Here is what I wish....

It is another bright, sunny, beautiful day here. It is l:30PM. Yet another day I cannot go out. Why? Everyone here knows why. Going out is not an option for me. Ever. The water is a 10 minute walk away. I used to go there all the time. I wish life was not like this. I see people, all the time, going for walks, the farmers market, shopping, the flea market, hell, out for a coffee. They seem to take it for granted. As one should be able to do. In my new view, they have everything. Why? Because they have their health. So, what do I wish.....I wish I had my health. I post this here where people understand and relate. Unfortunately. I just saw an ad on Tv for some pain reliever or another. The tv was on mute. But, the writing on the screen said " I would not let a headache make me stay in." I'll be that woman didn't collapse the last time she ventured out. So, this is my little vent. Oh, I know people who believe they have a difficult life because they have nothing to do on a Saturday night. Hmmmmmm.

Gail, I could have written almost the same.
People think we are being self pitiful.
They have no idea.
There is an old saying about not valuing your health until you lose it, its true.
We are probably all guilty of that.

It isnt pity, its frustration and sadness, and sometimes ranting at the unfairness of it all.

I understand and empathise my friend.

Take care,
Pen

I saw your post re: walking in the backyard in the rain. I thought you probably felt the same. No, like you, I am past self pity etc. Just wish it was different. Or, at least, that there was some knowing that things will change. I also relate to you wanting to be available for your grandchildren tommorrow. I have a 2 year old granddaughter. Too many times I have to miss seeing her. That is truly a heartbreak.

I hear you, Gail, and completely empathize. It's so hard seeing people have lives and enjoying life, without being envious.

Whenever I try to venture out, I end up paying for it for days with "knock you out" migraines and associated symptoms (digestive system, neck, shoulders, back).

I had a doctor appointment in another town on Wednesday. Between the trip, the appointment, the activity, I ended up pretty much out of it all day Thursday, Friday and Saturday morning. I'm willing to do this in order to spend time with my children and grandchildren, but not much else is worth it to me. That in itself is very depressing

I understand........

It is certainly difficult to not let it get to you. I don't believe life was meant to be lived this way.

I dont think this is living. This is existing. I get glimmers of living, but most of the time i exist; for the next glimmer.

I just read that back. It sounds terrible, I should edit it, but I am not going to.
I have had a day of pain but saw my grandchildren. So for two hours I had life.

I am now in bed, its almost 1am and my head is about as good as it can be.
BUT I know, almost certainly that when I wake in the morning, the pain will be back, and I shall have to go through all of that deliberation.
Shall I shan't I? Triptan or not. Had one yesterday, can I get through? How long should I give it???
You know the drill I'm sure.

I will watch people out of the window, doing "normal" things and not even thinking about them.
Totally unaware of me, here in this house, just watching, full of envy.

Then I shall likely be stuck on the couch and watch mindless TV, with more people doing ordinary things, having a life.
Some days I can embrace it better than others.
Since May 17 there has been not one day without the morning pain.
Too many Triptans, Not enough life....I get scared, I get confused, I get anxious.
Did I do something? Is there something I am missing that could make it better?
How are we supposed to feel?

What can we do, except wish!

I hope everyone with migs gets at least a few days to go do something fun. Last wed and thur I got hit hard and had to grind it out with meds. But I knew that on sat the weather was going to finally be nice. There are some days I am "iffy" about heading out but I force myself to go any way. 99% of the time I am glad I did.

We have to fight and claw to have a life outside of a dark room full of pain meds. I don't post pics of my outings to make anyone envious. It's just important to see that we can experience some semblance of a life and to try to seize the moment.

And it works out that on the rare nice sunny days here are just when my head is at it's best. It's those great days doing fun things with my daughter that get me through the dark moments. For me it's a coping medication almost. To see the other side of the head monsters.

I am past envy. I no longer envy peope who can go out. However, I do wonder if they are grateful that they can do so. I somehow doubt it. We tend to take for grated the simple things. BUT, I have noticed that I can become envious when I hear of a friend going on a trip. I would love to travel. Obviously, that is why the envy kicks in. Brent, I enjoy seeing your pics. The one you have posted now is beautiful. I live vicariously though pics. Oh well, maybe in another life.....

gailgigi wrote:I am past envy. I no longer envy peope who can go out. However, I do wonder if they are grateful that they can do so. I somehow doubt it. We tend to take for grated the simple things. BUT, I have noticed that I can become envious when I hear of a friend going on a trip. I would love to travel. Obviously, that is why the envy kicks in. Brent, I enjoy seeing your pics. The one you have posted now is beautiful. I live vicariously though pics. Oh well, maybe in another life.....

I have to admit I do feel envious of people having a "normal" life, not appreciating what they have.
But that is human nature, we probably all did that before we "knew". I do not begrudge them, I just wish I could have it too.
Perhaps the interpretation of envy is different to your own Gail

I am not jealous, to me that is different, that suggests coveting. I do not covet, I just envy them the ability to do what they want. When they want. Although of course, behind closed doors....we do not know. Every picture paints a story. Mine does, but it has become monochrome. I want the colour back

Brent I love your pictures too. Thanks for them all.

A friend of mine went to Mexico recently. I will admit I had a hugh surge of 'jealously.' Not proud of it. But, what can you do....