To talk or not to talk, that is the question?

I was told something by a friend of my recently. Lets start from the beginning. In the past when friends or family have seen me and asked me how was I doing, asking how have my migraines been lately, I have said to them, lets talk about something positive. Especially if I was feeling good, I was in that moment, not wanting to talk about my pain.

Its like a double edge sword, I don't want to sugar coat my illness and how it has impacted my life but I also don't want to be defined by my migraines.

So here is the problem per say. My friend stated that I give of vibes that I don't want to talk about anything but my migraines. I tell people I am fine, doing good, but at the same time I am the one bringing up my migraines, starting the conversation about my pain. I often will send family and some friends emails on anything about migraines and articles I write about it as well. Sometimes I send them my poems I have written on my pain also. She says I don't let people know more about me, other than my migraines.

So here is the problem, to talk or not to talk.

What do to?

For me it became not to talk. Many thought M was a headache. Many could not understand that I had M all the time. Most did not want to talk about it. Most family and friends stopped checking on me years ago so its not an issue anymore.

I do realize talking to someone about an illness you dont understand can be difficult. I guess talking to sick people can be a downer.


Hope you feel better soon.

If I feel good, I tell the person and then tell them I don't want to press my luck by talking about my head. If I hurt, I say so then move on because it makes my head hurt worse to talk about it - my doctor said that research had confirmed that migraines got worse when the sufferer discussed them when having one and I find that to be true!

I stopped talking about how I feel a long time ago. I don't have a support system I can turn to other than this forum, so even if I do try to explain whats happening with me, I pick up an "oh brother here we go again" vibe.

So I suffer in a depressive silence.

I only talk to you guys. Yes, I will let folks know when I'm bad (it's hard to hide), but as for my innermost feelings about it? Nope. People don't know how to react or what to say so I avoid it.

Hi,

For me, it really depends. For the majority of people/awuaintances, I will usually say that I am fine and mention migraines only when asked directly. I will go to great lengths to hide it from others. This works well for migraine, it is hard to brush it off with fainting though.

My close friends usually know what is going on. My very best friends can figure it out simply by my behavior- I tend to get unusually quiet or ask for a distraction during a bad one. As to family, I tend to use method 1 with one brother and method 2 with my eldest brother, mother, and father,. But it is hard to know what to say sometimes.

I am not sure that my way is the best way, but it works for mel

Pain free days,
sailing

In general I don't talk about it. No one can help so what's the point?
But people can generally tell when you are not feeling well anyway. Most are sympathetic.
But I have found that a few (generally men) don't interpret well and assume I'm mad or something. Really I can be neutral with a headache, but happy and cheerful is just beyond me. So I have to spell it out for those people.

The main question for me is not 'yes or no?' but 'what, when, how and who?'.

I am willing to give some general information if required - but not while I'm suffering - and I avoid discussions or long explanations. I tell people that I feel good or bad. Nobody needs to understand or suffer with me. I prefer acceptance and consideration.

But I know that my friends (like most other people) feel miserable because they can't help me when I have a migraine. This is why I started to ask them to do me a favor. Something very simple like 'Would you please bring me a cup of tea?' or 'I can hardly talk. Would you be so kind to answer my phone?'. This makes it a bit easier for all of us.