Do you beleive things happen for a reason?

Hi everyone.

Some of you might know that I have anxiety issues that flare up. I brought this poll up as a means to help me deal with something screaming inside of late. I had a real bad anxiety attack on the weekend and it was brought on by and unexpected screaming fit by my ex husband who is the reason for my panic attacks in the first place. I'm having a lot of trouble settling down and am going to see a psychologist tonight.

What I thought was really odd, was when I was having a bad episode, I broke down in front of my sister, whom I never trust to confide in, and did so for the first time. I had no choice. An hour later, with red eyes, I went into this small dimly lit shop of this painter, and he shook my hand and he talked about his paintings. Suddenly he told me a story about destiny and how things happen for a reason, and in the end, good comes out of really bad things. I was dumbfounded because nothing led to this conversation. I thanked him and left and his words still ring in my ears.

I'm still shaking inside and ready to bolt at a moments notice and I'd like to believe that good is coming out of my ex's threats and all this crap that he has unearthed in me. I'd like to know that I can be rid of panic attacks and migraines and that the world isn't going to crash in on a moments notice. I'd like to know what you others think about destiny, so I can move more to normal again.

Angela

(btw, my boyfriend told my ex to knock it off, and to stay off the property if he can't be civil, but my sons don't know the whole story about their father, and think my boyfriend is being too harsh. At least I have the protection I need)

yes i do believe there is a reason behind everything. i dont think all the things we go through we are meant to and we bring much on our selves because of our actions but regard physical illness mainly there is a reason. i hold onto that maybe its to meet another person or something. but people have touched my life and hopefully vica versa as a result of things ive gone through. if it gives us hope then it can only be a good thing to hold onto.

I don't believe in destiny but that doesn't mean you can't.

Whatever gets you through the night.....

yes definitely, anything that gives you hope in this world! i just think if ive got it wrong ive wasted a lifetime but if ive got it right at least i havent wasted an eternity!!!!!!!!!!

I don't believe things happen for a reason but I do think that life is what we make it. WE choose how to respond to life's events. It is part of our growth as a person to deal with what life throws at us. Destiny seems like pre-ordained. I would hate to think that my life will only come out one way. I want to be the one in control of my life, not some cosmic plan. That is how I see 'destiny'. That may not be the way other people interpret it but that is how I see it.

I was born with a defective body. There are things in my dna that make me predisposed to some illness and disease. So I can feel sorry for myself and have a life of misery or I can accept the limitations I have and make my life as happy and fulfilled as I can. That is where I see the difference between destiny and my choice.

You have choices when it comes to your ex-husband. You can choose to let him affect you or you can let whatever power he has over you go away. This takes practice and seeing a pscychologist will help. I had some very good therapists that helped me learn how to let go of negative influences. My ex and I had a very acrimonious divorce and child rearing issues. It took practice to learn how to not let him affect me. you can do it too.

Hugs and I hope you feel better soon.

Alli

Angela,

I believe things happen for a reason. I also believe we can change what will happen by making changes within. I don't believe our lives are already mapped out.

When I'm in a line up, and there are fifty other people in that line up, and I'm going to be late for something important because the shop owner can't be bothered to have more people work the cash, I have choices about my reactions.

It is, in my mind, possible that the long line up is preventing me from being in my car at a certain time, in a certain intersection and missing being involved in a certain accident.

I can remind myself of this when I'm in the line up, or I can start ragging at the people around me and complaining about the shop owner, or I can start beating myself up for being stupid enough to run out or the item I'm buying or for not preparing enough time for a line up, or I can even do what some others do and choose to be really mean to the person on cash when I finally get to the front of the line.

All of these are simply options on what can go through my mind and what I can do while waiting in that darn line up.

I could leave and try to buy that item later, but since I really do believe that things happen for a reason, I rarely take that option. It of course depends how important it is that I am where I feel I need to be at that time. I tend to get places with spare time for this reason.

Like everyone here, I can't tell you that your migraines can go away.

I can promise you that the anxiety will go away. It will go away even faster when you use the help of others like you are.

Anxiety is a terrible, terrible symptom, perhaps as bad as pain for many people. The good thing about anxiety is that it can go away. You can learn to teach your mind to react to situations without having a negative anxiety response. It's hard, and takes work, but I know you can do it. Once you teach your mind, your body will follow and the physical manifestations of anxiety will also lessen.

You can do this. You can control it. Seeing someone will only speed up that process, so good for you for seeing someone.

Convince your mind, and you can do ANYTHING!!!!

You've experienced synchronicity. I have a special diary just for these events

Things happen for a reason. Period.

I recently found a way to help with my panic attacks. I was rather surprised, it was in a book that didn't really deal with panic attacks. It was a book about women in management and the author mentioned that she used to suffer from panic attacks. This is the passage that hit home with me and has been helping me. Excuse the language, but I have been repeating her mantra in the middle of night and it helps me.

"So I started to play ball with my fears. "Bring it!" I'd say when seized by the familiar pit in my stomach. Or: "Party on, m*&^%$ f(*&%$, tell me more." I asked my fear exactly what it had to say to me. You're going to lose everything and you'll be out on the street. "Okay," I'd reply. "I can stay with friends"..........and what I realized each time was that no matter what happened, I was going to be FINE." - Kelly Cutrone "If You Have to Cry, Go Outside".

It seems so simple, but it's been helping me.

I am in so much pain I dont know how much more I can take.
What possible reason is there for this?
Day after day of suffering existence.....
I have no idea, but I need it to stop.

Nope. Things don't happen for a reason. Life is not fair. Fact!

Bad things happen to good people and good things to bad ones without any grand masterplan behind it.

The sooner I realised this the sooner I could take action to make the absolut best out of the limited time I was given here.

P.

Petzi wrote:Nope. Things don't happen for a reason. Life is not fair. Fact!

Bad things happen to good people and good things to bad ones without any grand masterplan behind it.

The sooner I realised this the sooner I could take action to make the absolut best out of the limited time I was given here.
P.

"Time I was given here" indicates that you beleive there is a plan, or control behind things, yet your statements before declare the opposite. I'm not challenging you at all. Infact your words are exactly my words of late. Mad, angry, hurt and wanting to change things on my behalf. Rosy dillusions leak into reality of a dark existance.

I beleive in the simplicity of prayer and a higher power, but it seems to never reach me, or am I so selfish, OR ILL, to not realize how blessed I am. So then, sometimes, my faith falters and I doubt anyone is listening at all and maybe there is nothing out there. Maybe nothing matters.

Faith in something so abstract and hard to keep level, especailly when you are living in fear. Sometimes I don't feel it so much but I pray anyways and as Leslie said, whatever gets you through the night......

Thank you, Milo and Paradox for taking the time for the pep talk on Anxiety. You understand and it really did pull me up. The psycologist is helping.

Thank you everyone for the replies. I find them so interesting and helpful to my healing.

Angela

lentils wrote:You've experienced synchronicity. I have a special diary just for these events

What does syncronicity signify?

wikipedia has a good explanation.

Sorry, but english is not my first language and sometimes things come out the wrong way. I should have probably said "the time I have".

P.

PS: I love your dogs .... they are so cute ....

I believe I have experienced a great deal of synchronicty, but cant beleive I have migraines for a reason.
There, thats not the pain speaking.

Pen

Ok, I feel as though I am putting myself out here, making myself vulnerable as I explain this, so please be kind in your responses.

I believe things happen for a reason. This is a higher-being-based philosophy. Let's base it on migraine: I have been made to suffer so others (or myself) will have other things happen to, for, or about them. This could mean others (or myself) will learn, discover, come to know, or make a change in their life based on my situations. I might know or not know what these revelations are. In my mind, only God knows.

Specific: someone might strengthen their relationship with God by praying for my healing. Only God knows about this. I have no idea if this is actually going on.

How I came to think this way: a little girl in our community was ill. We all rallied around and prayed for her. I made a deal with God. So here was a sick child. She was sick for a reason....to strengthen my relationship with God. She was sick for a lot of other reasons, but if that was the only one, then the purpose was served. Ever since then, I have decided some good must come from every bad situation. Somewhere there is someone making a deal, building a relationship, praying, etc., and that is the good thing coming out of a bad thing.

Sure, it means someone somewhere is also doing the suffering (illness, abuse, death). But it brings me comfort to know that there is some good coming out on the other end, too.

So, yes, all things happen for a reason. Sometimes they just plain suck, no way around it.

Again, please be kind in your replies to this theory. Please don't bash me.

I really believe that God is in control, but he allows bad things to happen because as humans, we are sinful and make bad decisions at times. That isn't to say that our migraines are punishment for being bad. Far from that. But I do believe that all illness is rooted in the very nature of the fact that everyone has sinned.

I had a hard time understanding my migraines in particular, but one book especially helped me to gain a better perspective.

It's by C.S. Lewis (who wrote the Chronicles of Narnia) and is called Till We Have Faces. While most of Lewis' literature is strongly Christian, this is only covertly so. Even if you aren't a Christian, you can get a lot out of the message, as it isn't really distinctly related to our faith.

The book is a retelling of the story of Cupid and Psyche, but retold from the perspective of the "evil" sister, who causes Psyche to do what makes her lose her god husband, Cupid, and suffer for years in trying to get him back. But the sister in Till We Have Faces really believes that she is doing all she can to help her sister have a better life. It isn't until the end, when she is dying, that she is allowed to see the larger picture and discover the truth about her sister and how all the things she suffered in her own psyche actually carried the pain for her sister, Psyche.

The message of the book is so powerful that it is one of my very favorite books. And those I recommend it to often say similar things. It helps to gain perspective that what we suffer is but a small part of life's reality.

On a personal note, I think that I have even been able to gain some perspective on my own constant migraine. I have my international student ministry, ISI (International Students, Inc), that I lead with my church to allow international students a chance to meet Americans in our home. And it has given me new life! But it came to me that I would never be able to do what I do for them if I were healthy and able to work. I spend every other Friday afternoon cleaning and cooking. Only one other woman only occasionally cooks for our meetings; otherwise, I'm the only one. Everyone else buys food to bring. Plus, I help in cleaning the house. So I can do more than I would have if I were working.

That's not to say that I don't wish to work, but at least my migraines have enabled me to help people in different ways than I might have if I were working full-time. And if I were working, I wouldn't be able to have the energy to volunteer in the same way.

So yes, I do believe that God does have a plan, and all things do happen for a reason.

I like the theory "everything happens for a reason" but I think that there's another way to look at it.
I think that things just happen randomically and create endless combinations of situations. It's up to us to pick up anything good or bad and turn it into something else that can be positive or negative.

Let's take for instance our disease.
It's a bad and negative situation. I guess that no one can deny it.
BUT:
1) we can choose to hate it, commiserate us, play the victims and focus only on the things that it steals from us. It's human to think in this way but it can lead to depression
2) we can begin to list all the things that we would never see or do if we were not migraine sufferers. How many of us increasead their cultural level? How many quit smoking/drinking? How many developed a stronger temper? How many of us have thought at least once: "I would have never met the wonderful people at Ronda's if I weren't a migraine sufferer?:

If it weren't for my migraine, I would have never begun to see a psycologist and I would have NEVER solved a major issue that was affecting my entire emotional life. But it was not my migraine that dialled the number of my shrink to schedule an appointment. It was me who had to choose following my guts. Migraine was only the trigger. I could have chosen to see a healer or I could have kept to deny that migraine has a psycological component.

So, any situation presents us endless choices. It's up to our instinct, mind, culture to pick up the one that will generate an opportunity that will make us say: "everything happens for a reason".

Bye

Ivy wrote:
So, any situation presents us endless choices. It's up to our instinct, mind, culture to pick up the one that will generate an opportunity that will make us say: "everything happens for a reason".

Bye

A simple statement "everything happens for a reason" has such broad parameters for definition in culture and understanding.

I guess I'm just a depressed person trying to grasp at a meaning for it all and to put it in a simple little box.

I found all your comments very interesting and thought provoking.

Thank you
Angela

You know what? I think we spend way too much time "thinking" period. I'm trying to do more living the moment.