Happy Pride!

As some of you know, I am a woman, legally married to a woman. This week, where I live, it is Pride week, a time where all different parts of the GLBT community take some time to celebrate or reflect on what it is to be gay.

I'm 36 and have been "out" since I was 18 years old. In the past 18 years I have sure been through a lot and seen a whole lot too. I myself have been severely injured in a "gay-bashing" only a few short years ago. Where I live, we have a huge gay community, but lately there have been more and more gay-bashing happening.

This saddens me so much, as I have seen so many other positive changes in society over the past 18 years.

Now, when I go into a store with my wife, the young salespeople don't bat an eyelash and when they help us they help us as a couple, not as two friends or sisters. I know this has a lot to do with living where I live. It still sucks to travel to other areas of the country and world and have to "pretend" to be friends.

Years ago, if I went to buy a new bed with my partner, we would have to do a big song and dance pretending that one of us was buying the bed and the other just being helpful. The last two beds we bought there was nothing...no reaction...no odd questions...nothing. Exactly the way I like it. For both beds both salespeople treated us as a couple buying a bed. Nice to have to do less pretending.

Every time we travel to the states we need to cross the US/Canada border and pretend. Each time we need to get out story "straight" before we do. Last year my brother insisted my wife and I say we were married (as we legally are) even though we told him it was a bad idea. AND...as usual...we were right and his entire car ended up being searched and hours of delay.

It's tough, because I don't want to lie to a customs officer. If I do and then we get caught in the lie all shite hits the fan, and if we tell the truth all shite hits the fan. It sucks and keeps me from doing more travel stateside. I hope some day this will change.

Alas, I have a big question this year. Each year for the past 18 I have attended the Gay Pride Parade, one of the largest in North America. Over the past few years I have been less and less interested in going. I think it's a bit like someone outgrowing springbreak or Mardi Gras. Will I go this year?

I have a few more days to decide, but either way, I am taking this time to reflect on what it has meant for me to be gay and all the changes that continue to occur in society.

Happy Pride everyone.

Congradulations Milo, on your long journey thus far.

As a straight woman raised in the Canadian rural prairies, at 18, I used to look at gay couples with a sideways glance, as such a curious oddity that was whispered and snickered about. Thanks to education, and exposure like gay pride events, and more people stepping up to say I'm gay and it's okay, for me today, it is commonplace. I no longer see this as odd or abnormal. My neighbours don't hide it, and my children don't whisper or snicker. Times are changing.

Happy Pride to everyone!

Oh, I just also wanted to clarify part of my post. When I travel to other countries, I understand that at times we need to keep our relationship hidden for our own safety, and at times to respect customs. To me it's no different then a straight couple who is not legally married who visit a country where living together unmarried is unacceptable so they keep their relationship secret.

I was a woman in Law Enforcement in the early '80's. There were very few of us who actually worked the "road". Now, it is quite common to see a woman in uniform.

Not long ago I was thanked by a younger woman for being a "pioneer"! Man, did it make me feel old! But proud of myself that I helped pave the way for change...

As part of your pride week, share in that pride of paving the way for others!

Oh, just an aside, because I was a woman doing a "man's" job, I was whispered about...I HAD to be gay. My husband and son? I was informed more than once that they were just beards! Seems to me it would've been easier to just not have "found that right man".

I'm glad life if better for you and your wife, Milo. I'm surprised and saddened to hear that even in 2010 your sexuality would cause you problems at the American border. We still have a way to go....

Happy Pride, Milo. Many in the lgbt community have to search theri souls and decide if a Pride event is worth the hassle. Many do not like certain elements in a Pride Parade or festival. Many believe they are too old or are "done with all that."

I still make a point to attend our local (small) Pride festivites and wish I could attend the San Francisco or Sacramento or Reno events more years than I actually can (finances and health). I am 58, one of those old timer pioneers, and have been out of the closet since 1981. But I still go to Pride festivities when I can.

Why? (1) For the sheer fun of it. I have never been to any Pride celebration where I did NOT meet new and very interesting people. (2) I go in memory of the all the dearly departed who cannot go (gay bashings, AIDS, Breast Cancer, etc.) I just know in my heart that if they could go, they would. So I go for them. (3) To celebrate the sheer survival of lgbt folks everywhere. It is a minor miracle that we are all still around and thriving ... sometimes I believe we are weeds - we thrive even on stony ground. In a world that is hostile to our families and our intimate relationships, I celebrate our very willingness and ability to celebrate.

So go to the Pride festivities. Meet old friends and new, intersting people. Go and think of my beloved Steve who would go if he could. Go on behalf of the lgbt people in Afghanistan and Iraq and Africa and in most USA states. And finally go because your very survival as a strong and loving woman is worth at least ONE day of celebration each year.

Happy Pride!

What a nice post about liberation! But also how sad that you have to hide your marriage from the U.S. border patrol! Sadly to say, my state (California) voted to de-legalize gay marriages and make gay couples "illegitimate." But things are changing. Just as you once could never have bought a bed together, someday you'll be able to enter my country together too! Happy pride!

can you get all you friends at the festival to promote the migraine awareness at the same time, maybe thats what we need to promote migraine awareness!!

lol...dawn...lol...I think wearing my half-marathon bib saying "migraines suck" last month while running my 21.1 kilometers with over 5 thousand other people is the furthest I will go at the moment for migraine awareness.

Richard, we are for sure heading out to our local Pride, which is actually next weekend...it's the big parade that we are still debating. Looks like we will be heading down to it afterall. I can make it year 19.

I don't understand what happens at the US/Canadian border when you state that you are married. I also don't understand why they ask if you are married. Can you elaborate?

They don't ask if you are married, they ask "and how do you two know each other"? Any hesitation in response allows then to detain you.

Milo, what happens if you respond "She's my girlfriend"? Is it the married part they have problems with or the gay part? I'm so curious, as I think Lesherb is, because it seems incomprehensible to me that that would be a factor in 2010. And not that I don't believe you, incomprehensible in an appalling aspect.

I realize that you run into prejudice all the time, but for it to be at that level? Moves me to tears of anger (not that any level is acceptable...but I guess I always saw it as a individual redneck thing rather than a border policy).

Well, I can't say she is my girlfriend because I'd be telling a lie as she is legally known as a "wife".

We tried to enter the US together via Miami from the Cayman Islands as well. We tried to enter as a family and the customs official detained my wife and then she was made to fill out all her own paperwork because we were unable to enter the US as a family. We just made our connecting flight, and we had about a four hour lay-over. I was not allowed to be given any info about her delay and they forced me to continue on out of the secure area so I was completely freaked out and worried the whole time wondering what happened to her.

It's been three times now that we have had an issue. When we come back into Canada all we do is say we are married when they ask our relationship and it's a non-issue.