Some Thoughts About Migrainer Family Situations

It is good to remember that the American nuclear family - Dad, Mom, and kids living alone - is a new invention. Until after World War II, beginning in 1946 or so, that family was NOT the norm. Folks lived with extended familes, with aunts and uncles and cousins, with dear friends as roommates. The idea of living alone was considered weird. the idea of a "nuclear family" was most strange indeed.

Even if a family lived alone on an old Southern plantation, visitn relatives hung around for a couple of years for a visit. There were always several adults around to help.

Being a baby boomer, I thought the ideal was for Steve and I to live alone as a family. We did so. After he died, I want the "courage" and "guts" to be able to live alone. What a farce that was!

Now I have a boyfriend and a roommate with me. BEST decisions I have ever made! I have help around the house, someone to drive me, ready ice packs - the works. I do not have to life a finger. I cook because I am told I am a great cook - and I know I am better than Thom and Otis (LOL). But my life is 1000% better (I meant that one thousand percent!) than living the American ideal alone.

When I read on here about single mom's and married mom's with migraines, I have started thinking this:

Wouldn't their lives be 1000% better if they lived with beloved and caring adults around who could clean, shop, and take care of the kids when they can't?

It really is something to consider. Maybe the old ways made a lot more sense. I know I am REAL happy my brother and sister-in-law live with my Mom. And so is she.

Living with relatives and friends is GREAT for the family budget. And for when one migraines. And it makes life a lot more interesting. That has always been my experience.

So to you out there who are really struggling to handle it all - get some live-in help. Relatives, dear friends, people in need - someone you are capatible with and trust. It really is not as difficult to think of these people as you may at first think. The elderly? The single and lonely? Really, give it a thought.

Extended family and friend living worked for humans for about 8,000 years. Maybe this" one couple-one house" is not the right thing for all of us. I know it is wrong for me.

you are absolutely right, it is not normal, in my opinion for human beings to live alone, or even for it just to be the hubby wife and kids, extended family can in the most part be a wonderful pillar of support for all of us,

my friends and i always joke about how we look after each other better than our husbands do, my hubby is a hard working practical man who i love dearly (most of the time!), but when it comes to emotions he can run a mile, i think you need different people in your lives for different elements of it,

i am so glad i have my mum round the corner she is my rock, when i have not been well and need someone to help with the kids when hubby is at work, i had only to pick up the phone and say mum i have a really bad migraine, and if she could she was round and just sorted the kids out and put some sort of supper on the table, or when i first came home from hospital with my babies, and was a crying exhausted emotional wreck, wondering what the hell i was suppose to do with this hungry, crying bundle of joy! she was there just matter of factly getting on and pegging washing out whilst i caught up with my sleep. it was such a comfort to know she was close by and would always support me,

i work in a hospital and help to look after the patients day to day needs, washing feeding etc, and some of the elderly come in to us and have lived on their own for years and are so lonely and depressed, after a few days of company, cups of tea, and a chat they perk up no end and when they are medically fit for discharge, many dont want to leave us,

going off track slighty it is also known that the human baby crys more than any other sort of baby on earth, but when you think about it we humans are the only ones that have a newborn baby, and put it to sleep on their own in their own crib and even room,

i spent hours, night after night, for months on end, in my sons nursery, sat in the rocking chair, when he was one and two years old, trying to get him back to sleep, only for him to wake up crying and clinging on for dear life when i tried to put him back in his cot, if i had my time again i think i would just by a bigger bed and stick him in it, i would of got alot more sleep and alot less migraines.

ok i think i am rambling, the amitriptyline is kicking in, time to head off to bed!

I am lucky enough to have family nearby for most of the year. My parents live right across the street except for a few months out of the winter when they go south for warmer temps. They are a blessing. My hubby's parents are in town for most of the year as well. Sometimes I don't know what we would do without them. Extended family and our closest friends are a blessing absolutely.

Jo

It certainly does take a village........my extended family is 2,000 miles away and my husband and I have found some wonderful people in our community that have become our new "family" - without their love and support at any time of the day or night I would not be able to function.

Hi Richard,
if there's harmony, living with others is certainly great.

I've lived alone for 10 years and certain days I felt so lonely and depressed.

I could have stayed with my parents in those years, but the idea of going back to that type of family routine made me feel even sicker.....

So, better alone and depressed than in company but in despair

Now that I'm married and look back at my single life, I see it as a neutral experience. It had many sad moments and difficulties, but also a few nice moments. If I have to choose, however, I'd chose my married life

My father lived with us for about a year, and there were some things that were very good about it, and some that weren't.

Numero Uno on the YES! List, was he paid for a cleaning lady to come in once a week.

He also contributed to the expenses.

He was in poor health so he wasn't a great deal of help to me when I was down, but it was always nice to have that sympathy from the person who loves you unconditionally.

The major downside was my Dad was an alcoholic. The final straw came when my son had a sleep over with 8 ten year old boys. My father chose that night to become absolutely pissed. I had to keep him from walking around the house naked, I was up all night sitting outside his door afraid he was going to burn the house down smoking in bed.

The next day I told him we were moving. I could not control the way I was raised, but I could control what my children were exposed too.

My Dad was gracious enough to move and not make us uproot the kids. He moved several blocks away and I was still able to care for him and took a leave of absence to do hospice for him when he died.

I still miss him so. When he died people would extend their condolences and then when they were told he died of chirrosis it was almost like the sympathy was withdrawn. That they felt it should have been a relief for me that he was gone. It wasn't. My father was a kind, caring, generous man who could not beat the disease of alcoholism.

I'm sorry, I got very off track.

Communal living is great, as long as all the personalities mesh. We have a dear friend of ours who I fully expect to take into our home when he can no longer care for himself.

I'm hopeful someone will feel the same about me!

Charlotte

The diesease of alcoholism is a real deal breaker often t imes. I am proud of the way you confronted this disease in your father. My sympathy at your loss of his love and the good times.

Yes, harmony is essential in cohabitation.

But I encourage folks to think not only of the elderly who need may need help or of parents as potential house-mates. I always feared roommates as a burden ... but my roommate Otis is a true and honest blessing. I think it works for me because:

1. He needs a place to live and I need some help - need is a great motivator for harmony
2. My house is set up so that on one end I have a bedroom, bath, and office - at the other end he has a large bedroom and bath (his computer fits in his room nicely) Between "our spaces" are a living room, den, screen room, kitchchen. We have plenty of room of our own and lots of shared spaces. We are only in the same room at the same time by choice, not necessity.
3. He goes about his business away from Ravenhurst many times a week - if we are home together, it is by choice, not necessity.
4. We agree on finances and we BOTH think we are getting the better end of the stick.

Thom and I are together a whole lot more. shared room and office, shared lives. It is different. But it is working.

I am truly blessed.

I have to admit, it's a real blessing having our nephew and his fiance living with us at present. They've been a great help with running errands when I'm ill, or taking out trash, helping carry in groceries, etc. It's so nice to have them around.

Brenda ... PLUS havng them around gives you more time to farm in Farmville! Love those valentines! LOL

Oh no...you got sucked into FarmVille. I have thus far managed to resist but FarmTown....couldn't get rid of it if I wanted. I started before I knew I'd have 20+ requests a day show up in my box...oh well - see what we get reduced to. Stuck at home on our couches, medicated to the eyeballs and virtual farming - there has to be an ironic twist in there somewhere......

Wouldn't their lives be 1000% better if they lived with beloved and caring adults around who could clean, shop, and take care of the kids when they can't?

I loved having my Grandpa, Grandma, Aunties, Uncles and cousins around whenever the came to visit.
It was real family time, perhaps the only true family time I ever had. Yes there was always someone to help with taking care of the kids, ease the burden of the adult life. A close family member to seek advice and confide in, receive loving support.

Now since we are immigrants and my daughter is a first generation born in Canada, I see the huge difference what is like to be born into country without the extended family - all that is missing. There is no loving Granpa or Granma to help you with your newborn baby, to help you cook and clean.
No Grandpa to read you bedtime stories and give your Mom or Dad advice. Or just be there with a soft shoulder to lay your head on.

Yes definitely there is nothing wrong with a multifamily system. I think, growing up in such helps to learn how to exists in society better. It teaches tolerance and compassion for each other.

I was always rather taken aback with the readiness at how some parents wanted to get rid of their children from their homes once their grew up. I dread the day my daughter will want to move out!
I'd rather we buy a huge house and live all together forever, us and her family.

Risa

For years our goal for our youngest son was for him to live semi-independently. In a residential facility, but with his own room.

Because of recent budget cuts, these facilities have very long waiting lists. And my son is reluctant to do it.

Hubby and I started having long discussions as to why it would be so important for him move out. We have a large home and my son is able to have his privacy. He works part-time doing cleaning for the local human resource center so he has interaction with other people.

And we LOVE having him with us. He is a joy in our lives. He has his chores, he empties the dishwasher, takes out the trash and gets the mail at the end of the drive every day (it is a problem though when the mail is addressed to him, as in his social security communications. He's been taught not to open that is not addressed to him. So in turn he feels that mail addressed to him should not be read by others. So he hides it). We have garbage once every two weeks and usually his dad takes it out the road. We have a very long driveway and at the end of two weeks we have accumulated lots of trash.

Last week Hubby said I'm going to take the garbage out, and my son said "I already did!". We were so proud. I was amazed that he remembered it was garbage day and that he took the iniative to do the job himself.

Even though he is autistic, he is very compassionate with me when I have a M (which lately is every day). He will get his meals (he reads well enough to be able to microwave cook. His mind is a real puzzle as to why he can read so well), and he gives the best head massages.

So we have pretty much decided that he will stay with us until we die. His older brother has said he can then go and live with him and his wife.

No, Risa, I have never understood the folks that were anxious to get their kids out of the house. When my eldest was starting kindergarten I had the option to push and have him start early. No Way! I wanted him to be the most mature in his class (and he was), and I wanted him home that extra year before he went to college!

Charlotte

I'm not only sucked into farmville, I also play cafe world and fishville. Cafe World is my favorite though. Richard, I love the valentine's as well. Trying to decide what I want to trade them in on.