SEX !!! Yeah I thought that would get your attention!

Howdy All,

I have written about my recent spat of migraine episodes. Plus how the next day I am completely wiped out - much like the utter fatigue of a really good hangover.

But I am finding that my natural male sex drive (anytime, anywhere) is being rudely interrupted by these migraine episodes and postdromes. Most rudely! TMI would add that I just do not feel like any kind of physical intimacy during an episode or the day after. And THAT is definitely annoying to me and mine.

What is your experience? Any way out of this dilemma?

Oh yes, I also suffer from what my neurologists have called a Fu**ing Headache! This means that the physical exertion of sexual acts is likely to bring on a migraine episode. NOT the greatest motivation for intimacy, let me tell you. Thank the Powers That Be, the payoff of physical intimacy is great enough to risk the migraine episode ... otherwise I may as well become a monk.

Anyone else have this delightful condition of the effing headache?

Bah humbug on this disease!

Unfortunately so Richard. Plus the pain medication I am on doesn't make it easy for me to get in the mood. I also have to rely on various lubricants and contraceptives other than birth control (topamax makes birth control less effective, birth control also raises the risk of stroke which in my case is not good since I am already a high risk) which makes the process a lot less spur of the moment and always has to be planned out. I HATE IT!

There is nothing like finally getting in the mood after fighting with the meds that make it hard for you to feel that way to turn around in the dark (dark because after only a year of having a child, your still a bit self concious of the baby belly and boobies LOL) and go, "Oh no, where's the KY? Is it in the drawer? That's where it was last time..." "Well, last time was like two weeks ago and I don't remember..oh wait, I found it, but where are the condoms?" "I don't KNOW!" CRAP!

That right there is enough to trigger a migraine for me, because after all that searching for the various products the lights have been flashed on and off about 4 or 5 times! LOL

Don't worry though, you are not alone. However I just think I need to become more organized with my sex drawer.

PS. I was very much ruled by my hormones before I took all these medications. I WAS the man in the relationship, whereas my husband was the one complaining of the headache or the backache or "not in the mood."

Yeah, between the pain and the preventatives (anti-depressants) s*x is not what it used to be. I'm not sure which is worse. Gosh, this life really sucks at times.

Becky

LOL Gia, I thought I was the only one with a sex drawer I had to blame on the migraines.

Different situation but related, Richard. I have that same problem, but add to that, that I can't take birth control because the hormonal fluctuations trigger migraines. So I have to use a diaphram instead. Except the topomax confusion that my brain is often in means I can't always remember where the darn thing is. Even though it's in a special case, with the KY, etc. etc.
By the time I find it, the sex drive that is precarious anyway, because the migraines play hell with it, is gone, and I'd rather go to sleep.

Gotta love topomax.

Anyone ever fallen asleep during sex?

Oh Richard, I love you for bringing this up. And I feel for you... And everyone else that's posted. I've had a five month migraine at a 10 and want to but have no sex drive. Cannot even think of the physical exertion let alone movement. It's driving me batty and I'm sure it's no picnic for my husband. I could think about having sex when totally drugged up, but then it's really not me, is it?

My husband doesn't understand getting a migraine because of having sex, but it happens to me, so I avoid it sometimes. Yeah, I admit it, I avoid it. Bad girl.

I have no suggestions, I'm sorry. But I'm happy to have a place to talk about this. Thank you.

Rachel

My sex drawer is now mostly full of elaborate excuse slips...

Risa

yup, count me in. The exertion of the fun time makes my head hurt (if it wasn't already bad enough.). The drugs make it almost impossible for me to get in the mood (and impossible for other things too ). My poor husband, I have been offering to get him a second wife... as long as she also does dishes!

My husband does a rather funny impression of my face while having a migraine and making love, all I can say is that I wouldn't want to look at that

I think maybe I'll change my log on and my photos! TMI!!!

LOL yes, I meant to say that also. Bless you, Richard, for bringing up what's usually a sensitive topic in a way we can all discuss, and discuss maturely and with humor. You're an angel.

Condoms? Lubrcants? Welcome to the world of gay men! But if even WE can mnage it, I know yall can too! LOL Real sorry anyone has to juggle all that paraphanalia just for a touch of human kindness. But the alternative sucks even worse. Wait .... maybe I would make a great monk or priest. I would LOVE to spend Saturday afternoons in the confessional on the "other side". LOL

Good luck to us all AND to our intimate partners.

On a VERY serious note. My major and ongoing regret now that Steve is gone is saying "No" to him because of a simple headache. I tell you all the truth. Wild horses alone will make me say no now to one I love. I would pay with a migraine epsidoe that lasted every day of the rest of my life for one more night with my Steve. Those "no's" still haunt me. Yeah I know he understood. Yeah I know he loved me. But the membrance of intimacy rejected is very cold comfort to one who grieves. Remember this the next time you say "no"

Are you still willing to say "no" if this is the last chance for intimacy you have with your loved one? It really may be your last opportunity. Death really does come like a thief in the night. You never know. Learn from the ghosts that haunt me still.

S*x - what's that

Liz

Hi Richard,
good point.
During a bad migraine it's so hard to feel sexy

I agree that a NO is a very sad thing for the other, but between a motivated NO and a passive YES I don't know what's worse...

Personally, migraine must be VERY VERY bad to say no to my hubby. Normally I find that sex helps to abort a migraine - or at least it does not worsen it.

Bye

Yeah - a really bad migraine totally kills interest during the prodrome and the migraine and during the immediate aftermath of a migraine,where I just want to sleep. Nothing like severe nausea and pain to put me in the mood, not. Typically with me, this process of prodrome and migraine and recovery is about 24 hours.

I'm generally back to full friskiness the next day, though, even if I'm still tired out.

Glad it's me and not my wife with the migraines. I imagine that the other way around might really put a crimp in things.

-Peter

Gosh back when I used to have sex, it usually helped for awhile. But alas, those days are over for now. I just have to live with the pain and wish I had someone around to help me get rid of the pain. I feel so bad for those who get worse with the big moment. That is adding insult to injury!

Thanks all of you for the humor. It helps to laugh instead of cry.

My migraines have been bad ever since I got married....in 07. I went from being a very "active" person to having no interest in sex at all.

I hate it so much. I can't even imagine how hard it is for my partner. UGH

For those of you on SSRIs, have you found that one of the side effects is loss of libido? I'm talking apart from all the migraine related problems. Just SSRI side effects by themselves is bad enough. I've tried Paxil and Lexapro. So I can either be interested in sex but otherwise anxious and angry or reduce the anxiety and anger and not care about sex.

Chris

Anyone ever fallen asleep during sex?

Probably about ten years ago, and I don't remember which med's I was on, I was heading up stairs and told hubby to wake me up when he got there, wink, wink.

The next morning I asked him why he didn't wake me up. He looked so crestfallen when he said "I did!". Yikes, yeah that one was memorable!

For the most part the M's don't interfere. I'm more of the aggressor in the relationship so he never feels deprived.

It all depends on the nausea. Sometimes the "motion of the ocean" ain't such a good thing!

Charlotte

CluelessKitty wrote:My sex drawer is now mostly full of elaborate excuse slips...

Risa

that has kept me smiling for several days!!!