How many have considered suicide?

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Post  Hal on Tue Mar 09, 2010 4:51 pm

Whenever I get a bad spell and the pain is so bad I cannot stand it, I just put my fingers to my head and let my thumbs drop. Then everyone knows that I really mean that I cannot stand the pain and someone takes me to the ER. When I do that, I am thinking if these were real guns and bullets, when they met in the middle, the pain would stop. Then I think, I have too many things that I want to do yet and someone would have to clean up the mess, barf!

I purchased a very comfortable chair (big bucks) and sit in it and communicate in Morse code with people all over the world on my Ham radio. It is very relaxing. That and a shot of pain killer from the ER makes life tolerable again.

I have spent the past week and a half with a migraine that would not stop. It kept me up late (2am) and had me walking around like a zombie. I was checking the side effects of Amitriptyline and learned that one of them was headaches. I quit taking it and today, no headache. I wonder....

By the way, I am 63 years old (had a birthday yesterday) and have put up with migraines as bad as they get since I was 8. Sometimes without any pain pills or shots. You all know how bad that can be. The point, I am still here.

Hal
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Amitriptyline

Post  milo on Tue Mar 09, 2010 5:19 pm

Hi Hal,
Please do not just stop the Amitriptyline suddenly. This is a medication you must taper. Please talk to a doctor or pharmacist before you stop taking it.
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Re: How many have considered suicide?

Post  LG on Tue Mar 09, 2010 6:22 pm

Happy late Birthday Hal!
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Re: How many have considered suicide?

Post  Paradox on Tue Mar 09, 2010 6:35 pm

Whether we forgive or not doesn't alter the fact that for years we think "wasn't I enough to stay for?"

"Was I worth so little to him that he couldn't discuss this with me?"


Marion, you words made me cry. Even as a 50 year old, I remember thinking all my life, that if my Dad loved me enough he would quit drinking for me. But every day, until the day he died, he chose the bottle instead.

Charlotte
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Re: How many have considered suicide?

Post  AuntieBubbs on Tue Mar 09, 2010 7:52 pm

My cousin, who suffered bad migraines, killed himself 4 years ago. He also had emotional/relationship problems, and I honestly believe that those were much more a factor in his suicide than his migraines. He was also a sheriff, and the stress of his job factored in as well. But those of us who loved him can't rule out that he suffered debilitating migraines all of his life. He got signifigant relief after being fitted for a mouth guard that kept him from grinding his teeth in his sleep, btw, but not until he was in his 20s.
But this was a young man who had lived with daily pain nearly all his life. It affected how he related to everyone. It affected his perception of all pain, not just migraine, so that he magnified emotional pain and saw it through the same lens as his migraines. He did not seek help and it haunts all of us who loved him that we did not recognize the emotional turmoil he was in until too late. He didn't want to burden his family and loved ones and felt he had no other way out.
Please, don't ever feel you are a burden. Your loved ones would much rather hear from you about what you are thinking and feeling, than realize when it is too late that they could've helped you, if only they had known. It's an agony your family does not deserve and that will haunt them long after. They may not be able to help with the physical pain that you live with, but they can help with the emotional pain. Give them a chance.
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Re: How many have considered suicide?

Post  tdu on Wed Mar 10, 2010 12:03 pm

There are many times when I have been laid up for days in extreme pain where I have thought it would be a hell of a lot easier to just not be alive. But I have never contemplated suicide while lucid, or ever come up with a 'plan' for doing it. If you ever do start having these kind of thoughts, you have to communicate with someone. When you do, you'd be surprised how many people have been affected by migraines at some point in their life. It's not always them personally, but even someone they love. You have to be able to get the stress and sad feelings off your chest. Holding that stuff in can have some horrible consequences.

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Re: How many have considered suicide?

Post  tecky on Wed Mar 10, 2010 2:43 pm

tdu wrote:There are many times when I have been laid up for days in extreme pain where I have thought it would be a hell of a lot easier to just not be alive. But I have never contemplated suicide while lucid, or ever come up with a 'plan' for doing it. ....

Ditto. In fact, I've thought about asking my husband to take me to the vet and have me put to sleep--sometimes that seems like a more humane thing than the suffering.

Becky Sad
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Re: How many have considered suicide?

Post  HeelerLady on Wed Mar 10, 2010 2:50 pm

tecky wrote:
Ditto. In fact, I've thought about asking my husband to take me to the vet and have me put to sleep--sometimes that seems like a more humane thing than the suffering.

Becky Sad

Funny...during one of my bad spells I had thoughts like this. Only if I had a dog in this much pain, I wouldn't hesitate to euthanize - not fair to that poor creature.
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Re: How many have considered suicide?

Post  Hal on Wed Mar 10, 2010 9:01 pm

Tecky,

Go give Becky a big wet slobbering kiss on the nose. Then crawl up in her lap and lick her face all over. Even with a bad migraine, that would help and it has got to make you smile.

Hal
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Re: How many have considered suicide?

Post  HeelerLady on Thu Mar 11, 2010 9:19 am

Hal,

You made me smile. I actually have 2 dogs that get really close when things are bad and one of them won't let me out of her sight. They snuggle up to momma and give kisses or just cuddle with me. Smile Or the goof-ball will do something to make me smile. Gotta love dogs...

Becky
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Re: How many have considered suicide?

Post  Richard on Thu Mar 11, 2010 10:10 am

I freely and openly that I have planned and been ready to kill myself as I preferred death to living with the pain.

It was not just migraine pain - it was physical pain added to the pain of grief. And if I got to choose, I would take migraine episodes any day of the week over the pain of grief.

First was the year 2000 and 2001 when migraines disabled me. I loved my job, I loved the life my job gave me. I seriously grieved and considered suicide as I loss that part of my life. Acceptence came hard. I am thankful to my counselor Robert. He was terrific - and VERY thankful to my husband for getting me to Robert.

Second occasion was the death of my husband. We had a suicide pact - if one died, the other would follow at his own hand. Steve just did not want to live without me. I not only did not want to live without Steve, I did not believe I COULD survive without his constant help. On the night of his death, I gave all my narcotic medications to my neighbor to hold - I did not want the temptation, the means, to follow my beloved. I chose to live bevause of all the things I had to do for Steve following his death. then my daughter was here and my friends told me I simply could NOT let her walk in on a dead Dad. I followed their instructions - and got myself into grief counseling - thank you Dr. Flowers!

Am I happy to be alive? Most of the time - two plus years after Steve's death. Real happy that Carey is coming today.

for anyone else considering and planning suicide, do look on the Net - Google "suicide." And read what folks say. It made a difference in my life and got me to counseling.

Though to this day, I feel guilty for being alive when my Steve is passed on. But as a buddy told me, if I killed myself, I would have very bad Karma / trouble facing judgement / whatever your belief system. I would be knocked down in the afterlife and not be able to be with Steve. So suicide is out if it won't get me where I want to be - with Steve.
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