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What is the worst thing anyone has or can say to you about migraine?

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Post  sailingmuffin Thu Feb 17, 2011 10:58 am

Hi All,

I am working on a blog post entitled "The worst things you can say to a chronic migraneur" and I need some help. I have a few, but I would love to hear your stories as well.

Here is my list so far:

1. Migraines, they have treatments for that now.
2. Headaches happen
3. Have you tried aspirin?
4. You shouldn't be allowed in school with migraine.
5. Get over it.

Look forward to hearing your answers. Thanks in advance for helping.

Pain free days
sailingm
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Post  Jewishmother Thu Feb 17, 2011 11:00 am

From my current neuro: "Well, at least it is not life-threatening."
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Post  dcook60 Thu Feb 17, 2011 11:25 am

"have you heard about that new drug, imitrex?"

my response, (unspoken): "ye gods, that came out 18 years ago. of course i haven't heard of it, not with the millions of print and tv ads about it over the years." dianne
"
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Post  WitsEnd Thu Feb 17, 2011 12:01 pm

"oh, what caused THIS one?" If I knew, I wouldn't have them.

"have you tried seeing a different doctor" Several.

"there are lots of treatment out there for migraine now" Yup, tried them.

"have you tried researching on the internet to see how to stop them" Gee, I wish I had thought of that!
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Post  Enigma Thu Feb 17, 2011 12:34 pm

sailingmuffin wrote:Hi All,

"The worst things you can say to a chronic migraneur"

After a month of daily migraines - "That hair colour doesn't go with your complexion, you look like a whore."
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Post  Paradox Thu Feb 17, 2011 12:36 pm

Have you googled migraine?

Oh, I just put a smile on my face and work through it (sister...ugh)

Drink a margarita (sister)
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Post  Lynette Thu Feb 17, 2011 1:10 pm

My ex husband used to tell me it was ' all in my head'
Yes it was....
So after 3 years i divorced the stupid excuse for a human being.
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Post  Guest Thu Feb 17, 2011 2:53 pm

A quack neurologist at one of the hospitals that treated me tried to imply that it was "more in my head."

That quickly invoked a serious of questions by my father to the doctor..."so, what you're saying is, my son is malingering?"

The doctor had a seriously hard time of backing out of his statement and had to apologize.

But to sailing's #5...."Get over it."

I'll be the contrarian....I actually believe in part of this. Part of dealing with migraine is accepting, coping, and adapting. It's truly not the kindest phrase--but once you think about it, and can wrap your brain around the message it does have meaning.

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Post  ShelliB Thu Feb 17, 2011 2:56 pm

From my SIL...
"Get a job and get over it!"

Sure...I'll get right on that... Rolling Eyes
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Post  Migrainegirl Thu Feb 17, 2011 5:59 pm

Pretty much any reply except " I'm so sorry to hear that. Is there anything I can do to help?"
While there generally is not, that is the only polite answer to someone's illness or pain.

Not to poopoo it, or recite cures for an illness you know little about, or demand answers from the ill person, or cast blame on that person. All those responses just add insult to injury, or require the ill person to justify or try to explain their problem when they really haven't got those answers. Please everyone out there just learn the above phrase. Maybe Dear Abby would post it as a general service to us all.
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Post  02R96 Thu Feb 17, 2011 6:12 pm

Your not doing enough to help yourself - Doctor at Pain Clinc.

Have you tried {insert over-the-counter drug name}? That's what I take - Said by too many people to count.

I don't like taking pain pills - Said by too many people to count.

Get over it - Idiot relative (not said directly to me, good thing).

He's a drug addict - Same idiot relative (not said directly to me, a VERY good thing).
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Post  30yrsofheadache Thu Feb 17, 2011 6:15 pm

From husband: Maybe if you just stop thinking about it all the time, it would go away.
Cindy
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Post  greent Thu Feb 17, 2011 7:39 pm

"I thought bright lights helped migraines" (said by my school principal when asked why I was teaching my class with the lights off one day.)

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Post  lizholmesod Fri Feb 18, 2011 3:20 am

Well you're 'due' a migraine soon anyway aren't you? (husband)

I know someone who let Jesus into her life and her migraines vanished (friend)

Just a couple.. so many...

LHx

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Post  gopher7252 Fri Feb 18, 2011 4:02 am

Many times I get the following question/phrase when I'm experiencing the aura or having a migraine:
"Why don't you stop being such a loner and make some friends?"
I don't know, why don't you take my defective 19th chromosomes (all 4 trillion of them) and replace them with genes that work properly?


Last edited by gopher7252 on Fri Feb 18, 2011 8:42 am; edited 1 time in total

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Post  Jangel Fri Feb 18, 2011 8:37 am

When a friend of mine, who I do love dearly, found out someone she knew had cancer, she said to me "At least WE only have minor aches and pains, nothing like the pain of cancer." (or something like that...) WTF????

This friend doesn't have any chronic pain or a disability and obviously has no clue what I deal with. I try very hard to have as normal a life as possible, so she doesn't see me when I hole-up in my house. Even when I am in moderate to low pain and go out and try to function, I guess that doesn't register.

How about "have you tried ____________?" insert whatever here... It seems everybody knows what you need to do to "get rid" of your migraines if only you try it.
I am getting tired of going down the list of every drug, supplement, alternative therapy, bodywork etc.. that I've tried and then on to the explanation of how it never worked or did and then failed. ENOUGH ALREADY!!!

Do people with Diabetes or MS have to endure this carp? I think not!
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Post  Enigma Fri Feb 18, 2011 11:57 am

lizholmesod wrote:
I know someone who let Jesus into her life and her migraines vanished (friend)


LHx


I UNfriended my 'friend' for comments very similar to that. But for the grace of God go you and your holyier than thou ignorance.
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Post  Enigma Fri Feb 18, 2011 12:08 pm

[quote="Jangel"]When a friend of mine, who I do love dearly, found out someone she knew had cancer, she said to me "At least WE only have minor aches and pains, nothing like the pain of cancer." (or something like that...) WTF????

[quote]

It is awful to say, but I am going to be honest. I have been beside my father and a good friend through cancer and at moments I have been a little envious at the attention that they have gotten. People are sympathetic, the medical system supports them, they get medication, and the survival rate is improving. But some days I am terrified because I am deteriorating and what used to work doesn’t work anymore and some days my heart feels like it is going to give out and I’m not even 50 yet. I’m scared and I don’t want to die, yet some days I do.

Having said that, cancer is a horrible, horrible way to die. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. But cancer is for a year. This is a lifetime of checking in on my mortality.


But again, I've never had it. I don't really know what I'm talking about, do I? I'm just being honest.
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Post  Anna's Mom Fri Feb 18, 2011 12:25 pm

If Anna had cancer, I could take her to any number of hospitals/clinics in the Twin Cities, and a whole host of specialists would probably know what to do, where to start--no matter where we went. It would probably not befuddle anyone to any great degree. Cancer treatment is common, and there is more of a clear path to treatment (with some trial and error, of course).

But with this??? It befuddles everyone, and every doctor says "very complex case."

They don't like complex cases! Plus they don't like what previous doctors have done to her. It is grueling, telling her story over and over again with each new doctor.

Cheryl
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Post  Jewishmother Fri Feb 18, 2011 1:00 pm

I have a dear friend who has had cancer twice and we are waiting for more testing to be done to see if it has returned for a third time............ I feel awful sometimes whining to her about my day to day struggles but she so understands and supports me. I have told her that I feel guilty about venting to her and tell her that I could not go endure what she has to endure. She in turn says the same about me. That if she was in my place she would just curl up into a ball and never get out of bed. She says life is not a competition - that we are here to help each other as much as we can and to make the journey as good as we possibly can.

Enigma - I so understand what you are saying. There is more support out there for people with other medical conditions and I am so frustrated that as I deteriorate (today I can't get off the couch) I don't have the support from the medical establishment that my friend has. And I feel guilty that sometimes I envy her that support. What we deal with is horrible.......day after day..........but life as my friend says is not a competition (or should not be!) and we need to give and find support where we can. Leslie
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Post  Mini Fri Feb 18, 2011 2:37 pm

I don't know if it is the worst thing, but it really makes me angry when people say casually:
"We all get headaches...."

I get quite chocked up with fury, since there is no answer to that, because if you try to explain it never works, you just look as if you are over dramatising, or trying to make them feel sorry for you...You cannot win.

It is amazing how often people say that (over the years).
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Post  02R96 Fri Feb 18, 2011 6:00 pm

lizholmesod wrote:I know someone who let Jesus into her life and her migraines vanished (friend)

She must have been watching a TV preacher... tongue
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Post  stephgood Fri Feb 18, 2011 8:16 pm

I love this question! Not really, but I did get such a laugh out of reading some of the 'worst things...'. I laughed because I have heard so many of them myself!!! So I give you a few I didn't see that have happened to me...

ER DR:What is it you want me to do for you? (uh, maybe help this pain???)

Same ER DR: You can't just walk in and order up your treatment like a drive thru. We'll do it this way, and I will give you________. (then why did you ask me what works for me??? and by the way, I took ______ four times today already and it didn't work)

Do you work? (no) Oh why not? ( I am on disability) What? What is wrong with you? Well you look fine, you walk and talk fine (explanation of migraines) That is what is wrong with this country, well not you (uh, yes you do mean me! jacka**! And this really did make me mad and hurt my feeling all at the same time)

You always have a headache. (well yes, I do. Don't you think I am tired of it already! Don't you think I would rather not have one and be doing something much more exciting?)

Are you sure they are migraines? (???)

We want to plan on ______ on this date, do you think you will feel up to it? (oh, hmmm...let me think about that. 3 months from now? I will put you on the calendar for a migraine day off!!! are you serious?)

(what is in my mind is VERY snitty sarcastic! But usually I just think it, smile and nod my head. at this point much of it makes me laugh, and if it doesn't my inner commentary does!!! Laughing )
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Post  lissy Sat Feb 19, 2011 5:12 am

I don't have anything to add here but just wanted to say reading this has given me a laugh. A laugh because its all so real and I'd rather laugh than cry.
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Post  Swisslady Sat Feb 19, 2011 6:06 am

Not really the worst but something really upsetting. A neighbour: "Oh, I also have migraines (!) but I wouldn't ever take drugs, I only rub in some peppermint oil."
(How I wish I had this type of "migraine")
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