caught between a rock and a hard place- vent

Hi All,

The migraines have been pretty bad for the past six-eight weeks. I got an IV of Depakan on tuesday and it helped a good deal. I had five great days- today hasn't been good, but I have been able to get stuff done.

Anyway, due to the fact that headache has been so severe for so long, I didn't feel I could stop the as needed meds- Tylenol #3 and klonopin- quickly. So, over the course of the past few days I have been tapering off. (Off Tylenol #3 and working on the klonopin.) I have also had a lot more energy. I have been able to do some stuff I don't usually do. Anyway, I called my parents just to check in and stuff. I had a good conversation with mom until she says, "What did you take for the headache?" I said, "just one klonopin." She said, "I knew it was something. you really shouldn't take that and so on."

Sometimes, I just do not understand this. It seems to be fine for others to treat their pain ( my mother has chronic back pain and does have to take some pain medication), but it seems like I shouldn't take anything for the migraine. I mean, I am supposed to pretend that I am fine around others, but if I take the medication as prescribed, I get yelled at. I am only on Ultram ER, Pristiq, and Zanaflex dailly. I have Tylenol 3, klonopin, ultram and benedryl as needed for pain. Unfortunately, I have had to take the rescues more than usual. I am allowed 4 t3 and 3 1mg klonopin. On bad days, I have had to take it 3 times a day, when I would normally only take one or two. I have never had a problem with medication. In fact, I am on far less medication now than I have been in years. My doctors understand it. I just feel caught in the middle. The strange thing is the fact that when I was talking to mom on the phone, I don't know whether it was the klonopin or the sheer joy of a few good days that bothered her.

I know the only thing I can do is push on. I have had this problem long enough to know what works and what doesn't. I just hate getting yelled at for it. I just hate the fact that I feel like I am "darned if I do and darned if I don't." It is frustrating.

Has anyone else here experienced this?

Pain free days,
sconesail

Sorry you are having to deal with this. If you both you and your doctors think these medications are you best option and you find them helpful, then I think that needs to outweigh your mother's opinion. I know this has been a discussion topic here before, but have you tried to have a sit down and get her to explain exactly what she has against you taking something that is helpful? I assume she hears something slightly different in your voice. Maybe she thinks you are "high" from the meds? Is she worried about rebound? Even if you were slightly impaired (I don't know), if its helpful and you aren't hurting yourself or anyone else, what is the problem? You are taking them for the right reasons.

I agree there is such a stigma against pain medication / benzos, and even more against taking them for headache. For patients who have tried & failed everything else and who have daily pain, I don't see why headache can't be treated with pain meds the same as any other type of pain. If anything, it sounds like you could benefit from more of these medications, not less. I wonder what she would have said if you answered that you hadn't taken anything? If she doesn't think you should be taking them, then she better have a better suggestion.

I've run into the same thing with doctors...they said I should get off the pain meds, yet didn't have a single reasonable treatment for me to try instead. It sounds like you have a tough decision to make. If it was me, I'd try to stand up for what I knew was the best for me. You can only try so long and so hard to convince her it is the best. At some point, you just have to say this is the way it is. Even better, unless it is something that needs to be discussed as a family, maybe not even discuss your meds?

After a discussion of your intentions of what topics to keep only between you & your doctors, if she brings it up, you could say you don't want to talk about it and change the subject. Its got to be tough with her as a doctor and a mom though. I haven't even told my parents I am on pain meds, only hubby and doctors. I just didn't want to deal with their opinions on top of what I am already going through. A lot of my extended family doesn't even know about my headache / health problems. That isn't possible for a lot of folks, but my point is that for me, the less I share the easier it has been. I have had a family member or two get annoyed or worried about me, but they also know I'm a pretty private person. That way I don't get the questions...aren't you better yet? or what medication are you on now? Over time people have stopped even asking besides maybe a how are you feeling? That is easier for me to answer.

My husband is kinda against me being on pain meds. However, from what I gather, it is more the all pain meds are bad sort of mentality that gets put forth in life in general. He doesn't seem to associate how much greater quality of life I have with them when dosed correctly...otherwise I'm a miserable moody mess. He also doesn't seem to understand the difference between dependency and addiction, despite me trying to explain several times in several ways. At least he has kept this information in confidence and I think he tries to understand and be there for me emotionally. Hang in there! Best wishes.

Fortunately, I don't get a lot of this.... at least not from my mother. She's seen me suffer so terribly for 37 years, so she's happy that I found something that helps me get on with life at least a l ittle bit. She has told me that she worries what the meds are doing to me long term, but she understands why I need them.

I think if I were in your shoes, I would tell her I don't want to talk about it with her. If she pushes...... I'd probably just hang up.

Sailingmuffin,

It is so hard to tune out family members' opinions when they don't fully understand your health issues. I'm sure your mom is coming from a place of caring and concern but she's not you and unless she too is living with chronic daily migraines or is a neurologist who specializes in migraines, she's not in a position to judge.

I would suggest explaining to her that while you appreciate her concern, your medication usage is not something you are willing to discuss with her anymore. Perhaps if she knows that this is causing you stress she might back off?

Above all, don't second guess yourself. You are doing what you need to do to survive. That's all you can do. I hope that you get this resolved soon.

SM, I know you have been around and around on the meds with your mother. You have been through enough doctors and gone off the meds enough to know by now that the meds are not causing the fainting or the migraines. I'm sure your mom secretly wishes that were the case, because that would be so much easier than dealing with something they can't seem to diagnose.
That is frustration talking, not medical reasoning. It is why doctors are not supposed to treat their own families.

My recommendation is to not engage with her on it, even though I'm sure she means well. Just say "I'm following the doctors orders on my meds. I don't want to discuss it with you" and change the subject. This has been going in long enough you should know she is stuck on this.

Hi All,

Thanks for all of the replies.

I think my mother wishes that the fainting and meds were connected- because that would be easy to fix. I really don't think that she wants me to suffer or anything. I know that the medications can make me a little fuzzy at times and I tend to ramble when I take them. It is possible that she just wants to see the "Sailing" she knows, raher than "sailing on medication" or worse, "sailing in pain." I understand this. But sometimes, I wish she would shift the focus from what she wants me to be and what I am. She has had to take long-acting pain meds and some things for years. Maybe she doesn't want me to have to deal with it, or have me hurt enough to take them?

I know that she doesn't object to the meds I am on now. I think she worries about it. I try not to tell her too much. I also know that part of this objection is due to some problems my eldest brother is experiencing. I have told her on many occasions that I am not my older brother, that I am taking what the neuro reccomended, and am doing quite well. I am able to live with a friend, I am getting a service dog, and I am living life the only way I know how. In many ways, I cope with pain the same she does. Basically, I will try to get a lot done when I feel ok, do what I have to when I feel bad, and fake that I am ok in public, because this is how I learned tto deal with the headaches and still have a life. However, when she gets home and is hurting, we feel the effects. I usually just collapse at the end of the day. I think a lot of this problem has to do with the fact that I am hurting and that she knows I need the medicine, but wished I didn't?

You are so right about the reasons drs don't practice on thier families. My parents, both are physicians, have always been helpful and supportive and have done everything possible to find a treatment for this. Dad never seems to mind about the medicine, except when it doesn't work.

You are right. I am going to continue to do what is needed to survive. I am on a lot less medication than I have been in the past. I may just tone down any discussion of the headache or try not to call when the meds kick in.

I love my mother, but she can be a little annoying at times.

Pain free say,
sailing