice. Anytime I have one of those I can't do this sort of moments...I remind myself how lucky I am. Someone always has it worse...whether it be with health, money, happiness, etc. I am still very blessed, and I have accepted this fate as my new reality, so I better just make the best of it while I pursue treatments to improve my quality of life.

[quote]

I feel like I could have wrote those exact words. Add to that, a very short pain memory. Once the episode is over...it is over, and the pain free days are for rejoicing and savouring.

When you have no choice in life, you can go kicking and screaming, ....or not.

I've heard of migraines happening after a hysterectomy, but I've also heard that they subside. I hope yours do as your body adjusts to the outcome of your operation.

All the best to you.

I gave up on preventatives and found a neurologist that was also board certified in pain management. I take daily opioids to deal with chronic daily migraine and lower back issues.

I do not have MOH, I had a four month drug holiday before this route was chosen.

I would rather have a different way of life but this gets me through my work day. Like any drug there are side effects that are unpleasant, but for now this is what works best for me.

Good luck.

Rose, do you have a good pain medication? If not you really need to find a doctor who will prescribe one. I take 5-10 mg oxycodone and it makes a big difference in knocking down the pain to a livable level when I'm having a migraine. There is no reason for people to live in pain unnecessarily.

The main thing that kept me going when I was having daily headaches was the belief that if I kept trying things, something would finally work. It took a long time, but I finally did find something which has made a world of difference. For me it was the bio-identical progesterone, for others it may be Botox, or one of the preventative meds. Keep an open mind and keep trying things, even if they seem unlikely.