More ramblings about stressing over tomorrow's international student BBQ

I should first offer my apologies for being away so much of the time lately, except to pop in and complain. I'm afraid that this is another complaining post. The last two weeks have been really horrific. I just can't seem to recover from having gone to the mountains two weeks ago. My doctor commented that if I was going to be sick, at least it was a really pretty place to be sick in, but I am coming to the conclusion that I don't respond well to the altitude, which worked against me. I was going to send postcards to some of the people here and even promised one or two a postcard, but I wasn't well enough to send all the postcards I wanted. I took on the risky challenge of inviting the international students to send me their addresses to receive a postcard from me, which could have meant that I would send up to 70 postcards, as we had 70 students come over throughout the last year. But only 10 gave me their addresses.

However, I always send postcards to family members (even the doltish uncle I wrote about earlier, mainly to keep some kind of relationship open with my cousins, his sons), particularly the children of the family. I always make a point of writing an individual postcard to each kid in the family because I remember when I was a kid just how special I felt whenever I received a piece of mail all my own. So I like to send a postcard to each of the kids, so they can feel special too. Besides, it really works to foster my relationship with the kids' parents as well. My one cousin's wife is very sensitive about any perceived slight to her kids, so when I send postcards to her kids, it goes a LONG way to make her see that I care about her kids and welcome them as part of the family. Apparently, another aunt of mine has said some negative things to my cousin's wife, so she perceives slights in the most minor of actions; these postcards do a lot to keep the peace in the family, and the kids love getting them too.

I'm writing tonight in trepidation about tomorrow. Anywhere from 20-40 international students are going to be descending upon our house tomorrow for a big BBQ to kick off the new school year. We have a lot of returning students from last year, but I also expect a bunch of new students who are just arriving for the school year. Unfortunately, I was too sick last week to go to the new student orientation, so I don't know how many of the new students will be coming to my house, as I haven't been well enough to call the director of the area to get such information.

The last two weeks, I have hardly left my bed at all. I got up on Thursday evening to have some students over to help me put together a PowerPoint of pictures from the past year, and then I had to have the pastor come by the house to pick up the Flash Drive because my mom and I were both too sick to make it to church to give it to them. We did make it to church on Sunday for a meeting with the people involved in the ministry, but the one woman I most wanted to be there didn't show. I put together a set of guidelines to make sure that everyone is sensitive in moral statements they may make about sexual issues or alcohol or such, and it was inspired by the statement of one woman. When our students aren't Christians, then how can you expect them to live according to the Bible?

But anyway, other than getting up to go see my headache doctor on Monday, something I had to do if I wanted more meds, I haven't left my bed. I didn't follow up with calling people like I was supposed to do, and I didn't even connect with the man who went to the new international student orientation to find out how many new students to expect.

My parents have done the most work this week. My dad made a big shopping trip for food, including going to some Chinese supermarkets for "moon cakes," a special treat that they eat at the Mid-Autumn festival. I personally do not like moon cakes, but we thought this would be a nice touch for the students, who are not able to be home with their families for this family holiday. My mom compared it to missing your first Thanksgiving after going away to college. My mom made peanut butter cookies too.

Tomorrow my dad will BBQ the hamburgers and hot dogs. I have committed to making a pasta salad and fried rice. The latter isn't part of a typical American BBQ, which is what this is supposed to be, but since we will have some new students who just arrived in the U.S., they may not particularly like our side dishes, so I thought that I'd make fried rice for them to have something from home to eat.

I just hope I have the strength to deal with all this tomorrow (well, technically today). Not only do I suffer a lot in pain, but I also suffer a lot in low energy. A typical meeting, which is from 7-10 completely wears me out. This will start at 5 and be more tiring because I will need to make sure that all the new students feel welcome and that everyone fills out an information card. Fortunately, several of the returning students are eager to take on the roles of emissaries to the new students, so they will do their best to greet the new ones and take them under their wings. But as the host and the person who leads the group and lives in the house, I feel particular pressure to make sure that each student feels that I spent personal time with that person, so that the student will want to come back next time.

This ministry means a lot to me, as you have all seen how it has given me purpose in life. But just right now, I don't feel like I'm ready to handle it! I am just especially thankful for really wonderful parents who have immersed themselves in ISI as well. I know that my mom used to feel really helpless too, just as I did, because of her own health problems, so she too feels purpose in this ministry. And my parents are happy to take part because it means a lot to me, and they enjoy it. But my dad is involved in so many things that he doesn't need this to feel fulfilled.

Anyway, I'm just rambling by now. I'm hurting but don't dare take any percocet because I have just two doses left and will need to take one tomorrow and should save the other for Sunday night. Here's praying I get some much-needed "real" sleep, opposed to the exhaustion-induced sleep full of pain that I have been getting!

Hi Vicki,
I enjoyed reading your post, you are an amazing writer. I'm not sure exactly how to put this, but reading your posts when you're ill never feels like it's making me ill. I am sorry you're not feeling well, though and I hope you get some well deserved rest.

Thanks for the compliment, Lentil! I have always enjoyed writing, especially letters. When I was entering fourth grade, my best friend moved away, so we were reduced to writing letters back and forth to each other, something we kept up through high school. When my dad wanted me to learn how to type, he started paying me $1 for every hour I spent typing on the computer. I got clever and instead of using the stupid typing games, I just typed my letters to my best friend and raked in the dough by making them longer and longer and longer! Poor Chara had to read all of that! But what that did do to me is make it impossible for me to write in a journal because I have to have a specific audience to write to. I took a class on the connection between writing in journals and healing when I was in grad school, and my professor let me use my postings here at Ronda's because of my difficulty writing a regular journal. I can't just "make up" a recipient like Anne Frank did either.

I'm writing to say that I made it past the big event. We had 35 international students show up, along with 15 non-international students. 50 people is a lot of people to be running around the house! Fortunately, we have a large backyard, with a really nice patio in the very back, so a lot of people stayed in the patio with a huge picnic table next to the house, and a bunch of more people went to the very back to hang out, so that helped spread out the bunches.

We had probably 10-15 new students, with the rest being returning ones. They all seemed to mix together well though. And one new student, upon leaving, told me how much this must mean to all the students that we would open our house for students to have a "second home." I believe he has a green card and probably has family here, but he could recognize what the other students go through and really made me feel good in his comments about the lives we have touched and how we have been emissaries of America too in our work because the students are going to be important people in their home countries and will now have a positive image of Americans because of the work that we do.

I am just so grateful that I have parents who are happy to support me in this vision. As you know, I used to feel so worthless and useless, but now I know that I do some good for some people. And my parents have stepped up and helped out dramatically. I have been so terribly sick all week that my dad did the shopping yesterday without making me go with him. And my mom offered to make the pasta salad this morning, so I could stay in bed longer.

I am really proud of all that my parents do for other people. I know that they sponsor several people in Kenya to go through school there, since there are no free schools, and they are working with a Kenyan to try to help him open a photocopy and Internet cafe store. This will hopefully provide employment for some of the students who have graduated from high school but don't know what to do with themselves now.

My best friend is having to go back to Mongolia on Thursday because her mom is in the ICU. She has a 5-month-old baby, so money is tight, but my parents gave her $2000 to help with her travel expenses. She asked permission to use the money to help her mother's medical costs and to put her travel expenses on her credit card, which they were happy to agree to. I just hope that she does o.k. at this trip.

Her family is very greedy and seems to think that because she lives in America, she is rich and can afford to give them all the money in the world. However, she is too stingy to give them money every time they ask (and they ask a lot), so they are very bitter against her. I remember one recent ploy was, "Guess what! Mom and I are coming to visit you in America!" She was happy about hearing that and discussed the sister's plans, and only later was she told, "All you need to do is give me the money for us to go and to stay there in top quality hotels the whole time." So I'm just really nervous about my best friend's sanity as she deals with the fact that her mother is dangerously ill and has to fight off her family's greedy advances left and right. Her husband will be there for a week, but he can't take more time off work, so she'll be on her own for two more weeks after that. I'm glad that he'll be there to help her fend off her family some, even though he doesn't speak Mongolian, but they'll still be on the offensive.

And speaking of my friend, I thought I'd tell you that she and her husband are seeing a new therapist with whom they both have a strong repoire, and things are going better now. This isn't to say that nothing will happen later, and I am still unsettled about the way she brushed off the previous incident, but since I learned that child services would merely ask the parents if there was a problem, that doesn't seem like a practical route to go. It seems that we need to get them talking about their problems, which is what it sounds like they are doing now. So that's a good sign. And the baby hasn't gotten in the middle of things since then either. Actually, nothing has happened other than some verbal arguments; there has been nothing physical.

Well, I've wandered off topic a lot. It's really late, and I need to go to bed. I just wanted to say that I did survive the night, although sometimes it seemed like I did so just barely. I really HATE these MIGRAINES!!!!!

good to hear yor update vikky! take care!x