frustration

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Re: frustration

Post  CluelessKitty on Fri Dec 11, 2009 3:16 pm

Do you have any way, means for couple counselling? that would help a lot. even at your local church, if you attend one. perhaps then your husband would listen?
I am so sorry Lovegia.

And thanks for your understanding re: posting Smile


Risa
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Re: frustration

Post  LG on Fri Dec 11, 2009 4:07 pm

Risa,

I have really really great health insurance and it covers mental health too.
I'm not sure to what extent, but it'd be worth it to find out. We pay up
the butthole every month for the health insurance to avoid paying out
of pocket for my medication and my daughters frequent well visits, so
I try to soak it up for what its worth!

Your welcome about the post business. Anything to make it easier.
Smile
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Re: frustration

Post  CluelessKitty on Fri Dec 11, 2009 5:41 pm

Then if you have, do everything in your power to get marriage counselling.
If there is one thing i regret in my life then it is exactly not going to such counselling early on.
Our marriage isn't terrible but is far from what it could have been and could be. We like each other enough to stick together but we do not make each other happy. If only we had the counselling when we were still young.... Crying or Very sad

So, if you have a chance at having happier marriage and better husband plus a better dad for your kid thanks to the counselling - whay not take it? know what I mean?

Risa
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Re: frustration

Post  sailingmuffin on Sat Dec 12, 2009 10:36 am

Hi,

I just had an ideas. will he listen when you explain stuff? I know you said heis interested in mechanical stuff or building things. So I was thinking, here is one way of describing migraine.

If he thinks about the brain as the "engine" of the body- like a car engine. However, during a migraine, the engine is unable to run properly because someoe has switched around the wires. For example, the pipes that usually run to the headlights, now runs to something else, or runs backwards. The pistons are sluggish- causing energy problems and problems with lights. Basically, the migraine messes up the engine. This maynot help. However, maybe explaining it like this could help.

Hope you feel better soon.

Pain free days,
sailingm
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Re: frustration

Post  Olee on Sat Dec 12, 2009 11:02 am

I've been reading the post and symphathize with anyone who is with a spouse who does not understand the severity of a migraine. A doctor that does not understand,a boss,family and friends are bad enough, but the people we share our life with?

I have to give credit to my wife, she is very supportive of my problem with migraines. Yes she has experienced a couple years ago, which I am sure makes her understanding a little unfair in my situation, but as she says, hers were not chronic and could be counted on one hand. She is the one that runs downstairs to get the excedrin and water when I wake up during the night on the verge of vomiting with my head pounding. She's the one that stops by the pharmacy if she's passing by to pick up meds if I need her. She also ask that I call her after each doctor's visit to update her on what was discussed. Yes she has become very frustrated over the years with the side effects of the Topamax , to the point where I wanted to pour them out, but then she pushes me to follow the doctor's orders. She's made some comments about being loopy on the vicodin and not recognizing the behavior of the kids, but she will be the first to get one for me if she sees me squinting in pain. She will turn the lights out in the room and put a wet cloth on my head and keep the house quiet when it's really bad. Yeah I'm pretty lucky and I realize that, trust me. She has a certain medical condition, so we return the favor to each other, just following the vows.

I really hope that somewhere along the way your husband can come to understand at least what the migraines do to you. From how you describe him, he seems like a hardworking man who was raised a certain way and worked no matter what obstacle got in the way. I know people like this, and they can be very admirable and at the same time very stubborn. It'll take patience and a lot of love on both of your parts for sure. I wish you the very best.
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Re: frustration

Post  LG on Sat Dec 12, 2009 12:37 pm

Thanks Olee. Your nice, and your sympathies are appreciated.

I think my patience is just wearing thinner and thinner.
I feel a M coming on. Stress from holidays, no money.
No decorations up, either. We are tree shopping with my parents tomorrow.
We have no place to put the tree and have to move heavy furniture tonight to be able bring one home.
My stupid husband is at his dads house. Not home. Not helping me decorate. Not moving furniture.
We won't have a place to put this tree. We can't leave it outside, we live in
an apartment complex, someone WILL steal it. They steal all our stuff outside.
We have to double nail our wreath to our door so they don't steal that.
Thats okay though, all the decorations are placed in a convienent spot so high I can't get them.
I can't even decorate without him here. I'm miserable, and I can't even make Christmas nice
for my kid. My husband can't even make time to bring down a damn box so I can decorate the house.
By myself.

He also isn't driving us to do Christmas shopping. I can't drive right now because topamax makes
me daze out and miss things like stop signs and stop lights. He doesn't like that.
He tells me I should just drive anyways. So does everyone else. But screw them,
I'm not doing that. Not with my kid in the car.

We haven't shopped for any of our family. We haven't gotten anything for my daughter.
Christmas is 13 days away and a majority of those days he will be at his fathers house.
I was supposted to go up to see my sister this weekend to do Christmas cookies.
Since we're broke, it would have been a cheap nice gift to give out.
That didn't work because he couldn't drop me off at the ferry. He was busy at his dads house.
Damnit.

He comes home to pick up some checks to deposit at the bank.
I was taking a nap while my daughter was napping because my head hurts.
He delightfully slams the door and wakes me up asking me where the checks are.
He wakes the baby up too. Nice. This is a REALLY GREAT DAY.

Christmas used to be a huge deal to me. Especially since we have a kid now.
She really digs this stuff too. Lights, fun music, lots of spirit and dancing, good food ect.
I can't even spend time over there with my husband because my mother in law
has a disaster in her house. No low grade hoarders anymore. Its full blown discusting.
I just want to crawl away and cry somewhere and pretend this holiday doesnt exist.
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Re: frustration

Post  CluelessKitty on Sat Dec 12, 2009 4:41 pm

{{{{{{Lovegia}}}}}}}

I hope it's just this one bad day, and not even a whole one. I hope things are looking better as I am writting this.
Don't worry dear, the Christmas Spirit is looking over you and you will make a nice Christmas for your sweet Gia yet.



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Frustrated

Post  Shiela Stewart on Sat Dec 12, 2009 7:06 pm

Oh Sweetie, I am so sorry you are dealing with this. But I beg to differ with everyone who is telling you to boot him out or leave him. That won't solve anything. What you do need is to put your foot down with your hubbya dn say no more often. He ounds like he is a total mommy/daddy baby and he needs to realize you and your child are his family now.

Fine, yes, he may work with your father but it isn;t paying the bills so he needs to realize he needs to geta real job. My sister just went through something similar to this only her hubby is a workaholic. he is NEVER home so she is always there to raise their two boys. After several years of this, she;d had enough and asked me for help. I gave her the same advice. Put your foot down. He is the daddy just as much as you are the mommy. You are in a relationship together. Not you alone and he needs to realize that.

What would he do if one day you said, "No, honey, I don't want you going to your parents today." Would he go despite you telling no?

Do you love him? Do you want to make this work for you and your child? Then fight for it.

What i did several years ago when my husband worked in the mines being gone one week home a week was write him a letter when things got to be too much for me. I wrote out all my feelings, everything that I was going through. How hard it was for me to deal with three small children, sports, bills, being a full time mom and dad for seven days straight alone. I told him how his kids are forgetting who he was and that our daughter wouldnt even go to him for two days when he was finally home. I explained to him that he needed to find another job to be with his family and if he coudlnt do that than yes, i would leave.

Maybe you could do the same thing. Write it all down for him. Let him read it then you can discuss everything you wrote.

I really wish your head wasn't hurting so bad, and I wish you didn;t have to go through this crap.

I hope I helped.

((((((Lovegia)))))))))
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Re: frustration

Post  Paradox on Sat Dec 12, 2009 7:50 pm

I'm so sorry, Sweetie.

In the beginning hubby and I used to fight like cats and dogs. (My eldest son still refers to the weekly Sunday fight. What was so special about Sunday? It was the only day we were home together!) 27 years later, I am married to the sweetest, most gentle man I know. We seldom fight or disagree. What made it change? Learning to compromise. It takes awhile.

Maybe you can negotiate with hubby. X amount of days away from home with no argument from you. In return he gives X amount of days at home with no argument from him.

That's all I can think of.

Hugs to you.

Charlotte
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Another Perspective

Post  Richard on Sun Dec 13, 2009 12:30 am

Howdy

I am going to pull a Dr Laura here. Even though I am gay I like her comman sense advice.

You are describing a man who has a lot going for him. He works 40 hours a week, gives you control over the money, and actively tries to help his aging parents too. Not too bad a guy ... no wonder you love him and want your marriage to work.

And congratulations on staying home with your child. I know that many women and men simply do not have that option. I am real glad for your child that you and your husband have decided that you being Mom and homemaker are very important.

The question I have to ask is this. You have fully described all the chores and tasks you desire your husband to fulfill at home. It is a pretty long and comprehensive list. Nothing on your list is unreasonable.

However, as a guy, I look at your description of your life and ask myself ... "Would 'I' want to spend time in that house?" Honestly, I think I would prefer hanging out with my Dad. You have not described one single pleasant aspect of your home for a husband. So I ask you ... what can YOU do to make your house into a home?

One thing that comes to mind is cooking. You CAN cook form scratch. You have done so. Cooking and cooking well is an important skill ... and rather easy to learn. Borrow some cookbooks from the library and follow directions. Get recipes from the Internet. Some sites let you enter the ingrediants you have on hand and develop a recipe for you based on what you have.

Can you speak to your husband without criticizing him or asking him to work? I believe Dr Laura is right ... if you fake it, the feelings will come. Behavior, thoughts, and feelings ... we have the most control over our behavior ... then our thoughts. If one acts in a certain way, feelings will follow. Are you acting as a loving wife and homemaker to the best of your ability? I do NOT expect you to answer here ... but do think about it.

Now I know that money makes many problems disappear and money is short right now. But why is that? You are in charge of the money. You are in charge of paying the bills. What happened? I do NOT expect you to answer that here ... but do take some responsibility for the problem ... if in fact you are soley responsible for the bills and home finances.

Yall may consider some financial counseling. Most areas have free credit counseling. Most utility companies will make convenient payment plans to help folks in your situation. It may be necessary to move to even a studio apartment for a bit of time to save money on rent. Yeah, it sucks, but we all do what we have to do.

You sound like a young couple. When my folks were a young couple they lived in a basic shack while Dad was in college after WW2. My older brother was born by then. Their heat was so bad (best they could afford) that many winter mornings, my brother awoke with a FROZEN diaper. And you know what? He thrived. And so did my parents. Younger couples are poor and in love. Stuff happens and life goes on just fine.

I hear what you are saying about your MIL's home. But consider this. Your very own husband, the man you love with all your heart, GREW UP in his parents' home. And he is OK.

When my daughter was young, she slept under the stairs when she visited her mother. Her Mom was a poor university student getting her Masters. I hated it and tried to make a big deal out of it ... but my daughter did quite well and turned out to be a self sufficient and lovely young woman. My ex-wife got fired once and her only source of income was a small check I gave them each month ... she had custody for two years of middle school. Food was scarce and christmas decorations were scarce ... BUT my daughter turned out just fine.

You NEED some relief when you are migraining. It really will be OK for your daughter to spend time with her father at his parents. YOU won't like it ... but I bet your daughter will.

And by the way ,,, never say you have a migraine. To most of the world, "a migraine" is a really bad headache. You and I know it is a serious neurological disease. So say so. Have "migraine episodes." Never tell anyone you suffer from "migraines." Instead say that you "have a serious neurological disease of migraine episodes." Sure, it is a mouthful ... but people take "neurological disease" a LOT more seriously than "migraine." Give it a try and see if people do not reast differently.

Remember, YOU can NOT change your husband's behavior. Only he can do that. The ONLY thing you CAN change is YOUR behavior. Quit thinking about you cannot do and start thinking about what you CAN do. It really will help.

Get those bills in order with financial counseling, learn to be Julia Childs inthe kitchen, laugh about no Christmas decorations (you are not alone there - most of my friends cannot afford their traditional light displays this year), and really get in there and fight of a good marriage ... by changing YOUR behavior.

There ... now the forum can yell at me for being a sanctimonious chauvanist pig. I probably am. But in this case I believe I have some good things for you to think about.

Hang In There

Richard
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Re: frustration

Post  LG on Sun Dec 13, 2009 4:54 am

Richard,

A lot of those things are good points. I agree I can do a lot more, especially
recently to make my husband want to come home more
I wouldn't want to be here either....but, I was nice before he started spending
all this time at his dads, too. But yes. I will do my part on trying to change.
I already have started by cooking, and I have always kept my house spotless.
Plus, as a bonus I have been very nice because of topamax which keeps my moods in check.
I have noticed I yell less and love more.

First off, my MIL doesn't WANT to watch my daughter most of the time.
So thats out usually. Unless I go over there, which is out of the question
(due to the non-stop screaming, drilling, painting, ect.) I will not get help.

Let me explain to you my living situation here on lovely Long Island,
where my family and support system is located.
I live in a crappy neighborhood in a crappy apartment complex.
It is the cheapest we can find.
There is dog shit everwhere on the lawns which are not really lawns as they are really just dirt.
The dog shit and dirt is really not a problem to me, I like to complain more about the
drug dealers, addicts and cops that frequent our complex too often. Seeing blue, red, and white lights
through my window are not that uncommon. I have seen more than a dozen arrests in the last year.
I live in a one bedroom, where we have sacrificed half our living area to put a wall up
for a small nursery for my daughter. Our rent is $1050 a month. Our electric bill, on average is about $150
(our windows and doors SUCK!) and our cable bill is $150. My car payment is $325. My car insurance must be
full coverage since my car is financed and it is $300 a month, although it will be dropping in July.
That brings my monthy expenses to $1975.
My husband makes $13.50 an hour. That would be $2160 a month without taxes or health insurance deducted.
My health insurance plan is $330 a month, so that right there leaves us with $1830.
That is already lower than our NECESSARY BILLS and its without taxes taken out. So the average American gets what, like, 20% of their paychecks taken away because of that? Maybe 18% in our case so lets go with that. My monthy household income is $1500. I am $475 short every month.
Richard, tell me what a financial advisor is going to do with this?
Other than tell my husband to stop working at his damn daddies house and go find another job to support
this family. That should come first, no?
Sorry, but I am busting my ass at home and if I say so myself I am doing a fine job.
My daughter is healthy, happy and thriving. She is brilliant. She has a vocabulary at 15 months old.
She gets along with others, shares her toys and has manners. She eats well, follows rules, and is generally
the best child you'd come across.
If i'm doing such a fine job, why can't he make enough money so I can pay my necessary bills. I can even live
without cable. Thats okay. I'm not asking to be rich here. I'm just asking not to have to pick and choose
which bills to pay this month, and to not have to wake up in the middle of the night in fear of
having our only mode of transportation repoed. We cannot live without a roof above our head,
the car he gets to work with, the electricity that keeps us warm...ect.

Where am I wrong?
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Re: frustration

Post  LG on Sun Dec 13, 2009 5:09 am

Sorry everyone else,

I wrote back directly to Richard because he hit some nerves.
I am tree shopping today. woke up with a headache from yesterday, but i'm going to make the best of it.
My husband is home today and we are doing everything together.
I'm about to hop in the shower and get going, but when i get home
I'll respond to the other posts. I'm not ignoring the nice things, its the nice things that I went back to this
morning to read again to get me through the day.
Very Happy
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Re: frustration

Post  tecky on Sun Dec 13, 2009 6:12 am

Dear Lovegia,

Richard makes some excellent constructive points. You can't change someone else, you can only change yourself.

Charlotte's gentle suggestion of compromise is the basis of two people thriving in the same household long term. It all comes down to compromise (I've been married 27-1/2 years). Sometimes you will get your way and sometimes hubby will get his way. Sometimes you will both need to compromise for the good of the family on a whole.

Many of us started out our married lives with only the bare necessities. My husband and I furnished our home with hand-me-downs and second-hand used furniture, and that's okay. I'm one of the mothers who had to work to pay the bills as my husband was unemployed frequently (recession of the early 1980's). My two boys turned out great (and they know how to cook and clean, as well as do typical "male" chores)!

Hang in there. Marriage takes WORK, even after many years together.

Please take our suggestions in the context they are given....with love, caring and empathy.

Please take care,

Becky I love you
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Re: frustration

Post  milo on Sun Dec 13, 2009 10:59 am

I agree that Richard makes some very valid points. Reading his post, I figured it may hit several nerves for you (as it would anyone I'm sure). Usually the things you react the strongest to are the things that need to be dealt with the quickest.

You are working really hard just to survive. The kicker here is that you need to do much more then survive. You don't have the option of dropping everything and healing, so it's even harder to get through for you.

Do the things that you can do.

Richard is 100% correct about being not being able to change your husband. You can only change the things that you are in control of. Your thoughts about a situation.....those you control. Work hard everyday at trying to change your thoughts from negative to positive. It's hard, and really %$#@*&^ hard when you have a migraine....but it does work.

You have a home, a beautiful child, a life partner, the ability to read, write, express yourself, raise a child and survive a terrible disease. From this end...it sounds like you have an aweful lot!

Hang in there....you can do it, and you will do it...both for your child...and for yourself.
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Hang In There

Post  Richard on Sun Dec 13, 2009 11:10 am

Yes, my frined, your budget does not work. That is clear. In your shoes, I would stop cable, sell the car, and buy a cheap used car with low insurance rates. But that is just me. I am NOT advising you, just saying what I would do to make the budget work.

The cost your insurance is crazy! Have you tried AAA or one of the advertisers of low cost insurance? I have full coverage for a financed car and an owned truck in California. I pay only 164 a month for both. And 150 for cable? I cut all the premium channels with my husband died because I do not watch TV often ... but Ihave to see Glee! LOL My satelite system is only 50 a month. I know Long Island is an expensive market but so is California. You may want to shop around a bit.

Of course, the real problem seems to be communication between you and your husband. I hope you can work it out ... your current anger and frustration needs to be dealt with constructively for your marriage to survive. The suggestion of counseling is solid advice.

Good luck on changing yourself ... it is really hard work.
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Re: frustration

Post  Stillhurtin on Sun Dec 13, 2009 1:08 pm

lovegia,
I am sorry you are having a hard time. I too have small kids and a very busy husband. He is not the type to rearrange his schedule or drop what he is doing/has planned, b/c I am having a hard time. This was, and still is, a struggle. But I love him and we have a beautiful family and life together and therefore I learn to appreciate the positives and see that not ALL people come w the same amount of ability for empathy and compassion. AND that it is difficult not only for us when a disease like this comes into the family...EVERYONE is expected to give up life as they knew it and adjust to our new set of needs, moods, set-backs, etc. It would be great if all spouses, kids, family members and employers/co-workers did so easily and without struggle or complaint. But this is usually never the case. Although we as migraneurs did not ask for this and are not to blame for these changes...change is tough for everyone, and it is hard for others to shift in the name of someone elses "headaches" (I use that in quotes b/c I and all of you know that M is so much more, but for non M sufferers thats often the only part of it they fully understand). I guess for me stepping back and putting myself in their shoes made be less angry about others' intolerance/lack of understanding of my new neediness/inability to "be who I used to be"

One thing that really stuck out to me and made me feel like we r in similar boats when I read your post is the fact that even in your frustrations you know you love your husband and that there are some amazing qualities in him that you don not want to lose. Thats exactly how it is for me. At times his selfishness or lack of compassion get to me soooo bad. But then I remind myself that no one is perfect, and that everyone has strong points and everyone has flaws. And that it is not a reflection on me or his love for me when he falls short in these ares. It is the thread he is made of and I have vowed to be with him in good and bad. Now....in a marriage we should work to be the best we can be, and if there are shortcomings that hurt one of the people, then the other should be willing to work on improving in that area. Which My husband was. He's no where perfect now....lol. But he's mine. And I love him.

The second thing that REALLY jumped out at me in your posts was the T word....Topomax Shocked
Now I know that you already said that you had ppl on your back about this med. I don't want to add to that. If a med gives you relief, good for you, and you should take it regardless of what others think if the benefits outweigh the side effects. HOWEVER, I was so "off" in terms of mood and cognition while on that drug that it severely effected every relationship I had. I thought everything was awfu and I felt very misunderstood. My husband and I talked seriousely about divorce for the first and only time in our marriage during my Topomax days, and it was not untill I went off of it that I realized how emotionally changed I was on it. I just felt it important to share that with you. I am not suggesting your case is the same, but it may be worth considering.

I wish you the best. It is so hard to even just "be" when you have migraines, much less be mom and wife and daughter and sister and employee and.......you get the jist. Take one day at a time, and don't lose sight of those positives about your husband and your marriage that you still are able to see. When I first joined this site there was a man who was divorcing his wife b/c of her M.....lots of ppl chimed in on that thread and he explained the ruin of their marriage and his view of it all. I vowed after reading that I would not give this monster of a disease, that has already taken so much from me, my marriage. It is a battle sometimes, but one well worth fighting.

Good Luck to you. Hope you feel better soon. And feel free to vent here. Thats what we're here for.

Jessica
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Re: frustration

Post  tecky on Sun Dec 13, 2009 2:26 pm

Well said, Jessica! God bless you. Good things for all of us to keep in mind (even after many years of marriage).

During the rough times in marriage, it's always beneficial to remember why you fell in love with your significant other. Those attributes are likely the ones that are most important to you, so hold them close and appreciate your loved one for those special things that make them unique and "The One".

Becky
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Re: frustration

Post  Paradox on Sun Dec 13, 2009 2:44 pm

Early on in our marriage we would fight all the time about hubby not helping around the house. I am by NO means a good housekeeper, but I got little help from him.

I was complaining to my BIL about it one day, and he asked me if I wanted to fight about it the rest of my life or let it drop and learn to live in peace with hubby. I chose the latter. I looked at how good he was with kids, the wonderful things about him, and just decided what got done around the house got done, what didn't, didn't.

Amazingly over the years he has turned into a better housekeeper than I. For the two years I was "out of it" on mis-prescribed pysch. med's he held down the whole fort. Shopping, cleaning, laundry, cooking. Everything. I was to busy quivering in bed.

Learn to pick your fights. What's really important, what isn't. Early on in the marriage it was very important to me to always be "right" and to aways have the last word. It's not that important anymore.

Charlotte
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Re: frustration

Post  LG on Sun Dec 13, 2009 10:42 pm

Charlotte,

Thank you for sharing your experiences Smile
I'm trying to pick whats important. Making $1500 a month for total living
expenses and also never being home at the same time is unacceptable for me personally.
I can't let him do both because that wasn't what he promised me when we got married.
Either you work all the time bringing home good money; or we're happy, together and broke as sh*t.
I still love him. I will always love him. My god I admire him for all the things he is that I am not..
But I need him now to step up. This is a promise he made to me when we were married.
When I was sick, he would support us..one way or the other.
This he is not doing.

Richard,

I forgot to include that my cable includes basic cable, basic telephone and internet in a package.
I agree about the car, we're in a bit of a bind there. Unfortunately our insurance rates are nothing we can
help at the moment. NYS is known for their high insurance rates firstly. My mother with a clean driving record all her life with basic coverage still pays $90 a month for one car. My husband has a few tickets on
his license from when he was younger. He accumulated quite the amount of points. He has been taking the
defensive drivers course but it only takes off a few points unfortunately. He has many, lol. Next year
should be better for the rates.

I have had more time throughout the day to think of your post carefully.
I appreciate your inputs. I'm sure it is very close to what my husband thinks daily, and that is
probably what I need to hear. I will brew on a lot of it, and seriously try to improve on much of what I can.
Although I have to admit it is hard to do a lot of stuff when you are broke. (like cook when there is no food)
I usually just go to my moms lol. She makes one mean meatloaf, but I plan on mastering that recipe tomorrow,
I even have all the ingredients and its all written down and organized. Wink
But instead of griping about all the crap i don't have maybe your right. I probably should just laugh at it,
then proceed to my mothers house and eat there, and be really grateful to have her around the corner to feed
us. Because after all, I could be hungry instead.

Jessica,

Thanks for your thoughts on topamax. I'll keep it in mind. My mom usually keeps me very well in check about emotional stuff like that. I am pretty close with her and shes my mom so she always can tell when i'm going a little nutso. I think she'd notice as she's noticed every other time and unfortunately (well, sometimes unfortunately, sometimes its a good thing) has never failed to let me know haha.

I will never forget why I fell in love with my husband. This is why I'm fighting so hard now, and
I guess its partly why I feel very empty when he leaves me to choose to spend time with his dad.
I remember when it used to be where he wanted to spend time with me, and I'd really like that back.

Milo,

Do the things that you can do.

Richard is 100% correct about being not being able to change your husband. You can only change the things that you are in control of. Your thoughts about a situation.....those you control. Work hard everyday at trying to change your thoughts from negative to positive. It's hard, and really %$#@*&^ hard when you have a migraine....but it does work.

You have a home, a beautiful child, a life partner, the ability to read, write, express yourself, raise a child and survive a terrible disease. From this end...it sounds like you have an aweful lot!

Hang in there....you can do it, and you will do it...both for your child...and for yourself.

Thank you so f-ing much for this. I do have an awful lot. I really should stop my whiny bitching and get over myself lol. I have a healthy, smart, beautiful kid. That is enough for me. I could be deaf dumb and blind and
that would still be enough. God forgive me for taking that for granted these last few days, and thank you for reminding me of that.

On another note, I'd like to tell you all how my tree shopping went today.
I made the very best out of it trying to be as positive as possible.
I, of course, had a migraine. It wasn't terrible, but bad enough where I took my pain meds.
I figured I might as well, I didn't want to be miserable and ruin the day for everyone else.
Anyway, for whatever reason, my daughter was unusually cranky. That started the day off very ripe.
The day continues. It's raining cats and dogs, crappy weather like crazy.
Gia REFUSES SANTA!!!!! LOL! Like sticks her but in the air, "No way mother, you've got to be INSANE, i'm
not getting on this hairy mans lap!" type of refuse! She literally planted her feet down on the ground
and simply refused to move. So alright, we move on to cut down the tree.
We cannot find a place under $90 (!!!!) for a tree! No way are we laying out big bucks like that for
a tree that we are going to throw some lights on and throw out in a few weeks. We search until its dark,
finally find a place, HOORAY! We pick out some great trees! Now its like, torrentially downpouring. We
drive about 45 minutes away for my husband to realize he dropped his $450 eyeglasses at the
Christmas Tree place. Well, we can't throw that money away, but now the roads are flooded and its pitch black
out, but we have to go back!

So we drive all the way back, search and search for about a half hour, soak ourselves silly and give up.
No glasses Sad
On the way back we were lucky enough to hit a narrow pothole that cut right through the sidewall of our tire.
So here are the two of us on the side of the road, totally teamworking it, changing the tire.
(yes, I am proud to admit, i am a female and I change tires all the time. I love doing it because it makes me
feel like rosie the riviter lol)
Even more soaked, we head home on our donut with our perfect tree, after our semi-perfect day that we
spent together.
Even with all that crap, it was a cool day. Minus the $100 we have to lay out in the very near future for the
new continental tire we have to buy. But i'd pay it a thousand times over again to get the time with my
husband working together like we did. Very Happy Very Happy
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Re: frustration

Post  Stillhurtin on Sun Dec 13, 2009 11:51 pm

Glad you had a good day. Even w all the bumps in the road ( pun intended Surprised ) Milos post reminded me of a great philosophy I took away from a seminar I attended:
"When you start to change the way you think about the things around you, the things around you will start to change." I've kept it w me and used it and boy is it true!!
Take Care!
Jessica
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Re: frustration

Post  02R96 on Sun Dec 13, 2009 11:57 pm

You must post the recipe for that "mean meatloaf"! santa
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Re: frustration

Post  Paradox on Mon Dec 14, 2009 5:02 pm

Oh, and Sweetie, don't worry so much about giving lovely Gia a big Christmas. For my son's first Christmas he got a hot water heater! For his second, he got a storm door. At that age they're happy just playing with the boxes.

Plus, it made my children realize that "things" were not important. I couldn't indulge them at the grocery store, I didn't have the money to. So, I seldom heard whining at the store. They already knew the answer.

Later, when we did have money, they didn't expect fancy things because they had never been used to it.

My eldest son talks often about how much more fun it was making homemade pizza on Friday nights, rather than doing the take-out that we can now afford.

He also talks fondly about when it was really hot, we would hang blankets around to block off the living room and all sleep on the floor, because we only had one teeny, tiny window air conditioner. We don't don't have those little bonding moments anymore now that we have central air.

I do remember one year when we couldn't afford a tree. One of my co-workers snuck out and bought us one and put it on the porch. I didn't find out who did it until several weeks later. Now that we have the extra $$, I try to do for young couples the kind things people did for me.

And your insurance rates will go down too, once you turn 25.

I'm so glad you had a good day with hubby, you needed it!

Charlotte
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Re: frustration

Post  milo on Tue Dec 15, 2009 6:11 pm

I'm so glad you had a good day!

I think you should post a picture of your tree once it's up.

My mantra through the hard days is all about "faking it until you make it"...pretending my life is better then it is just to get through the day.

No matter what, you can always find someone with less then you, or in a worse situation then you, this is the thought I treasure most when I'm at my worst.
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