Crying...a frustrated vent

Lately, because of my back, I can't drive more than thirty miles. I found a great new neuro and he is willing to look at my back issues. Only problem is he's over three hours away in Chicago.

Hubby was asked to take his older brother to chemo on the day of my appointment so he asked our best friend if he could take me. The response was "Consider it done!". Cool.

I talked to our friend today and he said his daughter was willing to take me. I asked how she would be able to since she afraid to drive in towns less than a quarter of the size of Chicago. He said "Oh, you would have to drive once you got to Chicago". Kind of defeats the purpose of having someone drive because I have to be on painkillers when I'm in the car that long.

So, I told him not to worry about it, I would have hubby take me since my needs trump his brother's (his brother has had nothing to do with the family for close to 20years and has only moved back because he needs help. We are willing to help...but only if able and his needs will not out weigh our families needs. may be selfish but that's my take on it).

Anyway, right now I'm feeling like I'm a burden on hubby and a burden on my friends. I'm pissed that I have lost so much of my independence. Plus, part of me is pissed at our friend because hubby and I bend over backward to help him and his daughter out.

I guess Im just mad at the world. I wish I had more of a sun shiney personality!

thanks for listening.

Charlotte,

That just stinks! I can understand the frustration though. You want to be independent but your health won't allow and it just sucks.

Hang in there and vent all you want.

Becky

Hi sweetie,

I so understand your situation. Over a year ago I had to drive 6 hours one way to my Neuro. Now I drive 2 hours one way, so I completely understand. I also do this on pain meds. I know....I know...so very wrong. But, in my defense, I work full time on them, have been taking them for over 20 something years, have a high tolerence for them, they don't make me "high."

Without them, I would not be able to work a full time job, would never leave my house. I am now single and just recently had to move back home with my mother and have NO one to help me or that could drive me, so I have to depend on only me.

If I were there with you, I would take you sweetie. I know that doesn't help your situation, but I wanted to let you know that I totally understand where you are coming from.

It's such a shame that we cannot depend on family or people that are suppose to be friends. It just goes to show you never really know a person until you need them for something.

Please don't feel like a burden, you are not!!! You are someone who suffers a disease and it is NOT your fault. Always remember that!! Also, it is very hard to always have a sun shiney personality when we suffer like we do and the people who are suppose to love us aren't there for us. You deserve to have the feelings you are feeling - don't be so hard on yourself. It's totally understandable and we all understand.

Hugs!!

Feeling like a drain on our families is normal. But we have a disease that can be debilitatting. Give yourself a hug and do the best you can. Your family knows you are doing the best you can.

HUGS
Alli

Lost,

I had to make the drive once by myself last month. I did not feel comfortable at all. I've been on narcotics for years, and yes, there are times I have to drive, but I try to avoid it as much as possible. Especially long drives.

Like you, without them I would not be able to work full-time. Even with them the pain never completely goes away, much less do I get high. So many people don't understand. They think I'm off in La-La Land because they would be snowed by what I take. But, my understanding of pain management is not for the pain to be gone completely, but to make the pain more manageable. And while my pain is more manageable, it would be lovely to just once have a pain free day.

Oh well, I'm grateful for the meds I have, and for having a understanding Dr. What a difference it makes!

I can understand your frustration and feelings of being a burden. I have just about given up driving altogether. Actually, I've done that twice before now, so it's nothing new. I went about 2 years without driving at all, then starting driving locally and gave it up again, only to be forced to do some driving when my dad couldn't because his knee got infected last summer. My doctor was happy that I was driving, but I just don't feel comfortable with it. I think it odd that my doctors are actually trying to push me to drive (my PCP told me that migraines are shown not to impair driving) when I know that I'm just not safe. I can't handle looking in different directions very quickly, like you have to do when driving.

So I have to rely on my parents for rides. It's especially hard for me when my mom has to drive because I know she is hurting a whole lot herself! But I don't have much other choice. I'm not up to driving myself, so what else do I do? LA has really bad public transportation, so that's not an option. Besides, if I need to go to the ER, they won't release you without a person right beside you as your driver.

Charlotte,

I completely understand where you are coming from. I too get worried when I get behind the wheel of my car to drive and I wonder, could this be the time that something happens. But, then I think, regardless of whether I am taking pain meds or not, anything could happen while you are driving. that's not an excuse, it's just a fact!

Would I rather not drive while on meds? Of course. I wouldn't be normal if my answer was yes. But, I do not have any other choice. I am not fortunate enough to have a significant other, nor a friend or family member to drive me to and from work every day. I have to work, therefore, I have to do what I have to do. Thank goodness, nothing has happened. But, I have to say again, I do not feel impaired by my meds, meaning, I don't feel "high" by them, or less focused on my surroundings. I count my blessings daily and pray that nothing will happen.

With that said, I know others don't feel the same way and I truly respect that. What works for one, does not work for others.

And yes Charlotte, like you, I am truly grateful for my Dr (read my previous post) and so very thankful for the meds that he is allowing me to take. As I have said, without them I would not be able to function, nor work, and if I couldn't work, I honestly believe I would have already been committed somewhere. Especially now since I've had to move back in with my mom and am suffering from clinical depression. My only outlet is my job.

Lentils - As I said and Alli also said. Always remember this is not your fault, nor is the way you are feeling. Do be proud of yourself and never, ever feel like a burden. We all are victims of this horrendous, for the most part, "unseen," disrespected, laughed at, disease. All of us are here for you and never feel you are alone.

Sending warm hugs and strength your way!

Lisa

I'm so sorry that you are having such a difficult time. I understand that you feel like a burden to your family..I no longer drive at all.

Praying, that you feel better soon
Greeneyes

Don't feel guilty about that Charlotte. You have to get your back issues sorted out. You must take care of yourself and your family comes first before anyone else does.

I'm sorry you aren't feeling well..I really hope your back stops giving you fits.

Good to see you, LG. Yes, once I get the MRI I'm hoping to A) Find out what is wrong and B) Fix it!

I'm hangin' in. I'm at work right now and supposed to go to a wedding right after work but I just don't see how it's going to happen. My head is telling me there is another weather front moving through. So, I may be cancelling out on hubby, again. We'll see.