Will I ever be me again?

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Will I ever be me again?

Post  amoobaa on Thu Jan 31, 2013 4:24 pm

I feel like I'm in a no where world. A world in between the world I knew before my migraines started and the world I want to be re born into. Free from pain. A new being.
I feel like I'm stuck in purgutury. But I don't know why.
I took everything I could from the pain. Now it offers me nothing but stagnant waste.
It's time for it to leave.
Either it must leave or I must, we can't both coincide together.

I woke up with this pain, this continuous daily pain, pressure, heavyness back in February last year and it won't leave me alone. I never had migraines before so at 26 I thought it was due to an accumulation of stress and an unhealthy lifestyle. My body kind of broke because it was being forced to live in a way that it wasn't designed to.nothing too drastic but I was enforcing a body of nature and relaxation and health too live a party hard work hard London life for longer than it cared for.
I eventually left my job and moved back to my parents as I could no longer look after myself due to the pain and the medication side effects. I practiced yoga and feel like my whole being had changed so much for the better. I feel like I have begun to access parts of me spiritually that I have always found hard to get to and now I'm left with a horrible sense of disablement. A feeling of if only I could get better.

I just can't do anything. I can't even watch tv. And I have so much inside of me I feel like what the point.

amoobaa

Posts : 26
Join date : 2013-01-31
Age : 31
Location : UK

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Re: Will I ever be me again?

Post  savannah44 on Fri Jul 05, 2013 1:17 pm

I am sorry you are in so much pain. You expressed the pain and lonliness so well. There is a me I cannot reach before the migraines and the ghost me now.
I can no longer do what she used to. I never thought my life would be so reduced to just suffering and struggling to do daily chores.
I had pressure in my head and pain at the top. It felt like it was burning. That was how it started. Since then it has become a full blown monster and rages inside my head
wrecking havoc and causing torment for days. I feel like it is getting worse. This scares me.
I admire your efforts to get better and recognise the spiritual side of yourself. I feel I have lost my spiritual self, because she is in too much pain and despair because of the constant pain. I feel so hurt inside that I am so hurt on so many layers. A vicious circle. I long to get better too and admire the progress and changes you have already made.
Relentless suffering does so much damage. No wonder you feel the way you do. I feel empty and that my life is pointless and just an existence. It would help if the media would recognise pain and there were better drugs available without the horrendous side effects.
I identify with so much of what you have said about not being able to do anything. Everything feels bland and pointless and empty when in so much pain. Which then turns into despair and lonlliness. I am here if you feel like talking. Please feel free to message me.
I hope something is found which works for you and you find relief. I do not think that is on the cards for me though because everything the doctor has give me causes me bad side effects. Insomnia and anxiety being the worst, and I need to sleep to escape the pain, but sometimes the pain is so bad I cannot sleep. My head is so sore it hurts to touch the pillow.
Sending hugs

savannah44

Posts : 7
Join date : 2013-07-05

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Re: Will I ever be me again?

Post  david10 on Tue Sep 09, 2014 12:28 am

I woke up with this pain, this continuous daily pain, pressure, heavyness back in February last year and it won't leave me alone. I never had migraines before so at 26 I thought it was due to an accumulation of stress and an unhealthy lifestyle. My body kind of broke because it was being forced to live in a way that it wasn't designed to.nothing too drastic but I was enforcing a body of nature and relaxation and health too live a party hard work hard London life for longer than it cared for.

david10

Posts : 1
Join date : 2014-09-09

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Re: Will I ever be me again?

Post  Mini on Tue Sep 09, 2014 1:02 pm

Amoobaa, I am so sorry that you are in such a bad place because of your migraine. The hardest thing to accept it is the loss of our identity, we are no longer a person we were once, we have lost our way of life, we are not longer free to do what we want to do, to do jobs we like, to do any jobs, or to have  any social life. The pain takes everything.
BUt this does not mean that we do not need to fight back. That we must give up.

YOU mention London. Do you know that in London  you also have some of the best neurologists in the world. Many of them specialise in treatment of chronic migraine pain.
Perhaps if you go to your GP and ask to be referred to see a migraine specialist in London Hospital For Neurology and Neurosurgery in Queen Square you might get some new angle and they might offer some new solutions. This is an excellent teaching hospital and I am sure that they will try to help you.
Do now give up hope, there is research and new solutions  coming in the future, and even if things look bleak right now, things do change for better, for many of us. So, keep on trying. Do not give up.
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Mini

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Join date : 2010-11-06

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