my headaches are NOT caused by me being mad or upset!

How do you tell people, husband included, that my headaches are not caused by me being mad about something or being upset? Yes, if I had something really upsetting like one of my kids having a broken arm or something, but just normal irritation.

I have chronic daily headaches. I will get a headache if I am just reading at home alone with no one to bother me. I will get a headache no matter if I am the happiest I have ever been or not. Being upset or mad is not the soul reason for me to get a headache.

I think people like to blame headaches on something. So why do I, and other people, get them everyday? Wouldn't we all like to know. I am so sick of hearing my husband blame my headaches on me being mad about something.

Sorry for the rant but this does make me mad!

Any ideas for me?

kimsmom

I think the stress factor is way overworked. Now I am not saying it cant exacerbate a migraine. I think stress can exacerbate anything. However I did quite a bit of research into this when I was in practice. I think it can do much to make things tougher.
I dont think it is a necessary "cause" of migraine.

I am 99% sure it doesnt cause mine.....it can give me bad moments.
It especially would if I had my husband telling me I was my own cause.....Me getting mad....that would make me mad, and that is stress.

Tell him, getting mad is not causing your headaches, but him going on about it is making you stressed and that can make them harder to bear.....so......

He is the cause, not you.....

I so agree with you!! I can't tell you how many time the first words out of my doctor's mouth are *how are things going at home?*. Or my husband telling me that my head is hurting because *such and such* upset me.

No...my head hurts because I have a migraine. It's very simple...a migraine. No one caused it. No one did anything. It's just there. Why is it so hard for people to accept that?

Gosh, your husband sounds like he is very confused and grasping at straws to find an answer. That is the most I can say about his comments, in a postive light.

Sandpaper doesn't smooth surfaces. Taking sandpaper and rubbing on a surface smooths it. So, stress doesn't cause headaches. Forcing stress on a migraineur contributes to headaches.

Does that make sense?

Sorry,, but he is full of it! I agree, he is just looking for something to blame it on..

I, Like you get them home alone, sitting outside relaxing and at work. I could be having the best day of my life, then out of left field, boom! I get one,, no explanation...

Don't let him get to you...IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!!!

Hope you have a great day!

sherri b!

I so AGREE with you, Kimsmom! The whole psychological aspect is way over used.

I think migraines, especially chronic migraines, are chemically (serotonin, dopamine, etc.) and hormonally (estrogen, etc.) induced, made worse by our overly sensitive systems.

Becky

My ex-husband waas always telling me that "I brought migraines on myself" to "avoid life" or because I "stressed myself". It got sooooo old! He even thought that the migraines would go away after we got divorced because I wasn't "stressed about the marraige anymore". We were together for 18 years and he NEVER got it.

It wasn't until our daughter had them for 7 years that he even considered that it was an actual disease. So as hard as it may be for us to live with, some people just don't understand that this is a neurological disease just like epilepsy.

I hope he gets it soon!!
Alli

tecky,,

I totally agree with you. I know mine are hormonal! ESTROGEN related. I started having them at age 38 when they did blood work and found I was in menapause. Still having them at 54 and still in menapause! HELLO!!

kimsmom,

I totally just want to jump up and down and stomp my feet like a little kid sometimes. My husband doesn't think this way at all, but my mother always says things like, "These migraines are caused by you getting all upset!" or "It's all in your head" Honestly, sometimes I wanna reach out and slap her.

Or those who suggest I get on an anti depressent for Migraines...been there...done that!

I think having MIgraines makes us upset and angry sometimes and then I also think that certain events weaken us and make us more succeptable to a migraine. It's all a viscious cycle!

I always think..."If they could just walk a mile in our shoes..."

People that don't have this rotten disease just don't get it and they never will! Sorry to hear this Pam. Hope you get some relief soon.

This just sucks! Yes stress is a trigger but isn't the cause. So much of this dratted disease is unknown and people go with what they think they know. And the parts they know aren't true - the ones you end up arguing with are those who think they know too so can't tell them anything.

This is a general superstition that people who do not have migraines suffer from way too often... afaik - pretty much nothing can be done if they believe in it wholeheartedly. This just sucks but that`s the way it is...

To be fair though, most people don't know a thing about migraines. Have you ever taken him along on a specialist trip, or printed out info on migraines for him to read? It didn't really hit home for my girlfriend until she had to take me to the ER. People get used to people referring to common headaches as migraines, and just generally don't have much understanding of them. So a lot of people's reaction would be similar to your husbands. It doesn't necessarily mean they are trying to be jerky, but could just be trying to to SOMETHING to help in there own way. You just have to educate people at times. Especially employers and significant others.

I actually don't get them while under stress. Mine happen when I am very happy. ????? It is as confusing to me as it is people who don't understand them.

Your happiness must be stressful for you Linda.
Maybe they are caused by endorphins??

Thanks everyone for your replys. Some people just will not listen and think they know it all. I give up trying.

I also feel in my husbands case that they want to help and they try to figure out what causes the headache. So if they feel it is because I am upset or mad then that is the reason. Not the reason at all.

Thanks again,

Kimsmom

I'm going to turn into a grump.

estre004 wrote:I'm going to turn into a grump.

How about Oscar the Grouch. He was my favorite character on Sesame Street...perhaps he had migraines too....

He's probably the only one without them.

When I first started getting migraines when I was 11 or 12, my mom would have to come get me from school early cause I was so sick.

My dad would always say I was faking it and was just lazy and didn't want to do my schoolwork. I loved school and hated having to leave early. The other kids didn't understand why I left early every week.

Even when I got into my 20s my dad would still say I was lazy and just didn't want to go to work. I should also probably say he also said this about the fact that I complained about pain in my hip and it turned out my hip had been dislocated since birth and I had to have it replaced last year.

What gets me the most is people who get just a headache and go on and on about having a migraine, but yet they go out shopping, partying and whatever. I don't know about you all but I can barely do anything with a migraine.

I wouldn't wish my migraines on anyone cause I have them for months at a time, but I really wish people knew what they were talking about before they opened their mouths.

lesherb wrote:Gosh, your husband sounds like he is very confused and grasping at straws to find an answer. That is the most I can say about his comments, in a postive light.

Sandpaper doesn't smooth surfaces. Taking sandpaper and rubbing on a surface smooths it. So, stress doesn't cause headaches. Forcing stress on a migraineur contributes to headaches.

Does that make sense?

I think the quotes above are really the only 'why' from my experiences. I know how you feel kimsmom, but he/they do mean well of course. My roommates constantly worry about me and do things out of the ordinary to try and help, when really I know there's nothing they can do because I would be doing it already if the solution was that easy. Unfortunately the more they care, the more they are bound to feel as hopeless as we feel.

Best we can do is communicate, even though it's frustrating enough without trying to help the whole world around us to understand something we can't even figure out.

One of my friends has a grandmother with migraines like I do, and they tell me all the time how she's always in a bad mood and 'unnecessarily' grumpy. It's a sad thing when I can understand and sympathize with their grandmother more in one sentence then they can growing up with her their entire lives.

I think that the human mind cannot accept that there's no cause for something. So, if the cause cannot be addressed to anything physical, the answer is: "it's your mind".
Well, I wish I had some good suggestion for you, but I can only give you my sympathy.
Take care

Mine seem to be caused from comming off stress. If I have a stressfull week
I get sick on saturday morning. This is just what happens to me. Maybe has something to do with being on the autism spectum in my case?
Totaly agree with you tngirl I would not wish them on to anyone.

TN Girl.... I feel for you. My ex-husband would say the same thing to my daughter when she started getting migraines when she was 8. She ended up doing Independent Study from Sophmore to graduation because of chronic migraines. He didn't get it really until she stopped talking to him for a year when she turned 18.

It was so frustrating for both of us. He saw me with migraines for 18 years and never understood it even though he went to many of my appointments. There was a time when I Did wish he would get one, especially when he said the kids were lazy and avoiding things when they had a migraine. Grrrrrrrrr! I hope your father understands better now.

Does TN refer to Tennessee or Trigeminal Neuralgia?

Alli

The TN does stand for Tennessee.

As for my dad, he passed away in 2007. I don't ever think he "got it". The part my mom and I never understood about his attitude was that my uncle and aunt (his brother and sister) said he had migraines when he was younger.

They said they weren't as bad as mine but yet he did have them. I guess that was just my dad. His attitude towards the situation caused me to not talk to him unless I absolutely had to.

It was sad. He was sick with a lung disease and I know we missed out on a lot because of the whole situation but that's in the past and can't be fixed now.

I had someone at work ask me today what was wrong. I gave them the shortened version and their remark was and I quote "migraines aren't real, and they are only in your head, quite possibly the beginning of a serious mental disorder."

I walked off without saying a word cause I knew with the pain I was in, the fact I was at work when doc told me to not go and the fact I was not having a good day might have resulted in a punch to someones face. Wow. That's all I can say. WOW