My life is a disaster....

On the 21st last month, I was sexually attacked by a friend of the family. I wound up jumping out of a moving car and walking home barefoot on the expressway. After that, I ran away. Don't even know what I was doing really, just needed to get the hell out of this place. I asked my FIL to pick up my daughter and I wound up in Conneticut, got lost. A man came up to my window and told me I was in a bad area (I really really was, I was scared to get out of the car..) and he also said that he was an undercover cop. He asked me to follow him to a newly built hotel down the road. I locked my car doors, grabbed my knife I keep in the car and followed him figuring I had a much better chance of getting help at the hotel than this scary gas station.

When we arrived, I asked him to show me a badge. He couldn't produce one, instead he showed me family pictures and random things in his wallet. I immediately went to reception and discretely flagged her to call the police. The police didn't seem to believe me, let the man go and I just broke down. I think I had a literal psychotic break of some sort. I don't remember much of what happened but I do know that man wanted me, wanted to know what room I was in and possibly wanted a room key. I found out he indeed was no undercover cop.

I wound up in the hospital but freaked out and left against medical advice.

My family ended up coming to get me, my dad actually screamed at me..told me all this was my fault. He pushed me hard into the car after I agreed to go home, I guess he was under the impression I wasn't going to go.

When I did get home, we realized that all four of my tires were severely low on air. My car was sabotaged in conneticut while it was parked and I was in the hospital. I bet creeper dude was waiting for me to come back to it alone, just waiting to attack me.

Then my family insisted on dragging me to the hospital. I didn't see the point in argument, I went. They left me there in one of the worst hospitals on LI and the next thing I know I am in a locked psychiatric unit with crazy, deranged men for 22 hours fighting for my topamax. The men in this place tried to climb into my bed with me, urinated in front of me, make horrid gestures and comments, and masturbated to me.

The doctor ended up apologizing to me because I didn't belong there, I was a sexual assault victim, not criminally insane or violent. He said sorry so many times I couldn't even count. I was supposed to be evaluated by the head psychiatrist but he said he fought on my behalf to have me released without that evaluation. As I was leaving, they were bringing in a man covered in blood, strapped to a gurney screaming. He was apparently a murderer.

I can't stop the nightmares of this place. Every night, horrible nightmares. I am looking into a lawsuit to sue these bastards for this so they never do this to another woman again. I wish to see the woman and men seperated completely.

My family thinks I am on drugs and this is all my fault. I had to go to the hospital with steve last night, he was suffering chest pains. I have such a bad view on hospitals everything was setting off an anxiety attack, I looked like a crazy girl crying over everything. My doctor gave me Xanax to deal with this so I took 2 of them. It does kind of knock me for a loop, especially when I don't have any food in my stomach.

Well, one of the nurses there recognized me. Told my mother I was acting "high". My mother made me meet her at an applebees and started screaming at me, telling me this nurse said she was going to call CPS unless I signed over temporary custody of my daughter. She wanted this written and notarized by tomorrow or CPS was going to be called and because it was going to be reported by med. staff and also my previous CPS case, they were indeed going to take my baby away so I had better do what she said. She did all this without involving gias dad. She was attacking me and I knew something wasn't right.

Later that night, FIL and Steve went and talked to my dad who said this temporary custody plan was all their idea. He knew about the nurse but he said that nobody was going to call CPS on us and he never heard a thing about that. Nobody was trying to take my baby away, they just wanted me to get help.

First of all, this nurse broke several HIPA laws by telling my mother all the information she did regarding this hospital visit. I know that. I recorded a lot of what my mother said regarding this nurse. Secondly, it seems like my mother has had her own agenda from the beginning to get control of my child. She won't let my FIL, SIL or anyone else have temp. custody, which makes me think she solely wants control for her own benefit and the way she is acting makes me think she is very unfit to care for my daughter anyway.

Guys, I'm so lost in this. All I need to do is focus on getting myself better regarding the assault and everyone in my family is attacking me, making it harder for me to trust people. It's late here, 3am, and I can't sleep. I feel so unsettled, so scared. I don't know what to do or how to make this all stop. I can't have another CPS case, I can't have more drama or issues. I truly think everyone is out to get me.

Why is this happening to me??? What the hell is going on and how am I making it through this right now? I can't keep going this way..

Does anyone have any legal advice/regular advice/anything? I need something...I don't know where to go or who to turn to...

im in the uk and dont have any idea of any legal things over there but is there a pastor of a church you can go to for some counsell?? big hug. hang on in there.

Thanks for this, I am not religious but do know someone from a baptist church that has always supported me. I trust him and think I'll pay him a visit tomorrow after I see a few lawyers and my local department of social services (financially we aren't cutting it because of my treatment plans and every other expense under the sun!) I think if we get assistance, legal advice and some general life advice...I might feel much much better. Still, I'm so unsettled...

Thanks again for your support :hugs:

HI LG.

What a rough ride you have been having. Big hugs to you and what courage you have to keep trying inspite of it all. What you need is someone you can trust in the system who can make a difference. Someone professional who can listen to you and who you trust to diagnose and try with some meds and treatment. It's not going to be easy to trust with what you have been through. Letting go and allowing another person to take over until you are better is so difficult and it is so hard knowing who that person is, especially when your family can't be trusted to help you.

When I was going through my turmoil, someone described it to me like; ---I was floating down the rapids and bashing into one rock after another. eventually, I needed to grab onto a rock and hold on tight until the waters receed.----

LG, you need to find that rock and hold on tight until your waters settle. You find that person by how you feel with them. Look in their eyes. Ask questions. Put your trust in them little by little.

Hang in there. You are doing great and are very wise. Help is on the way and I send you my prayers.

LG,

I don't know what to say...I'm proud of you for picking yourself up and pushing forward. Don't know that I could have...

I would say you need to find someone to talk to about this - someone you can trust, which I know is hard. I would try to find a therapist to deal with some of these issues. I don't know what your situation is, but does NY have funding to help assault victims? This is not your fault and I know you know this.

As for CPS, if your parents are pushing the issue, could your FIL or his family take Gia for a while? It sounds like you trust them and know that they would take good care of your baby while you get well. I don't think you are an unfit mother at all but it might diffuse the situation. I also would cut your family out of your life for a while. They do not need to know what's going on with you - your hubby is more than able to help make medical and other decisions with you and all they are doing is creating drama.

I know you are angry about the whole thing and I don't blame you. But deal with one thing at a time. I would deal with the initial traumatic incident first and your reaction. I would let creepy dude go - karma will catch up with that SOB and count your blessings that nothing happened. The hospital, I would deal with last, if you have the energy. Yes they were so in the wrong and they should be punished for their treatment but if you can't deal with it, let it go. As for the nurse, I would file a complaint with the hospital and perhaps the state licensing board. HIPPA is serious and if she's violating it, she should have to pay the consequences.

Know I'm thinking of you and hope for the best outcome for you and these are just my thoughts.

I just read the response to this sad story and agree with the above responses. I just wanted to add one thing that
may or may not be making the matter worse. You mentioned Topamax. That is a very strong drug that some people cannot
tolerate (me being one). It not only made me into a whole different person, emotionally it made me into a babbling mess.
Just wanted to throw that out in case there could be something to it. Hope you get the help you need, legally and medically.
Keep us posted.

LG,
your post brought tears to my eyes....
i'm sorry if i don't have alot of useful advice, but i was a victim of a sexual assault many years ago. I never sought help or told anyone. I was young and didnt know better. But I beg of you to please talk to someone about it, a counselor, a pastor, someone... Consider filing charges, this ba$tard needs to pay for what he's done, hopefully preventing him from doing this to another girl!
I'll keep you in my thoughts, know that we are here for you...
beth

oh LG......gosh.

I am so sorry this is happening to you.

Almost Angela makes some really good comments...I agree that you may need to find someone you really trust to take over your own care right now, even if it's just for a very short while.

Some of what you describe does sound like it easily could be interpreted as delusional content. I'm not saying that is what it is, I am saying that I can understand how some of the health professionals came to that decison.

The health care professionals should be informed about what happened to you, and I suggest you give it some time before you write your letters. In most States they have laws that allow them to do what they did, as long as they can prove they were working in your best interest and that they felt you met the criteria for an involuntary hospitalization.

I'm not in any way discouraging you, I am suggesting you wait and that you be prepared that nothing much comes of your complaint.

As far as the nurse goes, she too may find herself using the same defense. To me it does sound like she broke many rules, so I would definately follow it up but I can almost guarentee that she has more then a few laws under the child protection umbrella and mental health act that will protect her.

I too question if the topamax may not be your ally right now. It is something to consider.

Please, please, please seek out support for what you have been through. Your state should have government sponsored victim services. You can inquire at the police station, or maybe just look it up online.

You may need a break before you start any trauma work, and it's too soon to say if you will develop a true Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, which is a stall in the recovery process.

Give this some time hun and take care of you and your baby first and foremost. If having her go to family is what you both need right now then I wish you all the strength you need to make that decision.

Hang in there hun. (((((hugs)))))

Hey Baby Girl,

I want to reiterate what Estree and Milo pointed out. You know my story of Topamax...I ended up in a locked psych. ward. For five days. You mentioned that you Just had to get away, weren't thinking right, had "a literal psychotic break". Topamax did that to me. I remember driving down the road crying hysterically into the phone to a colleague from work I barely knew. Topamax can do that, emotional liability is a problem with it. It didn't hit me until I had been on it for over a year. It was so bad I was misdiagnosed as bipolar. (at 48 years old and never having had any other symptoms of it!).

I not saying this is the case with you. I'm just asking you to look closely at itU based on my experience. You had a very stressful situation with the assault and you need all your senses about you to help you deal with the aftermath of it. Remember, even on a good day topamax is called Stupidmax and Dopamax.

I finally got better by switching ALL my Drs and getting re-evaluated. And I found a psychiatrist I could trust who was interested in getting me better, NOT just in writing more and more scripts. I went from eight daily meds to two. And got my life back.

Angela is right, you will find that person you can trust. And you will heal. May be less trusting, but definitely stronger. I think you are healing already. You knew you had support here before, and you're reaching out for it again. A good sign.

It sounds like hubby is on your side. You have a good ally. Ask him to research topamax, and see if he can see any of the side effects in you. I lost two years of my life because hubby "didn't want to hurt my feelings" and tell me something was way off in me.

Plus, you have a lot of allies and experience here on this Board. I'm glad you came back to us in your time of need. Please pay close attention to Milo. She's pretty savvy.

I'm fortunate, I've never had to cope with sexual assault. I have no advice other than to tell you to reach out and talk to those who have travelled that road. You are not alone.

Love you, please take care.

wow LG, you've been through a rough one.

definitely sounds like your HIPAA rights were violated--caveat....if in their paperwork you signed your mom as one that can recieve information.

i hope you get the help you need and get the legal resources to get this straightened out.

wishing you the best of luck.

-mgb

Guys, before this attack I wasn't like this, I've asked my husband and we both think topamax isn't the cause of the problems. I am thinking it is more PTSD or something of the like. This behavior is very uncharacteristic of me and I'm not ruling out topamax as a cause but I'm not pinning it down as one either right now.

And no, my mother has had no rights to know any of my medical information and that hospital visit was for Steve, not me. In fact, they had no med. info on me at all. I also definitely know he never authorized her on any paperwork so that doesn't apply, although it is a good thought. Both his and my rights were severely infringed upon and she also made false accusations on our characters. Being that I have all this recorded, I can sue the living daylights out of this woman and rip her medical license and job from her. I don't think anyone understands what it's like to mess with a momma bear and her cub. Underestimating me, thinking I am not smart enough to do this was a serious mistake.

Also, Milo. When I was admitted into the hospital it was made clear that I was an assault victim. Assault victims are not supposed to be treated the way I was. I also was not exibiting insane behavior at the time, I was quite tired. I slept most of the time in the ER before being admitted into CPEP (comprehensive psychiatric evaluation program). I was supposed to see a rape counsellor, never once did I see one even though I requested it. That whole situation was wrong. In CPEP, I knew I had to hold my wits together, be strong and mature. I never once broke down during that stay for fear that they would hold me against my will for a very long time. I know a little about psychiatric wards and do know they can do that. I was not going to allow it. Whereas my behavior in Conneticut was less than ideal, my behavior at Stonybrook was sane and normal. I know that they did not know about my situation in Conneticut so there was no possible connection there either. The treatment I recieved at this place was beyond wrong. Assault victims have rights and mine were broken.

I don't think anyone in the world would expect a girl who was just sexually attacked to act any differently than I had. The situation I was in was a difficult one, the response of the attack from family members and the like hurt me like nothing else, causing me to run. I understand the running, i understand the breakdown. I don't understand how people can treat an assault victim the was I was treated. This world is a sad place when after you have gone through a trauma like this, you are forced to deal with more trauma.

LG

1. You are wiuse to speak with a lawyer and to follow the lawyers advice.

2. Contact your local shelter for abused women. If your town does not have one, ask any police officer there closet one is. Then go and speak with the counselor and staff people there. I would bet that they "get it," can tell you about available services to hel[p you, and get you connected with good helpers.

Hang in there,

You made a statement that really hit home. When I was in the psych. ward you would have thought I was Mrs. June Cleaver. I was the very essence of sane and normal. I wouldn't even let them see me cry, there was no way I was going to give them any ammunition to keep me there longer. I was so sweet and polite it was almost nauseating...but, you do what you have to do.

Write down everything as you remember it. As time goes on details will fade and you may need your notes to refresh your memory. That way if you do decide to sue you won't be racking your brain trying to remember dates and names.

Did your Mom work at that hospital? That would be really bad if a colleague (or former colleague) decided to cross the HIPPA line to sneak info and gossip to a friend.

Is it legal to record in your state? I only ask because it's not legal in my state unless the recording indicates that all parties know they are being recorded.

I'm sorry your family did not give you the support you needed and deserved. I thought in this decade we had gone beyond treating victims like criminals.

LG, in no way was I saying any of it was right. It sounds like you have been to hell and back and I am here as your support, not theirs.

Just from the small amount you gave us, I was saying that they could have come to a wrong conclusion. It's so hard to say with the info given because you went through so much. I'm greatly confused by your clarification. Did your dad give them info about your behavior after the assault? I can't see how they would have any legal grounds at all to hold you on an involuntary basis without it.

I can't imagine anyone considering your placement in the psych unit as appropriate if they had the correct info. What a horrific and traumatic thing to go through.

I do know that bad mistakes do happen, and this may be the case. I'm so sorry you are going through this.

When things are going better, request your medical records for both hospitals. They may answer some of your qustions about why this happened. They would have had to chart why they made a decision to place you where they did. It will be clear in your charts about what errors were made. Your charts may also have large amounts of useless information. Either way, you can use them if you proceed with complaints/ lawsuits etc.

The nurse will have a college to answer to as far as her actions and ethics go. I recommend looking it up and considering a request for an audit/ placing a formal complaint.

LG, please, please understand I'm trying to be helpful and am not in any way condoning what has happened to you.

I am a huge fan of yours and it hurts to see you going through this.

Hey LG, welcome back to Ronda's. I've been wondering where did you disappeared to.
But I was thinking since you've stated in your last post here you were very busy at some new job, I thought it was just that- busy at work and home with family life.
Never in a million years would I thought something awful like this would happened to you.

I am horrified at the amount of trauma you've recently experienced. My Gosh what a horror.
I am glad you are alive! Undoubtedly you are a survivor, one with a long road to recovery ahead.
I am rooting for you that you will get to the end of the road sooner that later.
There is however something in your story that perplexes me and I wonder if you can explain that for me.
At the beginning you wrote when you were at the bad area gas station in your car, a man came to your window and after you talked to him you followed him to the hotel.

A man came up to my window and told me I was in a bad area (I really really was, I was scared to get out of the car..) and he also said that he was an undercover cop. He asked me to follow him to a newly built hotel down the road. I locked my car doors, grabbed my knife I keep in the car and followed him figuring I had a much better chance of getting help at the hotel than this scary gas station.

When we arrived, I asked him to show me a badge.

Forgive me for being blunt- but LG -- JHChrist - whoever is getting out of the car at a scary gas station
and follows an unknown male to some hotel (how far was it, anyway??) without asking for identification first,
and anyway why didn't you just drive there - alone? asked him for direction?
if he was a u/c cop as he said, he would give you directions. or better yet, call the police himself.
really, speeding off with tries squealing in situation like that is the proper response, child.

I just shudder at the thought what could have happened to you at the hotel. Like I've said, thank God you are in one piece.

I hope everything will be straighten out between you and your family regarding Gia. This is just awful when innocent children are victims in those unfortunate battles. You are such a good mother to Gia, they just should live you two alone.

Risa

Woke up this morning thinking of you and your family. Sending you cyber hugs.

Thanks guys. And Milo, I know you are here to support me. All of you are.

And Risa, yeah. It was a bold move I made. If I weren't in a pretty populated area, I wouldn't have followed him. I also knew god forbid something happens I'm in my own car, I can drive away. The hotel was less than 5 minutes down the road. Also, if he decided to pull anything I had a nice knife in my hand and I'm not one of those girls who are afraid to use it if you want to put your hands on me. I figured a well known hotel chain was much better than 5 or 6 grown black men staring at me at this damn gas station. Still, yes...a bold move.

ohhh...you followed him in your car...

The way it read I thought you followed him on foot! makes more sense now.

I was at a gas station like that once, even with Hubs with me we decided it would be better to take the chance of running out of gas on the tollway and me wetting my pants rather than stay there and actually get gas. I'm not used to security gates on the windows and doors during open business hours. Should have been our indication not to even stop!!!

Big hugs, LG. Know that we are all here for you to vent and to support you.

I tend to agree with you, I doubt the topomax played a big role in what happened because you've been on topomax for quite a while, your body has adjusted to it, and it hasn't ever given you problems, certainly nothing to cause a problem that would create an episode of the magnitude you describe. Whereas the trauma you describe sounds like the more likely culprit - and now that you mention posttraumatic stress, that sounds not just plausible, but likely.

The thing that hurts me for you is how you were victimized by the hospital when you were placed in the psych ward. Basically, you as a sexual assault victim were then put in a situation inwhich you could be assaulted again. And when the male patients made sexually lewd comments to you, exposed themselves to you, tried to get into bed with you - and if they'd been successful, would no doubt have continued further by trying to have sex with you - and then forced you to watch them masturbate, they assaulted you again. The hospital is responsible for this assault. Just because phsyical contact did not occur does not mean an assault did not occur. A laywer should tell you the same. If a teacher exposes himself to a female student, he's a child molester. If a man exposes himself in a public park to a woman, he's a sex offender. Etc. You were assaulted while in the hospital - more than once. And it sounds like the staff did not put a stop to it, or investigate further when you tried to bring it to their attention. For that, the staff needs to face serious reprimand, and the hospital needs to face some kind of lawsuit. Not just because you were victimized, but because another woman will be if they get away with it. Not might be - will be.

I am sorrier than I can say that you had to go through this, LG. You don't deserve it, and you did not do anything to deserve it. Remember that. It is NOT your fault. Your friends and everyone who loves you know that and support you and will stand by you. Hang in there. Talk to a lawyer, someone at legal aid, ASAP. At best, you should be able to get someone to take your case against the hospital on a contingency basis, because it sounds like a slam dunk to me.

"you did not deserve this"

Well said Bubbs. The actions of everyone involved were deplorable. creeps saw weakness and preyed on it, the folks who were supposed to help, harmed...and the family who is supposed to support unconditionally reacted with violence and threats.

LG: Thinking of you.

Oh, whew, you followed him in the car! I thought you followed in on foot. Now, that's much, much better thinking, whee. Thanks be to your protective angels.

I however would like to caution you LG about the knife.
I have seen the self- defense TV show a police officers made for women so they will be able to better protect themselves against dangers out there.

They said one of the surest ways to get hurt is to try and use a knife or gun against the perpetrator.
The problem is, they are skilled in using them, you are not.
They will easily overpower you, and use the very knife, or gun, you thought you will protect yourself with - on you!
So be very, very careful, please.

My thoughts are with you. May you be healing softly after all this ordeal.

Risa

I don't have any helpful advice. I just wanted you to know that you and your beautiful little girl are in my thoughts and I hope that you find a way to work through this. We are always here if you need to vent.

Mary Anne

LG,

We have not had a chance to talk yet because I was on about 4 years ago, stopped coming (personal, EX to put it mildly), then started conibg back a couple of mths ago.

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I have "lerked" read your posts, but haven't responded.

Just wanted to say I am soooo sorry with what you are going throug, dealing with.

You are in my thoughts and prayers sweetie.

Take care, be strong (as I know you are) PM if you want to vent as I am going through terrible personal issues myself.

Hugs!!

Oh wow LG! That is terrible. I don't know what else to say but to offer many hugs and hope things work out and you get the support and justice you deserve. I'm so sorry to hear things have been so tough.

Amy