Need some advice- family and migraines

Hi All,

The past couple of weeks, the headache has been really bad.

In addition to this, Dora-my awesome service dog is getting some more training. She just needs to brush up on some things and so do I. Dora is quite protective of me. For example, If we are walking and she sees another dog, and knows I am going to faint- she doesn't wamt that dog near me and she will try to chase down the other dog. She is not really an aggressive dog, but we need to work on this problem before it gets worse. So she is with the trainer for a week or so. I should get her back at the end of this week or early next week. I have gotten so used to Dora alerting to the fainting, so it doesn't happen as much. But for the past week, I have been fainting a whole lot more. Thursday night, I missed her so much I cried.

So I ended up calling my parents and asking if I could have Max for a day or two. Mom reluctantly agreed. Anyway, I spoke to Mom again yesterday to see if he could stay another night. As I said, the headache is bad. I had taken some medicine- klonopin- which seems to help the fainting and headache.

This brings me to the main problem. When I spoke to Mom things did not go well. She said, "You've obviously taken some Klonopin. Don't ever call me if you have taken any medicine- cause it make y Iou out of it and you are on too much anyway. Just don't talk to me if you have. Also, you better not ruin my dog like you ruined Dora. Don't let him beg, don't give him people food. (Note I don't give Dora people food either and am working on the begging thing). Just don't ruin him like you ruined Dora. I will admit that I might have slacked off a bit on discipline with Dora in the last couple of weeks, but that is why she is back in training- she needs to brush up and so do I.

Mom's reaction really bothers me. I really don't know what to do about it and need some advice on this issue. It also bothers me because my mom has chronic pain and sometimes it feels like it is ok if she takes something for it, but not if I do. Ever since the fainting began, I have gone off all meds numerous times- to no avail. I don't know what to do except what I am doing.

I know that part of it must be caused by pain and some of it is probably caused by Graves disease. (She goes nuts when her thyroid levels are out of whack and the mean streak knows no bounds.) However, no matter what the cause is, it still hurts. Ever since I developed chronic migraines at age 17, I was told that, if things got bad, it was ok to call and talk to them about it. But it isn't anymore. I can talk to some friends, I can talk to yall, but it feels like I can't talk to some of my family about it. (I can talk to Dad some and I can talk to my eldest brother about it. But it scares J (my other brother) and I can't talk to him about it. I am just really frustrated and need some advice on this subject.

Id love any ideas or advice.

Pain free days,
sailingm

It might be a good idea to not talk to your mom about your migraines and the fainting for a while......if she is also in pain and feeling bad she just may not have the ability to think clearly and stuff comes out of her mouth that she later regrets. If there are other people you can vent to that would be a good idea for now. I am sorry that your mom is not responding well but sometimes it just does not work well depending on how she is feeling. I know for me when my daughter calls to vent........I jump in and try to fix it and give her advice.......and that is just not what she needs at that time - she just needs me to listen and to empathize. I hope that Dora returns to you soon. I know for me having a dog in the house is essential to my mental health when my migraines are overpowering. I hope that your week improves - sending you gentle, warm thoughts. Leslie

SM,

I am sure you will feel much better when Dora gets back. She has been so good for you.
You know your mother has a problem with your fainting and medications. It is unfair, but
does not seem to change. You need to find a way to get past that and stop letting her make you
Feel bad. It does not help you. Try shutting down the conversation when that happens. Or just communicate
With you Dad for a while.

I have been in both you & your mothers situation. As a mother, I know when I'm having a migraine or other health issue, and my child or any family member calls with a problem, I try to listen to them & be supportive.
By doing that I have put my feelings aside & will be much sicker when I get off the phone with them. I do have a friend that only calls me when she is sick & it's the same with her, they never once ask if I'm ok.

I think there does come a time with adult children that parents do not necessarily want to hear all their problems. That doesn't mean we don't love them but as we get older we usually have more serious problems of our own to worry about. If our child is not well parents think they should be able to fix it & we can't.

I have migraines & syncope so I know it's scary for you. After being married a long time I can see my DH does not want to hear about my M's all the time because he has told me so. It's very hurtful but I suffer in silence a lot because there's not really anything he can do anyway & no one wants to hear me complain.

I know you will feel better when you get Dora back so try not to worry & be stressed so much. Maybe talk to someone else until your mom is feeling better. Hugs to you.

Maybe your mother's chronic pain condition affects her behavior towards you? It might seem like experiencing chronic pain helps people be more understanding of others, but personally I find the opposite is true. For the last decade when my migraines were extremely painful all of the time, I did not really give a crap about anyone else. If they were in pain, so what? Pain seemed like the normal thing, and they were just being whiny if they bothered me about it. After all, no one could help me with my pain, and I definitely could not help them. I rarely gave a first thought, let alone a second thought, as to the condition others might be in. Of course you all know the anger that accompanies a chronic pain condition and it's easy to take it out on other people, or be withdrawn.

I didn't even realize I was like this until recently. About a year ago now, I discovered that food coloring made my migraines much worse. Now that I've been able to avoid eating it, my migraines are only about 10% as painful as they used to be. A really bad one will be maybe 20% as painful. So for the last 12 months it's like a veil has been slowly lifting off my brain and my mind, and now I am free to think of other people and realize the way I was thinking before.

If it was me in your situation, I would probably confront my mom, even yell or scream at her if she was treating me like that. For me, if a stranger is mean to me I can't seem to say anything, but if someone close to me is mean I can tell them they can't do that in no uncertain terms.

Sweetie, you did not "ruin" Dora. She is a dog, acting like a normal dog. And you love her, so of course you may give her a treat now and then, or let her beg or whatever. I am an animal lover and extremely attached to my dog too. And yours is a service dog which makes her an angel! So don't feel bad.

My dog is also extremely protective to the point where she will "go after" anyone, human or canine, whom she perceives as a threat. Some dogs are just like that and it's hard to train it out of them. Or maybe I'm too lazy to make that continual effort!

Anyway, your mom is frustrated I'm sure, but don't feel bad -- just take care of yourself and get that puppy back