Since I've been gone - really need some advice

Hi all.

I was a member a couple of years ago but under a different name and wanted to update everyone since I've been gone. Will try not to make this too long...but have been thru h$$ and back.

Back when I was a member, I had a stimulator implanted for my migraines. It worked for a while. Started having problems with it. Ended up having 7 surgeries and finally had it removed.

Was living in Northern Va, married, great job. Husband came home one day said he wanted a divorce out of the blue. Blew my mind to say the least. He couldn't take my being on meds and being in pain all the time - what happened to "in sickness and in health......" So, I had to quit my job (could not afford living in NoVA on just my income), leave my home, moved to the OBX of NC, live off my retirement, look for another job (which took me 10 mths to find), all on my own.

Worked at that job for only one mth and then was laid off because the position ended. So there I am again, struggling with just a little bit of money left from my retirement fund. Oh, by the way, I could not afford to get an attorney for the divorce, so I basically did what he wanted me to do and that in itself is another long story. He threatened me using his daughters. It was either do what he said or he would make sure they wouldn't have anything to do with me. So at that time I was physically, emotionally drained, and I did what he wanted which was give him POA to sell our house, etc...etc...

So, a year went by, time for renewing my lease. Decided to move back to Central Va in hopes of finding a job there. Came back, moved in with two friends from high school. Found part-time job, stayed with them for 2 mths, moved out and with another friend and finally found a full-time job but not much pay...so had to move back home with my mother.

BTW, found out that the reason my ex wanted the divorce was because he was having an affair with a co-worker and now he is remarried to her. Had I known that when I left....

Anyway, I am so very depressed, have no life, low self-esteem, in financial ruins, no insurance, no retirement, always in pain and don't know where to go from here. At my age I never thought I would be in the place I am at now and it's been so hard...

Thanks for reading. I didn't know where to go and knew all of you guys would understand.

Sorry to hear of your troubles. I have no advice for you, but I'm glad you're here. I'm at a totally different stage of my life but can imagine how hard it is where you are at.

Hang in there.

Reading this, it was coming back to me. I remember you. What a terribly hard ordeal you've been through. You have my deepest sympathy.

Cheryl

Lost

I'm glad you found us again. I did the same thing...left the forum for a couple years only to return to it's comfort.

What a road you've been on...I have no advice, Ive not been in your shoes. But I want you to know you have a shoulder and a ear here.

Hugs,

I`m so sorry for all that you`ve had to deal with. Life can really suck and when you have chronic migraines, it`s just one more thing to deal with.

Dear lostinobox,

I am so sorry to hear all that you have been through. I have had a fear of my husband getting fed up and leaving,,,,, I don't think he ever would, but it's in the back of my mind.

I truley feel for you.... I wish there were something we could all do for you. But I am glad you are here. I'm sure many of us will encourage you.

Don't give up. There could be breakthrough right around the corner.. I will pray for you, I don't know what else I coud do....

Blessings!!
Sherri B!

Thanks so much all of you for responding. You cannot imagine how much it means to me to know people care and understand.

Cheryl, I remember you fondly. We chatted a few times and you were always so very helpful. Anna is very lucky to have a mother like you.

This forum is such a special place with very special people. I was very fortunate to meet a member who also had a stimulator implanted, but I do not see her on here anymore. I have spoken with Teri Robert a couple of times on the phone - she is the one who guided me to my current neurologist, who I would be lost without today.

I am looking forward to talking with and getting to know you guys. I'm sorry for such a depressing story, but it did feel good to let it out and it also feels good to know there are others who can relate.

Thanks again all!

I am so sorry to hear what you have been going through.
I have been on the forum almost 4 years, but not always much of a poster.
Not sure I know you, but sure do empathise.

Take care,
Pen

Thanks Pen - I appreciate your responding and your empathy. I do remember you

I'm so sorry that you had and are having such a hard time. Welcome back and I hope that things improve for you. I'm in a similar place with no retirement, no money, no insurance. When my daughter moves out I don't know how I am going to make it on my own. I think there are quite a few of us who have questions about how we are going to make it as we age. It is scary. I just have to trust in god that things will work out eventually.

Hugs.

Thanks so much for your kind words Alli. I am sorry to hear that you too are in such a place. It is scary. I am very thankful for my mom and for having a place to live. Without her I honestly don't know what I would do. So many people don't even have that and for that I feel blessed.

My children, I have two, a daughter who still lives in No. Va. She is 24 and lives with a couple of girlfriends. I miss her dearly. I do get to see her every now and then, but not as much as I would like. And my son, who is 19 and lives with a friend, closeby, who I see often, but not as often as I would like. They both have their own lives and I understand, but do miss them.

It's just that sometimes I don't want to get out of bed in the morning. It's like, what for? I have a job and very fortunate that I have one. But, it's not in what I do or did for a living, my field of work. . Ugh...just need to get out of this funk I am in. Sorry, didn't mean to be Ms. Debbie Downer again

Just really wanted to say I'm so happy that I came back here. It's like coming home again.

I haven't been a member as long as a lot of people on this forum but you do sound familiar. Things will get better. You are "only" 48. You have another good 20 years to work and build yourself a nestegg.
So many people job hop these days that you will not be alone even if you aren't prepared for retirement. I think I read where only 50% of the baby boomers have something in place for retirement. So many things could happen from now until then. The one thing I do know is that worrying never got anyone anywhere. It is a waste of thinking power. Glad you are here again.

estre 004 - I remember you too and thanks for responding. It's great to be back!

I totally agree that worrying is a big waste of time, but nonetheless, it's almost impossible for us not to worry in today's society. We worry about our children, our financial situation, jobs and so many other things. For us though, it only adds to our already stressful lives and this dreadful disease we share.

One of my biggest mistakes was giving someone else control over my life. Looking back if I could do it all over again, I would have done lots of things differently. Therefore, I might not be in the situation I find myself in today. But, I cannot change the past, I can only learn from it and try not to make the same mistake twice. Guess that is what life is all about. Learning from our mistakes and moving on and trying not to dwell on the "if only's."

You got it!!! Now, just practice it.

You made me laugh estre004!! Thanks I needed that. It's so much easier to say than to do. I hear that old childhood story in my head now...I think I can...I think I can...

I feel so bad I cant place you.....can you remind me please....PM if you want.
I am embarrassed now. Especially as you remember me....shameful.

Hi OP,

You have certainly gone through a lot, it can not be easy. I also did post on the old forum many moons ago, but was not a regular, but this is a great forum with some friendly people.

Peter

Howdy

We all have challenges in this life - problems to solve and loves to love. You have a basketful - but how thankful I am that you are a beautiful and strong women with many resources at your disposal.

Remember this - repeat it outloud. "The fact that my ex does not have the character to live his committments does NOT mean that I am not beautiful, smart, loving, and deserving of love. I am beautiful, I am smart, and I have friends and family. I will not only survive, but I will thrive!"

Do NOT give your ex husband the power to make you think you are not a desireable, beautiful, and lovely woman - capable of love, committment, and deserving of love. You ex husband has a warped sense of character - THAT has NOTHING to do with who you are.

Next, how very lucky you are TODAY! You have two adult children who are living lives appropriate to their age. They are NOT in jail, they are NOT drug addicts or alcoholics, AND they are in regular contact with you! What a blessing! What a true blessing! You have done MUCH right so far. What a terrific parent you are!

Next, the horrible USA economy does NOT mean that you are not a bright and intelligent person of great value. The right job will come. right now in the USA there are many great americans not employed. Speaks a LOT more about the sleaze of the big wheels - speaks nothing about the work ethic, value, skills, and intelligent of teh unemployed. Know this.

And what blessings abound! You have invested in family and friends! What a wise person you are! Friends in NC etc took you in and enjoyed your company AND their ability to RE-pay you for all the kindness you have invested over your life. You have maintained a loving relationship with your Mom. How blessed she must feel to be able to help you out now ... how very much she muct enjoy your company! Just imagine how joyous you would be to live with either of your children now ... your Mom is counting the true blessing of your wanting to love with her. What a blessing for you both.

And remember that none of us ... no person alive today or ever in the past - has a "life". ALL we each have is right now. today, this minute.

So, you have a small savings account. No sweat. Beginning now, always save 10% of whatever you make - ESPECIALLY when you cannot afford to do so. It is not easy ... but it is the right thing to do - and you are woman who takes pleasure in doing the right thing.

And whenever "life" seems too much, ask yourself how you are doing TODAY? Are you hungry? Cold? Lonely? Probably not so much. And THAT is a blessing. How are you this very minute? Not too shabby, eh?

You are a beautiful, bright woman in 2010. You have wisely invested your time and efforts in your children, your family, your friends. And your investments are paying off gold! hang in there!

Pen - sweetie, please don't be embarrassed that you do not remember me. I am so terrible myself with remembering things, people, names. I know it's because of age and this disease so would never hold that against anyone.

Ohhh Dear Richard - I cannot begin to tell you what I felt after reading your response. You brought me to tears - happy tears. No one and I mean no one has said things to me like you just said in over two years. Thank you sweetie, so very very much. I know you have gone through so much yourself and you continue to stay so strong. You are an amazing person and I mean that from the bottom of my heart!

My children are the light of my life. I do think that I have been a great mom and have done something good in raising such great children. I do not know what I would do without them. Just writing and thinking about them brings a smile to my face.

I use to hope for karma when it comes to my ex. Now I do not waste my time. I am just happy that he is no longer a part of my life and he is someone elses problem.

Hugs to all of you!