Venting, just Venting

Today the only thing I've accomplished is I created a new avatar for the forum.

How far we have fallen.

It's been a year now since I lost my job due to poor job performance (directly related to my migraines). I worked in IT as a Network Administrator (making decent money too). Now I'm on unemployment and struggling. And I sit here.

The wife is working three jobs; one full time and two part time. She's very scared about the finances (she is the CFO). And I sit here.

I've worked since I was a kid, starting with a paper route. Then a couple jobs through high school, and college. After that it's been 28 years of steady employment. And now I sit here.

It's said a man defines himself by the work he does. Now I sit here.

With that said I have been looking for work and perusing job retraining. But I wonder how on earth I'm going to hold a job when I can't sleep at night due to the never ending headaches. I can't bring myself to apply for disability; I'm just not ready to make that step.

Life is good, but not much fun right now. End of pity party. You may now return to regularly scheduled program...

dan, i feel terrible for you. you are not useless, but i know most men can't help thinking that way. my only thought for you is.....get thee to a sleep specialist. my memory stinks, so i'm not sure if you've said that you've been to one before.

if you can't sleep because of intrusive pain, you need expert help. hopefully you have insurance through your disability or wife's job(s) and can get an overnight sleep study if it's indicated by your symptoms. you already take a benzo, klonopin, right? there are many other benzos, though. i depend on one, and the others i've tried do nothing.

me.......never wanted to take disability, either, so therefore i'm going to have to work until my last day on earth. now i'm 70. the only way i'm able to get out of bed and function is because of the sleep drugs and triptans.

and also, i never wanted to take any drugs, ever. i suffered thru the first 25 years of my head pain without taking even an aspirin. when that became unacceptable and impossible, then i went to every practitioner known to humanity. we can't give up!

life is always good, and as my dad used to say "it's better than the alternative". there are many things to enjoy, but that horrid continuous pain takes extreme measures.

i do hope you can get more medical help. i've been around many blocks in my 41-year adventure with this pain. there aren't perfect answers, but you will find help if you never quit trying. and no, i don't consider myself a polyanna, but a perseverer......... dianne

Your damned if you do and your damned if you don't.
Work that is.
Dan no answers, I'm still working and the whole thing is becoming so depressing as I'm using every last ounce of energy to do my job.
Every offer of going out or doing something that would be meaningful ie having a life, I either turn down or drag myself to while feeling like a zoombie.

Hi Dan,

I so relate to you and it's scary as hell. I too lost my job because of unable to perform all job duties because of the stressors in my personal life and my migraines. What they actually told me was that they were terminatiing my position, but I often wonder if that's the whole story. So, here I sit, right along with you.

I am facing filing bankruptcy (actually in the process having the first part done), now my goal is to find some sort of medical and prescription insurance.

Yesterday, I had to go to the health clinic. They are tryng to help me with the insurance, but it might take a while. I too have been told to file disability and I am not ready to do that. It would feel, to me, that I have failed in some way. My reason for saying this is because when I am on the meds that I had been taking, I was a functioning citizen, could work, and did have a quality of life. Now dealing with all my personal issues, which are making my migraines worse, plus no meds, I feel I am completely falling apart and going back to that BIG migraine hole that took me years to get out of.

So, I feel your pain, anger, and your pride. I wish I had some words or encouragement for you. But, I don't, because I am sitting right here with you. All I can say is keep plugging along. One fortunate thing in your favor is your spouse who sounds awesome. She must be a great woman.

I don't have anyone to support me. Unemployment sucks because I made nothing at my last job, but at least it's something.

When I went to the employment office last Friday, the girl said to me "sweetie, you probably won't find a job until at least February." I'm thinking, thanks for making my day!! My employment runs out before then. Who knows if it will be extended with all the new laws they are passing.

Sorry, Dan, didn't mean to hijack your thread. Just wanted to let you know you are not alone. All we can do is take one day at a time, pray, and hope that things change for us, very soon.

Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Best of luck to you.

Hugs!!

Dan,

I am so sorry you are feeling so low at the moment. I know exactly how you are feeling.

Have you looked into self employment? It would have to be something where can do flexible hours and where you could work from home. With your qualifications and experience in IT it should not to be completely impossible. Being self employed will also allow you to only take on as much business as you can comfortably manage with the migraines.

If this is not an option for you because your migraines are just too severe you will eventually have to get over your pride and go on disability. Pride can't put food on the table, but disability benefits can. You will also have to consider your wife. How long will she be able to continue to provide for both of you before she reaches breaking point? Think practical and forget about pride.

Love.

P.

02R96 wrote:Today the only thing I've accomplished is I created a new avatar for the forum.

The wife is working three jobs; one full time and two part time. She's very scared about the finances (she is the CFO). And I sit here.

. I can't bring myself to apply for disability;

End of pity party.

Apply for disability. This is your life at this point. Things can and will change but at this moment and time your wife needs this financial help that you can give. Push until you get it. That is your mission right now. You can always work on getting another source of employment later. Disability doesn't mean forever.

I'm the one with the pain and I work a stressful job while my hubby keeps getting laid off because of the economy. I wish I had your situation, but I too define myself by my usefulness so I don't have the guilt. You can get rid of the guilt.

You can only do what you can and forgive the rest.

Hi Dan: I am not going to give you advise or a pep talk. I do not think that is what you are looking for. I just wanted you to know that you have been heard. Sometimes that is all we want. I wish you good fortune in the future. Your post brought tears to my eyes. I hope things change for you soon.

Hey Dan, Some days you just need a pity party! We all deserve one now and then. I can't work for someone else with my headaches but I have my own business. I'm a matchmaker! My company may not grow as fast as one owned by someone who doesn't have chronic migraines, but I just work when I can. I have a little office that I go to when I feel really good - dressing up and getting out and about helps keep me positive because I'm a people person and when I'm hurting, I can work from home.

Pity parties are allowed. I have a lot of them.
Don't beat yourself up over a situation you have no control over. Do what you have to do....and it'll some how work out.
Hang in there...