Family Doesn't Believe I get Migraines!

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Family Doesn't Believe I get Migraines!

Post  Brenda L. on Fri Jan 27, 2017 2:44 am

I've suffered from extremely severe and prolonged status migrainosus attacks, for 25 years, since I was a teenager. As the years have passed, my migraines have gradually lasted longer and longer. First they lasted one day, then a 3 days, 5 days, a week, 10 days, 2 weeks, 3 weeks, a month. Then, they started lasting for 2 solid months! (I thought I'd go insane!) When the attacks began lasting for 3 and even 4 solid months, my neurologist finally referred me to a pain management doctor.

For the past 6 years, I have been in one long (and extremely severe) never-ending migraine. It is HELL! NOTHING ends my migraine. I've tried DHE-45 in hospital, IV fluids and morphine at the ER, IV magnesium, IV Depakote, triptans, ergots, dozens of preventatives, etc. Herbs like feverfew and butterbur. Alternative treatments. You name it, I've tried it.

I'm unable to work, due to the severity of my migraine pain, nausea, cognitive confusion, extreme sensitivity to lights and sounds, etc. I should have filed for Disability a long time ago. I didn't realize that the 'work credits' EXPIRE, so now I am stuck.

I HAD a small inheritance, but my elder brother tricked my mom into changing her long-standing Will, right before she died. (Mom was started to have some mild dementia, and my brother told her awful lies about me. Secretly dragged Mom to a lawyer. He forbade Mom to see me or even accept my phone calls, for a month.)

By the time brother left town and my mom and I reconciled, she wanted to change the Will back, but brother lied to her and told her, "Now, it can NEVER be changed". Mom admitted to me, "I have no idea what I signed". I put in a phone call to the lawyer, letting him know what Mom had told me. By the time lawyer returned my phone call, my Mom was in the hospital. (She had fallen, then came down with pneumonia, then she tragically passed away).

So, once my Mom was in that hospital? ALL I cared about was my mom! The last thing on my mind was the lawyer or the Will. My mom was in that hospital, fighting for her life, for 3 weeks. Elder brother finally came back, when it was clear Mom wasn't going to make it. (He rarely ever visited her or Dad.)

Elder brother and I had been estranged for 20 years, due to his greedy ways. But even I never could have guessed what happened next: After Mom's death (Dad died just a year prior), myself, elder brother, and my younger brother all sat down to talk about the Will. (The ONLY person who even knew that a Will or Trust EXISTED was elder brother, and HE is the 'trustee').

Long story short: Elder brother got away with stealing most of the money, AND he has succeeded in getting a Court order to sell MY home. (Dad put MY home in his Trust, 20 years ago, and never updated it. Brother helped create the Trust). Dad bought this house for me, due to my migraines. I paid most of the bills, too.

I fought all of this in Court, hired a lawyer, but ultimately? ALL that matters is the FINAL Will/Trust. Even thought the Will was CHANGED under highly suspicious circumstances, just 3 months before Mom died. It doesn't matter. Just try to PROVE 'undue influence'. It's almost impossible to do so, and it costs a fortune in legal fees.

I had really THOUGHT that once brother saw how disabled I am by migraine, he would NEVER actually TAKE the ONLY MONEY I have to live on. How naïve of me! Brother is a MILLIONAIRE, too. He doesn't NEED this money, and I need it, desperately.

Younger brother told me at the time elder brother secretly changed things (we both got mysterious letters in the mail from the lawyer), that HE "didn't want ANY money". And "I know that's the only money you have to live on, for the rest of your life. What kind of a person would I be, to take that from you?" THIS brother KNEW how much I SUFFER with severe migraine disease. He and I have always gotten along very well, up till RECENTLY.

When Mom died? Younger brother told me that he was going to divide his share, 50-50. 50% for me to pay off my mortgage, and 50% for him, for his retirement. But, that never came to pass. Younger brother made (and broke) a LOT of promises. He hasn't given me one dime, and I doubt he ever will. (What a shame how money can ruin relationships!)

Elder brother LIED to us both, and told me that *I* could "live in the house, for the rest of your life." He told some lies about alleged "gift tax" and my property taxes tripling, IF they just deeded the house over to me.

Well, just 8 short months later? I was SHOCKED to discover by accident on Zillow that elder brother had LISTED MY HOUSE "FOR SALE"! Secretly---he NEVER told me or younger brother. I called him and asked him WHAT was going on? He yelled at me, and told me he'd already signed a contract with a Realtor, and it was "too late". Right.

Younger brother had PROMISED ME that he would "stand up" to bully brother, and NEVER allow him to SELL MY HOUSE, or to get the 25% of the money that is technically "his" share, under Dad's outdated Trust. Well, younger brother may have tried to speak on my behalf, but elder brother is the 'trustee', and HIS WORD GOES.

I did what everyone advised: I found my own trust lawyer. Brother even 'evicted' me and he actually SOLD MY HOUSE, without even TELLING ME, or younger brother. (I have 50%, and other brother has 25%).

Fast forward to now: I lost the case. I'm going to lose my house, and brother is going to get the money. He doesn't care that I had breast cancer, AND chronic migraines. In fact, he's telling EVERYONE that "She is NOT as sick as she claims to be. She's just lazy. It's manipulation. It's a personality disorder." (I won't even SAY the false allegations he made about me in his opposing statement! Basically, he figured out a way to USE MY ILLNESS, AGAINST ME!)

Sadly, there is NO other family left, except for my two brothers. Because IF there was? THIS would NOT be happening. ANYONE who spends any length of time with me KNOWS I am DISABLED BY MIGRAINE. (Brother hadn't seen me for 20 years! He never even set foot in MY house, either. He knows NOTHING about me.)

Younger brother only visited once a year, at Christmas. Since I OFTEN had migraine at Christmas, I THOUGHT he knew how much I SUFFER? Well, NOW he's saying casually, "You ALWAYS have a migraine. Big deal. That's NO 'excuse' not to WORK". (???) "No excuse"??? Well, SOME people DO get Disability for MIGRAINE, so even the US government DOES believe that in SOME cases, CHRONIC MIGRAINE is indeed a totally disabling condition. (Darn that I never filed for Disability, till AFTER my work credits had EXPIRED).

I guess in the case of MY family, MONEY is what's making these brothers choose NOT to 'believe in migraine'. I suppose it's so much easier to just label someone as "lazy", "crazy", "histrionic", "exaggerating", "manipulative"--or any of the other insanely FALSE allegations that my brother has made against me. Younger brother is suddenly deciding that I don't really have such bad migraines, because IF I DID, THEN there would be a sense of responsibility to HELP ME OUT. Especially since he PROMISED me that he didn't want "any money", when elder brother went and changed the Will. HIS mind has really been POISONED by elder brother's LIES. Elder brother keeps calling me "lazy"---and MUCH WORSE.

Does anyone else here have family members who REFUSE to believe in MIGRAINE? Or who DO NOT UNDERSTAND IT, at all?

Elder brother has NEVER had a migraine in his life! He actually told me, "Whenever I get a headache, I go RUNNING. That gets rid of it. You're not getting enough exercise". (Crazy, and insulting. And false). I TRY to take walks sometimes, but in THIS DEGREE of CONSTANT PAIN? I'll tell you, it's an effort for me just to get out of bed in the morning. To which elder brother YELLED, "You are NOT so sick that you can't get out of bed in the morning!" (HOW would HE KNOW?)

He even had the NERVE to tell me, "I was out here with you every day for 3 weeks, at the hospital with Mom. And you were there, for 6 hours a day, every day. If you're so sick, there's no way you could have done that!" Right. My beloved MOTHER is DYING? No matter HOW SICK I FELT, I would NOT have missed visiting my MOM each and every day, for anything in this world!

Thanks for reading this. Can anyone else relate to family that doesn't have a CLUE about MIGRAINE DISEASE? The pain, the nausea, the cognitive confusion? How do you EXPLAIN it to them? CAN YOU, or is it just a waste of time? Are people just going to believe whatever they're predisposed to believe? Is there ANY way to convince people of this agony?

Brenda L.

Posts : 63
Join date : 2012-12-14

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Re: Family Doesn't Believe I get Migraines!

Post  Mini on Sun Jan 29, 2017 4:29 am

I am so sorry you are going through such difficult times. This is really horrible, you cannot win, when you are too sick to move you are accused of pretending, or you force yourself to function, because you absolutely need to, and then you are accused of not being sick. Every one of us has been in such situation, even when it was said behind our backs.

The truth is that most families, and friends just don't get it. At best they try to act that they understand, at worst they are like your older brother, nasty and cruel taking advantage of the situation.
I am sorry to say that, but in my lifelong (since childhood) experience of suffering from M and other serious, but invisible chronic illness, I finally came to conclusion that you must never, ever count on sympathy, but learn that deep down, most people, including your close family, never believe us when we say how much it hurts, how sick we are.

My one advice is that if you have at last found a specialist neurologist who specialises in M and knows that you are telling the truth, take your brother with you to your next appointment and ask the doctor to explain to then what M means and how it affects you. I did that with one member of family and her attitude changed a lot, and now she is much more understanding.

But I think in your case this might not work with your older brother, he has different agenda. He is obviously a rather ruthless, greedy person and, unlike your younger brother it suits him to use M as en excuse to take advantage of you. This is not about M. this is about him being a bad person and this is a separate issue. He will never understand and you will be wasting your time, and money to win this argument. He will never do anything for you, out of sympathy, so forget trying to convince him.

You have two issues here, one is:
trying to get some emotional support because you are in constant pain, another is
dealing with family inheritance issues
and when you try to mix them, you are likely to loose, because lawyers hate this kind of situations

It is horrible that you are now facing the prospect of loosing your house, I can see how stressful this is for you, there is nothing worse apart from loosing a loved person, than loosing your home. You are facing a most stressful time, so be practical about it because this is the only way to reduce your stress levels in the end. Get organised, get some friends to help with sorting out your things, getting rid of what you don't need etc. and start looking for alternative place to live.

IT is pointless hitting your head on the wall and trying to wish this was not happening, sadly this seems likely, so take control and never count on your brother kindness again. The only way to survive life with M, is never relying on anyone, but yourself.
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Mini

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