Does it ever just break your heart...

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Does it ever just break your heart...

Post  Guest on Sun Apr 04, 2010 3:35 pm

Does it ever just break your heart? Migraine. You wake up again in excrutiating pain. You don't feel anger. You don't feel frustration. You just feel your heart will break.

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Re: Does it ever just break your heart...

Post  pen on Sun Apr 04, 2010 3:37 pm

Yes, almost every day right now.....Total and utter despair and hopelessness. Crying or Very sad

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Re: Does it ever just break your heart...

Post  gayle on Sun Apr 04, 2010 9:26 pm

yes I do, I find myself slowing lifting my head off the pillow. Wondering how I am going to feel. The worst ones are when I know before I even lift my head.
Also interesting that you say heart breaking because of late that best describes my feeling sad. Not mad not dissapointed but dam sad..

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I really thought more would answer...

Post  Guest on Mon Apr 05, 2010 9:02 am

Thankyou, both, for replying. You say when you lift your head off the pillow...every morning I can barely lift my head from the pillow, if at all, as I wake up with it each morning. Yes, I am not angry anymore. Just heartbroken. I don't believe life was meant to be lived this way. What lesson is there in excrutiating daily pain? I can barely sit up to post this.

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Re: Does it ever just break your heart...

Post  alli on Mon Apr 05, 2010 10:33 am

I've felt like that many times in the last 35 years. It was worst when my kids were younger and I knew I wasn't going to have a good day. Now I've become resigned to the fact that I will hurt in some way every day. My heart has healed a bit but I still have days when I wonder why it has to be like this. What the **** did I do to deserve this?

The answer is Nothing, it just is.

Alli
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Re: Does it ever just break your heart...

Post  milo on Mon Apr 05, 2010 10:37 am

Nothing worse then waking and becoming immediately aware that the headache is still there. Sad
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Hi Alli:

Post  Guest on Mon Apr 05, 2010 10:41 am

I went through the "what did I do to deserve this" also. I also went through the "I am a really bad person,obviously, otherwise I wouldn't be being punished with this pain." But, thankfully, I am through all of that way of thinking/feeling. I now know/feel that it is simply the luck of the draw. And genes. Feeling that you are being punished for something does make is worse. It's enough to have to get through the pain without being self abusive.

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Re: Does it ever just break your heart...

Post  jeselle on Mon Apr 05, 2010 1:36 pm

the hardest time i have is in the morning; having to get ready with a migriane; knowing my day will be one long day with pain. When really, I just want to sleep a few more hours and spend some time with an ice pack. But I can't. I have to go to work. I crave sleep. I am slowly starting to accept that I have Chronic Daily Headache/Migraine. My PCP said that I was cursed and in a way he is right. It could be worse. It's not life threatening but it is severely imposing and difficult to live with day in day out.
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hi jeselle

Post  Guest on Mon Apr 05, 2010 2:15 pm

I have the same as you. It took several years to really believe it was happening. Now I know it was and is. I also am always worn out. It's so difficult to keep going when you're worn out and in pain.

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Re: Does it ever just break your heart...

Post  pen on Mon Apr 05, 2010 4:22 pm

I am so down. I have had an awful week. Too much pain, too many triptans. A new pain which may or may not be TN??
Struggling all day only for it to wake me again the next morning. Sad...doesn't even scrape the surface. I missed my daughter in law's birthday Saturday, and spent today with an upset stomach to go with another migraine and yet another triptan.

But what is killing me right now, and sadly I am typing through the tears, is my son proving he just doesnt get it.
He and his wife have yet again booked to go to Florida with the other grandparents.
His wife said "you must try and come along next time". She has no idea how it kills me them going and we cant go.
I told her I couldnt imagine I will ever be able to go. "Oh you will, wont last forever..."
I tried to explain what migraine is and that there is no cure and little hope of it naturally abating...
Only to have my son pitch in with a talk on medication, and how not to deal with migraine.

I am sorry, I am rambling here, I think I just had to write this, I am so hurt and disappointed....this damn illness has stollen my life and I am totally out of ideas. I am losing the will to continue.

I am going to bed, I cant bear to be with my husband as he wont understand why I feel so hurt and sad.
I just pray that I dont awake with another migraine, I am scared to go to sleep for that is when the monster comes.
This day has broken my heart. I just dont know what to do to feel better any more.
Sorry, goodnight

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Hi Pen

Post  Guest on Mon Apr 05, 2010 7:25 pm

I am so sorry you are having such a rough time. It's hard for people who don't experience something to understand. I think perhaps your son is trying to be supportive. My son says things to me that could be misinterpreted as not understanding. But in reality he is trying to be supportive in the only way he knows. People don't know how to respond. They say what they think will be helpful. My granddaughter sees her other grandparents all the time. I see her when I can. I have come to accept this as there is no other choice. However, I did go through a lot of sadness/frustration about it. But, I am doing the best I can. Nothing else can be expected. And you are doing the best you can. Nothing else can be expected. I wish I knew what else to say. I hope tommorrow is a better day for you. I send you hugs.

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Re: Does it ever just break your heart...

Post  Paradox on Mon Apr 05, 2010 8:12 pm

I feel so sorry for you guys. I wish there was something I could do.

Sending you my warmest thoughts and hugs,
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Re: Does it ever just break your heart...

Post  pen on Tue Apr 06, 2010 8:20 am

sorry for my post, just needed to externalize.

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Re: Does it ever just break your heart...

Post  alli on Tue Apr 06, 2010 9:50 am

Don't be sorry Pen, it is heartbreaking when you realize that life goes on without you sometimes. Your son is trying to be supportive, he is just a bit clumsy about it. It has taken decades for my family to get that I am not going to get better and I am most likely going to get worse with the other issues I have.

My kids have always been supportive but that is mostly because, sadly, they get migraines themselves. I hope that your son never has to experience a migraine but if he does, he will understand a bit more. But even then, it takes more than one migraine for people to get it.

Hugs from across the pond and I hope you feel better soon.
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does it ever break your heart? Yes...

Post  Lil Bird on Tue Apr 06, 2010 11:25 am

Migraines Suck! And quite frankly, up until two weeks ago, I was serioulsy considering the point of it all. I have never felt that way before. I am a fighter by nature but when you live in pain day in and day out...Well, you start to wonder, whats the point?

I am sorry to say that I am happy to hear someone else express this sentiment. Suffering together is better than suffering alone, no?

Keep your head up, so to speak! Live for the little moments and the times the damn migraines take a respite. Keep fighting and don't give up!

Thanks for posting such intimate thoughts. It helps.
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Re: Does it ever just break your heart...

Post  Brenda on Tue Apr 06, 2010 2:32 pm

Sure I do. I imagine all of us have at one time or another.
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Re: Does it ever just break your heart...

Post  thegirlwithbrowneyes on Tue Apr 06, 2010 3:08 pm

I totally feel you on the heartbreak. I'm 4 days out from my DHE and I've felt worse than I ever thought possible. I'm going to repost in my earlier post about the DHE so people can read about some of the side effects I've had..

It breaks my heart to feel so bad all the time, and it breaks my heart to see my husband having to deal with me. I feel a lot of heartbreak and guilt for him....I mean we've been married just about 4 months. and for 3 of them, I've been a sickly mess!

I guess it helps me to pray. I ask God a lot to help me get through the day. And I go by the words of a Christian song..."And they're will be an end to these troubles, for the heart that holds on.." So I just keep holding on.

I don't push my beliefs on anyone....I just think that for us Migrainers, it does us good to have something to believe in, some faith, something we believe is helping us to get through.

Thinking of all of you,

LL
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Re: Does it ever just break your heart...

Post  HeelerLady on Tue Apr 06, 2010 3:16 pm

LL - sorry things have been worse. Such high hopes when you first came home that you were feeling better. Sad And I do agree with the faith issues you bring up. I don't push those on anyone as I know there are others of varying faiths.

It is so hard - especially when I knew I was going to get hit. Currently dealing with weather issues and I'm expecting another day at home. This morning, my alarm went off and I knew it was going to be a bad day. Just hate it.... On the plus side - I'm able to predict my bad days (9/10 times) so I at least know what I'm in for but knowing it's bad makes it really hard to get out of bed.
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Re: Does it ever just break your heart...

Post  pen on Tue Apr 06, 2010 4:44 pm

Since my post, my eldest daughter and I had a chat. She is living back home at present and sees first hand how things are with me. I wish she didn't, but this is a different insight to her brother. She helped me feel less sad.
However a very good friend once told me "no-one prepares you for how much your son may hurts you".
At that time I couldn't think it of my son, but he has changed more than I would have expected, allowing for him being a grown man with a family of his own. He does seem such a different person to the one that was my son.
Of course I love him, but we have lost more than we needed to.

Perhaps this is why I get so hurt. I am also grieving for what we had. He is my first born and we had a wonderful relationship.
I also mourn for the closeness he had with his sisters especially the elder one. Now they hardly speak...
What has this to do with the heartbreak.... everything really.
Without migraine I wouldn't get so low and feel it so much.
Without migraine I could have a life and not be as involved.
Without migraine I could feel stronger and distract myself from these situations as I once did.

I really appreciate everyone's comments on this thread.
Yes it is sad but good to know we don't suffer alone.
I don't use the word Hate, it isn't in my vocabulary. I consider it wasted emotion. But I finally found a use for it.
I HATE this disease.
It has broken my heart.
I am sorry if it broke yours too.

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doesn't it break your heart?

Post  dailyha-rose on Tue Apr 06, 2010 5:19 pm

i wanted to respond earlier but i just started crying. this disease has a way of breaking you. it could be from the never ending pain, the lack of sleep, the missed outings with friends and loved ones or the worst (to me) the hurtful and rude behaviour of friends and loved ones. i think most of their behaviour is unintended but even so it does hurt. those that say the ignorant stuff just are clueless. you just have to hold on to that one bright spot in your day. a beautiful snowflake you saw or the crocus bud you also might have seen. see, there is some good news about not being able to stand bright sunlight. keeping your head down allows you to see plants and tiny pawprints you would not have seen if you were healthy and in a rush to go to your imp. meeting! that is what i try to do on my worst days. sometimes i try to listen to a radio or tv show that makes me smile. when i am really lucky, my friend will prank call or prank email my husband and that can make my whole day. i am not spiritual but find other ways to deal with it. thank goodness for you folks.

rose Surprised

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Re: Does it ever just break your heart...

Post  Mishkyn on Thu Apr 08, 2010 12:00 am

Oh yes. Every minute of every day.

After 38 years of high level constant pain, I am still stunned I have managed to remain alive while in such agony.

For years I used to open my eyes every morning and say, "Oh my God, I'm DEAD." Then, "....Oh...My God...I'm...ALIVE".

Actually, I would not say I am alive/living....I am barely surviving. And I am somewhat ashamed to say, I often wonder how I have survived all these years, and worse, why I have stayed in this world of ever increasing pain.

Mostly I try not to dwell on any of it too much, but sometimes the enormous sorrow of it all just overtakes me and while I am in its clutches, I feel my life force draining away....and I think that one day I will no longer have the energy, will or desire to fight it.
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Re: Does it ever just break your heart...

Post  pen on Thu Apr 08, 2010 5:43 am

Mishkyn, I really understand and empathise.
This is not life, for me this is just existence.
Sad

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Re: Does it ever just break your heart...

Post  tecky on Thu Apr 08, 2010 6:38 am

Mishkyn wrote:Oh yes. Every minute of every day.

After 38 years of high level constant pain, I am still stunned I have managed to remain alive while in such agony.

For years I used to open my eyes every morning and say, "Oh my God, I'm DEAD." Then, "....Oh...My God...I'm...ALIVE".

Actually, I would not say I am alive/living....I am barely surviving. And I am somewhat ashamed to say, I often wonder how I have survived all these years, and worse, why I have stayed in this world of ever increasing pain.

Mostly I try not to dwell on any of it too much, but sometimes the enormous sorrow of it all just overtakes me and while I am in its clutches, I feel my life force draining away....and I think that one day I will no longer have the energy, will or desire to fight it.
Mishkyn

I couldn't have described it better, Mishkyn......

Becky flower
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