My new guy

Well, since you all have been interested to hear about how I actually met a really sweet guy on eHarmony, and since I've asked your thoughts on marriage and avoiding mistakes several times now, let me tell you how things are actually going! They're going really well!

We have gone out twice now. Before going out, we talked many hours on the phone, so we already had a sense that we saw potential in each other, but at least I for one wasn't going to let myself think anything further than that until I could get to know him better.

I still don't know him enough, and I believe strongly in dating for a while (but I think a while is defined differently for different people depending upon how much time you do spend together) before ever getting engaged. I believe my brother and sister-in-law should have dated longer, but then they have a great marriage and are perfect for each other, so they don't agree with me on that one.

As for just trying to be friends first, that's kind of hard to do when you're on eHarmony, since it's a DATING website. So yes, we are focused on dating and not merely being friends. But we do get along marvelously as friends, especially on the phone when we just lose ourselves in the conversation. Our record so far is 6 hours in one night (well, it was really a night and early morning, since we got off the phone at 3 a.m.) LOL I have never talked to anyone for that long before! But we have spent a LOT of time on the phone just getting to know each other better and better.

Our first date was a little bit awkward, as we were both really nervous. It was my first time going out on a date with someone I'd met online, and it was also my first date since breaking up with Mete, which was almost two years ago. And even then, we never actually went out on dates. We just cooked dinner at his home and watched TV. So it was my first, first date in over 10 years! Yikes! I was NERVOUS! But it was also his first date in 3 years, as he got busy with his own life and wasn't ready for the time it takes to put into a relationship. He actually was in charge of the Iranian American community for Southern California for the 2010 census, but in reality, since they didn't have anyone else doing the Iranian American community for the rest of the country, he was really in charge of the whole country, trying to get Iranians to mark that they are Iranian and not just white because then they'd be undercounted and not given the services. Plus, he had to convince them that the government wouldn't use this against them, as they might have had to fear happening in Iran, since most Iranians here are refugees of some sort.

For our first date, we went to my favorite Vietnamese restaurant, and I introduced him to Vietnamese food. I don't think he had had that before. Because we hadn't known if we would connect enough to want to do something further, we hadn't made more plans, which was a mistake. We talked about spur of the moment things we could do and settled for renting a DVD and going back to my place. Since my parents live there, I didn't feel unsafe taking him home with me on the first date. But then my mom wanted to watch the movie with us! In retrospect, I should have asked her to watch the DVD later on her own, but I was so awkward that I let her stay in, and I think that made him a bit uncomfortable. I apologized to him later in an email.

But he liked me enough that he went out on a second date with me, and that one went FABULOUSLY! We went to Burbank (you know, the city where the Tonight Show is filmed and where ALL the networks and Disney have their studios), had dinner at a Mexican place, and then went to see a movie. We missed the 8:00 showing, so we walked around the mall until the 10:00 showing. That was nice because we got to spend more time socializing. It's also kind of funny that I just instinctively grabbed for his hand, and he told me later that he was worried that he was holding my hand in a weird position or something. How do you hold a hand wrong?

So we went to the movie, and we cuddled together during the show, which was nice. But it was also nice that he was really gentle and tried to make me feel comfortable. I have been on dates where the man was more interested in sneaking grabs at my body than in watching the movie. He clearly did not! In fact, I don't think his hand left mine ever except when I reached to get a drink from my water! It never wandered! I was impressed by that because I have met too many men with wandering hands.

And then, after he drove me home, we just sat in the front seat of his car talking for hours until I had to go inside because I had to go to the bathroom! Yes, we did kiss, but we spent most of our time talking.

So things are off to a a good start! We have another date on Saturday night, so I have hopes that it will go well too! Keep you posted! (I'll post a picture later.)

Hi Vicky,

LOL! The story about your mum watching the movie with you guys is like a scene out of a movie.
Bless your mum! You should have made subtle hints to her to give you and your date some privacy here.

I am glad to hear things are going well with your new guy.

Love

P.

Awesome, Vicki. Just awesome

Cheryl

I'm happy for you Vicki. Ha! I would've loved to have seen the side ways looks you were giving you poor oblivious Mum!

I'm thrilled to hear how things are going. This is wonderful for you.

Vicki sounds good to me so far. So glad you two are enjoying one another. Fingers crossed that things more forward just as nicely.

Enjoy tonight!

kimsmom

I do not think the new b-friend would be in the least surprised to have your mother sitting with you on your date if he is Iranian. This is something he might even expect and you might gain his respect by having such a chaperone.
There is a strong moral code for women in Iranian families. I have Iranian friend and I socialised with her over the years, and this kind of thing is not unusual. Sadly their men often think that the European (non-muslim) women are too free (with their bodies) to be treated as a wife material, so they go out with them, but they marry Iranian.
I know that you are both in USA, but the attitude acquired during a lifetime, can remain deep down for surprisingly long time, I think your mother did you a big favour.He will respect you more for this.
I hope your date goes well for you, tonight as well.

I've been out with him three times so far, and I am officially in love! That's not to say that I am rushing into marriage or engagement or anything of the sort. I firmly believe you should date quite a while before making that kind of commitment, but I definitely am really crazy about this guy! I don't feel up to dealing with Photobucket at the moment, but I'll post pictures once I get the chance, although the pictures really don't do him justice. In person he has such a smile and kindness in his eyes that you just don't really see in the pictures. When I saw his picture on eHarmony, I was thinking, "O.k.," but I wasn't impressed. But when I met him in person, we just clicked so well, and his face was so much more attractive to me than the pictures were. So far, despite being so infatuated with him, I have been trying hard to look for red flags, things that might warn me of problems in the future, since I've written about how my best friend's marriage is falling apart, and she didn't realy see (or pay attention to) red flags herself while they were dating. And so far, I haven't seen any. I've also been pretty open about what has gone on between us with my parents (obviously not saying things that he would be uncomfortable with my sharing with others, as he is starting to begin to be comfortable opening up to me about his life), and they haven't commented on red flags either. So that's a good sign!

And I will also just add that he is an amazing kisser too! Maybe a little too amazing, as I feel withdrawals from being away from him when he leaves!