need some advice- how do i deal with mom and pain control?

Hi All,

As I posted in another topic, I was unable to see my pain physician yesterday- even though I explained I needed to speak to him because the pain meds were not working. Instead, I picked up my prescriptions and dropped off a letter basically telling him everything I was going to tell him in the appointment. My mother called yesterday and when I told her what happened she did not see anything wrong with it. She simply said he fulfilled his obligation by writing the prescriptions. I said yes, and I would have understood, except for the fact that he was clearly seeing other patients. I said it irked me, but that he might respond better to the letter anyway.

I was also able to track my old neurologist, who treated me for eight years and has changed specialties. I simply got his address at his current hospital. I undertand that I am grasping at straws here, I just thought that writing a letter or getting his take on the situation at some point might be helpful. Mom said "Well, I hope you haven't written him yet." I replied that of couse I hadn't It was just a passing thought. Nor will I CONTACT HIM UNLESS THERE IS REASON TO.

I also told her that I notified my current neurologist of the situation. She asked "Why". I replied I was only trying to keep everyone in the loop. I am grasping at straws here. I have one dr who is doing nothing abouit the fainting and another who is doing very little about pain and I an stuck wondering what on earth to do. Then she asked me if I had taken anything. I replied that I had taken my abortives. 1 MSIR amd I diazepam (both prescribed- and both the pain dr and the neuro know.) She then said, "you just need to get off eveything, especialy the long-acting pain meds." I have taken many drug holidays over the years, but either my neurologist or pain dr has always suggested going back on pain medications due to the fact that the pain is unbearable without them. (I want to note that all have been undertaken under a doctors supervision.)

Sometimes I feel like there are two choises with Mom- get off everything and have her happy and me curled up in pain. 2. Take the medication that takes the edge off and be able to live some semblance of a normal life.

Also, when I asked about possibly switching pain doctors, I wasz told that is out of the question. For some reason it is ok to control her pain, but it is not ok for me to control mine?

So I have no clue what to do. All I know is for the next moonth, I will be stuck on the same regimen for pain and I will be asking for knee pads for christmas due to the fact that I will be fainting so much I will be crawling around the apartment. I will also be finishing up essays for and applications service dogs.

I'd love any advice or help you can give me.
pain free days,
sailingm

I don't understand your mother's reasoning either.

As a mother myself I would be moving mountains to see that my child was not hurting and had proper medical care.

I can't fathom where she's coming from.

Charlotte

Hi SM,

I am going to send you a personal message as I don't want to post something for everyone to read. Keep an eye out for it.

£eslie

sailing, i'm a bit perplexed.

i'm not sure why your mom is not being as supportive as you would like (sorry, that doesn't sound that nice). maybe she is very frustrated. i must say that i feel very bad for you, and i try to give you the best advice i can think of.

your body no doubt does not process it's neurological signals well. this ties out with your syncope (had my reveal taken out, it's on misc. page). pain meds & triptans can influence and make syncope worse. someone has to walk the problem diagram with your case. someone is missing something.

have you had a full spinal MRI....i'm guessing you probably have. especially the neck and T spine?

support is important for chronically ill people. i'm hoping your mom will help--can dad step in?

and you are absolutely correct--you should not have to live in pain, and she is applying a double standard.

best wishes!

Howdy Sailing,

Isn't your Mom an MD? Or is my migraine memory playing tricks on me.

I don't know how old you are, or how much you depend on your folks BUT...

I would (and I do) pursue every opportunity to receive the care I require without worrying about or "clearing" my decisions with anybody. If you are dealing with a couple of do nothing Doctors - Drop Them! Find someone who actually cares and will help you. Otherwise you're wasting your time (and money I might add), and suffering needlessly.

Dan,
SM might not have a choice, if her mom is paying for her healthcare. That really is a hard situation.

SM, I can't understand why a dr. would ignore the fact that you have such frequent fainting spells. Tests don't show any cause for these? That's crazy.

Hope you can find some relief, and some real answers, soon!

Out of curiosity S.Muffin, if you don't mind me asking- why do you consult everything in detail with your Mom?
is it because she is an MD and you trust her with watching over you, or you feel uneasy about taking all those meds and you seek (perhaps unconsciously) outside approval?

Risa

What a tough situation. If I was in that position I would just ask her next time she started on about it why she feels it is ok for her to treat her pain but not ok for you to do the same. It seems a bit hypocritical to me. If the answer was not a really good and valid reason I would probably just go ahead doing what I'm doing and ignore her opinion (easier said than done!) and if she kept bringing it up just say something like, "I think your reasons for objecting to this are not appropriate and as an adult I need to do what I feel is best for me in conjunction with my drs."

Sorry you are having such a rough time of it

SailingM,

Sending you hugs.

I sort of understand. I don't know how old you are or how close you are with your mom. I am 34 & very close with my mom. She has been very supportive, but I think she's hit her breaking point with me. She would have the same reaction. In fact, she is having the same reaction... "if the doctor said that you can't take Stadol, you can't take it... even if it's the only thing that helps you" and "if the doctor says you have to go back to the hospital for a week, even if you don't want to, you should."

I know that our parents want what is best for us deep down inside, but sometimes, they get frustrated, too. But they need to take a step back and realize that we are their children & we are coming to them for support & a shoulder to cry on & an ear to listen. Sometimes we don't WANT answers. We just want them to listen. Come on, we're their babies. No matter how old we are.

I do hope that your doctor read your letter and will respond. If not, I hope you filled your prescriptions and they are helping.

Wishing YOU pain free days,
Rachel

I don't know how old you are, which would make a lot of difference in why she is treating you the way she is. Are you 20 or 40? I'm sure she is looking out for your best interests even though it doesn't seem that way. She may be worried of your becoming dependent on the pain medication. I take medication for my pain and have a handle on it, but I wouldn't want my daughter taking the same stuff I do just because she is young and inexperienced. I would want her to try other possibilities first. Now if she was an older adult, I might make a suggestion but would stay out of it.

SMuffin,

I was very close to my mother when I was a bit younger (I just turned 30), but we have never seen eye to eye about my health. I think it would be difficult having an MD for a mother, because yes she has years of training, but I know for me that part of my differentiation process was deciding what was best for my situation. It was really difficult. It changed my relationship with my mother. It was worth it for my health though. I also disagree. No matter what age you are you have the right to good pain control. Just keep in mind that with good sense use the meds wisely. I take a lot of pain meds myself, but my neuro. actually had to sit me down and tell me to take them, because I hate the idea of being "addicted." But I realized that I'm taking them because I need them, so it is a balance. But I think you know this. The other thing that people remind me of, which I forget, is that in not liking to take more meds than I need, I will put off taking the pain med when it would work well. So now I try to second guess myself less, and just take what I have earlier, which has worked pretty well actually. I was nicely surprised.

Sorry you're going through this. I know it sucks. I also get lightheaded a lot, and it's really difficult to do ANYTHING when I feel that way. I really like that you're advocating for yourself. I also think any parent, like the people here are saying, might have a difficult time acknowledging that their "baby" is sick, so I do try to give my Mom some slack while I keep doing what I need to do to keep myself healthy. And yes, if you're on your family's insurence, it can make this way more complicated. I'm grateful to have my own insurence now.

Angel

Angel,

PLEASE tell me you live near Philadelphia! I used to not take my meds & would love a doctor now that told me I had to take my PAIN meds.

Rachel