compassion....

I've been wondering where all the compassion went. Or, was it ever there? It's amazing to me that a person can be experiencing so much suffering and pain and the world goes on as if it wasn't happending. I've really started looking outward. And what I see isn't very good. I understand that this is an invisible disability. But it still amazes me that people treat me (us) as if I am invisible. Life goes on and I simply watch. And no one even notices that. The only person that has compassion for me at this point is me. I have finally figured out, after many years of self doubt, that this is not of my making. So now I watch my situation with compassion. And try to continue on. Day by day.

I watched a movie last week called "The Company Men". Basically in a nutshell 3 men who worked at the same company for years all got let go. The one guy said that even though he got let go and his life was thrown into turmoil, the rest of the world went on - papers and mail got delivered, everyone else went about their days like normal etc. etc. and nobody really cared about you but you. To some extent the way he worded it made sense and when I was on disability I sure found out who my true friends were BUT there are people out there that do care. I think if you really look hard you will find that. Everyone on this board cares and knows what you're going through. The disease is a difficult and rotten one to the core but please don't ever give up hope.

Yes, please do not confuse compassion with helplessness. I hear often of people with much worse problems than even we have. I certainly feel compassion for them, but feel there isn't much I can do about it. To them, maybe this feels like no one cares.

We can tell someone "I'm so sorry for your illness, loss, etc... Is there anything I can do?". Generally the answer is no. And really, what can most people do about migraines? At best they can be sympathetic (let's ignore for the time being those who simply chose denial) and make us chicken soup (or the rough equivalent thereof).

I think what we really need is a better informed medical community. Too many awful, callous stories there. And some serious research being directed at the problem.

Short of that, there are people who care and send best wishes here and I'm sure among your friends and family, even if that is all they can do.

I agree. It doesn't matter how sick I feel no one, either family or friend, cares. They will ask, "how are you" if I say I have a M, it's as though I have said nothing. I get no response at all. I would expect my family to be able to look at me & tell I'm sick. I can tell by looking at someone when their ill.

That's interesting. If I say I have a M it is as though I have said nothing as well. What does that mean I wonder? Are they sick of hearing it? Or do they simply have no interest in it? Something else interesting is that the people around me never ask how I am. They carry on as if nothing is happening. Texting, talking, laughting etc. It's like when someone dies and you're at the gathering after the funeral. People are all carrying on as if nothing has happened.

I believe we live in a world that is becoming more and more narcissistic. Therefore, a lack of compassion and concern for others is the norm.

Yes, I see your point. With Utube, reality shows and other such venues, it's all about you. The 'me' generation is back. Only more so. I guess I expected more from people of my generation. Beiieve me, it was anything but about yourself. You were the last one that mattered. You certainly have a point. Thanks for pointing that out. I 'see' it happening. But just wasn't grasping why. It's crazy out there! It's all one can do to hang on for the ride. (it's disheartening)

gailgigi, I guess everyone is wrapped up in themselves. I've had my husband say to me that he is sick of hearing about it then he apologizes to me but I know he meant it. I try to suffer in silence when I'm sick but it's difficult not to have support. I do try to have compassion on others when they have an illness.

That must be hard for you to hear. However, it's also difficult to suffer in silence. But for the grace of god goes your husband. I find I'm losing sympahy for others. Sometimes their problems just don't seem like problems to me. But, I realize they are to them.

Hi All,

The question of compassion is difficult. Over the past 13 years, I have spoken to many about migraines- some are compassionate some aren't.

I have had many people say, "well, it is only a migraine, it can't be that bad." But it is. I have also seen many people who are supposed to be compassionate, even some members of the clergy, who have no compassion at all. Others have plenty of it.

I guess it all depends on your perspective. I am blessed with friends who are compassionate.

Others just don't understand it. One of my close family members will never understand it- can't even understand the problems after my mother had back surgery 8 weeks ago.


I guess some get it, some dont.

I am glad that people here understand. I don't know where I would be without y'all.

Pain free days,
sailingm

I cringe sometimes at the times people I have known for years phone with terrible problems and I am unable to be there for them as much as they need bacause my migraine is making me struggle to hold the conversation, how short I must seem with them and impatient, when in actual fact I am giving them everything I have for that day.

I meet some people who seem to have no compassion at all. but then I wonder, what is going on in their lives.

The other day someone came to the door collecting for charity and I had to turn them away without giving them anything. Normally I would, but I had to pay for rather a lot of prescriptions that week and I had the money for the milk and that was it untill my next lot of incapacity benefit. I couldn't take another tenner out of the hole in the wall to get the milk, so I had to seem to the person collecting as if I had no compassion. I saw her looking at the smartly painted house with the flowers in the garden and I knew that she was thinking I didn't care.

I think however that there are some very kind people out there. I have met many from the fellow villagers that have given me lifts because I looked poorly walking from the train station to friends that put up with me missing their wedding and taking it with good grace.

best wishes

Di