Holiday depression

I so wish I could enjoy this time of year. Instead my dark mood keeps getting darker.

I'm in chronic pain from my head and back. For some reason I can't figure out where the money is going. Last night I went to a visitation for a 20 year old mentally disabled young man who has been in class with my son since they both started in the 0-3 year old program. I embarrassed myself because I couldn't stop crying, couldn't even speak to the family when it came my turn because the knot in my throat was so big. By the time I hit the outside door I was sobbing.

And what I really feel guilty about isn't I wasn't crying for the young man. I was crying for my son and not knowing what will strike him (he has a extremely rare chromosome deletion. He is missing part of one his chromosomes. We don't know what the missing genes represent. His blood has been harvested at Johns Hopkins for years because of a link to prostate cancer on the missing pieces. I still don't know what it means, if he will not get prostate cancer, or will be more likely too. And he is missing thousands of other genes and when you realize each of those genes is represented in every cell of his body, it's mind boggling).

I have always had difficulties with the holidays. My dad was an alcoholic and the holidays meant free license to drink more and CELEBRATE! Woo hoo! Even though I'm not a tee-totaler I get very tense when I'm around somebody drinking to excess at holiday parties.

Over the years I've learned to curtail holiday activities, as I get older I've learned how to say "no", but I just wish I could get out of this horrible, horrible mental state that I'm in.

Charlotte

It's hard when your child is ill. My daughter has Cushings Sydrome and getting it treated is a bear. We think this is why she started getting migraines when she was 8, why she can't lose weight and why her diet is so restricted. I have periods of helplessness and depression but I know that things work out at some point. Holidays are hard because everyone always want things to go faster than they are. With my health issues and hers, we spend way too much time resting and not enough getting things done.

I just want you to know that you are not alone and that the holidays will be over soon and we can get back to our "normal" lives. My heart is with you and your son and I hope that life works out for him.
hugs
Alli

"Charlotte",

I understand. I feel the same way this time of year, and I feel guilty about it being a Christian.

The stress of the holidays seems to increase migraine severity/frequency/intensity. This increase seems to trigger depressive symptoms, for me anyway.

I'm sorry about your son's medical issues. My youngest son was born with several medical issues, and I very much understand the worry and concern, as well as the emotions that go with all of it.

Hang in there.... this too shall pass, and we'll be into a new year soon. Gentle hugs.

Becky

Holidays can be huge anxiety time. It is for me too. For various reasons which I'd rather not get into it is gonna be especially bad time for me this year as well.
I just want this year to end.
I am with you guys. {{{{{group hug }}}}}

Risa

I picked up some post -it-notes yesterday that actually made me feel a little better. A little motivation to remind me of the woman that I am. The first reads :

"I am fairly certain that given a cape and a nice tiara, I could save the world".

and

"She packed up her potential and all she had learned, grabbed a cute pair of shoes and headed out to change a few things."

The company that makes them is called "Curly Girl Design". Not sure if you can find them on-line.

It's amazing to me that something so little, like a phrase, can help me get my backbone back!

Charlotte

I tend to literally hold my breath when I'm very stressed. So I bought a small ceramic plaque at a crafts show that simply says BREATHE. I hung it in a conspicuous place and it helps.

Chris

It is very painful when our child is ill. we have to take care, so they can live Happily .