Letting it Out

This may not make any sense to anyone out there but just need to put these thoughts down on "paper".................I have had these migraines for 30 years and they have been daily for almost the last 3 years. One of my symptoms is a slow fading out to unconsciousness - I know in my head this happens because my husband or whoever is with me when this happens tells me that I am unresponsive and I know that I have lost time but it is still hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that I am not "there" for 5 minutes, or 30 minutes or however long my brain shuts itself down for.

Tonight when the migraine symptoms started I was alone and laid down on the couch and closed my eyes and focused on the sound of the television............I opened my eyes about 30 or 40 minutes later thinking that I had just been listening to the TV.......but a little while ago I noticed that I had missed a text from a friend. The realization that I had not heard the text has sent me in a panic. I know this sounds odd but, for me, tonight, this is undeniable proof that what I have been told all along is so very true - that every day I lose unconsciousness - that I am not here..........that I have no control..................

In my head I have known for a long time that I fade completely out.........but tonight.......not hearing that text is freaking me out and I am scared that I am losing my ability to cope with this disease and my ability to get up every morning and try to have a normal life. L

Have you seen a neurologist? Have you had an EEG? Have you had an MRI? What meds are you taking? What are your symptoms when this happens, do you have numbness? Have you taken meds by the time you fade? You have to start with the basics. I don't recall anyone showing symptoms like that here in the 10+ years I've been here. I don't blame you for freaking out. I would too.
kathy

I have seen several neurologists over the years and have had MRI's, MRAs, EEGs, EKGs etc.... I have basilar-type migraines and they have very stroke-like aura symptoms. The migraine activity takes places in my brain stem and occipital lobe. I have tried lots of meds - the newest being a beta-blocker which seems to be making the pain worse so going to go back to being med free cause the "cure" can be worse than the disease. I appreciate your concern and your questions.

I am just having trouble wrapping my head around the fact that I lose touch every day - just missing that text was reality slapping me in the face..........God getting back at me for being a control freak! L

Sorry you're having so much trouble! I just can't imagine. Don't know what else to say other than I totally feel for your situation and know we're all here to support you! HUGS!!

When you said perhaps it was god getting back at you for being a control freak I decided to respond. That is how I have been thinking. I wonder which comes first the being a control freak or the migraine which has us lose control? I don't fade out as you do. I simply can no longer sit or stand. I lie there in a state of half here half not. I feel for you. Are you falling asleep without your knowledge? Or does it feel like something else that you are unsure of? Or were you simply so focused on listening to the TV that you did not hear the text? Whatever it is it sounds like it is all a part of the migraine. This disease manifests itself in many different ways. I have learned that over the years. You have my empahty.

Maybe you just dozed off for a minute? Or were concentrating on the TV and didn't hear the text?

I often miss text messages (or even my husband talking to me) if I'm focused on something else or if there is background noise, and that is with no migraine at all.

I don't sleep during the migraine............the best way I can explain it is that my brain just slowly withdraws or shuts down - though sometimes it just comes on fast and throws me to the floor which unfortunately happened on Monday at the market! I hate it when I am the center of attention and when I came to all I saw were lots and lots of feet! I so appreciate everyone's support and comments - this medical condition is so bewildering for me at times that being able to vent to people who understand is crucial to my sanity. L