To almostangela

I was trying to go to sleep last night and this poem just kept running through my head. I know the inspiration came from talking to you about our kids. So I finally gave up on the sleep and wrote the poem.

It expresses for me how I felt as a mother with migraines and kids. I know the guilt goes away but obviously not entirely.

Guilt

Guilt washes through me
Coloring my world
With sadness and grief
Just let me lay here
While you play with your toys
Use your indoor voice
Don’t make any noise
Mommy’s head hurts

Guilt washes through me
Painting my life in shades
Of black and grey
Another game I’ve missed
Go on without me
Go play take your glove
Tell me what you’ve seen
Mommy’s head hurts

Guilt washes through me
In swaths of anger
Pain and helplessness
Let me hold you
And cradle your head
You should by happy
Not dealing with this instead
My baby’s head hurts

Guilt washes through me
In waves, in waves
Of terrible pain
How could this happen ?
What did I do?
Were my genes that bad?
Did I give this to you?
My baby’s head hurts

By Allison Harrison

Oh, Alli. Tears again. You have captured a mother's guilt perfectly. When my eldests fiance told me he was having migraines, I cried.

I get a little stab in my heart whenever my youngest son tries to get out of doing a chore by saying "My head hurts". He has heard it so often.

That is simply beautiful, Alli. I'm at a loss for further words. You've captured them all.

Thanks.
Love
Angela

I'm glad you like it.

Honestly, Alli, your poems are the best. They describe our feelings to a "T".

Thanks for putting our feelings of guilt into words.

Becky

I sent it to my son as I've been sending everything I've been writing to him. He called me and just gave me a big phone hug from Canada. He was almost crying. I don't want my kids to feel bad but it is how I feel about them getting this horrible disease. My daughter found it hard to hear also.

I don't know if it is a good thing or not to have them read these. It does give them some insight into their mother but it makes them so sad.

Alli,

Why don't you start a book? You seem to have a gift for this sort of thing...and I have a feeling this may just be a start for you. I know there will be some happier ones, sort of a diary of a chronic pain sufferer...

I am thinking about it. These are just coming out of me. If this keeps up I would like to publish them. Hopefully there will be some that aren't so sad!