Being screwed by EX again - please read, need advice!!

Just when I think I can't be screwed (sorry about the language but I'm so upset right now) any more by my ex, he does it to me again and again.

I've mentioned that as soon as my divorce was finalized, he married the girl he was seeing while we were still married. They also work together for the Federal Government (it's one with 3 letters, if ya know what I mean), so they are rolling in the money.

When we split, we had 2 vehicles. Both vehicles stayed in both of our names, along with both loans. The main reason was because I was unemployed and couldn't refinance.

While we were together, I had excellent credit. Since the divorce, and not being employed, my credit is not as good. I've had to move back home with my mother and could not find a job in the law field, so am working as OM making barely enough to survive. Therefore, I got behind on PP taxes and one loan payment.

Well, instead of being a man and contacting me. He rushes to court and files suit against me. Case comes up this month.

In the meantime, on Friday, I spoke with his attorney. I cannot afford one of my own. I found out that he paid off his vehicle which was in my name, paid off the loan, and traded it in for a new car. He did all of this without my signature, a POA transfering ownership, etc. All of these things I thought had to be done by law to get my name off. At least this is what a few dealerships have told me. So, if that is correct, because of who he is, and because he thinks he is above the law, he either forged my signature, or something??

Ok, so today, I printed off a POA from the DMV wedsite and faxed to his attorney for him to sign. I then called another dealership and was told that that paperwork is not going to be helpful to me. Yes, it will get his name off the registration, but as far as getting his name off of the loan, which is through his credit union, it won't cut it. Which means, I am going to have to refinance, or trade it in. I cannot afford to do this!!!!!!

So, now what? He can get away with doing what he did, and now will I lose my vehicle? What can I do? I cannot afford an attorney. I know his credit union will not refinance the loan for me. Even though I am the one making the payments to them and have been for the last couple of years. Because, I don't make enough money. The dealership I called today said, and I quote "don't even bring in that signed POA paperwork to us because it won't do you any good" I'm like "WHAT???"

How can he get away with everything he has done to me? Oh, and that's not even all of it. In that paperwork he drew up I have to pay him back for the PP taxes. He was also asking for attorney fees. I told his attorney that I would pay the PP taxes, but hell would freeze before he collected attorney fees from me!! This never should have gone to an attorney or to court if he had been man enough to call me. Oh and get this. When he sold our house. He charged me 1 years worth of mortgage payments and half the utilities, while I was paying my own rent and my own utilities, and, I wasn't even working!! I think I got a check for 14k and he kept 28 something k. He took that money the day he sold our house and put as a downpayment on their house. The nerve and he wants me to pay him attorney fees! HA!!

So sorry for this long vent. Just had to get it off my chest. I honestly don't know what I am going to do about this vehicle thing. Does anyone have any advice? Know of anyone who has gone through anything similar? Please? Anything would be appreciated as I am desparate!!

Hugs and thanking you all in advance!!

I can only give you advise on an emotional level.

If he was mature, you would still be together.

As shocking as it is today, it will become less as you deal with things one at a time. Get whatever legal assistance you can, (there is help for low income, you just have to work harder at it). If/when it goes to court, you can say your piece and justice will come your way. It may not be 100% because life is not fair, but one day this will be a memory.

You are doing great by moving on. Let this idiot hang himself with his own karma and be glad to have cut the ties with him at this point in your life.

It could be worse; you could still be with him.

Angela

Angela,

Thanks sweetie for your response. I am so thankful every day that I am not with him any longer. What he put me through was nothing but torture, but I also let him do it to me because I completely trusted him. Believe me when I say, I lived and learned my lesson. That's not to say I won't ever trust someone again, because I know I will, that's just who I am. I hopefully, will also love again, because I have so much love in me and only want to share that with someone else.

But, my eyes are now open and I will never give over control of my life to someone else.

My problem now is not knowing what to do. You mentioned help for low income. Being in the law field, or having worked in the law field for years, I do know about legal aid. The only problem there is they have a waiting list of 5 years or more. Also, unfortunately, even to get a consult with this kind of issue will cost me money that I don't have. Especially since I have to pay him back (which is ridiculous) plus figuring out a way of coming up with something should I have to get a loan or refinance or whatever. That is scary because I'm not at a point financially to even do that. I owe too much on credit cards because of not working for the last couple of years going through the divorce, relocating, etc...

I guess I am almost hoping for a miracle or maybe someone else who has gone through something similar. Like, will the credit union keep me and take his name off without me having to refinance? And, if he did it without doing it legally, why am I going to have to jump through hoops? and how could he have done it illegally? and get away with it? Or can he get away with it?

Again, I'm sorry for all of the questions. I am just hoping against hope that maybe someone knows someone who may have heard of this or knows something about this.

Thanks again Angela

No advice for you, Lost. But remember, what goes around comes around. He'll get his. And the new wife? More than likely she'll get traded in for a newer model. And if she doesn't? She'll always be looking over her shoulder...wondering...

Advice - get a lawyer. People charged with criminal offenses who cannot afford a lowyer get a Public Defender. People in most states who cannot afford a lawyer for civil matters go to Legal Aid.

Call your local Public Defender's Office and ask for the location / number of legal aid or whatever it is called in your state. Get help and get it now.

Hang in there and good luck. And remember - YOU are a beautiful and strong woman. Get help - fight back.

Charlotte,

Thanks for your words. I use to believe in karma and I guess on some level I still do. What i'm trying to say is I am not the type of person who wishes bad or evil on other people. But, in this situation and I only gave a little bit of info of what he has done to other people who have been in his life, he, of all people, if there is such a thing, I hope it does come back on him.

He did the same to his first wife. He cut his 3 beautiful daughters out of his life. He cut his mother and his sister out of his life. He is nothing but a cold hearted person who had done mean things to those who only loved him.

He has gotten away with so many things and keeps doing things, I honestly have to say, my only wish for him is to get some of what he has done to others, back on him.

Richard,

As always, you say the kindest things. Thank you from the bottom of my heart! Fighting back and taking up for myself is something that I have always had a problem doing. I think that's because of my low self-esteem and how people have made me feel about myself. It's taken me so long to overcome this, but I am slowly on the right path of overcoming this.

Because you said that I should get an attorney, now. Does that mean you also think that he has broken the law with what he has done? Is the law in CA the same, or do you know?

Thanks again everyone for your support and advice. Can't tell you guys what it means and how much it means to me.

Hugs!

Howdy

I am not a lawyer and do not even play one on TV. Has your ex husband broken the law? I d onot know and frankly don't care.

The issue is YOUR life ... your credit and your car registration and the sale of YOUR car by him and the harm he is causing to YOU. Let the lawyers and district attorney's and police decide if he has broken the law.

But call Legal Aid and get some legal advice and help.

And IF you believe he has broken the law, walk on down to your local police station and file a report. Or mail a notarized stement to the l=police and District attorney in his city.

But keep your eye on the prize and follow the money ... YOUR money. Call Legal Aid today. Be the strong and determined beautiful woman you are!

Richard,

Thanks sweetie so much. You know sometimes by the advice you give to some of us, you should be an attorney, because it seems to me that you really do know your stuff!!

But seriously though, I will follow up and take your advice because it does seem like it definetly can't hurt, can it?

You know what I was thinking I should do. Well, because of where he works or I should say who he works for, I believe I might just start there. The FBI will not look too kindly on one of their most highest level top secret clearance holders doing something that could possibly be illegal. In the position that he holds overseeing a forensic lab and field agents of 300 plus employees...hmmmm... might be a little sticky for him, wouldn't ya say? But, and here comes my conscious again. Should I sink so low? UGH...I know, I know, look at what he has done to me.

Okie dokie - wish me luck! Cross your fingers that finally after mistreating others for so long, his day is fast approaching.

Hugs!

Take the straight and narrow path - see a lawyer and follow their advice. You are a strong and beautiful woman - do not follow where your ex leads - strike your own path and you shall be happier in the long run. The exception to this rule is when the military is involved - then a superior officer can be a real asset in changing undesirable behavior.

Yeah Richard - again you are right. Why lower myself like he has done. I will do it the right way as I have always done. Sometimes you just need to hear it from other people, then take a deep breath, and follow your gut instinct and conscious.

With that said, it's about time to stand up for myself and to fight back. Keeping everything crossed that I will come out on top and will be able to find a way to keep my vehicle. The law will be on my side

There, I said it, I believe it, and will fight for it!!

Hugs to you dearest Richard for helping to make me feel worthy and strong!

I don't know that I would think that contacting your ex's superiors in the FBI is stooping to his level because if he is capable of questionable behavior in his personal life, he may be capable of doing something questionable in his professional life too. And a lot more people than just you may suffer for it.

But first, I'd contact a lawyer and maybe have the lawyer contact his boss, so it comes across more officially and less like a whining -- excuse the word -- ex-wife. I don't mean that you are whining, just that they may take it in such a manner.

I would be nervous to have such a man in charge of my case if I had to go before the FBI for something.

Vicki,

I totally agree. But listen to this. His 1st wife also had to go through this. When he gets divorced an FBI contractor comes to your home and asks a bunch of questions, such as, what type of person he is, is he honest, would you hire him, all these questions about his character.

Well, they came to see me. I of course can't lie to them. So, I told them that he had been having an affair with a subordinate while married to me, of course. Someone he wrote evaluations for. Someone who was also married. I told them what he had done to his girls, they are adults, but I can't get into this here, but it was BAD!!! And a bunch of other things. And do you know that they did absolutely NOTHING to him. It's that good ole boys club, or whatever you call it.

So, yeah, we have these types of people working for our federal goverment, getting away with who knows what - you get what I mean.

But, what he did do is illegal. If that is he signed my name. But, I won't know that unless I see the documents from the dealership. And I cannot get them on my own. Only an attorney can get them, right?

Oh, And I did some checking and I cannot get legal aid to help. Have a waiting list. Cannot get a public defender as the original case is civil and not legal, but the legal part will be brought up in court. So now going to have to somehow find some monies for a private attorney.

Boy, has this man been a thorn in my buttuty!!

Hugs

Real sorry Legal Aid has a wiat list in your locale. Hang in there.

I am not certain you need to see the documents at the dealership. The vehicle had to be registered and licensed through your state or DC Department of Motor Vehicles. Find an old registration or title for the vehicle so you can find the VIN number. then simply write the DMV and tell them that to your best belief and understanding the vehicle has changed ownership BUT you never authorized a sale of the vehicle. DMV ought to take it from there - though no depatment works as qickly as we would like,

IF the law had been broken, your other option is to make a report of fraud to the police in the jurisdiction your car was sold with in. If it were not in my hometown, I would write an "affadavit" of what happen, get it notarized, and mail it with receipt requested (green card in the USA) to the police department with jurisdiction. The police and DA will determine if a law has been broken and what if criminal charges ought to be filed.

Either route is free to any citizen and will get your ex in trouble, and probably get your vehicle proceeds evenly shared.

Thanks Richard - you bring up some great points.

I don't have an old registration to that vehicle, go figure, he kept everything on it. I did get the info from his credit union though that it had been paid off and who paid it off (the dealership). I wonder if they would give me that info (Vin #)?

Hmmm....maybe DMV is the best way to go. I could call them, or go in and ask about that vehicle just to see what they tell me. And when they do tell me that "we" don't own it any longer, I will tell them I never released ownership and see what they say. Great advice Richard, thank you!!!

I never thought about the proceeds Richard. Wouldn't that be awesome if I would be due some money because he broke the law? Wouldn't that be Karma. I'd better not get my hopes up though because of who I am dealing with, but still, I am (secretly) doing the happy dance!!

I am not as knowledgable about legal procedures as Richard is, but I just wanted to put in my note of encouragement. It does sound really suspicious about the "good ole boys' club" he works for too. I don't know if there is another way around that, but you could always try reporting him again. I can't imagine that it would do you any harm. And having the receipt of having reported him might do you some good in court against him, as a means of showing regularly bad behavior.

Whatever happens, good luck!

Hey guys - guess what!

Friday afternoon, I called DMV and asked them what the procedure is for selling a vehicle when two people are listed on the loan, title, and they are divorced.

They told me that BOTH are suppose to sign the title and if that didn't happen then that is considered fraud and DMV takes that very seriously. They asked if they could put me through to the fraud department.

I asked for the number, never giving my name because I really need to think about this before I go blaming or accusing and I could be wrong.

Well, I have thought about it, all weekend long, and I don't know any other way around it. I mean, it's not that I want to get even, but I now have to refinance or sell my vehicle and will have to do the same thing should I sell mine in getting him to sign the title.

Oh boy, when they go to investigate him where he works, maybe I need to go into witness protection Kidding! But, seriously, I want to do this without him knowing I had anything to do with it.

Do ya think they will keep that private if I report it? Please, Richard, anyone?

Hugs to all and thanks so much for letting me come here and vent my personal problems!

I don't know if this good advice or not. What about your Congressman? If things get hairy and you feel you haven't been treated fairly within the law, perhaps you could either contact your representative or your state's attorney general?

Good luck.

Come on, now. Part of being an adult - a lesson I am learning and re-learning year by year - is owning up to your actions, taking personal responsibility for the choices you make.

In college, one of the best classes I took was the Education Department's "Value Clarification" (how 1970's that sounds now). anyway, I was taught to consider decisions by imaging the VERY best that could happen, the very WORSE that could happen, and my best guess as to what would actually happen. Ask yourself if you could live with the very worse outcome. Ask yourself if you really want the likely outcome.

You are a strong and very beautiful woman. A mature adult in charge of her life AND her business. You owned a car that another sold without your permission. You are the victim of a fraud, a theft.

Are you willing to live the rest of your life as a victim, a victim of this theft? Or shall you stand up for your property rights and dignity as a mature woman?

Will reporting this THEFT result in harm to you physically? Physical harm to your loved ones? Emotional harm to you or your loved ones?

What would you have your child do if I ripped them off like this?
What would you do if a stranger stole from you in this manner?
Why should your ex-husband get special treatment?

Can you live with yourself if you do nothing? What is the effect on your personal intrigity? Your finances? Your self concept?

I can NOT advise you on what to do ... neither I nor anyone here knows the situation well enough to tell you what to do ... but I can tell you what questions I would be asking myself.

AND I see no way for your report to DMV to remain anonymous. Anyone with comman sense will figure out you had to be the one making the call.

You have to own this one or walk away - either way it is you and not me who has to live with the consequences. I RESPECT any decision a strong and beautiful woman like you makes.

Good luck.

There is another option to DMV.

Look up the value of the vehicle on Kelly Blue Book online. You are owed half of the value - choose the "private sale" value ... NOT the trade in value, because you did not benefit from the trade in .... UNLESS you intend to trade in the value of your current vehicle ..... in other words, choose the value of the lost car on the same basis as you want to evaluate your car. Trade in, retail sale, private sale.

Then write your ex a letter (green card return receipt)

Dear XXX

I am the co-owner of the (year, company, model, style) vehicle. Kelly Book gives that vehicle a (retail, private, trade-in) value of $X,XXX.00 (then write out the dollar value as on a check (remember checks?).

Please forward to me one half of that amount, $X,XXX.00 (written out also) for my receipt on or before (Date) (ALWAYS set a deadline.) Payment must be made by cashiers check or money order. I prefer to receive payment in the mail instead of in person.

When I dispose of the my current vehicle, you will be forwarded one half of the actual value attained within 30 days of my receipt of said value.

If payment is not received by me by (date) I can only assume that fraud has occurred and will seek assistance of the appropriate authorities. Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter.
,
Sincerely,

XXX

The value of this letter is to cut your ex a break (no DMV-police), you stand up for yourself AND let him know the pushover days are over. Good luck.

Richard,

Again, you put things in perspective.

No, I do not want to continue being the victim. Have been for so long and I have let him get away with so many things already and didn't stand up for myself.

Yes, what he did was illegal. No, I honestly know I couldn't live with myself if I did nothing. I would tell my children to fight for their rights, for themselves, and to never give up, no matter what it took.

I am so angry now. It's been two years of pure hell. I know now what I have to do and Im going to stop making excuses, stop having pity parties, and start doing something like I should have done a long time ago.

I want to thank you Richard for making me see things clearer. For caring enough to give me advice and just for being here. I also want to thank all of the others who are so caring, thoughtful, and compassionate. It makes me feel like i'm not alone anymore. Can't tell you how much that means to me. You guys are the best!

Will keep you all informed on what happens.

Hugs!

Richard,

Sorry, I posted my response before I saw the one you sent about writing the letter. That's something else to think about. If I do it that way, then I can use that money to help me when I trade in the truck to get his name off it, and of course, I will send him the title to have him sign it, the legal way. Right?

Wow, this will blow his skirt, won't it!! I love it

All I can say is go for it. He has commited fraud and has made it difficult for you to take care of your finances. He KNOWS he commited fraud and by giving him a chance to make it right is generous. If he continues on the path of "My life is so much more important the your's", then get the authorities involved. That will allow you to get reparations and send a strong message that you are no longer his whipping boy.

Alli

Richard's advice is excellent. You don't want to try to do something anonymously. That is a victim's way and you don't want to be that way. Also, it gives his actions power, and you don't want to do that either. Set a deadline and hold to it, if you don't hear from him by the deadline, the day after, you go to the DMV and talk to their fraud department. Don't set too long a deadline either. What sounds reasonable to you? 2 weeks? 3? I wouldn't go longer than a month.

Try to be objective. Don't make it about getting even, make about sorting out the situation and doing things to keep everything legal, that's it.

Good luck.

Alli,

You're completely right. He does know he did something wrong and he also knows that or thinks that I'm not smart enough to figure it out or will do anything about it. I am very tired of being a doormat where he is concerned, so will be taking actions to right his wrong.

AB - I agree with you too. I only want to do what should have been done correctly in the first place. It really isn't about getting even with him. For me it's about him not being able to get away with treating people like they are underneath him. I just want this issue cleared, want him off anything that has to do with me, and want him out of my life. He brought all of this on himself and now I am doing what I have to do to settle things legally. Thanks so much for your good wishes

See? I was correct; you ARE a strong and beautiful woman!