Migraines and mortality

I realize that I think about death a lot. I am only 48 but I don’t think I will live to be a ripe old age because of these migraines. Stroke comes to mind. Some bad days, I hope that I won’t. I catch myself thinking about death a few times a day, whether it be in the form of someone else’s passing, or making sure everyone is okay in my own.

This last year in particular I keep thinking of, and seeing my friend who took her own life 12 years ago. I really don’t know what that means. No, I’m not suicidal. (I have been before in my life and I know the symptoms – I am okay). Other times I think of my brother who passed 20 years ago and I cry. I am a new grandmother and I know I have so much to live for, but these darn migraines bring me down hard some days.

I beleive my excalating thoughts of death have to do with my increasing of migraines and deteriorating of heath. I take more and more drugs with no cure or medical intervention in site, plus I’m experiencing other symptoms like a numb left arm whereby the doctor says it is just nerves. I still have a year before I can get an appointment with a Neurologist.

It is a constant reminder that I am growing older with an illness that can’t be cured. What are the statistics for migrainers in their senior years?

This is really out of character for me and has been going on for a couple of years in relation to increased migraines. Has anyone else experienced this, or has gone through this and it has passed?

You asked if other people think about death. Yes. I think it is a combination of our age and the migraines. It crosses my mind daily. I believe years of chronic pain does this to a person. How could it not. We are stuck in a body that is ill. Reminding us daily of our mortality. One days wanting it to end soon. No, you are not alone. I also believe people are afraid to bring up this topic. I think it needs discussing.

The risk of stroke is low.
http://headaches.about.com/od/migrainediseas1/a/mx_stroke_risk.htm

Maybe you are experiencing the depression that comes with chronic pain and migraines. I don't think migraineurs have a lower life expectancy than the rest of the population, but I'm not sure. I think about death quite often, esp since my older relatives seem to be dying off weekly. I go through it in cycles, depending on my mood.

Thanks for the link, lentils. It's good to know there is not a big jump in risk. Although, the part where it says 'seek immediate help' pretty much covers me lately (lol) and the doctor says I'm okay.

Thanks too gailgigi for your response. Maybe I'm just going through a phase and Christmas stress is compounding it.

Have to get through these months and maybe when the daffodiles come up, things will change.

Angela, I have the same feelings and thoughts.
I hate this illness. I have no life and little hope of things changing.

It is, I am told, a form of health anxiety caused by living in constant pain.
Pain is very tiring, and lowers us right down.
I think those of us with chronic pain suffer a form of dysthymic depression.
It just rumbles on in the background and when other things come into play.
And I think especially this time of year, cold, grey skies (well in England anyway), it kicks in.

I dont have many days go by when I dont think of death.
It is a dichotomy. Don't want to die, or as the song goes,

I want to live while I'm alive.

But, when people mention living into old age, I dont want to live to be 80+ with this dreadful level of daily pain.
I am already exhausted.

You are right, we dont really speak of it.....but we are now....

P

Pen,
Didn't you post earlier that your migraine pattern was changing? That you had 4 or 5 days in a stretch with no migraine? Maybe your migraines are beginning to ease up?

I can sooooo relate...when I have alot of headache pain in a short amount of time I call that "it's my 'I want to go to heaven' week".

I don't think that's unnatural at all...I think about that all the time..in heaven there is no pain and earth is just our temporary home anyways.....I can't wait.

My husband tells me, "God has stuff for you to do on earth, so you aren't going yet" nice....

and no I don't think you or I are suicidal it's just how we think and feel

We were discussing this at work. I was discussing the old woman who was in the hospital room next to me. She couldn't move, she couldn't feed herself, couldn't change a TV channel. I would hear her moaning at night "someone help me" over and over.

I told my son if I am EVER at that point he is to put a pillow over my head. I believe I have the right to not suffer. I have never had a pet get to that point of suffering and I believe that I deserve the same treatment.

My husbands grandfather stroked out. Couldn't move. All he could do was cry. So what did the compassionate family do? They put a feeding tube in him because my MIL "couldn't stand the thought of him starving to death". By prolonging his life for months, she put more emphasis on HER comfort level rather than his.

I'm agnostic. I am a firm believer in the now defunct Hemlock Society. When the time comes that I can no longer cope with the pain, I won't. My husband, son and DIL are well aware of my feelings and support me.

This is a very individual belief. I don't proscribe it to be right or wrong, moral, immoral or amoral. It is how I look at my life.

Same here Charlotte,

I don't fear death. I fear endless suffering and loosing all dignity. I told my husband to pull the plug if I ever end up a vegetable.

I wish I could just go to a doctor and ask him for a lethal dose barbiturate when I have had enough .

P.

lentils wrote:Pen,
Didn't you post earlier that your migraine pattern was changing? That you had 4 or 5 days in a stretch with no migraine? Maybe your migraines are beginning to ease up?

I did, and can have that, but I seem to have gone in a downward spiral for the last month or so.
I think, if I could just find out what happens at night. Why I am writing this at 1am with the least pain I can experience.
Yet, come the morning, unless I am very very lucky, I shall, as this morning be woken with a level 10 pain.

It is a lousy depressing start to my day, and it takes me at least 5 hours to get it under control.
So I dont do mornings and for the last 10 days, haven't even managed an afternoon where I could venture out.

I did think things might be improving, but now I feel they are getting worse.
I try to travel hopefully, but some days it is just too hard.

Wow, your posts really hit home. I feel the same way, I am ready for heaven, no more pain, or suffering. But I am not suicidal.

I keep thinking someday maybe, just maybe these things will go away and I will be able to help someone else. Maybe that is why we are all still here. God is not done with us yet.

Sherri B

I was thinking about this, too, last night.

I don't want to die anytime soon, for the sake of my family, and because I still want to be around to see my kids grow up and to grow old with my husband. But if my time is up, I can go with it. I just want it to be quick and painless.

I'm not scared of death like I was before, I just don't want it to be my time.

Angela

That sounds to me like very clear signs of depression. Either from the pain or from the meds which can also do that. You really should look into it with a qualified doctor. I know we all go through enough to make us depressed for very good reason, but it is nothing to ignore.

Petzi wrote:Same here Charlotte,

I don't fear death. I fear endless suffering and loosing all dignity. P.

Amen to that. Reading all your posts, I hear an echo and I feel comforted in knowing that I am not alone in my thoughts.

Migrainegirl, I think the antidepressants are working overtime. I was toying with seeing a counsellor and maybe it is time to deal with some of these issues .

Here's a hopefully happier data point.

I've been getting severe migraines since I was in my early 30s. For the next 20 years I seriously thought I would die. 3 times a week ro so I would get migraines that felt like I might literally die from them. Not just the pain but the neurological and cardiac symptoms. I figured I would have a stroke or heart attack sooner or later. I made out my will and increased my life insurances.

Here I am, now, in my late 50s. I've had good control of my migraines for the last 5 years or more using a strange preventative - THC via Marinol. It took me 20 years to discover something that worked for me. Now I feel relatively healthy even though I have a fairly severe neurological disorder that is apprently the underlying trigger for my migraines.

My mother, who nearly all of her life has had extremely severe migraines, worst than mine but not as frequent, is still kicking at 86.

So maybe the migraines will kill us, but it's best to plan ahead because they probably won't!

Do you get high from it. Or does it just help with the pain.

I was recently given some really good marijuana.. It was the bud, which is suppose to be the best part of the plant. I tried it 3 times, the first time, the migraine went away within 5 minutes! And stayed away for over 12 hours! But the next 2 times it only made me high and hungry!

I still have some of it, but I wouldn't be able to function or work using it even if it did work all the time.

So is Marinol something different? Possibly a legal form of it?

Sherri B

This us what I found on marinol.

http://www.justice.gov/dea/ongoing/marinol.html

Apparently it is the drug distilled from the marijuana. This is the first I've heard of either pot or marinol helping with migraines. Has anyone else here found it to be effective? Medical marijuana just became legal in my state. Though I really dont want to be stoned all the time. Can't get much done that way either.

Do you take the marinol daily? Or just when in pain? Is it an abortive?

Thanks for the info Charmed!