Update and Botox question

Hi All,

I have had a really bad migraine for the past week or so. The past few days have been horrible- due to the migraines, fainting, and family stuff. We also had a leak in our ceiling recently and they are repainting today- not helping the headache.

I had botox injections done on March 7 and have been doing fairly well until now. the headache is back with a vengeance- not much that I have is doing much, but it keeping it down in the 8.5 range. I am on Ultram, Tylenol 3, klnopin, and benedryl for the pain. THe stimulator is working as well and I turned it up this morning. I am wondering if the Botox is beginning to wear off. I have a follow up appointment with the neuro next week and am scheduled for another round in June.

Right now, I would just like to curl up somewhere and sleep, but that isn't really an option today. I have to clean the apartment up.

It is messier than usual and Mom came by to see the leak damage actually she kind of blew in like a hurricane. (The entire ceiling outside the linen closet had to be stripped, dried and then they had to sheet rock it.) However, she went crazy because it was so messy- said a lot of mean things. Anyway, the end result is that I have to get this place pristine by Sunday. (My parents names are not on the lease and I reminded her of that. However, I do occasionally need their help with transportation and such. She basically said that if it wasn't cleaned up she wouldn't help me.) I am also kind of stubborn- if you tell me I can't do something, I will usually do it just to prove them wrong. I also feel like I have to prove once again that I can live independently and I want to be as independent as possible.

Needless to say, but I think this is also contributing to the migraine right now. I know that my roommate and I can and will get it done, but I hate having to prove myself over and over and over again. She did this once before- shortly after I moved in and everything turned out fine- and she left it alone until a few weeks ago when they came over for a seder/easter meal. Afterwards, it seemed like the fact that the shelves were messy was more important than anything I did. Since then, she hasn't left the issue alone. I just hate it when this happens. I love my family and I do not want to lose them. I also know that I am lucky to have parents who have gone to bat for me with the migraines and the fainting, but this is ridiculous. I know it is probably a mom thing. but it is still frustrating as all get out.

the only thing I can do is clean for a bit, rest for a bit, clean for a bit. Kat/s mom is coming to help us tomorrow. I am sure things wull be fine in the end.

Sorry, I know this turned into one big vent. but i'd love to hear any ideas you might have.

Pain free days,
sailing i

Hi Sailing!

Haven't been on the forum in a good long while but I saw your message and thought I'd like to weigh in. With all the stress you've been under, I can understand why your migraines have flared. Sometimes families can be supportive but other times, they can really add to your stress especially when they just don't get what you're going through.

I used to be like you. I would push and push myself, beyond any healthy limits. I did it until my body simply wouldn't do it any more and then kept trying after that. I too am extremely stubborn. I hated the fact that once the migraines got bad, my mind could no longer overpower the rest of me and keep me going. It made me so mad and I felt like I needed to punish myself for being so weak.

I don't feel like that any more. Thanks to the migraines, I have learned my lesson. It took a fair bit of counselling from a psychologist and the support of my wonderful husband but I know now why I used to drive myself so hard. It had a lot to do with my family, particularly my mother. One of my worst migraine triggers is anxiety and as it turns out, my family members are really good at making me anxious. In order to protect myself, I had to distance myself from most of my family members and to set very strict boundaries.

I would encourage you to take a closer look at what is contributing to your anxiety/stress and see if there is anything you can do decrease it, either by changing the way you interact with certain people, or by giving yourself some space from the people who cause you the most stress until your migraine subsides. Also, when you are beating yourself up about having a messy house or other things that aren't done because you are sick, ask yourself if you would berate a friend for not being more productive if he/she were suffering like you are right now.

If you are into meditation at all, you might also want to check out "The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion". I found it pretty helpful. Hoping you are feeling better soon...

Cookie Monster

I'm sorry, but are an adult living on your own. You really should not let your mom get under your skin. Even if it is messy and she thinks it should be better, so what? Really? If you are dealling with a bad migraine set back, now is not the time to be stressing yourself out over stuff that is really not that important.

As long as you let it get to you, you are doing yourself a disservice. You spend a lot of time worrying about making your parents and your brother happy. You are the one with a debilitating illness. They should be worrying about you. You need to give this some serious thought.

As long as you keep worrying about pleasing them, they will keep pulling you around and around. And your stress level will not help your illness any at all. Step back, and make up your mind not to care what they think so much. You'll be much happier for it.

Well, let me just try to take a different angle at this situation, Sailing.
Sometimes parents have a funny way of showing you that they love you so it comes out as being upset with you about some unimportant things, whilst what is really happening is that they are worried about you, that they want to take care of you. What she probably wants is to have you at home and take care of you "properly".
It is not easy to let go when grown up children fly the nest (no matter what age), especially if you know that they are not well and in pain most of the time. In time she will get use to it. And you will prove to her that you are capable to look after yourself. She probably wants you back under her wing.

I know, I know - such behaviour ofen does not make much sense because it comes out all wrong, but I am sure that your mother cares deeply about you, and that you also love your mother - despite her irritating behaviour - only as so often happen in families, we are quite bad at sending the right signals, and instead of comforting each other we drive each other mad.

I am sure that you will be able to find the right balance in time, when she realises that you are serious about your independence. I am also certain that you could do without this additional irritation when you head hurts so much.

Hi All,

Thanks for all the great advice! I am not sure what I would do without y'all.

Cookiemonster- you are absolutely right. I do push myself fo the limit and beyond. I usually do this to appear normal. However, I am learning that I can't hide this anymorehro-especially since I faint constantly as well. Shortly after the migraines became chronic, my brother got married- I was in the hospital a day before the wedding. At the wedding I was told to, "Take the Tylenol 3, put on the dress, and smile." I have used this advice more times than I can caount.

My mother has chronic back pain andt wan has been in pain my entire life. She still managed to practice medicine until I was 15. She always seemed to push through the pain and get what had to be done, done. What I do not understand about this is the fact that if I take pain medication, I will get in trouble. or if I push myself to hard and ten get a migraine, the same thing happens. Maybe she sees too many of her habits in me?

I wish that mom didn't get under my skin, but she does. Parents are funny that way. Mini- I hink you probably hit the nail on the head with what is going on.

Mom came by to inspect this morning. The apartment was clean and much better than it was. It did need cleaning. However, she was quite nitpicky about some things. I am not sure why. I did have a short conversation with her as she was leaving. She said I should be pursuing jobs more and such. But I did tell her that I was going to continue living here, continue to try to be as independent as possible. I also told her that I would get some help with the cleaning. This helped some. She will also be out of town for a few weeks that will help to.


oWhen she left, I basically said, "look, we have done a lot of cleaning and I am not going to anymore cleaning. This is not her house and as much as I love my mother, I can't live simply to please her." I have to live my life. I know she means well and I know my mom loves me and I love her, but I think we will both be happier in the long run if I am more independent.

The head is still really bad. I am not sure what to do. All I can do is rest, take the meds, and pray. I have an appointment with the neuro who did the botox next week. I am hoping that he might have some more ideas.

Again, thanks for all the advice and help.

Pain free days,
sailingm