How to handle a overly-"helpful" acquaintance

A customer where I work noticed the other day that my eye was drooping and I was in obvious distress. When he asked I simply said "I suffer from chronic migraines".

He is invading my life. He walked into my office the other day, started patting my arm and said "I found the answer for you". It was Depakote, which I tried years ago and had a bad experience with. But, his SIL told him it works, so by golly it must. He also said "I tried to call you at home but you're not listed"!!!! I just thanked him and told him I'd look into it. I do not want to discuss my medical history with him.

This morning there was a note on my desk that had been left on the door of my old office (and I'm guessing this customer doesn't know I moved). It was some bizarre article about coconut water with "killer headache" and a correlation to hangovers circled. On top of the article was "When all else fails"

I am getting seriously offended but need to stop this nicely. Any ideas?

I don't know how often you see this customer but one thing the pain psychologist recommended to me is to reassure the person that "Yes I have this disease but I am coping and doing okay". Even when I want to choke the person. All they are trying to do is solve the situation which is extremely annoying to us. I guess that would be my tactic the next time I saw the person otherwise I might consider calling security. If they are making an extra effort to involve themselves in someones life, unasked, it's rather creepy.

I hope this all made sense I have mush for brains today and I'm fighting to see and be coherent but I'm coping.

He's in almost every day, and he is very much trying to ingratiate himself with me. He is a very touchy feely guy and I had to have a talk with him and tell him to keep his hands off my staff as he was invading their personal space and making them uncomfortable.

I even told him to take his hands off me. Of course he didn't mean it that way! Really? It's one thing to touch someones arm, it's another thing to stroke it when you stand five inches away and have the person backed up against a wall. One of my staff calls him The Sniffer because he uses her perfume as an excuse to lean and tell her how good she smells. Another of my staff makes sure she has a cart between her and him whenever he comes in.

Since I told him that wouldn't be tolerated he doesn't do it, he's just gotten SOOOOOO NIIICE to me and it's creepy. Period.

We don't have security. I'm the person in charge. I do not believe he is dangerous, he just thinks he is Gods Gift.

Hi All,

It sounds like this guy is a true jerk. I understand he was trying to be helpful at first, but now, it appears to have gone way beyond that- especially is other coworkers have reported similar behavior.

I don't have much experience with this, but here are a few ideas.

1. Is there anyway you can place some sort of barrier between you and this customer- a large desk perhaps or a counter?
2. I don't remember if you are married or not, but definitely display a prominent picture of your husband or significant other, to show you are "taken". If you aren't in a relationship, find a picture frame with a cute guy and display that.
3. Are there any males who work in your office who you could trust? If so, the next time this guy comes in have the coworker there. Or better yet, have your co worker deal with him.
4. If he speaks about migraines again, go with the "Well, I really try not to discuss that at work or something similar.
5. If all else3 fails, report it to the authorities.

I hope this helps.

Pain free days,
sailingm

Oh, he's well aware I'm married. And he usually comes in with his wife. When I was discussing the problem to day with co-workers I was told that his wife told one of the staff that she is well aware of his shenanigans, has been for years, but sticks around now for the pension.

I think I like # 4 the best followed up with " and when I do discuss it, I do so only with my husband or friends". He is a smart man, retired in a prestigious job. He will be smart enough to read between the lines and understand that I dint consider him a friend.

Most people who know him only casually think he is just a Super Guy who is just extra friendly and affectionate. Too many men try to hide behind that when they are really just dirty old men trying to cop a feel.

Sorry, bad attitude tonight.....

OT - Charlotte, I LOVE your signature. I can relate...

As for the topic, I have a VERY nosey neighbor who doesn't think twice about becoming a part of everyone's personal life. He was pushing his miracle chiropractor on me every chance he had until I blew up at him.

Some people just need to be hit in the head to "get it".

I have a good friend who is always giving me cuttings from newspapers - I know she is only thinking of me and wants to help - but this guy is not a good friend and decidedly creepy.

A kind but short sharp firm message sounds definitely the best thing. I wish you luck.

Liz

The regular me wants you to say "You are creeping me out and I am feeling threatened by you and it is work policy to report all threatening behavior to the police".

But the professional me wants to say "Thank you for your concern, but I only discuss my healthcare with my healthcare providers and close family and friends".

Touchy feely people creep me out!!!!! UGH! YUCK! CREEP!

Sounds like my ex.. No concept of personal space and way toooo much inappropriate touching. Those people really do think they are God's gift. Even a firm message doesn't always get to them. They think the rules don't apply since they "are just being friendly" Barf.

#4 is probably the best followed #5 if he still persists. What kind of business is it, can you do without his business? If so, you may have to ban him from the premises.

Yes, and it's so easy to tell the truly friendly huggers, they are out there, and the ones that hug just a couple seconds too long with an extra squeeze at just the right spot in your back! Phooey! My customer has not gone that far, I'm thinking of another creepy acquaintance.

Yes, Alli, if he doesn't toe the line I can have him removed from the premise. He is not intricate to the running of the business. At this point he doesn't justify that, but if after my oh so professional comments he persists, then it is an option.

.45 ACP maybe?

Those hugs, you gotta watch them. Creepers are weirdos.......

The girl that's my florist likes to give hugs. I really don't mind.

Oh gosh, your guys would have a blast with my guy! or they would kill each other over whose cure is better.
My guy cures everything with .......... garlic!!!!

Char, when I feel better I'll think how you may you handle him.
My guy, I don't even listen, just agree to everything then chuck whatever he gives me into a garbage can as soon as he leaves.

Risa

I would flat tell this guy, with his wife there, that you do not appreciate his over-friendliness and if he persists, you will insist that he leave and not come back. If he doesn't listen, the next time, call the police. You do not know how far this guy will go and he obviously doesn't understand "personal space" or acceptable social behavior. PUT A STOP TO IT!

If he pays with a credit card, get his license info so you can pass that on to the police also. There are too many wack-jobs out there today to take chances.

Hal

I think Hal does have a point here...

Risa

A couple more suggestions; write down the tag number on his vehicle and what kind of vehicle he drives. This guy probably is doing this to several women and he might be sneaking out at night and raping them. Maybe his wife is going with and watching. Make sure your security video (you do have a security camera?) has his face on the recording. If I were a woman and getting this kind of attention, I would have told the police a long time ago. Take heed from a man's point of view.

If you live in a state that allows a concealed carry permit, I suggest you learn how to shoot well, get a concealed carry permit and practice at a gun range at least a couple of times per month. You might even find target shooting fun. If you are not a shooter, take a class in self defense.

Hal

... alternatively you could hire Hal as your bodyguard. I am sure he would put a stop to the creepy fellow once and for all.

If Hal isn't available I would just throw a mighty old tantrum then and there and tell him to back off or you are going to knee him in the groin.

Hopefully the embarrassment will put him off for good.

P.

Lol! You guys always jump to my defense.

No need for the surveillance, it's a small town I know exactly where this guy lives, his license number etc. I saw his truck in the parking lot at work and was pleased that he didn't seek me out. I told you, he's a smart guy. Since I didn't acknowledge his "cute" little note I think"hope!" he got the message that I AIN'T interested!! Believe it or not, there are women who find him quite attractive. Hopefully he prefers easy pickin's rather than challenges.

Risa, does your guy wear the garlic or eat it?

Petzi, thanks for the vote of confidence. I'm always available.

Charlotte, the psychology of wackos is that they enjoy a challenge. I'd make sure the police know about everything this guy has done.

Hal

lol Hal, I appreciate your being cautious but I think this time your imagination is taking you too far.

re: my guy, he eat it by tonnes.
strangely, he doesn't stink of it, hardly ever.
he attributes that to eating green parsley (the top of the root) immediately after, and I guess it works since
indeed it works if you want to take the aftertaste off your mouth - I tried that myself - upon his advice, of course.

Eating - chewing, rather- green parsley immediately after a raw garlic is more effective than milk, orange, any remedy I tried before. I recommend it.

Risa

Remember you guys, half of what I say has to be taken tongue-in-cheek.

oh forehead thud - now I C !!!

Risa

Risa,

However, I was serious about the gahlic. If the guy were wearing it, you would have to watch him closely as he would believe in Vampires. Ergo, wackjob.

If he just eats it, he is a health nut and you should turn him onto the gahlic pills. No bad breath or gahlic sweat.

I eat alot of gahlic in receipes. I even roast it and put it on Italian bread along with a good cheese. Goes great with spaghetti.

Now that I have really hijacked this thread, I will apoligize and go hide.

Hal

No harm, no foul Hal. Now....where's my wooden stake?

Well, he did it to me again. I took him aside and told him I did not want to discuss my health issues at work. He tried to give me a song and dance about how he was trying to help someone else and wanted to know what I tried. I nicely told him I wasn't going to discuss my medical history with him and that the best advice he could give the person he was trying to "help" was to tell her to see a neurologist.

I doubt he will be bothering me again.