I think i am going to end my life

I can't live with this migraine aura , i am too frightened and nothing i try is helping, there is no cure so i might as well be dead .

Please take a deep breath.................is there anybody you can call and talk this out? Please my friend, I understand the depths of your despair............I know many times late at night I have had the same thoughts and I am so grateful that you have reached out to us here. I also struggle with migraine auras that overwhelm me and cause me to feel so depressed. Please, pick up the phone and call someone.....a neighbor? a family member? your doctor? Migraines alter our brain chemistry and cause us to have wild, negative, destructive thoughts.........please hang in there my friend - and check back frequently........we are here. Leslie

You said in a previous post that you just recently joined a church.........is there someone there that you can call? The fear that you talked about in that post is very normal - it is hard not to stoke that fear. When my auras finally subside I am left with such strong feelings of despair and depression - I call it the doom and gloom (d and g to my close friends and family!) stage of my migraine. It is not under my control - it is I believe part of the migraine and I do my best to make my way through it because I know it is caused by the chemical changes in my brain and I need to hang out until it abates. I cry, I crochet, I read the migraine message boards.........the auras and the d and g are exhausting and rip through me leaving me exhausted - you have a son, a husband, friends..................please reach out to them and let them know how you are feeling. We need support..........we need each other................please stay in touch. L

thanks , sorry for this its just how i felt right after the aura. I just relaxed until it went away I feel so down right now , i wish there was a cure it is so scary when life is ruined by this visual disturbance.
i keep trying to go over things which might have caused it again , i was in my son's house today and there was fresh paint which was really strong , maybe this caused it i don't know and its frustrating not knowing what is causing it . it has helped me to know that you feel the same because i thought it was just me .

We are certainly not alone................I know a few of my triggers but I also know that sometimes there is no reason why the migraine switch is flipped! Lights are a frequent trigger for me but I can't live in the dark all the time so I know when I go out that I am going to have to deal with a migraine later in the day. Our brains are just super-sensitive and when they get overloaded they just have to let go and the aura starts. I guess I have given up on a cure and am now working to figure out how to wrap my life around my migraines. Include them in my life but not let them run my life. Does that make sense? I have tried preventative meds and their side effects make everything worse so trying to live the migraine symptoms the best I can but there are days when I fail miserably and end up roaming the message boards or calling a good friend who understand and just sobbing...........we need to do whatever we need to to make it through my friend.

Jewishmother wrote:We are certainly not alone................I know a few of my triggers but I also know that sometimes there is no reason why the migraine switch is flipped! Lights are a frequent trigger for me but I can't live in the dark all the time so I know when I go out that I am going to have to deal with a migraine later in the day. Our brains are just super-sensitive and when they get overloaded they just have to let go and the aura starts. I guess I have given up on a cure and am now working to figure out how to wrap my life around my migraines. Include them in my life but not let them run my life. Does that make sense? I have tried preventative meds and their side effects make everything worse so trying to live the migraine symptoms the best I can but there are days when I fail miserably and end up roaming the message boards or calling a good friend who understand and just sobbing...........we need to do whatever we need to to make it through my friend.

I feel much better knowing I have someone who understands what i am going through, my husband is very good but he just cannot understand it and it isn't his fault , he tries really hard to help me .
I know artificial sweetner and yogurt are triggers for me so i avoid them like the plague.
There is a website posted on here i can't remember her name,but for a while it gives me hope that there is a cure, then it all boils down to money and i just don't have any I feel better already because i am smiling at what i just wrote . But if i found a cure i would give it out for free because i just know how this makes me feel and when we are desperate the last thing we should be worrying about is finding money we haven't got to access a cure .

Please listen to JM above, HF she is giving you the best advice.
We have all had moments like this, becasue migraine indeed alters the brain chemistry and severe depression can be it's s/effect.
When it happend again, just remember that it is your serotonin that pyas tricks with you, and that this feeling will pass. It will pass, it will pass - just keep repeating it. It usually works for me.

Fresh paint is a csure trigger for me, as do many other chemical smells. Even ordinary emulsion paint. Nowadays I only ever use water based paints (for woodwork) and ecological emulsion paints we can get here in UK. When my son redecorated his house last year I could nto visit for more then 4 weeks, the smell was in the air. They came to visit me instead. When I had my house decorated I stayed with them. This is life with migraine.

I never use any cleaning stuff at home which contains bleach (chlorine), or home deodorisers even the "nice smelling" ones, not even scented candles, as they all give me a certain migraine. I cannot use any washing powders with oxy name (often in bright ping boxes) all these powerful stain removing, whitening kind are deadly too.

Ever since I have began to pay attention to all these triggers, I have seriously reduced my migraine attacks. It is hard work, and I also needed to get co-opertaion from my family and friends, but people who really care about my well being have been very understading, those who don't are not the true friends and got left behind.

Do no despair HF, true migraine is not curable but it never stays the same, it changes over the years, sometimes even goes away for periods of time. We learn to live with it.

One more thing: never, ever believe when the websites tell you that they have a cure for migraine. IT is a con! Many of us dealt with the best migraine specialist hopsitals and doctors in the world, and there is no such thing as a "cure" for migriane. Do not torture yourself thinking that it is only a question of money and you would be fine. If only it was simple as that.

Just keep visiting here when you feel down, we are all in the same boat, so we understand your feelings. Rememebr your life is unique and valuable, and we care.
Mini

HF, I want to say that Jewishmother and Mini have given some wonderful, caring and supportive advise. I could not say better. Please as they both said come here, or make a phone call. I too would give away for free the cure if I had it but mini is right, there is no cure as of yet.

My thoughts are with you.

kimsmom

Just reading this now, HF. I've been in your shoes, I think we all have here. You've gotten excellent advice. When I have those really bad times, I just try to remind myself that researchers are looking for better treatment options. I just need to hang on a little longer. Sometimes all I can think about is getting through the next 24 hours, I'll face tomorrow when it gets here. Just know, that you are not alone. We're here for support and I'm sure family, doctors, ministers are all there to try to help. Even if they don't feel our pain, they can be good sources of comfort and encouragement. Don't give up.

As my favorite pastor once told me when I said it was getting hard to keep going.... When you can't run, walk; when you can't walk, stand; when you can't stand; crawl. Just keep moving, let the problems know that you're not going to let them take you down.

Hang in there Happy feet. Do you have any happy music you can play when in the depressed stage? I have found that when I'm getting that seratonin dip that can go with so many migraines, and really feeling so down about things, that if I put on my earphones and play some music that I really like, it helps alot to get through that stage. Worth trying next time.

If the way you feel is more than just temporary with the migraine, then please do try finding someone to talk things over with. We will find solutions to this thing.

mini , kimsmom , brenda, migraingirl ,
Thank you so much for your support I appreciate it and I am feeling better now , I have felt like ending it all before , but it passes and life goes on.
I found something that might have triggered this along with the fresh paint , I changed my bread and it has this little tinker in it E 282 Calcium propionate may be linked to migraines. Why do companies sneak these offending additives in when there is no need to ?
Anyway I am going to see my Doctor this morning and ask for a test not for migraines but menopause because although the migraine aura was nasty it wasn't as bad as usual just very upsetting and scary and I have been told that migraine is a sypmtom of menopause .
I really like this forum it helps me feel normal again .
Thanks again everyone .

Just curious............can you describe your visual aura?

HF, I get auras too. They are frightening because you have no control over what is happening to you. I still get scared when I feel one coming on and I've been having them for a long time. I can't see and my brain is out there in space. It can take me up to an hour to feel normal again. I have to conciously get myself to be calm and tell myself that this will pass and I"ll be fine. They are the weirdest things ever...

Happy Feet--Everyone has given you such good advice.

We've all been there. Just take one minute at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time.

Hang in there and know there are many, many of us who empathize with you and have been there.

Jewishmother wrote:Just curious............can you describe your visual aura?

When one is starting , it is like a black spot in the side of my vision and then it starts to changing with the addition of zig zag lines usually in silver sometimes in rainbow colours .

I think I know what triggered these last two , I changed my bread and it had an additive in which I think I posted on here .

Kate wrote:HF, I get auras too. They are frightening because you have no control over what is happening to you. I still get scared when I feel one coming on and I've been having them for a long time. I can't see and my brain is out there in space. It can take me up to an hour to feel normal again. I have to conciously get myself to be calm and tell myself that this will pass and I"ll be fine. They are the weirdest things ever...

I agree and I know what you mean about trying to keep calm and convincing yourself it will pass and you will be ok, but then I always panic which makes me feel worse , I get a dull headache for ages afterwards but nothing that makes me stay in bed .