For the health and success of our precious forum

[Mishkyn]

I was unable to see the original posts that you are all referring to, I assume they were removed. I will say that it does not matter to me who Senna is. She has as much a right to post here as anyone else.

This is an important forum that I have been loyal to for nearly a decade. I have leaned on so many of you and been supported and comforted beyond anything I could ever have expected or imagined, and I have enormous hope and desire that our group will continue to provide each other--and all new members--with the kind of understanding and care that few others in the world could ever know how desperately our need for it is, or how to give it to us.

I have no inclination to start anything, only to remember, and to remind other "Oldsters" about the uncomfortable and unpleasant tone this forum took on in the past. Let's remember, and let's not allow anything to get out of hand again----not ever.

Leslie mentioned no arguments on the forum prior to Senna posting. That may refer to the past few weeks, but we "Oldsters" know there was plenty of antagonism on this forum several years ago--on and off for many years--and it creeps up from time to time.

Much of it had to do with some posters assuming the forum wanted to know every movement they made, or thought/feeling they had at any hour of the day or night each and every day of the year. There was also a bit of hijacking going on: some members often accounted for 30 to 50 per cent of the posts on any page.

There were some cliques and sniping and at times it seemed that fairness and truth were a game that was played and all that mattered was how many people agreed with one point of view, not whether that point of view made any sense or was helpful or informative. People who were not liked were let know in subtle and not so subtle ways. Several people admitted they were often afraid to speak up against this type of behavior because they did not want to become the next target.

Leslie, I hope you know that I like and admire you, but I feel you have taken this far too seriously, even to the extent of putting words in Pen's mouth, which he had to correct. This is the kind of thing that was so painful during the early years of the forum.

You feel Nika has a problem with Richard, but I'm sure most of us would agree that Richard can take care of himself; and, Leslie, I feel you have perceived slights by Nika that few others of us can see.

And please, everyone, remember that all of us are ill. Many of us are terribly sick all or most of the time. We may not produce posts that are as carefully edited as they should be, and, we may read things into posts because-----well, I think all of us know how easy it is to misinterpret things when our heads are pounding.

Easy rule, if someone upsets you and does not directly threaten anyone or appear dangerously nuts, do not respond to that person. Some politics will creep in, and some people who are masters at wordplay can manipulate threads without seeming to do so. Believe me, I have been fooled plenty of times in the past.

This forum is too important for any but our best behavior. It has lifted all of us from the depths of sadness and suffering and despair. It deserves our vigilance and care, and needs it in order to survive.

And if some of us slip up, let's just let it slide and not rise to any bait---real or imagined. No one person should ever desire to "be the winner", or lecture others on what is proper behavior. The forum must always be the winner, and together we must all work for the success and health of our precious forum.

To do this, we must stick together and honor something so very special, something that we all need and want to prosper and flourish. If we stand together, we are a forum, otherwise we are merely a group of individuals who post at the same website.

I know we will succeed.
Mishkyn

[Ivy]

You feel Nika has a problem with Richard

Actually Nika has problems with many of us. If you disagree with her on something, she bullies you and attacks you in the worst way.


What you say about the forum is wise and I agree with you on many points.

I also support the theory of skipping and avoiding those who are here just to annoy and offend, but remember that in this virtual place people come and go. There are many new posters who cannot right away recognized bully posters or remember what happened in the past. So, when they get attacked and offended they react. Pen is one the relatevely new posters who could not know about Nika and about older arguments. I am sure that like we did, she will learn to distinguish and avoid.

I think that what Leslie did (thank you for doing that Leslie, you're one of the most caring person that I'm in touch with) was just trying to boil down the situation and protect new posters from further arguments and fights.

Thanks for sharing your opinion in a diplomatic and proactive way. That's what we need.

[Hal]

I try to offer good advice on what has and has not worked for me. The advice is just my opinion. It is free and is worth what you pay for it. There are still some questions that have been asked that I need to answer, but will get to them.

Mishkyn has said it well. We really do need everyone. Somewhere there might be someone that has the answer we need.

[pen]

Thank you all. We do need to clear the air and move on.
As my name has been quoted here, can I just state.

I have been on the forum for over 3 years, but for a while only read, didn't post.

I have chronic migraine and FMS and IBS. I seek support here and if with that comes friendship that is a wonderful bonus.
But we are all different people, we come from different places and opinions will vary.
But I agree they should not be personal.

A message to everyone to PM anything personal would be a good one.
I certainly have no desire for personal confrontation and cannot see how it benefits anyone on here.
Opinion is just that, and it cannot be wrong. It is personal and we must remember to share and even disagree, but never persecute for that reason. Given the problems of the last week or so, I do think we should have a rule that anything less than subjective be PM'd.

I am very grateful for this forum and the people that share their experience freely and befriend us.
I hope Ronda's continues for many years, but that some of us at least no longer need to come.
(but choose to check back with us from time to time)

Have a good day everyone.

[Senna]

Finally a voice of reason, thank you Mishkyn, I will second everything you said.

Sadly, reason seldom gets a hearing, where whisperining campaigns and "swarms" take over any forum, so I will not enter into tit-for-tat arguments with some posters above.

I will take an issue with one person here, but separately, as not to turn this dignified call for peace into a meningless quarrel, so enjoyed by some posters.

Senna

[milo]

Sadly, I thought this topic had finally been laid to rest, but alas, again it rears it's ugly head.

I'm choosing to take a vacation from the forum for a few days and hope beyond hope that the subject finally rests.

Have a nice weekend everyone.

[moominamy]

Think I'll join you there Milo. Getting a little sick of the digs Pen, if you are so keen to let things rest and for people to PM and not put things on the forum perhaps you could kindly embrace the philosophy yourself.

Mishkyn, I do agree with what you've written though.

Have a great weekend

Amy

[Richard]

Well written and thoughtful post, Mishkyn. Thank you. I regret that even this thread cannot stay dig free. Pity. Thanks for taking the time to post this Mishkyn - I hope you have as pleasant a weekend as possible.

[LG]

Guys, this is crazy. can we all drop this. I get a job, log on and see this. Please...I want my forum back.

[AuntieBubbs]

I think I'll take a break from the forum and the drama, too. I only have the energy to deal with my own problems, and just can't deal with this, especially when it keeps coming up and coming up and coming up.

Amy and Milo said it well and briefly - thank you. See you all when I feel refreshed and able to return. To quote sailingmuffin, "pain free days" everyone.

[CluelessKitty]

I tried to stay out of it, tried to have this entire thread removed as it is clear that despite its best intention
it is a straight path into another unpleasant inflammatory controversy.

but since not only the thread has (unfortunately) stayeth, my heed were removeth, so here's my opinion:

Leslie mentioned no arguments on the forum prior to Senna posting. That may refer to the past few weeks, but we "Oldsters" know there was plenty of antagonism on this forum several years ago--on and off for many years--and it creeps up from time to time.

True, here were definitely no arguments prior to Senna's showing and on the old forum lately the instigator was in majority of cases the same person - Nika.

You (Leslie) feel Nika has a problem with Richard, but I'm sure most of us would agree that Richard can take care of himself; and, Leslie, I feel you have perceived slights by Nika that few others of us can see.

Nika definitely has the problem with Richard, it's plain to see for everyone.
Also plain to see for everyone is the extent to which Nika always would, and especially of lately,
take her analyzing, scrutinizing and ridiculing Richard which amounts to basically witch's hunting.

btw, she'll (Nika) will do that who for whatever reason falls out of graces with her. I can attest to that.

I am very disappointed that Senna brought this crap back with her.


Risa

[ajr]

Oh my gosh, if someone can't stand to read those posts, then don't read them!!! Seriously, if seeing these posts actually ruins someone's day, or makes someone that upset, then simply don't read any miscellaneous posts that have a topic that sounds remotely upsetting. It's simple.

I truly think most people like the drama...but for some reason like to pretend they don't like the drama. Naturally nobody wants their feelings hurt, but if people want to verbally "spar" with each other, than let them do it!!! I like to read it.

[LG]

You know what, ajr...it isn't just that. It is all over the gd place. It is in the migraine forms too. You open a topic that is seemingly benign and apparently about MOH or another MIGRAINE related topic (NOT DRAMA) to find people saying plain old NASTY things to each other. It is REDICULOUS. It makes me want to leave the only place that gave me comfort and that is really heartbreaking to me. I'm sorry if I feel this way but you know what...give me a break. If you want drama..pick up a tabloid magazine. DO NOT SPAR ON A MIGRAINE FORUM WHERE PEOPLE LOOK FOR COMFORT. YOU ARE RUINING MY SAFEHAVEN! YOU ARE RUINING A LOT OF MEMBERS SAFEHAVENS! ALL BECAUSE YOU ENJOY IT! Thanks...that was a REALLY conciderate statement you made. THINK before you post because you basically said you enjoy it when you take away someones comfort zone. Nice.

[ajr]

Oh my. I did and always DO think before I post. I'm always considerate when I post. I never hurt feelings when I post. Why would saying what I said not be considerate?? I am NOT telling people to fight more. I'm confused.

If you look at the number of views for the other posts that have had all the "drama", you will see that I am not the only one who is intrigued by them. They have hundreds of views. It's not wrong to like reading posts with hot topics and bickering in them.

It's like a tv show...if someone doesn't like it, then they shouldn't watch it...but usually those are the people who seem to watch and complain about it the most. Don't watch! But it's okay for people who do want to watch it to tune in if they so choose. They don't even have to agree with what they are watching ....but they can still enjoy watching it. Half the tv shows out there are based on people disagreeing with each other and arguing about it. Doesn't mean my tv doesn't feel "safe" to me.

Of course I don't want people attacking other people, but I get tired of how the people act like they don't want to keep it going when they keep responding!! I think it's the holier than thou attitude that gets to me.

And I am certainly not the only person who checks in to see the latest absurdity of a post. Hence, the hundreds of views. In my experience, people who say they don't like drama are the ones who actually do like drama.

Obviously, nobody wants to have hurt feelings - that's not what I want either. I said nothing that would hurt anyone's feelings. I NEVER do. I OVER THINK what I post so as not to hurt feelings. I made an observation. All I said was don't read it if you don't want to get upset. That's what the topic/title line is for. I guess that was upsetting too.

[theresae]

I truly think most people like the drama...but for some reason like to pretend they don't like the drama. Naturally nobody wants their feelings hurt, but if people want to verbally "spar" with each other, than let them do it!!! I like to read it.

Of course they do, there are some people who just love it and then those who post pretending to not want to get involved and then give a huge long post anyway, save it for the road hog, or the rude sales assistant if you have pent up frustration thats what i do!

[ajr]

Exactly. Well said. (And if the pretenders take it out on somebody rude, I want to watch/listen/read it ) Just kidding, kind of. :-)

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