How many have considered suicide?

How many have considered suicide?

How many would admit to it??

Hi,

I know that unrelenting pain can cause you to think horrible, dark thoughts. I have never actively considered it. If you are thinking this, please have someone take you to the Emergency Room NOW to get treatment for this headache. We are here if you need us. Someone is almost always online- if you need to talk or vent, please feel free. I am kind of worried about you right now. I am sure I am not the only one. Do you have a friend or family membher you could call to take you to the hospital. Trust me, you can beat this disease-even if it takes a lot of drs. For me, they eventually had to focus on controlling the pain. Please let us know what is going on.

Pain free days,
sailingm

I'm echoing Sailingmuffin's sentiments. I think when things are at their worst we consider all kinds of horrible things but it's usually due to the pain. Once it subsides, we are back to our normal selves. If you are in that place - please do seek help.

I find suicide a scary subject having had two in our family. Just remember a cure could be found tomorrow, (well eighteen months in my father's case) or someone out of the blue might realise what's happening to you and it could be something stupidly simple (brother-in-laws thyroid - retrospect is a fine thing).

They have both missed out on so much.

Years ago, I thought about it, and I'll admit it.

It's strange that you bring this up now. I just wrote about suicide and self-harming this week:
Migraines and Feeling Hopeless - Hang On!

It's something too many of us think about for it to be hidden away. We also need to talk about it.

Teri

Excellent article Teri. I usually hit bottom when a migraine has kept me from sleeping for several nights. It's hard to feel hopeful when your down...kinda like blue sky being covered by clouds, it's still blue, we just can't see it.

I have thought about it a lot during attacks but never gone so far as to plan it out. I have certainly caught myself saying, "It would be so much easier if my migraines were gone forever..my only out is if I offed myself." I am so lucky to have my beautiful daughter to pull me through that every time.

It was a lot worse before I found a medication regimen that worked for me. That emergency pack that I talk about a lot really saved my life, I think. If I didn't have it I would be spiraling down really fast. I was in a baaad place in Nov-Dec. when migraines were peaking and nothing was working.

Even then I thought not being here would be a good thing for my daughter because I wasn't doing anything but screwing her up and messing everyone elses lives up as well. I was a mess, falling apart at the seams. It was so bad I used to get urges to punch myself in the face or stab myself. I was concious enough to not do it, but they were physical urges since the pain was so instense. I thank my doctor and the medication because I no longer have those feelings anymore.

I was persistant with my doctor and went in there with suggestions of medications that I could take. I was also open minded and took every script that she wrote out that she wanted me to try, too. If she wanted me to spend $70 on triptans I knew weren't going to work..I did. This built trust with her and I and now my appointments are short and sweet. I walk in, get my scripts and am out of there. At home I am doing okay. I still get pretty frequent migraines but I can actually manage them, whereas before I was scratching at the walls begging someone to help me.

I hope that everyone can find something that works for them to manage these awful attacks. There IS something out there that will work! You just have to find it. I know it is hard but don't give up hope! Keep on looking and bugging your doctors, don't give up. If your doctor seems exasperated with you and doesn't respond well to you..switch doctors! Find the one that is compassionate to your case. We are all here for you if you need us.

This is a very difficult thread to contribute to but it is something that needs to be addressed. I think that anyone who suffers from a chronic debilitating illness has probably dealt with this monster at some time. I certainly have considered suicide and made plans in the past.

Sometimes it is difficult to find anything positive when your life is dominated by pain and frustration and not being able to live the life you would want. This coupled with the feeling that you are constantly letting people down by being ill or you are a burden or even that time is just passing you by reinforces all the negative thoughts.

However, you only need to work your way through the pages of this forum to see that there are people here who are enjoying life despite the bloody migraines. There are struggles and set backs and miserable times but there are successes too. We need to keep on in there.

The effect of a suicide on those close to the individual are huge and never leave them.

Anyone who has reached that low point in their life needs to share what they're feeling with someone else straight away.

It's cheesy but I try to make the best of every day even if it's not much.

John

I was aware when I posted this topic that it was a difficult one. I didn't know if anyone would even respond. But I certainly knew that I wasn't theonly one who has considered the possibility. Pain changes who you are. It takes away hope for the future. It takes away the future. As John said it makes you let people down. It makes you let yourself down. Some people have said find a good doctor. Well, that depends on where you live. Doctors aren't what they used to be. Personallly, I don't have a doctor. I am looking but there aren't any taking new patients. I can't help but wonder why so many people have migraines. And why so many don't. What is the root? Who decides. Anyway I am going to ready Teri's article now. More later.

Thanks, Jay. I thought it was time to talk about how hopeless Migraines can make us feel and try to give people something to hang on to.

Teri

Headstorm wrote:Excellent article Teri. I usually hit bottom when a migraine has kept me from sleeping for several nights. It's hard to feel hopeful when your down...kinda like blue sky being covered by clouds, it's still blue, we just can't see it.

I think you are brave, Gail, for posting this topic. When we are in the midst of such severe pain (pain that many people cannot imagine- or at least imagine going on and on with little hope of relief) thinking of escape is only natural. How we choose and what we choose is individual.

A short time ago my doctor decided that I would not be allowed to have my rescue meds renewed for a week, despite the fact that I was out of them. They can cause dependency and being without them during a time of severe pain felt to me like I was purposely being tortured. (He had written early for me in the past without blinking an eye.) I did not have withdrawal symptoms, but I did have severe migraine that landed me in the ER twice in one week- and I've only been three times in my entire life. My husband insisted as I was dehydrated, vomiting and in agony.

I have made every effort not to abuse the medications I have, but the fact is that I have had a migraine daily for over 25 years. No preventives have been successful, and as Dr. Robbins has stated, they only work for less than half of us anyway. I have been "accused" (and it does feel like an accusation at times) of having MOH despite the fact that the daily migraines began at a time (pregnancy) when I took almost no medications despite the agony. Also my migraines don't fit the standard descriptions of MOH- headache that does not include the standard migraine features of photophobia etc.

I believe that pain, unending pain, can cause many, many long term issues of both a physical and a psychological nature. And knowing that there are medications that will allow me to have a normal life which I am denied due to insurance issues and lack of funds is crazy-making. I know this is true for many of us.

I am grieving, but not giving up. I continue to look for answers. I continue to hope. And I stop myself from taking that "other road" because to do so would cause pain, unendurable pain, to my son and my husband. But I am weeping as I write this. Thanks for reading.

Love,
Anna

I think that there's a particular type of migraine/cluster headache commonly called "suicidial migraine" because it gives such a violent and uncontrollable pain that has pushed several people to try to committ suicide.
Pain can drive crazy any sane person.
I have never thought of suicide because of migraine because - fortunately - I know that I have abortives that stop even the worst attacks. However, I have often felt a prisoner of something horrible and I wonder what this situation can lead the mind if it cannot be stopped by any means.
Bye

Yes, over the years this has been in my thoughts. The worst was when I was having severe side effects to some preventatives. I had the method and means all figured out. The only thing that held me back was I didn't have the energy to write letters to my family. It wasn't a consideration on how my family would feel. I was so low that it was my belief that they would be better off without me and that I would be doing them a favor.

Since going off the med's I have not gone that far into my "dark place" again. But, I do still have days where I just wish I wouldn't wake up.

Chronic pain is a B(*&^.

Charlotte

Hi Gailgigi

It's good to bring this up. I've thought of it many times over the years and I hate to admit, in the earlier years, almost did it. As John said, letting people down is hard, however, my best friend did take her own life, and by that act, the pain she caused me and her family was so much worse. Whenever I feel like I can't go on, I think of my kids and my family and how selfish it would be to step out on them.

When I have a real bad bought of anxiety plus migraines, some days I wish a big old truck would take my life right now. I would welcome a heart attack and I really just want to die. Is that the same as suicide? I accept that about me and I don't cut myself down for it anymore. When it escallates I talk to the doctor and he listens and I believe he watches out for me. Sometimes I cry in his office.

I do lean on my faith in a higher power to pull me through and when the sun does shine on me, I embrace it with so much fervor and more vigor than the average person.

I'm glad you spoke about this. Go to the internet and type in your province + doctor referral to find someone in your area. It's a start to finding a good doctor but you do need someone to talk to about the medical issues, as well as it being good for your soul. There may be a shortage of doctors, but they are out there, and you only need one.

If ever you need to talk to someone, don't hesitate to pick someone here that you feel comfortable with. We are a compassionate lot.

Angela

Gail, While its important to have a doctor to help you manage your migraines it is just as important to have support from friends or family as well.

It's easy to feel like you let people down when you're ill but I've found that most of my friends do understand even if they seem fed up at the time when I have to cancel yet again. The rest just aren't very good friends.

I don't now your situation. So I hope I'm not over stepping the mark here. I would choose someone who is likely to be receptive and test them out to see if they are willing to take calls from you when things are bad. This was the advice I was given and it worked for me. The friend I chose, a ruffty tuffty biker, was great. I chose him because he didn't work with me or know my family and he is down to earth and not soppy. His job was just to listen to me rant and he came to sit with me on a couple of occasions.

Not having a doctor would be scary for me and others in Canada would be best to advise on this. I don't know what I would do.

Hang on in there Gail. Tell me to shut up if I'm making things worse.

John

Well said, Angela!

Teri

Almostangela wrote:Hi Gailgigi

It's good to bring this up. I've thought of it many times over the years and I hate to admit, in the earlier years, almost did it. As John said, letting people down is hard, however, my best friend did take her own life, and by that act, the pain she caused me and her family was so much worse. Whenever I feel like I can't go on, I think of my kids and my family and how selfish it would be to step out on them.

When I have a real bad bought of anxiety plus migraines, some days I wish a big old truck would take my life right now. I would welcome a heart attack and I really just want to die. Is that the same as suicide? I accept that about me and I don't cut myself down for it anymore. When it escallates I talk to the doctor and he listens and I believe he watches out for me. Sometimes I cry in his office.

I do lean on my faith in a higher power to pull me through and when the sun does shine on me, I embrace it with so much fervor and more vigor than the average person.

I'm glad you spoke about this. Go to the internet and type in your province + doctor referral to find someone in your area. It's a start to finding a good doctor but you do need someone to talk to about the medical issues, as well as it being good for your soul. There may be a shortage of doctors, but they are out there, and you only need one.

If ever you need to talk to someone, don't hesitate to pick someone here that you feel comfortable with. We are a compassionate lot.

Angela

I have no family or friends who understand my migraines. I have this forum and it is THE BEST Keep that in mind, too. I have made the closest of friends here that I talk to when I need to vent about migraines. I trust them, they have my address and phone numbers.

That along with my doctor has really been what pulled me through my depression. Hope this helps.

I appreciate this conversation and the article that was posted on the other migraine site by Teri.........for me it is not the pain that has brought on the suicidal thoughts it is what I call the doom and gloom that I have discovered is part of the migraine. The biochemical changes that happen in my brain are perhaps the worst part for me and the hardest to make it through.........

Anna mentioned MOH in her response. What is that? Thanks P.S. I sent you a private message Anna.

Medication overuse headache AKA rebound headaches

Thankyou for your reply. I think migraine makes us more compassionate. Thankyou again. Gail PS If I don't reply to someone let me know. I'm still finding my way around this forum.

Lovegia is right.

Not everyone has friends close by who are willing to try to understand what having bad migraines is like. I'm very lucky in that, although I don't have many friends, they are good ones. My long-suffering wife just keeps out of the way. It looks like I'll make a lot of new friends here and there is no substitute for sharing the experiences of those who have or who are going through the same thing. I've only been here a couple of days and these are some of the most supportive people I've ever come across. The offers of help are there to be taken. Me included.

John

ps you don't have to reply to everyone.

I agree - I have very few close friends. And the ones that are closer...well they've been wrapped up in their own lives lately and I wouldn't want to share some things with them. This is a lot of take in for someone who doesn't experience this sort of thing. Which is why I often come here - if nothing else to just blow off steam or to get advice from someone else who's been there and to be a shoulder for someone else who may be just as isolated as I often am. Even though we may be geographically thousands of miles apart, we are just a key-stroke away...

I've considered it, even to the point of planning how to do it, but I couldn't leave my children. No matter how bad I felt, I could not cause them that kind of pain. I called for help and got a great therapist and medication to help over that bad patch.

I still have times when I think I would be better dead, but not by suicide. As several other people said, just have a heart attack or stroke and just be out of misery. When these thoughts go on too long I know I am hitting a depression and get back into counselling and make sure my meds are working.

Chronic pain can make us feel hopeless but even when I feel my worst, my children, my cats, my friends, even the tv, something will make me laugh and I know that even with constant pain there can be joy. Try to find something in each day that makes you smile even a little bit. Have someone you can talk to about how you feel. Everyone here has been where you are and understands.

If I didn't know there were other people who were is as much pain as I am and could still go on, it would be so much harder to get by. The support I've found here has made it easier to live with a frustrating condition that is so hard to treat.

This is a difficult subject but one that I think we all have thought about. Thanks for bringing it up.

Alli