not meant for this earth...

Do you ever feel you are not meant for this earth. I certainly do. What keeps you going??

My family and the internet.... this forum.
But its hard.

I know exactly what you mean. There are times I think I can't take it any more and getting to the next day seems impossible. When other people find solutions to their migraines and you don't and your life is all pain, it does seem like you're not meant for this world.

I just had a reaction to magnesium in an i.v. this week where my blood pressure went sky high and they thought I was having a heart attack (and I did too). Usually magnesium makes blood pressure go low, but mine did the opposite. I think it has something to do with my blood pressure meds. I feel like I'm not from this planet, like I should be outside watching for the mother ship to pick me up soon or phone home like E.T.

Like Pen, what keeps me going is my family, my grandkids, and the knowledge that they would miss the few good hours I have with them. And the thought that somewhere out there is an answer to the pain.

This forum has been like a lifeline thrown to a drowning person for me. I felt like I was the only one and I see there are others living through it and I read their solutions, including yours, and it gives me hope. We have to hang in there and do it together. Take care of yourself.

I just found this forum in March. I can't believe how much it helps. I, like you, felt I was completely alone in this journey. In the 'real' world I still am. Funnily, I'm beginning to feel this forum IS the real world! I see there are only 200 plus members. A small amount in the scheme of things. Funny how important they have become. In such a short period of time. I guess I will keep going. Not any other choice. And watch the 'real' world go by....

One day Gail, maybe the world will slow down a little and let us catch up.
Meanbwhile, and I hope it is not a long meanwhile, at least we do have here.
Isnt it ironic that we get told to stay off forums.....shows what they know...
Pen
Oh and we are heading for 350 members now, but most of them dont post.

I wish more would post. They don't know how much good it does to be a part of a community. I mean there are people worse than I am, better than I am and others that just understand what I deal with.

I determined a long time ago that I wasn't going to let this run my life. It does to an extent but it's I chose not to do things because I feel awful that day. I still do the things I love, except when I'm afraid I'll puke in public. Or I'm a witch - I'd rather people not see me like that because it's not who I am.

This forum has been a life saver. To find others that have been there and understand. Just amazing as this disease is so lonely. I know there's a gal from the forum that lives rather close and I need to call her. I've just been in a bad string lately (all sorts of goofy weather) but that is just an excuse.

I say "seize the day", today is today and even if it's crap, it's another day you are living. Find one thing to enjoy (even if it's being medicated to the gills and sitting outside under a tree).

Yes, Ive been feeling that way lately. Where do I fit in? I feel so old for my age.

Oh yeah, I have certainly felt like I am in the wrong place...for me, I am in this horrible cycle of 8 days of migraines, then 7 days off. I suffer 192 days a year, so yeah...there are many times I just want to give up. But I cannot run away, as these migraines will follow me to the ends of the earth, and the only way to escape them is death. Since that is not an option at the moment, I have no choice but to keep on going. but, see those three people in my picture with me? THAT'S my incentive to keep me going.

My poor kids are always amazing me with their compassion, empathy, and love. My little Ava says "mommy I wish you didn't get headaches." I ask her why. She says "cuz I don't want you to hurt anymore mommy." Then we both just sit there and cry in each others arms.

My boy Wes is there for me too. He rubs my back for me when I am hovered over the toilet throwing up from the pain, telling me "mommy it will be ok, I'll take care of you! My hubby is my rock too. Granted there are days he is less than sympathetic, but for the most part, I know I can count on him!

Usually 6 days into a whopper M, my back spasms, I'm puking, and hallucinating from lack of sleep (3 days or more without sleep) he rubs my back, and listens to my rants about how I'm a good person, and I've done nothing so horrible in this life or the last to deserve this! Just having him there to listen to me and kind of coach me through the pain means everything to me.

This forum too has been a blessing. It saddens my heart to see so many people suffering, but oddly comforting to see that I am not alone...By the way, heeler...I see you live in Wisconsin, as do I. We are moving to Cornell, WI within the next month or so. You close by?

Dawn

I just wanted to say that is a lovely family photo. I wish you all the best. G.

Last night I held a 26 year old man as he sobbed in pain over a child hood molestation. funny, I shared my life pain with him - but the pain that came to my mind was not disabling migraines - it was living with the grief over the loss of my beloved husband.

At the age of 58, I believe Walt Disney sold my generation a false bill of goods. there really isn't any "happily ever after." Life seems to me to be all about the way each of us deals with the pain of our lives - illness, death, war, financial difficulties, loneliness - we have so many "painful words" in English - and I believe everyone has life pain to deal with - if they don't yet, they will - grief will hit us all.

Not to say there is not great joy and love in life - it is the joy of love that makes the pain of life not only bearable but really gives us a reason to live. but life is never all loving joy - it is more pain than joy - else we would not appreciate the moments of joyful love so much.

Well, enough Sunday philosophy - I woke up feelng poorly BUT I am having lunch with some kids and their parents whom I love dearly. Pain and joy - a salad for life.

I've felt like it is all just too much but my kids keep me going. My kids are my biggest support and always have been. Without them, I know I would have given up a long time ago. Raising them while having chronic migraines was a lesson in patience and fortitude. Now I'm too stubborn to just give in.

It is hard to keep slogging on every day. I was out at an event today and could feel an M descending. When I woke up no symptoms but things just progressively decline. I have to attend a wake tonight - not that I was looking forward to it in the first place but I really don't want to go. I'm hoping it won't take long to get through just for the fact that I want to be home hiding and snuggling with the dogs.

Dawn - I live near Madison but went to school in River Falls and don't envy your winters. I complain enough about mine.

Richard wrote:Pain and joy - a salad for life.

Well said, Richard!

I think you are talking about something related to the constant pain. I feel like an alien but it's more about being baffled by humans than physical pain. I feel like I might have gotten off the spaceship on the wrong planet.

Chris

Yes. I feel the same way. People are too confusing for me. I was talking about the chronic pain. But, I think it's definately more...

I wish that this forum had a hug smiley...I feel like you could use one, even if it's an e-hug (((((hug))))). I hope that this is just the blues over your pain and insomnia, but if you really do feel like you're not meant for this Earth, PLEASE, call or talk to someone! I'm not a counselor, but if you're struggling that much, let me know and I'll PM you my number. Sorry if I'm taking this too serious, but I knew someone who did commit suicide, and it's left an emotional scar.

I also feel badly that I've waited so long to reply, but it was me trying to not let my emotions make me overreact.

Also, if this doesn't make sense, I couldn't find a sub for work, and so I had to use the much stronger meds to make it thru my shift. All the storms coming through Kansas have left me a wreck.

Take care, and let me know if you need my number, I've been up all night too, and wouldn't mind talking at all.

STOP THE WORLD, I want to get off! OK, the truth is that I come from the sixth planet of a star located just a few lightyears away from the second star in Orion's belt. I know I am an alien because I have this affliction that no one can see and no one knows anything about.

Hal

Hal,

We must all be aliens, because quite often they cannot even see us.



P

Hal- Thank you for your first line. It took me back a number of years when DH and I were dating, and would often end up at the midnight Rocky Horror Showing. I needed the smile.

Yes, Richard, you are so right. There is no"happily ever after" in this life. Though some would like to believe that there is. I do think the media perpetuates this fantasy on a daily basis. Also, people speak of being "happy" all of the time. That`s another falacy. We will have ~moments ~ of happiness but it`s not constant, 24/7.

THANK YOU KATE! I know some people that think one should be happy 24/7 and if you are not, there is something wrong with you. Maybe those people should see a shrink.

Hal

yes all the people we have in our lives does keep me going but also the thought that there are so many so much worse, a aneighbour of mine is a little blind 8 year old boy whos mother and sister died of cancer last year and the dad took his lfe because he couldnt handle it, so the grandparents bring him up. im just grateful we do get breaks from the pain . this little boy will never get a break from it and even when we have a mig we can cuddle our children, this boy doesnt have a mommy to cuddle anymore. we can make a differnce to eachother and those around us. it is so easy to get depressed with chronic pain but the answer is in looking outside of our pain and seeing the pain of others, maybe thats why we belong on this planet because we can empathise with them.

Hal,

Have to agree with you. If you're happy 24/7 there's something seriously wrong with you and you should be under psychiatric care.

HeelerLady wrote:Hal,

Have to agree with you. If you're happy 24/7 there's something seriously wrong with you and you should be under psychiatric care.

I'm voting with you two. When someone walks around with a constant smile pasted on his/her face, it's time for the big butterfly net.

Chris

my little neighbour the blind boy smiles all the time and is just the happiest boy there is and yet having buried his mom, dad and sister wed expect him to be the saddest. hes a trememndous example to us. at least we get breaks from our pain, he doesnt.why not smile through the tears, at least that boy will be remembered for his smiles and what better way to be remembered for. laughter is a great form of therapy.hands up all those who want to be remembered for being depressed for what life has thrown at them??