To: The Pain Specialist....

you did not have
empathy
or recognition
for the effort
nor did you see
my spirit
break
as you turned your back
on what I now knew certain
would be my path
until death...

I'm so sorry Gail......

Hi,

I am so sorry that things did not go well. The only thing that I can suggest is to see if you can get in with another specialist or see if your neurologist would be willing to do pain control. If not, find another pain specialist.

If it helps- the first pain specialist I saw was a complete idiot. I actually saw him to fix a stimulator wire, which he did, but I woke up in the middle of an operation and he proceeded to fight with the anesthesiologist. The anesthestiologist won. Also, he was not at all understanding or helpful.

I have occaisionally locked horns with my current pain doctor. But I know that he has my best interst at heart. As he said to me once- "you are young, you have a lot of life to live and I don't want to completely damage it with too much medication." Also, it stopped working, so we have gone back to tylenol3, which has helped me more than the morphine was.

Anyway, my point is sometimes you have to keep searching until you find the one who is right for you.

Pain free days,
sailingm

Gail,

I so hear your pain and your wanting to give up. This is what makes me so angry at the Dr's who are suppose to help us, care for us, be supportive of us, compassionate, work with and for us, and so many times they do not and we don't no where to turn or what to do next.

I know we all hear so many times, find another Dr. And that's what we do, or what we attempt to do. But, believe me, it is so frustrating and feels like it takes everything we have to do just that. Especially when we are dealing with such chronic levels of pain on a daily basis. That seems to be the last thing we want to deal with, doesn't it?

But, we do have to keep fighting for ourselves because no one is going to do it for us. There are some good ones out there, it's just a matter of finding them. I know it's so much easier said than done, but you have to keep the faith and keep saying to yourself, "I can do this, I must do this."

Best of luck to you sweetie and please, don't ever give up.

Hugs!

Gail,
I do feel for you. I have seen 3 neuros and quite a few other drs.
Not ONE has helped one little bit.

I am now looking again at all the snake oilers.

Aint no one gonna fix Pen except Pen I think.

Hang in there.

Pen

Thanks for all the very supportive replies. I now have an appointment with a pain specialist. He is an hours drive away. (I no longer drive) I don't leave the house due to pain. The appointment isn't until December. To: lostinbxo....Your reply was sooo compassionate. It was as if you were in my head. Yes, I have learned, through the disinterest of doctors, that I am in this alone. I must look after myself. My eyes have been opened through all of this. I had no idea that doctors, now, are simply big business. Pain changes who you are. I have learned this. If you could have witnessed my appointment with this guy you would understand my cynicism. My son was with me so he saw the whole thing. Unbelievable. But, I have moved on. This was last week. So, thanks again for your hearfelt reply. I needn't it. Warmly: Gail

Gail,

You are so very welcome sweetie. And thank you for your kind words. I am glad that what I had to say made you feel better. And, it did come from my heart. I have been in your shoes more times than I care to remember, so I truly understood your frustration and your pain.

I am very happy though that you have found a new Dr. I too have to drive a couple of hours to my doctor, but when you factor in Northern Virginia traffic it takes anywhere from 3 to 5 hours one way - yuck!! But, he is the BEST and it took me forever to find him, although he is leaving the practice to go to the hospital.

I hope that this one will work with you, will listen to you, and will help you with your pain. You deserve it, as we all do.

Best of luck to you with this doctor. If you ever want to talk, please PM me. I am always here to listen.

Hugs!

It took me many years to find my Dr. Wonderful, but I did through this forum. I was at the end of rope and I reached out and my Ronda friends answered.

My Dr. is three hours away. I can no longer drive myself over 30 minutes so it's troublesome every month to find someone to drive me to my appt. In fact I posted last month what I burden I felt like to my friends and family. But, it is so worth it this month when I've been able to make it through my work day and not go home early.

I'm sorry you have to wait so long but maybe this new Dr. will be your Dr. Wonderful.

Thankyou so much. The pain clinic gave me this referal to the new doctor. I guess the difference is that the past one was a pain specialist. This new one is a "headache" specialist. So, we shall see. I simply do not get my hopes up anymore. The fall is just too far down. It certainly sounds like you understand this. What treatment did you end up receiving? And, did it help? THankyou for the offer to send you a private message. It's re-assuring to know someone is there who actually understands this. (I really do feel that doctors dealing in pain need to have the experience themselves) So, thankyou again! Gail

Thankyou for your kind words. Through all of this I have stopped feeling like a burden to whoever drives me to appointments. It is the only way I can get there. Once I accepted this fact I decided to give myself a break and stop the shame and guilt. I also now realize that other's are getting this also. And don't mind driving. It took years for me to let the feeling of being a burden go. I hope you can do this also. I know if I was well and could help someone by driving I would be eager to. Keep this in mind. Gail

gail, you must keep going and never give up! it is a long process and you have to find a dr that you can work with, we dont always agree with all they say or like their attitude but try and try again till you do find one! once you find one you know is going to be there and help you, work away with them to find a treatment that is helping and try what they are offering and then you can turn it down if you dont like it. pain definitely does seem to get the girls down on here and we can only pull together and help eachother along. i have a link on my face book about a man who was born without arms or legs and he has an amazing video clip about presevernce and notgivivng up or giving in! take a look its inspirational. ive shown it to my 7 year old so many times and hope that he will hold onto this mans words throughout his life! keep going.xx

Gail,

Sorry it took me so long to respond sweetie, had a rough weekend.

I totally understand about finding the right doctor and I honestly hope this new doctor of yours will be well worth the wait and the drive.

Yes, my doctor is absolutely terrific. He is the only one who has come close to giving me some quality of life. I am on a cocktail of meds, instead of just one preventative. I also can get the pain meds that I need for breakthrough pain and that helps tremendously. I honestly don't know how I survived without him.

If you want to talk further about what I am on and what has and hasn't worked for me, just send me a PM. Like I said, I have been in your shoes and know exactly what you're feeling.

Keep your head up. I have my fingers crossed that you will find the best treatment for you from this doctor and you will start feeling better.

Hugs to you!

Gail I'm with you. It sounds like you went to a doctor who (after he had now answers for you), decided to attack you (instead of admitting defeat) to save face. I just finished a chronic pain program where that was the end result.

There has to be someone out there who will at least be on your side even if they don't have the answers. As hard as it is (and I know), don't give up.