MIA but thinking of all of you...

I first want to apologize for not having responded to most of your posts.
I care about you so much. I just haven't felt like I have anything worthwhile to contribute...I haven't even felt adequate offering support.

Please know I've just been in a bad place. I know its a poor excuse. I have been reading daily, though, and thinking of you so much.

I probably have no right in sharing what I have been going through, as I have been such a bad friend. I did want to offer some explanation about what has been going on, though.

I recently went through a miscarriage. It was unexpected in some ways...in other ways I felt like G-d didn't find me worthy of being a mother, with all my issues.
I also found out my dog, my big dobie, got really ill at a pet hotel whilst I was out of town. His heart stopped on the operating table whilst he was having his perforated intestine fixed.
They started his heart, but I was so devastated and distraught I think that's what triggered my miscarriage.

Some may think that my priorities were all wrong...getting upset about my dog. At least that is what a lot of my family thinks. I couldn't help it. He is my companion and best friend in a way. He has been there through my illness and bad days....I realize that dogs and animals NEVER live long enough. I just was not ready to let him go.

He is recovering nicely. He is so strong. He is home now. I'm sure you all know how expensive and inconsiderate some vets can be. I understand that they need to be paid upfront, but $7000 later they weren't willing to work with us, and he had to be released into our care.
Every moment with him means the world to me.

Enough about me.....

I hope that you won't mind if I address some people here in one post....I've found it a bit hard to search for posts that I want to respond to.

Vicki, I hope you are faring well. Please message me. I've missed you and am here for you. I'll message you my phone number again. I'll check in with you soon and make sure you are ok.
I hope your mum and Dad are both feeling better. I hope the parrot isn't causing you too much grief!!! I'm also so proud of you of all you've done to make your international students feel at home. I've been living abroad and appreciated outreach like you have done, and I have also lived for 2 years in an international house, and know how much such caring is appreciated.

Becky (Heeler Lady), I can't believe what a schmuck your landlord is being. No hot water???? Unacceptable. I hope you get your lawnmower back, too. I'm sorry you are going through all this on top of everything else you are dealing with.

Becky, I wrote you on Facebook but wanted you to know I'm thinking of you. Traveling is so hard. I personally think its harder for me in the car than flying. When I fly I pre-board, which helps with a bit of the stress of claustrophobia, etc...

Risa, I'm terribly sorry about your dog getting sprayed by the skunk! (knock on wood) I haven't had to experience that yet, but it must be horrible. I also read the message about your sister, and feel badly that you have to go through that. Like others have said, I also have quite a few issues with my sister. I won't go into it as I don't want to make this message about me anymore than I already have(!), but you have every right to feel the way you do. I would be really upset if my family just disclosed certain things and made me feel like I wasn't worthy of more. I'm so sorry...

Charlotte (paradox), I really hope that your friend who was in danger of losing his pension has had better news recently. As others have said, you are a wonderful friend. I really pray that things turn around for him.

Sailing Muffin, about trazodone, I have been on it for about 2 years. It has been a life-saver for me. I hope that it helps you, and you don't have to deal with side-effects like you did before. It helps immensly with my sleep and overall well-being. I'm on a relatively low dose (150mg), and feel very fortunate to find something that helps so much.

Brent...I just want to thank you for all of your wonderful pictures, both here and on Facebook. You are so talented, I hope that you chronicle such images in a book or something.

Milo, I came off my opiates 2 months ago. I did taper off slowly, but not slowly enough. Now I'm off them I feel so much better. I do plan to see my pain doctor in a few weeks, though, and may go back on a low dose. My doctor did say that it was good to 'reset' my body.

Cheryl, I'm praying for Anna all the time. I'm grateful that I get to read updates of her on the other site. She is in my thoughts and prayers..you are too....

..and Pen. Dear Pen. I will call you over the next week. Just tell me a good time. You are such a sweetheart. I'm so sorry that you have been suffering so much with the IBS, Fibro, Migraines. I wish you had more access to help and pain control. I haven't forgotten that I owe you toothpicks and noxzema!!! Much love...xoxo


You all mean a lot to me and I'm terribly sorry if I left anyone out. I'll address them separately.
Thank you so much for reading and I'm really sorry for blabbering about my issues.

xo
Tea

Tea,

I'm so sorry you're going through all of this right now. I'm so terribly sorry to hear about your miscarriage. That's got to be so devastating. I can certainly understand being upset about the health issues of your pet. Most people think of pets as family. I can't have pets because of my hubby's allergies and asthma, but I KNOW I'd be the same way.

You are welcome to come here and vent. We all need a safe place to let off steam. This is that place for many of us. Don't feel badly about turning to us when you need to. That's why we're here.

Hoping and praying things look up for you soon. *hugs*

Don't worry about not posting on the site. It doesn't make you a bad friend at all. I went AWOL for a while myself when I was just too overwhelmed with my migraines and all. I should still have your phone number, unless it has changed. I haven't been talking to many people on the phone lately myself.

I completely understand your concerns about your dog. Our beloved Justice, our German shepherd/husky mix is 15, so we are really nervous that we aren't going to have him much longer. And the thought of losing such a special member of our family is really upsetting to us all. I can completely understand how that would have caused your miscarriage.

I'm very sorry about that happening. I know how terrible it was for my cousin to experience two of them, so while I can't understand on a personal level, I can empathize.

Tea,

I went AWOL for a couple of years when I had a bad reaction to a med. When I apologized, Dear Risa told me the beauty of the Internet is we can drop in and out as our lives allow us too.

I had three miscarriages, and we can't control what effects a pregnancy and what doesn't. I'm also quite a dog lover (we have bassets) and I thik many here understand your concern for your pooch.

Thank you for your kind words. My friend found out Friday that he, in fact, did nothing wrong and will not be losing his pension. He had a nice celebratory dinner that night!

Glad you're back...

Tea,

Glad you popped back in. I know what it is to just read and not comment. I've been not as active as of late just because I've been in a place where I didn't feel like I had much to contribute plus feeling like total dog poo.

So sorry to hear of all your personal troubles. I've not had a miscarriage so I have no idea what you are going through there but you have my sympathies. As for the dogs. Well I have 3 and they are my children, very expensive children but they are my reason to keep getting up in the morning. Without them I think I would have thrown in the towel a long time ago. They aren't just an animal, they know all your dirty secrets and don't get upset when you are cross with them because you don't feel well and do what they can to try to make you feel better.

Landlord issues are finally resolved. Everything is back to status quo. Silly me signed on for another year so I have another 12 months of this but normally they are decent about things. Must be something in the water lately cause things just keep happening...

Hope you are having a good day.

Becky

Just seen your mail, thank you Tea. Will reply, sorry I missed it.
And you dont "owe" me anything my friend.

Pen
xx

Sorry to hear of your loss. Glad you posted. Glad you are back and connecting with friends again.

I am so sorry to hear about your miscarriage. Please don't think you have to be here constantly in order to deserve our friendship. As Charlotte said, you can drop in and drop out. If we migraineurs don't understand, then nobody can!

I hope your dog is recooperating. I am not sure I understand about that. Did you have to take him home from the vet because you couldn't afford the treatment any longer? In any case, no one has the right to decide how you should feel about a pet. Love is not something that can be divided. It can only be multiplied. So you can love your dog as much as you want and still love other people and animals.

Keeping you in my prayers, cupoftea. I hope your puppy is recovering well under your love and caring--I so understand how much they mean to us when we're so isolated.

Gentle hugs and love to you.

I know you have been here as I have felt your presence, even if you weren't posting. I know of your presence in our time of trouble. How I loved your Hebrew prayer for us.

I'm sorry about both babies! Human and canine. I'm sorry for your great loss and heartaches because I care.

I hope your pain isn't too great. You have been able to try some advanced treatments, and they haven't worked out. Just to put in a plug for the intrathecal pain pump (catheter placement at C-1 to C-2). I think this is something very promising. It has been working out well for "brain pain" people in Minnesota. The most promising thing that I know of anyway. So keep your eyes and ears open for that where you live.

Sending you mega love and support.

You are a special person in this cyber family!

Cheryl

I'm sorry about your loss. Please don't let anyone guilt you in to thinking that you were in any way responsible for your miscarriage. Even if you were very upset about your dog, there is no way to say it was the main reason you miscarried!

I hope your pup is on the mend.

Most recent studies indicate that trying to get pregnant again within three months of your miscarriage is a very good indicator for the outcome of the next pregnancy. I know it sounds crazy to even ponder, but the stats are pretty sound and it may be worth the emotional effort.

I hope you and your pup heal well.

Warmest of wishes <3

Hi sweetie, I've sent you PM.

Risa

Milo beat me to a comment that I was going to make. The most recent issue of Time had a blurb that recent research has shown that the conventional wisdom of waiting a while to try again to have a baby is flawed. It said that women have the best chance for a healthy pregnancy if they conceive again within the first six months.

Thank you so much for all of our support. You are definitely family to me...I care about you all so much.
The days and nights are still rough...I don't know why it's so hard for me to accept this. Perhaps because I'm 37 and my fertile days are numbered!!!
I am so thankful on the other hand for the continue recovery of my Kaz. He has to be carried (all 70 lbs of him...he had lost 20lbs and is skin and bones) up and down our wooden stairs...not an easy task!!

Every day is a bit touch and go, but I have faith that his strong spirit will make it. He is a protection competition dog (used with police dogs and especially Dutch and Belgian police dogs) so he is a desired stud.

He has been getting his 'stud yearnings' back (as our female dobie is in heat), so that can only be a good sign, right??!!!

Much love,
Tanya

I'm glad Kaz is doing better. It must be really hard to carry him up and down stairs. I can't imagine carrying either of our dogs up and down stairs, and they're both about 60 lbs, ten pounds lighter than Kaz! I hope you heal as well as Kaz seems to be doing!