I have become the pain...

I have become the pain. There is no me anymore. I no longer have any memory of a clear head. It is who I am now. I can no longer deny that. So now what. There is no reason for this. There is no lesson in this. I feel as though I am being assaulted every moment. I no longer expect anyone to understand this. I do not undersand this. So how can anyone else. This is my little contribution. For what it is worth.

(((((gailgigi)))))

There is no lesson and there is no sense to be made of this. Just another day and it will pass just like it always does. One breath at a time.

Bad things happen to good people in this life, and great things happen too. The tide is low right now is all. You are not alone.

If you try to make sense of this, it will drive you insane, because it is an insane situation Gail.
I have been where you are. I had a total crash with ME. It gave me something else to think about.
I thought I was dying. I think a part of me did.
I still have these days, I think we all do, but, although I am in constant pain in most of my body,
I have a day of giving in, and this helps.

I can rise above it sometimes. Not always, but sometimes.
I will never stop searching and hoping, but it is no longer a daily quest and fight.
I fight the pain, what choice is there in that? But I try not to try to make sense of it.

I am 60, is have less time ahead. I cant be waiting 10 years for them to come up with something.
So now I live on Triptans. The last thing I wanted and it rests heavily on me.
But nothing else has worked and I am sick of what little quality of life I have,
being stolen by preventatives that do nothing but make me worse.
So this is the decision of my family and I.

Do not try to make sense of it Gail. There is none.
No explanation. No real help and no cure.
It is not life, it is existence, but it is what we are dealt.
You have migraine, try not to let it have you....

Take it a day at a time....

I'm sorry...I know...it's almost impossible to separate pain from any other part of you. Pain eats us alive.

I wish I could be of more help...it's been a very bad day here....

Sending love....

Gailgigi - I so appreciate that you posted your thoughts and I am so sorry that you are lost in the pain. It can be all-consuming and every day is a challenge that you do face and that alone demonstrates how strong and courageous you truly are. I also wonder where the old me has gone too and when she will return. We do not get to understand - I cry to a friend almost every day now that all I want is to understand why it is happening. It is not fair, it is not kind - we can only move forward small step by small step. We are here on this site for each other because we do understand because we live each day with you.

With all my soul, with all my heart, with all my might, just breathe one more day..............Leslie

It is so hard when it is constant and unrelenting. I'm sorry you can't find any thing to ease your suffering.

Gentle (((((hugs)))))

Gail, I know it doest help you, but I am still migraining non stop since friday.
I am told it is the season change....maybe, maybe not, but it just bloody hurts...